ELEVEN. ROMPRE

JENNIE+

There was only one rule in racing. You live with speed. It is never too much, it is always enough. You should outrun every road. Make a swift drift every corner. Make your wheels burn every grain of dirt.

You rust your bolts. Boil your engine. Veins on the steer. Free from the breaks. Because once speed becomes something you can't control? Then you will never be worthy of its alliance.

It was never the question of who's faster, it was always about who controlled greater.

Speed only becomes your enemy when you dismantle it's nature. Speed changes the magnitude of things. It does not ravage nor destroy. You take speed without crashing or hurting anyone along the way. You let your own speed change you and not others. For they have their own to take.

And I thought I have it all controlled-I've got a polished road and both hands on wheel, but I just took casualty at every corner. All because of my selfishness. All the people I cared for just crashing against my acceleration. I hated to admit it but I needed the break, before I even break more people.

I have a relationship with Kai and I didn't respect that, regardless of the amplitude we have. I still cheated. There was no escape route this time. I just had to face the dead-end that I have driven myself into.

I took myself to Kai's mansion, up on the south. I heard my own heart race the same speed as my running. I needed to see him. I wanted to say sorry. Even it didn't matter to him anymore. I have wounded Kai enough.

Thankfully his guards led me in and told me that I could find him at his backyard garden. And I did. He was standing firmly with a burning pit in front of him, both of his hands on his waist pockets.

With slow steps forward I observed. What was burning? Why does it smell expensive?

As I took a closer look and have finally stood far beside him, I immediately saw what was burning on the pit, "Is that?-"

"Chanel..." He quickly fired up my dilemma. . It is truly inappropriate if I scream and ravage about this despicable behavior. BUT. No one does this. Ever. I have an utter distaste of the crime that I am seeing before my eyes. It is inhumane and a mockery to the arts. You just simply do not burn CHANEL in a ing cheap fire pit on a backyard. "W-why is it on fire?" I asked with fidget nerves, as if it will bring back those expensive ashes into clothes again. Ugh.

"It was supposed to be an anniversary gift, but it doesn't deem worthy anymore. I think I'll purchase from Gucci next time." He even managed to pin a dark jest, while his eyes were as intense as the flames burning before us. This brought me back to reality, and why it deserved to be on flames in the first place.

"Who told you?" I exclaimed. I've been wanting to figure out how he knew. Did Krystal told him personally? Did she provoke him at all?

"Does it really matter?" The dejection on his tone spiked nerves down my spine.

The mood swiftly changed, I had to face the barren ground as shame creep below my shoulders. He's right, who am I to complain about a replaceable fabric when I've destroyed the man who only wanted my love. Even if we agreed that it was a deal to only make us as publicity. I knew he wouldn't listen to me. You cannot command a stubborn heart. Weighing all of my negligence of his feelings. I still hold accountable for his hurt because I took him captive in the first place. With this, I heard my heart clench as I carefully uttered, "Kai, I'm sorry I-"

Kai swiftly turned his head to lock eyes with mine. "Since when?" His daunting voice mirrored the flames of the fire. He was furious. "When did it start?" He added with more demand.

I exhaled deeply, "After the yacht incident. I kissed her and it was too late for me to let go of it."

"So Mino was not really your ex?"

"No. Krystal was." I confessed as I shook my head.

"You never do this, Jennie. You around people but you never do them more than once. And that thought alone, infuriates me. And to make matters worse, you love her!" His voice was in a fit of pique.

"I loved her. Know the difference." I warned.

"Bull. Then why did you rekindle that dead relationship?" His spiteful tone was haunting me.

"Krystal left me broken before. And that poison somehow was still lingering within me, and when she came back, it suddenly became too tasteful this time around. And I don't know how to not miss it."

"You didn't choose to heal from it, princess. You even swallowed more of its pain." At this point I can see the veins of his neck popping as he growled. I'm sorry, Kai. But it's the truth of my thoughts you deserve. Even if it hurts more.

"It was the only choice I could see! Somehow I missed the feeling of living, even if Krystal was dangerous, somehow she made me feel like I was living." My heart trembled, hearing the words come out from my mouth, moved me to tears. I was finally admitting my feelings.

Then I was faced with a despairing Kai, with his hands over his head, pounding it a few times as his face grew more in ache. "Did I make you feel like dying then?!"

I shook my head. "No. I made myself feel that way."

I then heard the monégasque in deep exhales trying to stop his tears from flowing. But I can see through his pain. I wanted to cry for him. "Is it really hard to choose me, princess?" He asked between his sobbing along with a desperate tone of grievance. As if he knew that my answer would only break his heart more.

Still, I responded with honesty. "You chose me. You always choose me. So I never really had to make that decision...I never had to choose you, Kai because you did it for me."

There was absolute silence after my words. As if a buffering revelation was waiting to shove me to my grave. I looked at his eyes of which were trying to runaway from me. It spoke defeat, exhaustion and madness. All these loud emotions his eyes spoke was kept by the silence of his mouth. And then I realized, he was controlling himself. Again. He always does this. Kai has always been on top of his wrath, he has managed to fuse the fire within him. Even in anger, he chooses to be gentle. And it was always something I admired.

Not after awhile, in assumed calmness, the gentle prince spoke, "Then I won't choose you this time around, Jennie." He then clawed his stare on me, his presence dropping degrees lower, eyes shrilling through the cascade of his broken face. At the moment I was disgusted at myself. I hate that I did that to him.

And out of desperation, I begged. "Don't do this, Kai. Please. The people of Monaco is expecting you to be the future King along with me, and they deserve that kind of good. That's the least thing I could do for them."

Yes, I have succumbed to my audacious attitude. So what? If it makes Kai stay, then let me. He has to be Monaco's future King. I don't know any man fit for the throne more than him, and if I'll be a terrible monarch as everyone thinks so, then Kai would be the only nation's salvation from me- a ing spoiled tyrant.

"What about me, princess? Do I deserve to break like this when the woman I love hasn't even loved me yet?"

I heaved deeply, "I'm letting you marry me. I could only give you so much Kai." I pushed. For he was the only salvation I saw ever since. Kai was always my safety. I never imagined him slipping away from me, no matter how much we both change. Kai was a constant. He matches my speed, my intake of the world, and he was the prince I was sure of.

"Don't mock me like that." He felt offended.

"What?" With furrowed eyebrows.

"I want you to marry because you love me, Jennie. Not because you want to put a ing crown in my head." He bit. Just the right poison i deserved. "I want to be the husband you need, and not the King that everybody wants me to be."

"I..." I found my epiphany at the drowning of my words. He was right I just couldn't admit it myself. I could never give him what he needed. Because I will never need him as anything more than a crown. I just couldn't. Why can't I give this heart to the man who most deserve it? What's wrong with me? "I'm sorry."

"If you can't give your heart to me then at least give it to the people of this country. You are the future Queen after all. They deserve your heart more than anything." And then he left-and so did my hope.

...

"Bonsoir, monaco bien-aimé. We interrupt this evening broadcast to address the latest update about the emerging issue concerning the royal princess. This morning the Social Affairs representative of the Royal Palace officially confirmed the break-up of Her Majesty, Jennie Kim from her boyfriend of two years, heir of the biggest conglomerate in Monaco, and the most sought-after young bachelor, Kai. The said royal couple was about to celebrate their anniversary at the Casino de Monte Carlo as they hold an invitation-only event. Yet an insider stated that the bachelor boyfriend wasn't there to be found. Rumors about Kai having an affair with the princess of Belgium emerged like wildfire later that night, after a witness have asserted in social media that she saw Her Majesty, Krystal Jung running off with the teen bachelor. We tried to get a statement from the Kim Real Estates, Kai's conglomerate, about this rumor but as expected, they rejected our request."

"Enough with the news." I flinched over the demanding voice. "Time to study." Jisoo continued as she prompted to turn off the television. It was ten in the evening. Monday. Just two days after the break-up parade that doesn't seem to die down. I promised the foreigners that I would go directly meet them after class so I can start studying but I impulsively went downtown, to my mother's garden, wondering if I can find the same peace that the afternoon had. But everything was an almost. Nearly. Not quite. And always never there.

I miss the Queen. The woman who raised me. She always knew what to do. And always mended things that I tore. Before, I could find myself warm in her embrace but now I could only find a memorial of it in the blooms of these flowers. Oh how I miss my mother.

I still sat there, buzzing, spacing, looking. In silence, if ever the Queen speaks. Waiting for my thoughts of atonement. Yet nothing was ever solved. I guess tranquility can't even calm my chaos for a moment.

But as I was about to give up and stomp my foot in impatience. A lean figure stood before me. The presence felt like enlightenment. And as I slowly looked up I had to gasp, "Krystal?"

"You'll have the royal guards fired if you always escape like this." Her nonchalance took me by surprise as she calmly sat next to