Sometimes the pain is too hard to handle. It shoots right through your heart. It's like I filled all the pages of our life and they just threw it even before flipping the first page of the book.

Everyone just left.

But then one person came sauntering into my life. And never left.

"Waah, waah, waah!" The noise of a wailing baby rang through the walls of the dorms in the middle of night.

I heard the groaning sounds of the hyungs in annoyance.

"Yah, Oh Sehun!" Chanyeol hyung shouted. "Stop her!"

I grunted and stood up from the floor I was sleeping on. Although hyungs words hurt and were too harsh, I knew how disturbing it was for them. Even, they had schedules and continuous practice, and to deal with this while sleeping in their only free time, it could get vexing for them.

I rubbed my face roughly trying to shrug off the remnants of my beauty sleep left. I scrambled my way towards the small purple crib which held the most beautiful yet tiniest being I have ever seen.

"Aigoo, why is my baby crying?" I asked animatedly while picking up the baby. She kept bawling her eyes out for what reason only God knows. "Shh.... calm down baby, appa is here." I soothed her back as I hugged her close to my chest.

My head was throbbing and my whole body was aching from the continuous practice we had from the morning. Being a father for a 7-month-old baby was tougher than I even imagined. I barely slept for the past 1 month and barely had time to rest. This baby girl I found myself loving dearly now consumed all my free time.

It’s just been two months since we met and yet she captured my heart and wrapped me around her cute little hands. Even when I am tired just a look at her cute little face would swipe away all my fatigue. She became my energy.

"Why is Ayana crying? Did my baby miss appa?" I talked to her while cradling the baby closer to me and lying down on the coach in the living room not wanting to disturb the already annoyed hyungs. I don't exactly blame them. Ever since Ayana came into our lives it's as if she snatched away our already less resting time.

As her sobbing slowly subsided she clung to me dear to her life. I was again reminded that I was her only support. I patted her back softly as I secured her between the coach pillow and me. As she drifted off to dreamland I recollected how I struggled to make her sleep when she first came here. Everyone was so irritated. Even I was. I was so tired and was crying after the funeral of my best friend and in the middle of it I suddenly became a father.

It was the second shock of my life. I never even knew that my best buddy was a father. It made me judge our own friendship at that point. But after reading his letter everything fell into place. His will was something I never knew existed.

Countless times I thought of giving her off to orphanage or giving her to a foster care or giving her to my parents or finding her mother or the worst- leaving her on the streets. I had no idea how to keep her because I was an idol and how could I become a father? That would ruin all my hard work for the past 8 years! But every time, every single time, one thing stopped me from doing that and it was none other than the baby herself. Every time I looked at her innocent face my heart didn't allow me to take any step which would harm her and so just a week since she came to me I became so protective of her that I didn't allow even my mother to take her away from me, even for a single day.

{BEGINNING OF FLASHBACK}

The first day she came, she kept on crying all night. She didn't stop even for a second and everyone was already sad because of the loss of our dear friends of our band and the baby just accelerated it. Everyone stayed that night with me trying to calm her but nothing made her stop from wailing. I didn't know if she was hungry or she was unhappy because she no longer has her father or it’s the change of environment or any damned thing for that matter. She just slept tired of crying. It went on for the whole week and our manager was our only support. We begged him not to tell Lee Sooman seonsaengnim yet because I wasn't prepared for it yet. Our manager hyung was the one who brought milk from the nursery, he was the one who bought baby formula and transferred her things from my friends home to our dorms. I have never been so grateful to anyone ever in my whole life.

The next was a chang