Dad gripped me so tightly when we returned to the hospital that it hurt. “Thank you,” I heard him say to Hoony while my face was buried in his chest.

We waited, then. I didn’t leave the room. I didn’t speak. I closed my eyes and remembered Jennie: every moment of her I could think of.  The day we met, the afternoons in my room, the trips to get ice cream and movies and even the laser tag. I recall it all into my memories. I made sure I never let her slip away.

Dad’s phone rang several hours later, when my own phone said it was just past 4 in the morning.

“Thank you,” he said as he ended the call, and then he walked to me and Hoony and told us, “That was Jennie’s dad. The surgeon told them that she’s better than when she came in, but it still doesn’t look good. They’re still not sure how she’ll do overnight. Jennie’s parents are going to stay but–”

“I want to stay,” I demanded immediately. Dad looked like he wanted to protest, but I cut him off. “You would’ve stayed with Mom.” He fell silent at that. He had no argument for it.

“I’ll go pick up some food and some pillows and blankets,” Hoony offered.

“I won’t eat,” I told him, but Dad nodded at him, nonetheless.

“Thank you, Seunghoon-ssi.” Hoony left, and Dad took a seat next to me, letting out a deep sigh. After a moment, he opened his mouth to speak.

“You know, when your Eomma...” He paused and closed his eyes, letting out a slow exhale. Then he shook his head. “It still hurts to think about, but, um... Eventually you start remembering the good times rather than the one really bad time. And it aches, kind of like a fading bruise, but it doesn’t have that sharp sting anymore. If Jennie–”

“I don’t think I can do this right now, Dad,” I murmured. “I can’t.”

“Okay,”

He rested his hand on my back and it felt heavy and uncomfortable, but I didn’t complain.

“Why do you think bad things happen to good people?” I asked him abruptly. He took a moment to respond. “I don’t know,” he said. “As cruel as it is, I think it might just be.”

“And you’re okay with that? You go through life every day accepting that?”

He caresses my back. “I think I have to be okay with it. And I think that everyone struggles with it. Some people make themselves okay with it by believing that there’s a God with a plan, and that good people die because there’s something better waiting on the other side. For those of us who don’t believe that... We just have to learn to be okay.”

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