Hi, sorry I disappeared for 2 months. This is a story that means a lot to me, which is also why it's always tough trying to get into the right headspace to write it. I know this isn't the Mokpo chapter you're looking for, but I promise it'll come soon enough -- we just have to get through the motions slowly. Sorry this is a short update.

If you're still here after 2 months, thank you for your patience x 

Donghae ends up falling asleep in his arms.

He doesn’t let go of Hyukjae even in his sleep; his fingers curling tightly against the soft fabric of Hyukjae’s shirt. But his breaths do even out, and all Hyukjae can do is let Donghae cling onto him as he runs his fingers through his hair gently.

For a long time, no one said anything and the only sounds reverberating in the carriage were that of  Donghae’s, accompanied by the streams of tears rolling down his cheeks.

Hyukjae could only keep repeating ‘I love you’s, though the both of them knew very well the words don’t mean much when Donghae is just trying to let out whatever he’s been force-keeping in his system. Then the cries subsided and Hyukjae too feels his own tears dry against his cheeks, and it only took a quick glance at the figure in his arms to realise that Donghae has fallen asleep.

Even though it’s an uncomfortable position for both of them, what with train seats definitely not meant for cuddling or anything like that, he doesn’t shift nor wake Donghae up.

Donghae being able to fall asleep in this manner is a testament to both how tired he is, and how he has definitely had to fall asleep in worse places. And that knowledge in itself aches Hyukjae to the bone, because even though being the President’s son has its own cons at least he has never had to dig a hole in the woods and fall asleep in it, and at least he has never worried about not living to see another day.

Sure, he had always known that being a soldier never has its easy days, but it’s a topic he tries to avoid because it’s just so difficult to ever associate Donghae with someone who kills and bleeds. Not just that Donghae is invincible and how dare the world try to tell him otherwise with his cuts and wounds, but that Donghae – his greatest ray of sunshine in this ty world – probably has seen more bloodshed than he ever will.

How could he bear to think of that, when every time Donghae looks at him in the eye all Hyukjae thinks of is: I’m going to keep you safe from the world. Not just because I love you – which I do, very much so – but because you don’t deserve to see the ugliness in the world.

As it turns out he must have failed, and maybe Donghae is the one doing more protecting than he is.

But maybe it can’t be that bad.

Because at the end of the day, Donghae is still Donghae. Of course going to wars changes people, but when stripped down to it all, Hyukjae knows there isn’t anything he wouldn’t quite do for Donghae the way he is certain Donghae him.

He’s just glad Donghae has chosen to open up after so long, because at least now this burden is theirs both to bear.

If anything, he only loves him more. Which is ridiculous if he really thinks about it, because it’s almost like his heart just gets bigger and bigger with how much love it can have for Donghae.

Not that it’s a bad thing. At least in a world as ugly as this, there’s one thing they know will remain untainted – their unending love for each other.

Hyukjae turns away from the blurring scenery out the windows, and gently, one finger at a time, removes Donghae’s hand from the front of his shirt.

He puts his hand against Donghae, their hands interlocking slowly, and feels a smile on his face when Donghae’s hand slide snugly against his.

Nothing in the world can change the fact that they were born to belong to each other. Not the guns and gore, and definitely not the media and money.

Hyukjae decides, amidst the continuous low but very steady grumbling from his stomach, that perhaps he should order some food.

He tries to reach for the menu under the table and presses the button for assistance, and it’s only when the carriage door opens for a waiter to enter that he realises that Donghae is very much literally still in his arms.

He watches the waiter catch sight of their intimate positions and falter in his step and tries very hard not to scream at himself for how stupid he is.

How he’s going to get out of this by lying, he has no idea.

“Good morning sir, I see you asked for assistance?” the waiter asks as he stops next to him in the aisle, pointedly averting his eyes from Donghae’s sleeping form.

Hyukjae appreciates the mock politeness but in all honesty, this prolonged eye contact isn’t really working out for him either.

He’s about to open