Momo didn’t come to school anymore since she just submits her projects online and just focused on her modeling job. Her uncle was able to score more engagements since she had more time in the day. She had been going to and fro with the jobs that her uncle scored for her, but she welcomes being busy since it takes her mind off things.

But despite being busy, she managed to meet up with Mina at least once a week to catch up. Momo had wanted to ask about Jeongyeon but she always stops herself before she does and Mina had tactfully avoided mentioning the others in respect to Momo’s wishes, though Sana and Nayeon had been bugging her to bring them in one of their lunches. Jeongyeonie had always been silent every time Momo’s name is being mentioned, but Mina could tell she was listening. Mina just needs good timing, she will get them all together back again.

“Why didn’t you pick that red dress?”

“Nah, too y.”

“Well, you’re the VS model.”

“I want to be covered as possible.”

“Why, if I have a package as yours…”

“You’re gorgeous as you are, Mitang.”

Mina pouted. Momo laughed at how cute Mina looks so she pinched one of her cheeks.

“Yah!”

“You’ll always be beautiful, Minari.” Mina gave her her signature gummy smile and Momo’s heart skipped a beat. She will miss this girl, really.

They were dressing up for the spring dance in one of the hotel rooms that Mina rented so that they will not have to travel with their dress. They heard the music in the ballroom downstairs signaling the start of the party.

“Can we just go home after the presentation?” Momo whined. I just don’t feel like socializing, you know?”

Mina raised an eyebrow. “Hmm.. maybe. Let’s see how the program goes.”

The two checked their reflections in the mirror, did some selca then went down to the lobby. Flashes of light welcomed them and they spent some time on the makeshift red carpet. Mina may be a homebody, but as a daughter of a rich tycoon, she knows how to be a social butterfly when needed. Momo watched in awe as Mina showed another outgoing side of her. Momo took a deep breath and stepped on the red carpet for her turn. Years as a model taught her confidence in front of the camera, but in reality, her stomach is churning. Not because of the cameras, but what’s behind the door. But maybe she will not attend, knowing how allergic she is with formal events---

 But the lady luck is not with Momo, it seems. Because there, in the middle of the ballroom, surrounded by her other athletes is the person she was trying to avoid. Their eyes met briefly, before the jock looked away, unaffected by her presence. Momo was seething, how dare she, as if she wanted to see her in the first place!

“Momo? Are you ok?”

“Huh? oh, yeah. Of course. Super.”

Mina had been called by her classmates and she excused herself from Momo who in turn tried not to attract attention to herself. She was making herself scarce and just went to the buffet table to eat finger food when her phone rang. It was Mina. But why is the girl calling her?

“Mo, could you help me?”

“Where are you? What happened?”

“ I went up to our room, the zipper of my dress broke and I’m trying to fix it.”

“Oh, okay. wait up. Be there in five.”

Momo immediately went up to their room but find the room in semi-darkness. I thought Mina is fixing her dress?

“Mina? Are you here?”

The door behind her clicked shut and when Momo tried to open it, it doesn’t budge.

“Mina?”

Momo walked on the small hallway to the sitting room which was illuminated by the city lights and the moonlight outside. She stifled a scream when she saw someone standing by the balcony, but she would recognize that build anywhere.

Jeongyeon?

But—

Momo ran back to the door and tried to open it again.

No, it can’t be. Not now. She pounded the door with all her might though, the doors are heavy oak and she was doubtful she can be heard from the other side, but she needs to try!

“Mina! Mitang! This is not funny! C’mon, open up!”

“Minari! Let me out!”

After a minute and still no response, Momo sunk to the floor. No, Mina wouldn’t do this to her. Or would she? Well, she already did but---

Is this her plan?

Momo skeptically stood up and tried to approach the girl who has now had her back on the door to the balcony and looking at her. She cannot see her expression—her face was totally shadowed.

“You! Did you plan this?!”

Jeong straightened up and looked at her from head to foot. Momo tried not to feel intimidated.

“Mina asked me to come and help her with her dress. She said to wait for her and that she is getting food for me to return the favor. And then you came.”

Momo walked past Jeongyeon and tried to look for any possible exit. They are on the fifth floor, the ladder is not that scary, maybe Momo could try to—

“Am I really repulsive that you would risk breaking your neck just to be in the same room as me?”

Momo hitched her skirt and removed her shoes, maybe she would really break her neck but she doesn’t care—

Suddenly, Momo found herself being pulled hard inside the sitting room and wrapped inside a very tight hug.

“Pabo, Momo.”

Momo struggled to be free but the more she does, the tighter Jeongyeon holds her.

“Just let me go. We don’t have anything to say to each other!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

Momo stopped resisting and tried to look at the girl who is still holding her tight.

“Sorry? Now you are saying sorry??! Can your sorry take back the pain? No siree.”

Jeong held her at arm's length but did not let her go. She sighed.

“I know I have been a jerk and what I said are all unforgivable…I… I was shocked okay? I had fallen in love twice and I both lost them because of their career choices. Ji Eun who became a celebrity and Ji Hyo, as you have met who wanted to become a journalist. I figured out, why not get a girl who is very different from them? And then I met you. I always teased you so you would notice me, with me already falling for your eyes and smile. You were the quiet girl but you were warm, funny, and everything they are not. But when the news broke out, I cannot believe that I’ve fallen for the same trap. That for the third time, I’ve fallen in love again with a public figure, a celebrity.”

Momo struggled to get out of the embrace again, but Jeongyeon held her tighter. “So I tricked you. I lied to you. You don’t deserve me. So let me go, Jeong. I’ve been trying to move on. I am trying to forget you. Let’s just stop this, okay?” Momo whispered.

Music from downstairs drifted to their balcony and Jeongyeon pulled her closer, held her arm, and started to sway from side to side, leading Momo on a very slow dance. Momo looks up at the taller girl, who was looking deeply into hers, mouth set in a small smile.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re dancing. I may not be able to hold you tight like this again. I was planning to ask to be your date for Spring Dance but we never get to.”

“Jeong…”

“Hmmmm?”

“Were you listening to what I said?”

“I love you.”

Momo stopped swaying and was rooted on the spot. Jeongyeon smiled and tilted Momo’s chin to look into her eyes. “Despite being a celebrity… a model… and a y one at that. I—I’ve never felt so strongly to anyone like this before—until you. That I am ready to risk everything just to be with you.”

Momo’s eyes glistened with tears. No—

Jeongyeon captured her lips and kissed her slowly as if they never separated for weeks. She was kissing her so slow as if she’s memorizing how her lips feel unto hers as if she had the whole time in the world. Momo didn’t notice how her arms went from resisting on Jeong’s chest to circling it around her neck, pulling the taller girl closer.  Momo’s brain is telling her to stop, that she should not be doing this, and everything is so wrong, but her body is not following what her brain is saying. Instead, she molded her body closer to Jeong’s and when Jeong’s hand went lower, she felt her whole body is on fire.

Jeongyeon stopped kissing her and put their foreheads together. She stared at Momo’s flushed face, her cheeks kind of wet and eyes glistening with tears. She hurt this girl, but she making a promise that she’ll make up for it. 

“I can’t…”

“Momo…”

“Don’t. I can’t do this.”

“Why not? Don’t you... feel the same?”

“What? No! I mean… of course, I do, it’s just that—“ Momo said very softly that Jeongyeon almost didn’t hear it.

“Say it again.”

“I can’t.”

“Momo, you already slipped how you felt for me, why can’t you tell me you love me?”

“Because I lose the people whom I tell I love you to!”

“What? What do you mean?”

Momo deeply sighed and sank down to the sofa behind her. “My dad died, because of me. I told him I love him and then… he died, right in front of me.”

“Oh, baby..”

“I got home from school you know. I got good grades and my dad was so happy for me so he said he will buy me ice cream. I was so happy, I hugged him and I told him I love him. He rode our car and he wasn’t even out of my sight, probably, a few meters away from the gate when a truck ran his car over. He died on the spot. After that, I’ve said those words to a couple of people, but they end up having an accident or getting sick. Last time, I almost said it to you, but then, our break-up happened  so I guess I am never meant to say those words.”

“Those are coincidences! Look at me, I am not going anywhere. I am healthy. I am not going to die, not anytime soon so don’t worry!”

Momo looked outside the window, the moon was shining so brightly now that it illuminates the whole room, bathing Jeongyeon who was kneeling in front of her, in an ethereal light. She tucked a strand of hair behind the girl’s ear and looked deeply into her eyes.

When you love deeply, it hurts more when it leaves you, the voice rang in her ears.

But so does regret, another countered.

Jeongyeon looked at Momo’s confused face. She needs to reassure the girl that she loves her.

So she kissed her.

Lightly, gently.

Until she felt Momo couldn’t take it anymore and pulled her on top of her.

Without breaking the kiss, they managed to remove their clothing and just followed the ancient dance of lovemaking. Momo might be inexperienced, but she took Jeong’s body and heart to soaring heights that she had never been before. She knew. That she is different from the rest, and that Momo holds her heart in ways that nobody did from the past. After pleasuring each other many times, exhaustion finally fell upon them but before sleep claims Jeongyeon, she swears that she heard Momo whispered something in her ear. She answered by pulling her closer to her and bury her face on the younger’s shoulder.

“Saranghe.”

---

Jeongyeon woke up to the persistent ringing of her phone somewhere across the room but she ignored it, having a great dream. She extended her arms across the bed and came across nothing. The other side of the bed is vacant, with no Momoring in sight. Maybe she’s in the bathroom, she thought. Memories of last night flashed back and she couldn’t keep the grin off her face. Momo may not be able to say that she loves her, but she knows. She felt it, and no words would hinder her in pursuing her again.

Her phone rang again, and she tried to find her phone among her clothes that are strewn across the room.

“Mo?”

No answer.

She picked up the phone and answers the person on the other line.

“Jeongyeonnie?! You were not picking up! Where are you?!”

“Minari?!”

“Ohmygad, unnie!I’ve been calling you for half an hour now! Are you still in the hotel?”

“Yes! Why are you calling so early in the morning?!”

“It’s about Momo!”

“Momo? We’re together. What about her?”

“Unnie, you were together last night. But today..she..”

“She what? Momo! Are you there, babe in the shower?”

“She’s not there unnie! we are almost there, wait up!”

“Who are you with?”

“I am with Chae!” Jeongyeon could hear Mina panting as if she had run a mile. While waiting, Jeongyeon went to the bathroom to check on Momo but she was not there.

Something gnawed at her stomach. She looked around the room but all she saw was Momo’s gown from last night. The door is still locked as she tried it so maybe…

“Mo, where are you, babe?”

She tried to call Momo’s phone but it says unavailable. Where did she go?

Jeongyeon pulled a t-shirt on and tried to hide the marks on her neck and back. She smiled, remembering what happened last night, and she cant wait to see Momo again. But where did the girl go? Did she get them breakfast?

 In a few minutes, the door to the hotel room opened and Mina and Chae came bursting in.

‘What happened? Where’s Momo?”

“She’s gone.”

“What do you mean she’s gone?”

“She.. she already left unnie. She had a flight at 5 am. To New York.”

“What??! For what?! She will have a show?”

“No unnie. She will stay there. For two years. VS got her as their exclusive model.”

---

Mina and Chaeyoung left a dazed Jeongyeon sitting on the bed, clutching the letter Momo asked Chae to give on her behalf. Why didn’t Momo tell her? Or the girl was telling her last night that they can’t be together but she didn’t think that she is leaving.

She reread the letter for the nth time, and it brought another fresh tear to her eyes. The girl apologized for not saying goodbye properly, thank her for ‘last night’ and that she should live healthily and happily without waiting for her. That she will wish for her happiness, even if that happiness doesn’t include hers. She ended up asking for forgiveness for hurting her and that she will cherish their memories together, forever.

There’s finality in her letter and implying two things:

She’s not coming back, and to not wait for her.

Now she understood why Momo didn’t want to say I love you.

Because love hurts the person who is left behind.