Have you ever feel dying inside?

I am feeling it, since that day.

Since Jennie chose to set me up to a girl I never met. Since Jennie left that business card in my table. I almost tear it up after she was gone. It feels ages ago when it was just a week ago. She didn't come by at my office since that day. Maybe they made up that's why she's ghosting on me. She's back to that douche bag's arms again. I bet he said the magic word, that's why she came back to his arms without second thoughts. That's how lovesick she is. That's how blind she is. And me, I'm fine. No liar! You will never be fine! 

It's been a week and my piled work has been finished. I've been here, almost not going home so I can focus on work and not with my broken heart, not with my tired soul. I think I even lost two or more pounds. I barely ate in the past few days. All my stomach was processing was coffee or tea, crackers at most. My parents called me a few times, asking where I was in which I hinted, they're just worried. Drown yourself in paperwork is better than drowning yourself in alcohol. Alcohol can destroy your liver. Horrible hangovers in the morning. Alcohol will make you look like you aged ten times. And so I chose to be drunk with work. At least, I'm being productive in the last week. 

I'm playing with the business card in my hand. I've been thinking if I should make the call or not.

Park, Chaeyoung

Senior Finance Manager

Park-Kim Holdings Inc. 

Next are digits that could change my life and my perspective about dating. 

I don't know how to date. The last time I dated was ages ago, back in middle school, before Jennie was transferred to our school. When we became best friends, my eyes could only see her. My heart could only beat for her. So calling this maiden, Park Chaeyoung is really a feat for me. More so on meeting her, I am nervous as . 

It's so hard to cope up when you built your world around one person. I made Jennie my world, my reason for breathing. Figuratively, she left me. I refuse to believe but she has. I'm fighting this war alone, silently. Should I stop chasing pavements? She's always inside. This brain of mine doesn't stop thinking about her. It's all about her. I want to scream. For once, I hate that I love her this much, it's sickeningly painful to bear. The worst is, I can't even voice it out. I'm a coward. I don't want her to hate me. I don't want her to stop hanging out with me, even though she just needs me when she's down. 

The buzzing of my phone that's on the table wakes me up from deep thinking, from relentless self pitying and heartbreak. I didn't bother to look at the screen and immediately answered it.

"Hello, pumpkin." the soothing sound of the voice of the caller at least gives me a faint light of hope in the midst of despair. 

"Hey, mom! I'm still at work." I tried to