Jennie joined me in my room that evening.

I a movie, turned off the lights, and we kissed our way through at least the first part, until an onscreen machine gun fire distracted us long enough to cool us off. I cuddled up next to Jennie, an arm on her stomach, and rested my hand against her heart, counting the beats until I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. I went downstairs to have breakfast with my dad, who told me, “BoA and I are going out to a movie tonight. You’re welcome to come along if you’d like. You can come with Jennie.”

I considered accepting, but then a better idea occurred to me, and I shook my head. “That’s okay. I’ll stay in. I need a chill night.”

“Chill night, huh?” he arched an eyebrow at me. “Alright, well, let me know if you change your mind.”

“I will.” I forced a smile as he moved to clear his plate off the table. When I finished, myself, I went back upstairs and immediately messaged Jennie: “No dad at home tonight.”

I didn’t get a response immediately, so I took a shower while I waited, then examined myself in the mirror, self-conscious. My stomach was flat enough even if it could use some work; I’d worn a swimwear in front of Jennie before and caught her staring.

I take another shower that night, right before she came over. Just in case.

“I am so not ready for this,” I mumbled aloud to my reflection.

“Get it together. She hasn’t done this before, either.” I paused. Had she? She’d never said she hadn’t, but I’d assumed it’d come up at some point if she’d had. What if she had tons of experience and I had none? What if she’d just kept it quiet so that I didn’t feel embarrassed?

My phone buzzed and I jumped surprised, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as my heartbeat came back down. After a short pause, I went to go check Jennie’s message.

“Should I come over?”

I hesitated, and not for the reasons I’d talked to Hoony about. I was surprised at myself, because when it came right down to it, my biggest reservations stemmed from my own insecurities about my body and lack of experience. Which were things entirely odd for people my age to worried about. That didn’t exactly make me feel any better, however.

“If you want,” I sent back. This time I got a message instantly. “Do you?”

I stared at the phone for a few seconds. I imagined her waiting with her phone on the other end. I wondered if she was anywhere near as nervous about this as I was. “I think so,” I started to type out, but then deleted it and instead send “Yes.”

Her response was instantaneous. “What time?”

---

I went on a run that day for much longer than I should’ve and wound up with achy legs by the time I got back home in the afternoon. It felt silly, but I couldn’t help but spend the day quibbling at every little thing I wanted to fix about myself. I plucked hairs, I moisturized, and I showered two more times instead of just once: another time after my run, and again about an hour before Jennie shows up. I wanted everything to go perfectly.

Dad and his girlfriend left just after nine o’clock, right on schedule, and I made myself to look clean. Jennie was too confident to do that, and I felt like I’d look lame if I did it and she didn’t.

When the doorbell rang ten minutes later th