Day 43

“Good morning, Unnie. I thought I’d find you here. But I don’t see Kim-san. Don’t you usually meet her here in the garden before class?” Wonyoung asked as she sidled up to Sakura and sat next to her on the bench.

“Good morning, Wonyoung-chan. She’s been busy with the library committee in the mornings. They got a lot of new books that they have to catalog. She said she might have some free time during lunch to see me though,” Sakura said, hoping that she didn’t sound too forlorn about the whole situation.

“Oh, that’s lucky for me then. I get to have Unnie to myself,” Wonyoung said as she hooked her arm with Sakura’s and cuddled up to her.

Looking at the girl like this, with her head resting on her shoulder and her cute baby face and doll like eyes staring up at Sakura, it was easy to forget that the girl was in actuality a giant with mythic proportions. “So, how’s school been?”

Wonyoung’s expression changed to one of excitement as she sat back up straight. “I made some new friends! I tried spending some of my free time in the class and making friends like I promised you. At first, it was like before, people gave me a lot of space even after I tried to initiate conversation. I said I was used to it, but I guess, I could still feel a little hurt by it. I almost gave up after the second day of nothing working. But I thought you would be disappointed, so I tried again when I found some free time. Third time’s a charm I guess.”

“That’s great news!” Sakura was just as happy as Wonyoung as the two of them held each other’s hands and shook them excitedly.

“I think the girls assumed I didn’t want to be friends with them since I never spent any time trying to get to know them. I’m still pretty busy with my other duties, but now when I have some spare time, it’s been pretty enjoyable spending it in the classroom.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Sakura said. “I was worried that maybe I was being a little nosy. It’s just that I spent my first year without many friends and I didn’t want that to happen to you.”

Wonyoung’s smile dropped suddenly as she looked at Sakura with an imploring gaze. “Is it okay if I look for you sometimes? While I’m happy that I have new friends to spend time with, spending time with Unnie is still my favorite thing to do.”

Sakura could almost see an image of a little bunny with its ears turned down and large glistening eyes staring soulfully at her superimposed against Wonyoung as the girl asked her for permission timidly. “Of course, you can if you still want to.”

“Yay!” Wonyoung shouted with glee. “Anyway, I have some things I need to do before class starts, so I’ll get going. I’ll see you later, Unnie.”

Sakura felt her heart start to pound even before Hyewon reached her desk. Lately, the other girl had been spending longer and longer moments lingering near Sakura. Surprisingly, rumors of her being Hyewon’s latest target never started to swirl around. It hurt her pride a little. I mean I am starting to wear more makeup. I think I’m starting to look more stylish.

“Good morning, Sakura-san,” Hyewon said brightly as she walked towards Sakura’s desk on the way to her own.

“G-good morning, Hyewon-san,” Sakura managed to say with minimal stuttering. The other girl was a goddess, so even though her pride was hurt, she could see why people didn’t see them as a match.

“I’ve really enjoyed that game you recommended. It was really fun,” Hyewon said, turning her head to flick her hair dramatically away and showing her soft white neck.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Sakura said, managing to get back into working order as it momentarily was left hanging by the other girl’s graceful display of her beauty. It was unfair how different the two of them were. Everyone wore the same uniform, but one would think that Sakura went to a different school if they compared hers with Hyewon’s. The girl seemed to have used magic to make her skirt shorter and uniform more form fitting. Even her shoes seemed to shine more, and socks seemed whiter.

“Do you have any other recommendations?” Hyewon asked, staring at Sakura intently, yet her face was interestingly mostly expressionless. Sakura found herself entranced by the subtle changes in the girl’s face as she spoke. A softening around the eyes here, a little smirk there. It was all so fascinating against the blank canvas that was Hyewon’s face.

“Uh, I’ve been into this RPG recently,” Sakura said as she fumbled through her bag and brought out one of the games boxes she had recently bought. “It’s really fun. I like imagining myself in this world.”

Hyewon reached out to take the offered game box and Sakura could feel their hands graze each other for the merest of moments. “D-do you mind if I look at this at my desk?”

Sakura shook her head quickly as her brain seemed to have momentarily lost the ability to control . It was as if Hyewon’s touch had short-circuited her mental functions. She was brought out of her shock as she heard a muffled shout.

“Stupid!”

Sakura sighed as she brought out her books for self-study. Normally, she would wait a bit as Yena would invariably immediately turn around and chat her up as soon as self-study period started. But it looked like the other girl was sick and didn’t come to class today.

“Miyawaki-san, do you think Choi-san would mind if I sat in her seat and studied with you?”

“Uh, no, go right ahead, Kim-san,” Sakura said as she looked up to see Kim Chaewon of all people staring down at her.

“Okay, then, excuse me,” Chaewon said, pulling Yena’s chair out before sitting down on it.

Sakura’s face became one of panic as her crush was literally within touching distance of her. Somehow, she managed to compose herself before Chaewon settled into the seat and turned back around to look at her. “So, um, Kim-san, did you need help with something?”

“Yeah, I’m having trouble with these math questions. I was wondering if you could help me since you’re so good at it,” Chaewon said, all business, as she brought out her homework.

It was not uncommon for Sakura to help students with their school work. It was fairly well known since even in her first year that she was one of the top students in the school academically. She once thought that she might have been able to make some friends here or there simply by being helpful, but she’d been so shy before that she came off as awkward. They’d all leave as soon as she helped them. “Of course. Let’s see what you have here.”

Chaewon leaned in closer and placed her notebook on the desk. As she did, her hair came flowing down both sides of her face. Sakura felt all time slow down as the beautiful girl brought a hand up to tuck one side of her hair behind one ear. It was something that she had seen Chaewon do many times before, but usually from afar. “Hmm, what is it?”

Sakura blushed as she was caught staring. “Um, you added this wrong here. You should have further broken it down here first.”

“Oh, I see,” Chaewon said as she used her eraser and started vigorously scrubbing the error out.

Seeing her scrunch her nose in annoyance was also something that Sakura was not used to seeing up close and personal. Everything the girl did was exponentially more devastating when it was done so close. “Kim-san, is there any other reason you came here?”

Chaewon put down her eraser and sat up straighter to look at Sakura. “Not really. I was looking over here and I noticed that Choi-san and Lee-san were not around, and you looked a little upset. I thought you might be a little lonely without them here to talk with you during this period.”

Sakura hadn’t really believed Chaewon initially when the girl had told her that she wanted to get to know her better. However, after their encounter on the train, Chaewon, true to her word, really did try and talk with Sakura every so often. She seemed to understand that there was some awkwardness between the two of them, and usually only came over to chat between classes when Sakura was already talking with Yena or Chaeyeon. Those two girls, the extroverts they were, took it all in stride while Sakura’s heart and brain always tripped over themselves to process her crush’s presence. “Thanks, that was nice of you.”

Chaewon shrugged. “I think you would have done the same if you noticed I was feeling down.”

“Thanks again for helping me on your lunch break,” Minju said as she sat beside Sakura while she read. “This is due this week and I wanted to make sure it was good before I handed it in.”

“No problem. You’re always helping me. This is the least I could do,” Sakura said, her eyes riveted on Minju’s poem. Sakura always believed that the written word sometimes did a better job at exposing a person’s true self. When she wrote, she could take the time to write, rewrite, and rewrite again the feelings that she wanted to convey.

Sakura let Minju’s words wash over her as she delved into the beautiful girl’s poetry. The girl who was often clumsy with in person displayed none of that in her writing. Each phrase held meaning and pierced at her heart with their depth.

Really like you, Sakura read one of the lines to herself and had to swallow hard as she felt something catch in . She could imagine Minju with her gorgeous face looking at someone with teary eyes and saying those words. She could even almost see that it was her that the girl said those words to, but she immediately scoffed at the idea.

The whole poem seemed to be like a love letter. It was as if Minju was confessing her feelings and wanting to share her life and future with the other person. Sakura would have given anything to be that person. “It’s beautiful. I don’t think I would change a thing.”

“You’re not just saying that, right?” Minju asked with concern in her voice.

“I would never. It really is beautiful. You have a real talent for this.” Sakura looked up from poem to look at Minju warmly. While she was happy that she was one of the few people that would get a chance to look at the poem, it saddened her that others would never see Minju’s brilliance.

“You’re the one that has talent for writing. I just write what sounds nice,” Minju said, shaking her head. “It’s really too bad that you’re not doing anything with your writing ability.”

If there was one topic that Sakura and Minju ‘fought’ over, it would be who should be joining the literature club. Sakura long held the belief that Minju loved writing but lacked confidence in her abilities. “I’m just more interested in other things right now.”

“What a pair we make. You have talent but aren’t interested in it. I am interested in it, but don’t have the talent,” Minju said wryly and to Sakura’s chagrin, a bit of bitterness.

Sakura hated it when Minju disparaged herself like this. She wanted to grab the girl by the shoulders and shake her until all that self-doubt was shaken out of her. Instead, she reached for the poem and held it in front of her. “You definitely have talent. But I think talent means nothing without interest. And interest means nothing without action. You keep saying that I should join the literature club, but really it’s you that wants to join it.”

“Sakura-san,” Minju whispered as she looked down away from Sakura’s gaze. “I’m not good enough.”

“You are more than good enough. I hope that you believe me when I say that. Even if you truly believe that you aren’t, I would hope that that wouldn’t stop you. It wouldn’t stop me. It would motivate me to keep trying and challenging myself until I thought I was good enough.”

“I know. You’re a very strong person,” Minju said with a small smile.

“Thanks a lot,” Chaeyeon said as she walked beside Sakura after class.

“What are friends for?” Sakura shrugged and smiled at her friend. She always wanted to say something like that.

“I should be able to go back to full class rep duties after next week. The juniors are having a lot of trouble with the new routine, so they really need the extra practice. I just hope it’s not too much of a bother for you.” Chaeyeon’s eyes curled up cutely as she pouted at Sakura, showing how much she hated imposing on her.

“Relax, I’ll be fine. It’s really not that much extra work. I’ll deliver these documents to the teacher’s room, pick up the assignments for Yena, and take them to her after club today.” Sakura found her friend fretting over every little thing extremely endearing. Her friend was sometimes annoyingly competent. For all the things Chaeyeon had done for her, Sakura found herself only able to help out a little here or there. So, she was excited to be able to help more for once.

“You’re a life saver,” Chaeyeon smiled.

“So, can I get a sneak peak at the new choreo?” Sakura asked, genuinely interested. She had seen her friend dance only a number of times, but each time left her breathless.

Chaeyeon sneaked a glance up and down the hall before nodding. She moved to stand in front of Sakura. Even simply getting into position, the other girl moved with an ethereal grace. Closing her eyes for a moment, as if imagining some imaginary song playing, Chaeyeon started to bob her head up and down. In a flash, she opened her eyes and jerked her head causing her hair to come alive as it seemed to move without a mind of its own.

Sakura was mesmerized as her friend danced and twirled around effortlessly. Chaeyeon’s gaze was glued to Sakura’s as her body moved to the beat in her head. When the girl danced, she was all business. She moved with precision and power. Every movement was a beautiful work of art.

Watching the girl made Sakura move unconsciously in tune with her friend as if they were dance partners. The idea that she could be Chaeyeon’s partner in dance seemed ludicrous to her, but still, she could imagine and dream. And then all of a sudden, it was over.

“So? How was that for a sneak peak?” Chaeyeon asked as she abruptly ended the dance. Even though it seemed like an eternity, not even a minute had passed since Chaeyeon started.

Sakura felt her friend asked the question unnecessarily as her answer should have been obvious. “Wow. Just wow.”

Chaeyeon smiled and curtsied. “You like I take it?”

“You could dance in front of me for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t get tired of it,” Sakura praised honestly.

“What are you saying? Geez,” Chaeyeon said shyly as she immediately punched Sakura in the shoulder playfully.

“That was perfect,” Yuri said encouragingly as she clapped her hands.

Sakura suspected Yuri’s idea of ‘perfect’ was highly biased. “Are you sure? It didn’t feel stable to me.”

“The high note was totally on point. You have a naturally deep voice and have never had any vocal training, so I’m really impressed with how you’re able to pull it off,” Yuri praised again.

Sakura was surprised she was able to sing such a pitch. She hadn’t believed Yuri at first, but she was able to see little bits of improvement over time, until it culminated in her being able to belt out the high tune. “I had a great teacher I guess.”

“It helps when you have a student that doesn’t quit on you,” Yuri smiled affectionately. “You kick and scream a lot about how you can’t do it, but you always go through with it.”

“If you’re putting in the effort to teach me, the least I can do is to try,” Sakura said, feeling odd that she was being taught by her younger kohai.

“Senpai, you always try your best, don’t you?” Yuri said admiringly. “Anyway, I think Yujin should be arriving soon. I should let you go back to the club and get ready.”

“You don’t want to join us today?” Sakura tried to hide her disappointment, which caused her voice to come out oddly squeaky.

Yuri winced as she looked away. “No, I think I’ll head home.”

“Is something wrong?” Sakura asked gently. “You haven’t come by the club in a few days. I mean you don’t have to, but I thought you were having fun.”

“I do have fun with you and Yujin. But lately, I sometimes feel sad when I look at the two of you. The both of you are so interested in art and always look so lively when you talk about your projects. I kind of want that for myself. I want to talk about singing and perform different songs with like-minded people too. You and Yujin try your best to include me and I appreciate it, but I still feel something is missing sometimes.”

Sakura knew there was no point in saying that she and Yujin didn’t mean to hurt the girl. “I understand. We’ll be around when you need us. While I know I’m not exactly what you’re looking for, I want you to know I’ll always be here to listen to you whenever you want to sing.”

“Thank you,” Yuri said as she pulled Sakura in for their customary hug.

Sakura could feel the girl lightly give her a peck on her cheek which was becoming a common occurrence. This time she didn’t scold the girl however. She tried to fake a smile as watched the lonely figure exit the room.

“Lie back down already. You’re going to kill yourself,” Sakura said as she pushed Yena down gently. The girl was noticeably very sick.

Yena was too weak to put up much of a fight and plopped back down on the bed at the slightest push from Sakura. “I just wanted to get a tissue. I must look like a mess.”

In truth, Yena, was correct. The girl was an absolute mess. Her hair was all tangled from tossing and turning in bed it looked like. Her nose was bright red from all the nose blowing. Her lips looked slightly cracked from dehydration. “I’ll get it for you. You just lie down.”

“Thanks,” Yena said as she took the tissue and immediately blew her nose in it. “Ugh, I hate being sick.”

“Well, I guess I have to apologize to you,” Sakura said with a sad voice.

“About what?” Yena asked, raising her eyebrow.

“I always thought that idiots can’t catch a cold. So, you’re obviously not an idiot now,” Sakura answered in serious manner.

“I swear, when I get better…” Yena said letting her voice trail off as she glared at Sakura. She raised a fist as if suggesting that she was going to beat Sakura up.

“Yeah, yeah,” Sakura said, smiling cutely towards her friend.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re losing a step. This is where you normally make fun of my hands and say that I couldn’t beat anyone up with these cream bread hands.”

“I was just thinking how far we’ve come since the beginning of the year. I think we couldn’t get through a conversation without one of us annoying the other. Now, I missed being annoyed by you all day today.”

“Geez, thanks. At least, I’m getting missed for something,” Yena grumbled.

“Yeah, so you better get well soon,” Sakura said as started to get up.

Yena immediately tried to get up again. “Um, are you going already? You just got here.”

Sakura could hear the panic in the girl’s voice which caused her to sit back down again. “No, I can stay for a bit. I was going to ask you parents if I could get a something to drink, but I don’t really need one.”

“Okay,” Yena seemed mollified as she lay back down on the bed.

“You came in the nick of time, Senpai,” Hitomi said conspiratorially as Nako left the kitchen to ask her mom where the hand mixer was.

“I can see that,” Sakura said, looking over all the messy bowls that littered the counter.

“Nako-chan isn’t the great cook that she thinks she is, is she?” Hitomi asked.

“No, she doesn’t actually cook much,” Sakura replied honestly. “But you look like you’re petty good at it. Where did you learn to cook?”

“I learned from my mom, but I don’t think I’m that great yet,” Hitomi said modestly. Sakura could tell from how the girl had all the ingredients prepared and organized in front of her that the younger girl was more than just good.

Sakura moved over to where Nako stationed herself and started to help her friend prepare her ingredients like Hitomi had done.  She deftly and quickly mirrored how Hitomi had everything set up. “Are you guys making bento boxes for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we wanted to make some cute lunches and desserts. You’re pretty good yourself, Senpai,” Hitomi whistled as she watched Sakura display her knife skills.

Sakura shrugged as she moved the chopped vegetables into an empty clean bowl. “I think everyone should learn how to cook. It’s a necessary life skill after all. But, yeah, I do enjoy it, so I worked at getting better at it. Was it the same for you?”

“I guess so. I just like learning new things,” Hitomi said. “When I find something that I like I want to keep at it and get better at it like you say.”

“That’s just like you,” Sakura admired. “I think we’re alike in many ways. We both try hard at everything, but I think I’m more okay with letting some things slide. I mentioned it before when we were jogging, but you take everything seriously even your appearance. Even now, after school, you went home first and dressed up prettily in your little apron and cute dress, while I’m basically in my pajamas.”

“I-I’m not dressed up that prettily. And it’s not like I went home specifically to get dressed because I thought I would see you here, Senpai,” Hitomi stammered and blushed at Sakura’s comment.

So cute, Sakura couldn’t help but think as she watched the girl become flustered suddenly. “Hii-chan, you’re always so weak to compliments.”

“You don’t have to stay and help me clean up my mess,” Nako said grumpily as she gathered all the bowls.

“I’m helping Aunty out. You’ll be here all night if it’s just you. I think she’d like her kitchen back,” Sakura answered just as grumpily. She didn’t get why her childhood friend was in such a bad mood.

Nako sighed heavily as she put a metal bowl down hard causing Sakura to jump and look at the girl. “Sorry, I don’t mean to snap at you.”

“What’s wrong?” Sakura said, immediately putting down everything in her hands to go over to the other girl.

Nako pulled out a chair at the dining table and immediately slumped down in it looking miserable. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know. Nothing I seem to do ever goes right these days.”

Sakura had never seen Nako like this before. The girl had always been very mature and never really let anything get to her. “What do you mean? I’ve never seen you fail at anything you’ve put your mind to.”

“Remember when you told me that when I’ve caught up with school work, that I should find some club to join? Well, I tried and I’m absolutely failing at it.”

“I think most clubs would love to have someone like you. Including me,” Sakura said confidently as she pulled out a chair as well and sat next to Nako.

“Thanks, but it’s not that they don’t want me. I just can’t seem to get interested in anything. I went to the school band and didn’t really like any of the music they were playing. What’s worse is that you don’t get to sing. I tried watching Hitomi’s track team for a day and was bored out of my mind. I thought maybe I should try something I don’t know much about like cooking. Besides being bad at it, I’m just not that interested in learning it.”

“You’re feeling like everything is meaningless? Like everything you eat seems to taste bland. Everything you see seems dull?” Sakura asked gently.

Nako looked up and simply nodded. “I guess it’s kind of like how you were when you came back from that audition years ago.”

“You still remember that, huh?” Sakura asked. It used to be a painful memory, but a lot of time had passed, and it was now simply a memory.

“You were like a vegetable for a month. I was really worried about you,” Nako admitted.

“It was weird. I was so passionate about acting and then I wasn’t. It was as if the fear of failure all the joy out of it from me. If I could go back in time, I would smack myself.”

“Well, you were pretty young, and it must have been heartbreaking to be turned down especially when your hopes were so high. At least you took a first step. I never even did that,” Nako said glumly.

“I think there’s another difference. I don’t think you’ve ever lost your passion for singing and being an idol,” Sakura said, finally voicing the thoughts she had held back for a long time. “I think you’re having a hard time because there is something that occupies a large part of your heart and as long as it’s there, you won’t be able to do anything else.”

“What should I do?” Nako asked, looking nervous as her wrung her hands together.

“Well, I was going to get you to join my club if you couldn’t find anything to do. But I think you know what you want to do. Now, even if you beg me, I won’t let you in,” Sakura said strictly, but with a warm smile.

“I want to sing,” Nako said after awhile as she looked at Sakura. “If the school doesn’t have a singing club, then I’ll start my own.”

Sakura smiled and gave her friend a deep hug. “I’m happy that you know what you want to do now. It’ll be hard and a lot of work, but I believe in you.”

Nako sighed deeply again, but this time with relief. “You know this means I’m going to try and steal my classmate Yuri from you, right?”

Sakura: I want to watch you dance in front of me for the rest of my life.

Chaeyeon: Sakura…

Sakura: I want to listen to Yuri sing for the rest of my life.

Author’s note:

Will be going to Korea so next update will understandably be a little slower. Excited to be breathing the same air as the girls.

Let me know what you thought!