I got a message from Jennie fifteen minutes later, and spent the next 30 minutes panicking in my bathroom. One minute I was sure I could take things further with Jennie, and the next I worried about the repercussions of doing so. Hoony’s words bounced around in my head: “If you hook up with her and she dies, you’ll be miserable. With that said... If you don’t hook up with her and she dies, you’ll be miserable and you’ll regret it.”

 But if I kiss Jennie, it mean more to me than just hooking up with some pretty girl. I was beginning to wonder how I could ever live my life happily after losing her. She become my friend.

I put my hair up so that if I decided to get into the water I could still keep it dry. Then I changed into my favorite swim wear. When I was done, I tried to ignore the anxious feeling in my chest, and closed my eyes as I rested my hand on my stomach. I remembered the last night with mom; the nausea I’d felt before she’d gone out. I couldn’t tell if I was feeling that now, or if this was just regular butterflies.

I made sure to talk to Jennie’s parents before we left. They didn’t feel very comfortable with where we were going, especially so soon after her near-drowning, but I think that they, like me, had trouble saying no to her more often than not. And she seemed so excited to go out; she was practically bouncing up and down with anticipation and had packed an entire backpack full of stuff to take with us.

Once we were on our way in my car, she caught sight of the book I’d left on the center console and scoffed. “You are so not reading this whole time. You have to get in the water.”

“Not past my waist,” I decided.

“Chest?” she bargained. I shook my head. “Okay, what about mid- stomach?”

“Maybe.”

“Hey, don’t be nervous. We’re just hanging out. Nothing bad is gonna happen.”

I changed the subject, uncomfortable. “Do you think we should’ve brought Kuma? He’s been cooped up a lot lately.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that! We should’ve!” She frowned. 

“Well, we’ll take him next time. He definitely needs to get out of the house more. I’ve been meaning to keep him active, but, um...” She shrugged her shoulders and finished, “Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time with you.”

Words failed me, and I turned the music on to avoid an awkward silence. Jennie stretched beside me and then idly turned to look out of her window, her fingernails tapping against the door as she rested her arm on top of it.
We reached the spot by the water all too soon, and she set down her backpack and ped it. Out came two blankets, sandwiches, apples, and a pair of sunglasses. She slipped the last over her eyes and grinned at the look on my face.

“You came prepared,” I marveled. “Are we having a picnic?”

“Not officially. Too cliché. But you’re welcome to a sandwich and an apple.” She tossed them to what was then deemed my blanket, and then promptly stretched out across her own, letting out a satisfied sigh. That only lasted a second, as she popped up into a sitting position abruptly and reached for the backpack again. “Oh, right. Forgot sunscreen. I put it in the front pocket. I fry like a lobster.” She squirted out a handful and then offered me the bottle.
I shook my head, turning it down. “I’m okay. I don’t burn easily.”