There’s a reason Momo doesn’t do attachments, and now she agonized over it while curled up on her bed, eyes swollen to too much crying. The last time she cried this hard and this long was when her father died ten years ago due to a vehicular accident when she was 12. Momo, who used to be very outgoing became very withdrawn, shy, and detached.

Happiness is overrated---Sure there’s nothing beats hanging out with Mina or having a great conversation with Sana and Nayeon, and of course, being in the arms of Yoo Jeongyeon, but having those blissful moments meant excruciating pain when those are taken away. 

She heard her stomach rumbled--she realized she had been locked in her room for almost 24 hours-- the last thing she ate was the cookies Tzuyu left at the door the day before and she knew her housemates might have been very worried about her. She shook her head. Moping and crying won’t take her anywhere nor do bills know heartbreak, so she knows she has to haul up her and go to work.

She slowly made her way to the bathroom, washed her face and brush her teeth, and stared at the stranger looking back at her in the mirror.

She couldn't even recognize herself--she felt she lost herself from pretending to be four different people and she couldn't identify anymore who was the real Hirai Momo.

Does it still matter? All she knew is she is hated by the people she learned to know and love the most. 

Was it all a dream? Did she just experience love just to experience heartbreak?

She thought of going home to Japan. She misses her mom, her sister. But going back there would mean she failed--and that she's accepting defeat. And that the only thing she could go back to would be her former job--and she winced at that.

She gripped the marbled sink and stared hard at her reflection. 

No, you went this far. No one, not Nayeon, not Mina, not Sana, or even Yoo Jeongyeon will bring her down. 

The world didn't stop turning to wait for Momo, so she squared up her shoulders and figure out what she needed to do. 

***

After a few hours, she found Tzuyu on their dinner table, munching on chips while doing something on the computer. She ought to give the girl her whole paycheck after tearing down all those sites that will come up when her name is searched, publicity be damned.

Tzuyu looked up from her computer and stared at Momo, with a worried look on her face. She might have noticed the swollen eyes --

“Oh, hi unnie. How are you? I hope you are not crying because of those people again, I told you---“

“I’m fine Tzu. That’s the last one promise. How was it in school?”

“Oh, okay I guess. You’re still a hot topic, and one of the most searched names. But I did something… So I attached a worm in image attachments so when somebody sends it to another and they open it up, their devices will be affected. By the time it is shared in all group chats, nobody would want to open it anymore. The same thing, with websites.”

Momo’s mouth was left hanging. “You did that?”

“Easy peasy—payback to those jerks who would like to have a piece of you.”

She hugged the tall maknae tightly and left her kisses on her face. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Unnieeeeeeee…” Tzuyu whined but Momo knows the girl likes to be babied.

She clung to Tzuyu and the girl hugged her back, making Momo feel ten times better than an hour before. Sure she might have lost some people yet she found another who values her.

“Why are you eating chips? Didn’t we shop for groceries?”

“Budget’s tight, rent is coming and—“

“Scrap that. Have food delivered. I’ll pay the rent this month. Though this month only, don’t know if I will still have work next time. Tomorrow shop for food. You three did a lot for me, and I—“

It’s Tzuyu’s turn to hug Momo.

“Everything’s alright unnie. Good things and bad things always pass. This too shall pass. So don’t worry.”

She placed a hand on their maknae’s face. “With you by my side, I need not." Tzuyu gave her a smile that made her dimple appear. She ruffled the younger's hair and pinch her cheek.

"I’ll be going to the company Tzu. I lost my phone so you may not be able to reach me. Here’s money for food. Feed your two unnies, they are getting skinny.”

"Will you be fine? Nayeon might be there--"

Momo looked back and smiled. "Just like what you said this too shall pass. I will face them when I see them."

With that, Momo left their dorn, her heart a little lighter than before.

---

“Yumi, you should have just left it as it is..we could have taken that opportunity to promote!”

Momo put her fingers on her temple and massaged it. “I know publicity blah blah blah, but it’s different than I am still in school and everyone in our campus is fantasizing over me.”

“So? I can talk to you professors to put you in a distance learning or something…”

“Oji… I know you meant well…I recognize that part of my past as a part of who I am right now, but not to destroy my future.”

“Okay, okay. I respect your decisions…by the way, Ms. Im’s representative called, when are you---“

“We will not be doing that anymore.”

“What?! But, Momo!”

“Ms. Im and I had a falling out and currently not on good terms. I know I said yes to it but we haven’t signed anything final. I’ll talk to Ms. Im probably later.”

“Momo…”

“I’m sorry uncle, I made some bad decisions...”

“What’s so bad in making friends?”

“I made four friends and all of them fell for me. Now after the reveal, things had become very, very complicated. So again, kindly remind me why I shouldn’t form attachments again, ok?”

“I see. Very well. You’re fully booked this week. Rather these whole spring. That’s alright with you?”

Momo smiled, but a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Never better.”

---

Momo chose an intimate candlelit dinner to meet Nayeon. She’s so nervous because she doesn’t know how she reacted to the scandal. Jeong is right, she did fool Nayeon. She is the only one that is conscious of the truth and she still tried to separate Momo and Yumi’s world and when it collided, Momo was left to pick up the pieces.

Nayeon came on time, and Momo ordered drinks for them. As soon as the waiter is gone, they were left to a very awkward silence. Nayeon mostly stared at Momo, with the flame of the candles gave Momo a warm, mysterious feel. Momo stole a glance at Nayeon and caught her staring.

“I’m sorry Yumi, or Momo---whatever name do you prefer?”

“You may call me whatever you prefer.”

“Okay, Yumi. I was not made aware of the reason for this dinner.”

Just then their food arrived and Momo gestured for them to eat. Nayeon nodded, anyway, the food there is great. However, she has a lot of questions that she wanted to ask, but looking at Momo right now, she was taking her time eating and looked like she would like to talk after dinner.

The dinner was silent, but not awkward. Nayeon made comments about the food and Momo sometimes replies and they laughed about it, but as the night deepens, and wines are being served, Momo knows there no used beating around the bush.

“Ms. Im—“

“I thought I am Nayeonie to you—“

“I am going to withdraw from our contract.”

Nayeon stood up so fast she almost toppled the drinks on the table. “You what? Does this has something to do with—“

“It has everything to do with that, I’m sorry—“

“But why?”

“I—just have to do this you know? First I hurt you—“

“Well, you did, but—“

“Second, I just want to move on and just start from the beginning, without the four of you.”

“Momo! You cannot just erase some people in your life because of some—some unpleasant circumstances!”

“Making friends with you had been a mistake.”

“Says who? Don’t I have a say on this?”

“I have decided Ms. Im. I just want to formally tell you myself, it’s the least I can do.”

Momo took her bag to leave but Nayeon grabbed her arm.

“I never thought you to be a coward, Momo.”

“Oh, I am. I am also an actress, a liar, and a and everything that you shouldn’t associate yourself with.”

“I never thought you to be like that! Stop selling yourself short!”

“Ms. Yoo had clearly put me on my place and I shouldn’t presume to be clean when I am not.”

“That’s Jeongyeon, not me!”

“If I were just Momo, would we even have this conversation? You don’t even spare me a glance in class, so why don’t we just go back to where we were in the beginning of our Sociology class?”

Nayeon was left astounded. But she’s not going to back down.

“But you are not just Momo. You are Yumi and more! You could be more! We could be more if you will just give me a chance!”

Momo stared at Nayeon, looking at her intensely and looks like she’s breathing fire. She’s beautiful, her hair gloriously framing her face and her chest heaving due to anger.

She wanted to believe her.

But she unclasps Nayeon’s hand on her arm.

“You know I can’t, Nayeon-ssi. I bid you goodnight, Miss Im. And goodbye.”

She left without looking back. One down, three to go.

---

Momo knows she cannot hide forever. She had to attend her classes sooner or later, even if she’s dreading it. She took a deep breath before she gets off the taxi. She had debated with herself if she is going with her nerdy disguise but after an hour of contemplating, she just discarded her glasses and just go with a simple turtleneck top and jeans. As inconspicuous as she can be.

As soon as she stepped on the campus, she knew she didn’t succeed. People still noticed her, despite not wearing too much makeup or flashy clothes. Nope. People still whispered and called her, some even whistled suggestively at her. She looked down, pulled her backpack tighter, and walked faster.

“Yumi!”

“Hirai!”

“Sunbae, can we take a picture?”

“Ms. Kisaki can I ask for an autograph?”

“Miss!”

Momo tried to still bow in acknowledgment but tried to wave her hand to decline. She walked faster but she could see that many students are trying to gather and all of them are trying to take a picture of her.

“I’m sorry, I am going to be late…”

“Maybe next time…”

“I have a class, sorry…”

Momo runs to her building but now a throng of fangirls and fanboys are following her. She groaned. Her professor is not going to like this.

She rounded the next corridor when she bumped into somebody and pulled her into the emergency exit.

“What—“

“C’mon! Let’s go!”

Momo looked up at the beautiful face of her savior. Sana sported her knowing smirk and she hesitated. She heard the other students outside the door asking among themselves what class Momo will be in that morning and they are planning to check each room and try to wait her out. Sana shrugged and went up the stairs. She could go out the exit and proceed to her class or---she shuddered. She decided to just go up to the building’s rooftop with Minatozaki.

Sana went to the shaded side of the building, the one facing the university grounds. Momo doesn’t know if she will follow or just stay where she is, but she knew she will never have another chance like this again so she went to stand beside Sana.

“Now I understood why.”

Momo looked quizzically at Sana. “Understood what?”

“Why you didn’t want people to know about you as a model.”

“But you still exposed me.” There’s bitterness in her tone.

“How many times do I have to tell you I didn’t! That I wouldn’t do that to you!”

Momo shrugged. “Anyway, it’s been done and I cannot do anything about the fact that everybody knows and I need to suffer this fate every day.”

“I kept your secret, Momo.”

“Do you want me to thank you?”

“I don’t deserve that.”

“I don’t deserve this either!”

“I just want you to believe me, Momo.”

“Can’t you understand why I can’t? Do I want this…this fame? I thought I could be normal, have friends, be in love? But no, I was just fooling myself that it’s possible to be normal, to have a normal life!”

“It was Ji Hyo. Mina told me.” Sana cut her off.

“What—“

“I think your friend tracked the one who uploaded the story and traced it back to Ji Hyo. Jeongyeon was livid and they had a huge fight I think.”

Momo’s heart lurched. Jeongyeon…it seems so long since she heard her name spoken out loud. She just stared in space while Sana continued.

“She even threatened to call the police on Ji Hyo. Mina said it was messy and that they need to sedate Jeong after that.”

Momo couldn’t say anything. Flashback of their fight rang to her ears when Jeongyeon called her names and felt the pain pierced again her heart.

“You need to talk to Jeongyeon..”

Momo snapped back to herself. “And why would I do that? She made it clear what she thought of me…”

“Maybe she’s just in shock—“

“And I am not?”

“I don’t mean that—“

“She should have trusted me not to be like that kind of person just because of my photos—“

“You didn’t exactly trust her with your past—“

“What do you want me to tell her, hey, I was a model who poses for men’s magazine and not the nerd that you know? No, I don’t think so.”

“What I am saying is that maybe you could still work this out between the two of you—“

“Why would I?”

“Because she loves you—“

Momo laughed sarcastically. “You don’t judge the person you love, Sana.”

“I don’t.”

“I don’t mean you.”

“I mean me. I don’t judge you.”

Momo just looked at Sana as if she had three heads. And then she laughed. “You can’t mean that, Minatozaki. Jeongyeon was right in everything she said about me.”

“And so what? So what if you were all that? It doesn’t matter! If Jeongyeon cannot accept you, I can—“

Momo shook her head.

“Sana, I—I appreciate, really, those times you saved me, even earlier, and those—dinner dates we had. But—I can’t be around you guys anymore you know? It just hurts so much to be with your circle. Maybe if the circumstances were different… maybe, I dunno. But everything’s already complicated so let’s not--“

“What are you so afraid of?”

“I am not afraid—“

“If you don’t want Jeongyeon anymore, I am here—“

“Who said I don’t want her—“

“You said—“

“I wanted her so much that it hurts this much! Isn’t it funny? Why couldn’t I just love you, or Mina, or Nayeon? Why does it have to be her?”

Sana just stared at her while a lone tear from her eyes. She…still loves her, despite what she did to Momo.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just do. I just did. Add stupid to the list of your adjectives for me. But... I don’t want to return to her anymore too. I just want to… just forget everything and move on.”

“But Momo—“

“I’m sorry Sana. I truly am.” With that, Momo went back to the emergency exit and went down to her floor. She watched as Momo ran out of the building, probably not attending her classes anymore, and ran towards the University exits.

The pain on Sana’s chest intensified until it consumed her and made her sunk on her knees and left her crying, in broad daylight.

----

Momo decided to talk to the College Dean regarding her predicament and asked to be placed in the Distance Learning to avoid any inconveniences for the other students. The Dean was taken aback with her decision, but Momo promised to submit all the remaining requirements for that week to her professors.

“But Ms. Hirai, the Spring Dance is coming up, and your adviser is about to tell you later, during her class that you will be the one representing our College, nobody is more fitting than you are!”

“Ma’am? But…but…”

“I hope you will agree, dear… it’s not that we have a celebrity and a talented aspiring designer at our college every year. It’s your last here in IPU..don’t you want to leave a legacy?”

All I want is to leave, but Momo didn’t say that aloud. Instead, she sighed.

“But directress, I caused a scandal...and put our college in a bad light...”

“Of course not! We are proud that you are here with us, and that you are honing your skills under our wings, and we cannot wait for you to break out in the fashion scene with your OWN creations!”

Momo cringed at the enthusiasm of their dean. “But Ma’am I think Kim Sooyoung would be more interested to represent the department---“

“It was a collective vote, Hirai. All the faculty members agreed already and the students also would love to see what you will wear so they are actually anticipating it.”

Momo knew she lost and she cannot do anything anymore. She smiled weakly and thanked their dean and went out, more troubled than before.

---

When Momo arrived home late that night after a show she was surprised the lights are still on the living room. The trio must still be doing something, she surmised. She heard some laughing, then some giggling and then a soft shriek. What are they up to?

 She was surprised when she saw Mina and Chaeyoung on the living room, seemingly playing with paint, judging by the paint on Mina’s cheek. When she entered the room, they stopped and Mina smiled sheepishly.

“Momo—“

“It’s alright, continue what you are doing.”

“No, I’m sorry, I came by to give back your phone.”

Momo’s eyes widened. Mina looked for it in her bag and after finding it, handed it to Momo.

“You left it at The Crib. You know when—“

“Thank you. I thought I lost it.” They just stood there awkwardly until Chaeyoung stood up to leave the two to talk.

“Momo—“

“Mina—“

They paused and looked at each other.

“I’m sorry, go ahead.” Momo offered to Mina to sit down.

“I’m sorry.” Face flaming red, Mina cannot look at Momo’s eyes. “I’ve said a lot of hurtful words…I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Momo sighed. “It’s okay, Minari. It was my fault, so I understand why you reacted that way.”

“I’m also sorry for…I mean...I didn’t mean to..well I would understand if you would avoid me too, honestly—“

“Huh? What are you saying?”

“Oh. You know…the other thing I told you about…that part when I told you I like you?”

“Ahh. That part.”

“Yes. Nayeonie said you canceled their proposed endorsements and Sana-yah told me earlier that you..you don’t want anything to do with us…but…I just don’t think I can just leave you like that.”

Momo raised an eyebrow. “It’s for the best of everybody Minari. I mean with what happened to all of us, it’s best that we just go on our separate ways.”

With a quiet voice, Mina asked, “Best for who, Momo? Because it’s certainly not the best for me.”

“Mina...I can’t—I can’t give what you guys want, you know? Nayeonie and Sana asked me, they told me they’ll have me if Jeongyeon would not have me back—and I know she won’t have me back—but, it will be unfair to everybody because---“

“---because despite everything, it is still Jeongyeonie, right?”

Momo didn't answer. She cannot. Yet... Mina understood.

“I have lived for three years by myself Minari. I can survive for more even if without you guys.”

“But it will never be the same anymore.”

Just then memories of lunches spent with Minari, dinners with Sana-yah, coffee dates with Nayeonie and nights spent with Jeongyeon at their favorite place flashed right before Momo’s eyes and she realized how right Mina is. Things will never be the same again, even how much she tried.

Momo smiled sadly. “Yes, it may not be the same anymore, but I’ll live Minari. Maybe not as happy, but I’ll live.”

Mina sighed. “I don’t expect us to be more than what you want us to be Momo. I befriended you because your eyes looked so blank when I first helped you on your feet. I didn’t expect to fall for you as we spend more time together but I did. But if you do not feel the same for me, that’s okay! But please, do not push me away. I still want to become one of your friends! Please Momoring…” Momo gasped when Mina kneeled in front of her and clasped both her hands together between hers.  Myoui Mina, kneeling in front of her! Momo stood up and pulled Mina to her feet.

“Don’t do that! Never kneel in front of anybody!”

Mina wrapped her arms around Momo and buried her face on the elder’s shoulders. “Anything. I’ll do anything for you to say that I am still your friend. That you will not avoid me. That I am still your Minari and you are still my Momoring. That we will still have ice creams for lunch. Just like the old times. Please...”

A lump formed in Momo’s throat. Can she really? Can she give in to what Mina is asking? Her heart already has an answer but she’s unsure.

“I---I’ll try, Mina.”

“Not good enough! Promise me!”

Momo almost smiles at how Mina sounded like a sulking child. She looked at Mina's tear-stained face and remember that face she first saw looking down at her to help her during their Sociology class.

She patted Mina’s back and gave her a quick hug.

“Alright. I Promise."