The sensation of being stared at finally overwhelmed Niel’s frustration with William Blake’s poetry. He glanced up from beneath his lashes and scanned the library. 

There was a man, sitting a few tables down from him, a book open and his mechanical pencil working hard on the page. His eyes snapped up, intense and dark as they scanned Niel’s figure. He dropped them back to the page, hand still moving. 

Niel blinked, his head coming up properly as he stared. That man was drawing him. He panicked. Looking back down quickly, trying to remember just how he had been sitting as he studied. He couldn’t remember. Every position felt strange and stunted. His arm began to ache as he tried to keep still. 

He gave up. Instead slumping forward and then sitting up straight. He looked up and smiled kindly. 

The artist’s eyes went wide and he gave a strained smile of clear embarrassment. Niel laughed quietly and stood. He crossed the distance between them and stood across the table from him.

“Sorry.” The artist’s voice was a deep baritone. 

Niel smiled and scanned the page. There were several sketches of him in various positions, each one scowling, his plush lips pouting. Niel laughed again and blushed. 

“It’s OK. Sorry I ruined that last one.” He looked closer at the drawings. “These are pretty good.”

“Thanks. Just practice.” The man shrugged.

Niel looked at him properly. His arms, what could be seen, were covered in tattoos to the wrists. It was hard to tell beneath the sweater but he seemed to have broad shoulders. His face was open, a little intimidating with his cropped hair, but the eyes smiled as brightly as his mouth did. 

“Art major?” Niel asked, he hovered by a chair. The longer he looked the cuter this guy got.

“Yeah.” He fidgeted with his pencil. 

“I’m Niel.” He held his hand out, trying not to blush. 

“Minsu.” It was shaken firmly. “Sorry, again. I know it’s a bit creepy.”

“No.” Niel grinned. “It’s kinda cool, I guess. I wish I could draw.”

Minsu nodded blankly. 

“Anyway,” Niel stepped back. He was too awkward to try and pick up guys in a library. “You enjoy your drawing. I’ll get back to my work.”

Minsu smiled and nodded again. 

“Feel free to continue drawing me.” Niel backed another step. He turned, feeling his cheeks turn red. 

“Thanks.” Minsu’s deep voice said behind him. 

Niel nodded. Yes, good, awkward and not at all smooth. He sighed and picked up his poetry study again. 

=====

Each turn of the page seemed to set more and more weight down onto Minsu’s shoulders. The assignment was a self portrait and he had no idea what to do. They were advised to think outside the literal and into the abstract. Minsu was at a complete loss of the abstract aspect so far. He flicked the page of the book. It was a black board with a white handprint in the centre and a few lines added in colour. He grimaced further. He couldn’t do that.

“Oh, hey.” A light voice pulled him from his funk. 

Minsu looked up to find the subject of his practice drawings from a week or so ago standing by his table. Niel, that was his name.

“Hi.” Minsu offered him a smile. 

“Working hard?” Niel’s doe-like eyes were curious, his captivating lips smiling softly.

“I’m trying,” Minsu replied. His pulse tangled a little as Niel’s head tilted. He was pretty cute. 

“What are you working on?” Niel asked, setting his books down and sliding into a seat. “Can I sit?”

Minsu grinned, he already was sitting. He nodded anyway. 

“It’s a self portrait.” Minsu explained, showing Niel the abstract. “I’m trying to find inspiration.”

Niel looked at the artwork, his lips pushing out with confused interest. His eyes flickered up to catch Minsu’s, they were sheltered by his lashes. Minsu’s pulse tripped again.

“Are you gonna do something like this?” Niel asked, his voice interested. 

“Nah.” Minsu sighed and closed the book. “I’m not that sort of abstract artist.”

A silence fell, Niel flicked his fingers along the pages on the edge of the book. He seemed to be deep in thought. His eyes snapped up again, catching Minsu a third time. 

“Can I offer some help?” Niel asked. He glanced around the library. It mostly empty in the late hours of the afternoon.

“Sure.” Minsu smiled. People loved to tell artists what to draw, he fixed his expression in place, ready for the dumb suggestion. 

“Well.” Niel folded his legs up onto the chair and drew out a notebook. He flicked to the back page and clicked his pen. “Don’t think. Just answer.”

Minsu frowned, uncertainty gripping him now.

“Who are you?” Niel asked, his words fast.

“Bang Minsu.”

Niel’s pen flew over the page.

“What are you?”

“Human?”

“Don’t ask me, tell me.” Niel scribbled down the answer. “Why are you?”

“Uhh.” Minsu paused, his brow crinkling. “Art?” He felt stupid. Niel wrote it down anyway.

“Where are you?”

“Earth.”

Niel grinned as he wrote. 

“When are you?”

“Now.”

“How are you?”

“Good, you?”

Niel rolled his eyes.

“What would you die without?”

“Oxygen.” 

Niel laughed a little, he shot Minsu a look but wrote it anyway.

“What is the first thing people see about you?”

“I’m intimidating.” The words rolled out of Minsu’s mouth. He twisted his lips and scratched his neck.

“Whats the first thing people hear about you?”

“Uhh. My voice?”

Niel was still frantically writing. Minsu felt strange. He didn’t really even know this guy. 

“What part of your body makes you, you?” Niel’s eyes caught his this time, wide and patient. 

“Uhh.” He faltered. 

“Don’t think about it.”

“My tattoos?”

“Which part do you love the most?”

“Uhh.” Minsu laughed and hung his head. When he looked up Niel was still staring at him. “I don’t know. Which part of you do you love the most?”

“My lips, of course.” Niel pressed them together and gave a loud pop from them. “Feeling inspired?”

“I don’t know.” Minsu laughed again. “I feel like you know a lot about me now.”

“Ah, my clever ploy worked.” Niel tore the page out and passed it over. “Inspiration.”

“Thanks.” Minsu looked through the words. 

Niel was unpacking his pile of books, flicking open a small, battered novel and sighing. 

“What are you studying?” Minsu asked out of politeness. 

“Romanticism. English literature.” Niel pulled a face. “It’s not bad. It’s just a lot.”

“We did Romanticism. Landscapes. Lot’s of landscapes.” Minsu smiled as Niel nodded emphatically. 

“It’s appropriate, really.” Niel smiled. “That you’re trying to find inspiration for a self portrait and I’m studying Wordsworth. He literally said poetry should be ‘the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings’. There you go. Just spontaneously overflow onto a canvas.”

“I don’t think my lecturer will take that as an artwork.” Minsu raised an eyebrow. 

They burst into laughter. Niel sunk into the pages on his book, shaking with giggles. He tried to sit up but caught Minsu’s eyes and spat more laughter out immediately.

“Oh, God!” Niel’s breath hitched and he fell over into laughter again. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

“No, no! I think we’re onto something now.” Minsu snorted and wiped at the tears in his eyes. “I wonder if pigment takes to easily.”

Niel collapsed once more, he covered his face as he laughed. 

“Honestly,” Minsu gasped for breath. “Art is weird. Someone out there has definitely already done it.”

“Oh, .” Niel leaned back and tried to catch his breath. He cleared the tears from his eyes. “I needed that.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, small giggles bubbling out again. Niel’s cheeks were a little pink, his eyes glittering beneath the horrid flouro lights. Minsu shook his head and scanned the page again, even just an excuse to look somewhere else.

“Do you live on campus?” Niel asked, his book open and pen poised but eyes on Minsu. 

“Yeah. Long Block.” Minsu smiled. “You?”

“Yeah. Han Block.” 

There was an odd pause. Niel shook himself a little and pulled his poetry over properly. He studied quietly for a while. Minsu wondered where the slightly awkward air had come from. With a shrug he read the words on the page closely this time. 

Bang Minsu.
Human?
Earth
Now.
Good, you?
Oxygen.
I’m intimidating
Uhh. My voice?
My tattoos?

Niel had added question marks to the ones Minsu had been unsure of. He smirked and sighed. He was about to push the page away when the last word caught his eyes again. Tattoos? He looked at his wrists. Slowly, he pulled the sleeves up and inspected each marking over his skin. He pressed his forearms together. His mouth opened, a smile creeping across his face slowly.

“Hey.” Minsu stood, grabbing the book and pocketing the page from Niel. 

Niel looked up, eyes wide.

“I’m gonna take off. I got an idea. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Niel’s smile was beautiful, his gaze caught on Minsu’s. It felt like a physical force.

“I’ll see you around.” Minsu gave him a wave and took off through the library. 

=====

Niel’s heart was jumping out of his chest. He could see Minsu across the uni cafe waiting for his coffee. He picked his way across the room, trying to seem casual as he moved through the tables, and came to a stop beside Minsu with a smile. 

“Hi.” Niel tried to hold down the blood from rushing to his face. “How did the self portrait go?” 

“Oh!” Minsu seemed surprised to see him, and a little reluctant to chat. “It’s going well. So far, so good.” 

“Good!” Niel wanted to punch himself for how overenthusiastic that had sounded. “Heading to class now?” He was already glaringly obvious about wanting to talk to Minsu, may as well ride the awkward on through. 

“No, just finished,” Minsu stepped forward and accepted his cup. “You?”

“I was heading to the library, as always.” Niel smiled and moved with Minsu easily. They were heading for the doors to the lawns. 

“Study?” 

“Yeah.” Niel nodded, Minsu didn’t seem to be paying much attention. “It’s too hard to study in the dorms, too many distractions.”

“Too many spontaneous Tuesday afternoon drinking parties?” Minsu smiled. 

It sent a flood of relief through Niel. He was beginning to think Minsu wanted nothing to do with him. It seemed he was actually just as awkward as Niel. 

“Exactly.” Niel grinned. “Or gaming sessions, or cheesy horror movie sessions, or really anything but study.”

“Long Block is chaos at the moment. It’s their annual game of Assassin.” Minsu came to a stop beneath a sprawling tree and folded himself onto the grass. 

Niel immediately sat beside him. His heart jumped a little and he set his bag down. 

“What’s Assassin?” Niel tilted his head, ignoring the voice that taunted his obvious schoolgirl crush.

“It’s our game for the season,” Minsu’s voice was full of laughter. “We all get a name and a water pistol. We have to shoot the person we’re given before we get shot. Then we shoot the person they had and collect all their kills. It’s ridiculous. People are turning on one another left and right, I had to get away from the insanity.”

“Have you been killed?” Niel asked, leaning back onto his elbow as his heart finally settled down. 

“Please,” Minsu scoffed and set his coffee down. He produced a water pistol and seven slips of paper. “I’m going to win.”

Niel laughed. He took the slips of paper from Minsu and read the names on each. 

“This is the real reason you’re staying away, isn’t it? You’re a prime target.” Niel laughed again.

“I have to get Choi Jimin, but she’s on to me.” Minsu’s brow furrowed. 

“Well, you’re on your own with that one.” Niel smiled, knowing his eyes were full of flirt. “I’ve already helped you with one problem. You owe me before I help with any others.”

Minsu chuckled and nodded. He tucked the slips of paper away once more. 

“What’s your event for this season?” Minsu asked. 

“Apparently we have the annual Han festival coming up. We all dress in period costumes and march from one end of campus to the other. But there are—”

“Oh God, the challenges,” Minsu laughed. 

Niel couldn’t help but smile back.

“Good luck,” he kept laughing. “We watched last year. It gets messy.”

“That’s very reassuring.” Niel frowned at him lightly. “Anyway, I really should go and study.”

“Sure.” Minsu smiled as Niel dragged himself to his feet. 

With one last burst of bravery, Niel spoke again; “Are you going to the Bad Taste party?”

“Ah, I was thinking about it.”

“You should come.” Niel made himself busy with the strap of his bag. “I’ll see you there.”

Minsu gave a chuckle and waved him goodbye. Niel waved back. His cheeks burnt all the way to the library and his heart fluttered with each step.

=====

“Hey!” A loud voice called into Minsu’s ear from behind. He turned, head buzzing delightfully with the amount of alcohol he had consumed. Niel was standing there, one hand on his hip and a glass in his other hand. He looked surprisingly good in his atrocious outfit; a purple net shirt and horrendously sequined jeans, his hair had been sprayed into rainbow colours and parted in the middle. 

“Hey!” Minsu yelled back, trying to get over the loud music of the bar. He pushed his thick-rimmed and lens-less glasses up, and hiked his already high pants up further. “You look horribly amazing!” Minsu called. 

“So do you!” Niel laughed. “You owe me at least a drink, you know!”

“Do I?” Minsu grinned, he tried not to focus on the fact that he could see Niel’s s through his shirt. 

“Yes! I give you an idea for your art and you just run off! Then I flirt with you outrageously when I’m supposed to be studying and you didn’t even give me your number!” Niel’s eyes were dancing with mischief.

“Wait! Flirting?!” Minsu frowned, he leaned closer. Surely he had misheard. 

“Yes! Flirting! One does it occasionally in the hopes to attract a partner! Or at least get a number!” Niel sipped his drink. 

“How drunk are you?” Minsu asked.

“Only medium drunk.” Niel rolled his eyes. “Look, if you aren’t interested, that’s OK.” He rocked back onto the heels of his cowboy boots and made to turn. 

“Wait, Niel!” Minsu gripped his arm and stopped him. “Jesus, you look so awful in those pants.” Minsu laughed before he could stop himself. 

Niel rolled his eyes. 

“I mean!” Minsu tried a third time. “Give me your phone.”

The wide eyes narrowed with suspicion but he passed over his phone anyway. 

“You’re one to talk.” Niel snagged the glasses off Minsu’s face and slid them on. “Now I’m definitely going to win worst costume.”

Minsu saved his number in Niel’s phone and passed it back. He laughed at the complete picture. 

“Where did you find those pants?” Minsu asked, staying close to Niel even now he knew he wouldn’t run away. 

“Thrift shop!” Niel patted the sequins. “I think I’m going to put them into my regular rotation. They do great things for my .” He turned. Indeed they did. “Can’t feel my junk at all though.” 

Minsu laughed. 

“No spontaneous overflowing portraits for you then,” Minsu said with a grin. 

Niel laughed hard, he toyed with Minsu’s horrid yellow and pink polka dot tie. Minsu smiled

“Give me this one too!” Niel said suddenly. “I wanna win the competition.”

“What’s the prize?” Minsu asked, loosening his tie and placing it over Niel’s neck. He couldn’t help but laugh at the picture he made now.

“A bottle of vodka!” Niel did a twirl. “How does it look?”

“Absolutely horrific. Truly, truly terrible.” Minsu laughed. He shook his head as Niel pumped his fist in victory. “Come on, I do owe you a drink for the inspiration.” 

He led them through the crowd, more than one other student stopping Niel to admire his hideous creation. Minsu felt oddly proud to be the one Niel was choosing to spend the evening with. 

=====

“Bang Minsu,” Niel’s voice was slurred, he leaned hard onto Minsu’s shoulder. 

“Yes, Ahn Daniel?” Minsu asked, he was still buzzing but no where near as far gone as Niel. 

“Did I tell you that I won?” Niel slurred. He held up his precious prize in both hands, one arm still linked through Minsu’s. “I won that contest. And I won this bottle of vodka.”

“You did tell me.” Minsu laughed and caught Niel before he could pitch forward into the gutter. “I was also there. I gave you my tie and my glasses. So I think at least one glass of that bottle is mine.”

“Excuse me.” Niel clutched the bottle to his chest again. “This is my child. We will not drink my child. We will admire her and what she means.”

Minsu laughed, he directed them along the winding path back to Han Block. 

“And what she means is I won. Don’t you forget it.” Niel added to the end. 

“How can I when you choose to tell me every ten metres?” Minsu joked. 

“She is my baby.” Niel hummed. “Holy , I’m so ing drunk.”

“That is true.” Minsu laughed again and pulled them to a stop at a fork in the path. “Which number do you live in?”

“Two.” Niel held up two fingers before clutching his bottle once more. 

They continued their meandering pace. Passing a group that were sprawled on the lawn beside the path, star gazing. Niel announced his win and received an applause. Minsu pulled him onward. 

“Which room number?” Minsu asked as they stepped into the warm building. 

“Seven.” Niel released Minsu and led them to the correct door. The small white board on his door read Ahnda Niel with an upsidedown smiley beside it. He patted around his pockets and produced his keys from the incredibly tight jeans.

It was a typical dorm room. Minsu experienced a moment of confusion as Niel’s room was perpendicular to the hall while his own was parallel. He helped Niel set the vodka down on his desk and stepped back. 

“There we go,” Minsu said. “I have escorted you safely home.”

“Thank you.” Niel stepped close, their chests almost brushing. “I’m afraid I lost your glasses. But you can have your tie back.”

“You keep it.” Minsu smiled. “It suits you much better.”

“Minsu,” Niel’s voice was soft.

“I would love to kiss you,” Minsu began, watching Niel’s bleary eyes. “But you are far drunker than I like people to be when I kiss them. So, I’m going to give your cheek a kiss, and wish you goodnight.”

Niel wrapped his fingers around Minsu’s biceps. He smiled impishly. 

“Don’t go.” Niel tugged at his arms. “Stay here, hang out.”

“You need sleep.” Minsu’s heart thudded loudly, the alcohol making him brave. “I would love to stay. I want to stay and kiss you and tell you just how much I enjoy your outfit choices this evening.”

Niel’s smile widened. 

“But I can’t.” Minsu kissed his cheek, slipping Niel’s hands into his own and off his arms. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Niel leaned forward, catching Minsu in a moment of weakness. He pressed his lips against Minsu’s. They were soft, as plush as they looked and tasted strongly of wine. Minsu squeezed Niel’s hands, kissing him softly for a long moment and then pulling away.

“Goodnight, Minsu.” Niel grinned. 

“Goodnight.” His head twirling slightly, Minsu turned and stepped back into the hall. He was floating, and it had nothing to do with alcohol.

=====

There was an incessant buzzing coming from the floor. Niel cast around for its source, eventually tracing it to the patch of floor beneath his cowboy boot. Someone was calling him. 

“Hello?” He answered, sitting up and running his tongue over his teeth. He felt horrible. 

“Hello there, how are you feeling this afternoon?” Minsu’s low voice caused his eyes to pop open properly. 

“I feel seedy, and tired,” Niel frowned around at the room. He rubbed his eyes.

“I bet you do.” Minsu gave a chuckle. “Did your child survive the night?”

Niel frowned harder as he thought about Minsu’s words. It came back in a patchy mess.

“Ah! The vodka.” Niel gave a huff of laughter. “It did. It’s still right where I left it.”

He blinked a few times, more memories fluttering into his mind slowly. 

“Good.” Minsu laughed again. 

“Minsu.” Niel pressed his fingers into the space between his eyes. “Did we kiss last night?”

“You have a very good memory for someone that wasted.” Minsu laughed a third time. “I tried to resist.”

“Why?” Niel smirked. A warm sense of satisfaction seeped through him beneath the nausea. 

“You were very drunk.” Minsu’s tone was nonchalant. 

“Would you like to come and watch movies today? Are you busy?” Niel refused to let the chance slip through his fingers. 

“Sure.”

“OK. You know where I live, I guess.” Niel looked around his bomb site of a room. 

“I’ll be over in about half an hour,” Minsu’s voice was soft. 

“OK.” Niel hung up, he fell back into the mattress, grinning at the ceiling and thinking of the fuzzy memory of kissing Minsu. 

=====

Minsu became a common sight in Han Block 2. He got to know Niel’s neighbours, was invited into their video games, and their drinking parties. Niel visited Minsu’s dorm, curious about how he lived across the campus. He loved Minsu’s room. It was constantly trashed but completely papered in artworks over the walls. A sketch of Niel took a place on the wall after only a few days. They spent more and more nights together, quickly becoming inseparable unless by classes. 

One of those classes was a new life drawing class Minsu had signed up for on Saturdays. It wasn’t run by the university, but a local art project for people of the city. It was cheap and accessible for him so he decided to give it a go. 

It was run from a circus school, models rotating every three weeks. The first week was Kirsty, a woman with heavy dreadlocks she bundled at the back of her head. She chose dynamic poses and often brought a prop. The next week was Nari, a short and curvy woman. Minsu loved the change of pace in drawing her. She often took regal poses and chose an artist to stare at as they worked. The third week was a total surprise. A male model named Chanhee. The class was ecstatic. They never got male models. Minsu couldn’t help but feel Chanhee had a quiet elegance about him that was almost impossible to capture. He was determined to understand where it came from though.

His palms were sweaty, he watched as Chanhee pulled his robe on and moved to the bathrooms. He even moved elegantly. Like he was a dancer or something. Minsu focused on packing up his art supplies. The rest of the class were filtering out, the sky already dark outside. Minsu hesitated. He flicked through his sketches. None of them quite caught what he was looking for. He gnawed at his lip and sighed. 

“I can’t be that hard to draw, can I?” His voice was bright, like summer sunshine. 

Minsu looked up, his own smile small and sheepish. Chanhee was dressed in a maroon sweater and plain pants. His smile was infectious as he waited for an answer.

“No.” Minsu smiled properly. “It’s not as good as I’d like though.”

“Can I see?” Chanhee moved forward. 

“Sure.” Minsu panicked. “I mean it is you, so…” He passed the sketch book over and wiped his hands on his jeans. 

“Wah,” Chanhee had opened to the twenty minute pose. He was reclined on an arm, staring away with one leg peaked. “This is amazing.”

“I think it’s missing…” Minsu gave a huff of embarrassed laughter. “Something.”

“Well, it’s good to me.” Chanhee offered him a soft smile, his eyes sparkly.

“Are you—” Minsu gestured toward the door. 

“Yeah.” Chanhee nodded, walking along beside Minsu. “How long have you been drawing?”

“Oh, forever.” Minsu shrugged. “I’m studying at the moment. Not sure what I’ll do when I’m finished but… It’s been good, I think.”

Chanhee gave a quiet giggle and nodded. 

“Those times when you just gotta put the faith in and hope it works out?” Chanhee asked.

“Exactly.” Minsu nodded. They stepped into the cold night and he followed Chanhee without realising it. “Is this what you normally do?”

“Modelling?” Chanhee clarified.

Minsu gave him a nod.

“No. I’m trying to break into musical theatre.” Chanhee made a face. Minsu knew that expression well. “This is just making a little money on the side.”

A firework exploded in Minsu’s brain. His eyes popping open. 

“Ah. That’s why you’re so elegant,” he blurted. 

“Oh?” Chanhee laughed and smiled. He came to a stop by a car. “Am I?”

“Yes,” Minsu said. “Next time I want to capture that. In the drawing.”

Chanhee grinned. He glanced down at his feet and back up. Minsu smiled back, rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

“Sorry. I’ll let you go. I didn’t mean to be one of those creepy people.”

“Nonsense, I talked to you first.” Chanhee held his hand out. “It would make it less creepy to know what your name is though.”

“Bang Minsu.” Minsu wanted to die. 

“Lee Chanhee. Nice to meet you.” His eyes examined Minsu’s face for a long moment. “See you in three weeks, Bang Minsu.”

“See you in three weeks.” Minsu stepped back and watched Chanhee climb into his car. He tapped his sketchbook against his leg as he walked away. 

=====

“How was class?” Niel asked, leaning his head back for a kiss as Minsu moved into his room. 

Minsu smacked a kiss to his lips and tweaked a as he went by. Niel jumped.

“Do you have to do that?” He grumbled, going back to his game. 

“Yes.” Minsu stretched out onto Niel’s bed and closed his eyes. 

“How was class?” Niel asked again before Minsu could fall asleep.

“Good. We had a male model today.” Minsu sat back up and fished his book off the floor. Niel smiled, he didn’t even need to ask anymore.

“Was he cute?” Niel asked, abandoning the game in favour of Minsu. 

“I guess, yeah.” Minsu passed the book over and made space for Niel on the bed.

He sat by Minsu’s hips and flicked through the sketches.

“Oh, I love this one.” Niel turned the book to show Chanhee standing with his hand to his chin. 

“Thanks.”

When Niel reached the last drawing, the twenty minute pose, he stared for a long time. It was an amazing rendition of a person. Niel glowed with second-hand pride. He grinned down at Minsu. 

“You’re so good at this.” Niel kissed him slowly. 

“Thank you.” Minsu shifted, uncomfortable with Niel’s praises still. “He was really nice too. We chatted after class.”

Niel’s brows quirked, his head tilting a little but he let it go without saying anything. Why would a model be talking to an artist after class? None of the others did. Niel folded that piece of information away and tucked it behind his heart. He didn’t care who Minsu talked to. This wasn’t serious. This was two uni students sharing beds and spending time together. 

He gave Minsu another kiss.

“Are you sleeping here tonight?” Niel asked, snuggling onto the bed properly.

“Do you want me to?”

“Almost always.” Niel couldn’t stop his smile. 

=====

Three weeks flew by. Before Minsu realised, he was picking his placement and waiting for Chanhee to enter the room. This would be his last drawing class, semester was coming to the end; exams and assignments looming on the horizon. He wanted to try again to capture Chanhee’s spirit in his drawing. 

The class skated by as well. Minsu focused completely on his work until the twenty minute timer rattled and they all thanked their model. He blinked, coming out of a trance-like state. Chanhee was already gone, off to change. Minsu leafed through the pages. It was better, at least. 

“How did you do this week?” Chanhee had returned, this time in an over-large hoodie and skinny jeans. His eyes were so expressive. It felt like Minsu was being looked in to. 

“You tell me,” Minsu said and offered him the book. 

Chanhee turned the pages slowly, he was nodding. He gave Minsu a beaming smile. 

“It’s amazing. Really. Like, that’s me.” He pointed at the picture.

“Thanks.” Minsu felt a blush creeping along his cheeks. 

They began to wander to the carpark. 

“How has uni been?” Chanhee asked cheerfully. 

“Good. It’s starting to get serious now. I don’t think I’ll make it to any more classes.” Minsu’s face twisted with disappointment. “How is the… auditions?” He asked, unsure of himself.

“They’re…” Chanhee drifted off. “Why don’t we get a coffee? You can tell me more about study and I’ll tell you about what I’ve been auditioning for.” He turned, his face bright and sweet. 

“Sure.” Minsu smiled back.

“Great!” Chanhee’s smile grew brighter still. “Do you have a car? Will you follow me?”

“Sure.” Minsu nodded. 

They decided on a place and Chanhee gave a clap. As he drove away, Minsu called Niel to let him know he would be late back. 

“Coffee?” Niel asked, his voice interested.

“Yeah.” Minsu climbed into his own old car. “Are we staying in my room or yours?”

“Mine. Just come here when you’re finished.”

“OK.” Minsu pulled out of his park. After a moment, he frowned. “You’re OK with me having coffee, right?”

“Don’t be silly.” Niel laughed. “Of course I am. It’s not up to me to tell you what to do.”

“But you could, if you wanted to,” Minsu mumbled.

Niel gave another soft laugh. “I know. I don’t want to tell you what to do. But I do want to talk about that when you get back.”

“Is this a thing?” Minsu had to break the serious aura of the conversation. It was too claustrophobic in his car.

“You’re an idiot.” Niel huffed with laughter. “You have a good coffee. I’ll see you later.”

Minsu grinned and hung up. 

Chanhee was already sitting in a booth, waiting patiently, as Minsu hustled into the cafe and sat across from him. 

“Sorry,” Minsu said, “I got a little lost.”

“It’s fine.” Chanhee’s smile was bright. 

Closer and in the better light of the cafe, Minsu could see the fine eyeliner that traced his eyes and the long, dark lashes. He smiled. That was what gave him such dynamic expressions. 

They ordered, chatting away about Minsu’s classes, his past projects, his current projects and his looming assignment. He asked Chanhee about musical theatre, listening with fascination as he explained the audition process. They had to sing, dance and act. He had already had a few parts in the dance troop of musicals, but he craved the principal spots. All or nothing, Chanhee laughed.

When the cafe was closing, Minsu stood outside with Chanhee. They meandered to Chanhee’s car once more. The model touched his arm slightly, pulling him to a stop and smiling at him beneath a streetlight. 

Minsu blinked. He quickly replayed the evening. His mouth dropped open and he winced. 

Chanhee took a step back, panic on his face. 

“Oh no,” Minsu murmured. 

“What?” Chanhee asked, his face full of fear. 

“Are you flirting with me?” Minsu had to say it fast before he lost his nerve.

Chanhee’s mouth opened and closed and then opened again. “Well. Yeah! I was trying to!” He gave a helpless laugh. 

“Oh ,” Minsu wanted to punch himself. “I’m kind of really awful at this.”

“You’re straight?” Chanhee was backing away.

“No. I have… a… boyfriend. Kind of. I have a something.”

He stopped backing away, face falling slack and then closing over into awkwardness. Minsu grimaced.

“I’m so sorry,” Minsu said. His stomach clenched and twisted. 

“No. I’m sorry. I should have asked.” Chanhee waved him away, his lips pressing tight together. 

“No. Really.” Minsu dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m so oblivious. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this.”

That made Chanhee laugh. He giggled until he bent double with it. 

Minsu breathed again. Situation salvaged. 

Chanhee stood straight again, eyes glittering once more. He shook his head with a smile. 

“Look,” Minsu smiled a little. “I know you don’t have many friends here. Can I give you my number, we can at least be friends?”

“Sure.” Chanhee giggled a little more. “I could always use more gay friends.” He shrugged helplessly and passed Minsu his phone.

“I am sorry,” Minsu mumbled and passed the phone back. 

“Don’t even think about it.” Chanhee shone his smile right at Minsu. “Call me and we’ll have coffee again soon. Not a date this time though.”

They both laughed a little.

“Deal.” Minsu nodded. “I’m gonna go and recover from my embarrassment now.”

“Me too.” Chanhee jerked his thumb at his car and laughed again. 

“Bye.” Minsu turned away. He waited until he was in his own car to sink his head into his hands and groan at his own stupidity.

=====

Niel was enthralled in old soap opera episodes when Minsu finally knocked on his door. He staggered to the door and opened it. Minsu was frowning like a thundercloud. Niel giggled, folding the other man into his arms. 

“It was a date, wasn’t it?” Niel asked. 

Minsu squeezed him tightly, face buried in his shoulder. 

“If you knew, you could have told me,” Minsu growled.

Niel laughed harder. Minsu squeezed him again, making him squeak. 

“I feel like an idiot,” Minsu groaned.

“It’s very endearing.” Niel patted his back and laughed again. “Was he understanding?”

“Very.” Minsu sighed and pulled back to look at Niel. “Why do you let me go anywhere?”

“Because you’re delightfully oblivious.”

“It’s not delightful to ask someone if they’re flirting with you.” Minsu rubbed his face and sat down on the edge of the bed. “That was the most awkward thing of my life.”

Niel bit back his laugh this time, sinking down next to Minsu. He carded his fingers through Minsu’s hair in silence. 

“Anyway. We exchanged numbers, he doesn’t have many friends.” Minsu looked up slowly. “Is that OK?”

Niel scoffed and shook his head. 

“I really don’t care,” Niel said earnestly. “You can be friends with people, Minsu.”

“What about boyfriends with people?” Minsu asked quietly.

“Well, that I have an opinion on.” Niel grinned. He kissed Minsu, savouring the taste of his lips and the way the moved together. 

“I was kind of hoping you would,” Minsu mumbled against Niel’s lips. 

=====

The pop sounded through the room again. Niel threw his arms up and climbed out of Minsu’s lap. Minsu snagged him around the waist and dragged him onto the bed again.

“Just text him. I’m gonna play games.” Niel tried to escape. He burned with irritation. It wasn't jealously, he just wanted Minsu to pay him attention for more than a thirty second interval between text messages. 

“I’m sorry,” Minsu mumbled. He pressed his nose into Niel’s neck. 

“No. Don’t be. He’s your friend. It’s fine.” Niel sighed. He sounded passive aggressive even in his own ears. “Look. I just get a little tired of having half conversations with you.” Niel ceased his struggle to leave the bed.

“I’m sorry.” Minsu sighed and looked at Niel from above. “I know I keep doing that.”

“You do.” Niel nodded. He placed his arms around Minsu’s shoulders and pursed his lips. “I want to meet him. Maybe if I can be part of the conversations, I won’t feel so… sidelined.” 

“That’s a great idea,” Minsu smiled, his eyes smooshing closed. The last of Niel’s irritation extinguished. “I shall text him and ask. In a little while.” Minsu moved to lay atop Niel properly. “I believe you require some attention first.”

“Yes. Yes I do.” Niel grinned. 

=====

The sound of cars mixed with the consistent splashing of puddles on the road. Niel stood beneath the awning of the cafe, eyes alert for the man from the drawings. His umbrella was folded and his hair tamed beneath a hat as he waited and watched the rain. 

Lee Chanhee was taller than Niel had expected. He walked with a confident elegance, carrying an umbrella overhead. Niel suddenly understood what Minsu meant about his charisma. There was something about Chanhee that you couldn’t take your eyes off. 

“Lee Chanhee?” Niel called with a wave, beckoning him under the awning. 

“You must be Niel?” Chanhee asked, looking around for Minsu. His face was slightly pinched, worry showing on it for a moment before he smiled again.

“Minsu got caught at uni. His lecturer wanted to go through his latest works and review.” Niel held the door open for Chanhee. “He couldn’t exactly say no. So it’s just you and me today.”

“Oh. OK.” Chanhee stepped into the cafe, stowing his umbrella. “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too!” Niel let him choose a table and sat across from him. 

Niel’s cheeks felt warm, he decided it was the heating in the cafe and not the fact that Chanhee was absolutely gorgeous. Perhaps he should have been a little more worried about his boyfriend spending so much time with someone that looked like this. 

“So, you’re a literature major?” Chanhee asked, eyes interested. 

“Yeah.” Niel smiled. He could almost feel Chanhee’s gaze. “I don’t know what I’ll do after uni. Probably teaching?”

“That’s for future you to worry about.” Chanhee chuckled.

Niel laughed along, a flutter of nervousness in his stomach. He couldn’t tell if he was happy or sad Minsu wasn’t there. 

“Tell me what you’re studying at the moment,” Chanhee prompted. 

With a final push to settle his feelings on the inside, Niel smiled and began to talk about Keats and Wordsworth. The longer he talked the easier it became. Chanhee watched him with interest, eyes bright as Niel spoke. 

They chatted about music and theatre. Niel admitted he had sung in choir but refused to let Chanhee hear any of it. The pouty expression on Chanhee’s face almost made him cave though. 

“I have to hear you first,” Niel protested. “You’re the professional!”

“I’m not that good. I want to hear you.” Chanhee waved the comment away.

“Stop being humble. You know you’re good.” Niel laughed at him, joy bouncing through his chest. “You wouldn’t be auditioning if you weren’t good.”

“You never know.” A single eyebrow rose. “I could be completely delusional.”

Niel laughed. He felt oddly warm again. 

“No.” Niel shook his head. “You’re probably amazing. And now you definitely have to sing for me and show me.”

Chanhee shook his head, his face turning bashful. 

“I’m not singing here,” he mumbled. 

“No? How about in the street,” Niel . “Where everyone can hear.”

Chanhee laughed and made to slap Niel’s arm across the table. Niel laughed as well.

He bit down on his lip and sipped his drink. Chanhee was still laughing a little, his face bright and happy. Niel gripped his cheek in his teeth, lying to himself furiously.

=====

Minsu was just coming out of his room as Niel turned into the hall.

"Oh," Minsu caught his door, pushing it back open. "I was just going to go to dinner. You OK?"

Niel sunk onto Minsu's bed, pulling at his lip lightly. Minsu smiled with bemusement and sat beside him.

"Did you meet Chanhee?" Minsu asked.

"Yeah." Niel nodded and grinned. It was strange expression Minsu couldn't deconstruct. "He's really awesome. I..." Niel took a big breath in. "I really like him."

Minsu laughed, he leaned back on the bed and grinned at Niel. 

"I told you. He's great." Minsu fished his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text of apology to Chanhee for missing lunch. 

"He is. I get it now." Niel turned. He seemed to be back to normal. "I wanna see him again."

=====

"You wont believe the story I have to tell you.” Chanhee pulled his legs up on his chair and stared at Byunghun through the videochat. “So like 3 weeks ago I met this guy at the modelling job. And he walked me to my car afterwards."

"Ooh" Byunghun was silenced by the look Chanhee gave him. He smiled a little and leaned on his hand, waiting for Chanhee to continue.

"So, he walks me to my car and goddamn Byung, he’s friggin gorgeous. He’s got like short-ish black hair and tattoos everywhere but he’s super sweet and just a chill, awkward guy.” Chanhee put his head in his hands. “And I think ‘OK I can do this.’ I flirt a little and he smiles and I leave.” 

Chanhee sat up once more. Byunghun was listening silently, his dog sitting happily in his lap as he scratched it. 

“I see him again at the next one and I ask him out for coffee. Byung, when a guy asks you out for coffee what is your immediate thought!?"

"Is this a date?"

"Exactly! Thank you!” Chanhee covered his face for a moment, gathering himself to tell the next part. “So, I take this guy out and we're having a good time. He’s funny and he’s sweet and he's passionate about art and music. And I’m dying. But then! As we get back to my car and I touch him on the arm again, he kind of blinks and goes 'wait, are you flirting with me?' My soul leaves my body and I die on the spot." Chanhee collapsed onto the desk. His embarrassment roaring back to life so strong he through he might shrivel up like a prune.

"Oh my God." Byunghun sounded strangled as he tried to resist the urge to laugh.

"I’m like 'well, yeah, I was trying to!'” Chanhee shot back up and threw his arms up. “And he goes 'oh! Uh. I’m kinda bad at this. And I’m kind of uh...'"

Byunghun was slumped over laughing into his arms now. 

"Gets better.” Chanhee’s eyes widened threateningly.  “'I’m kind of seeing a guy'! What the hell!? So now I really die. But he's sweet about it and tells me he’s sorry. I’m like ‘nah, its fine’. So, he gives me his number and off he goes and off I go."

"Aww honey." Byunghun began to make sympathetic noises. 

Chanhee cut him off.

"I'm not done." Chanhee’s voice was flat. "So we're texting a bit. He’s a nice guy. I’m enjoying it.”

Byunghun’s smile turned shrewd.

“Then I get a message that his boyfriend would like to meet me. I panic and say ‘of course’ because, I guess I like to torture myself.”

Byunghun shook his head, turning to his dog and shaking his head at it.

“So we organise lunch. I show up and, Byung, no, I’m dead serious right now. His boyfriend is drop-dead gorgeous. He's got big beautiful eyes and lips that take up half his face. And Minsu—” Chanhee realised he had forgotten to tell Byunghun their names. “—The arty one, is no where to be seen. This guy, Niel, tells me he got caught at uni but we can still have lunch. And because I am so, so good at making bad decisions I say OK."

"Are you telling me—" 

"Yes. I have gone on two dates in the last three weeks with two people who are dating each other." Chanhee sunk down and pressed his face to the table. Byunghun gave a soft laugh. "Oh. He was so nice too. We really clicked and got along. We laughed so much. Just kill me." Chanhee moaned. 

Byunghun laughed again. 

"What are you gonna do?" He asked Chanhee 

"What can I do!?" Chanhee’s head popped up. "They're already taken! By each other!"

"You could be their friend." Byunghun shrugged. 

Chanhee sighed, he slumped sideways staring up at the screen. "That wouldn’t be weird, right? We could all be friends. Right?"

"I don’t see why not." Byunghun smiled kindly.

"Yeah."

"But seriously, what is your life. How does this stuff keep happening to you?"

Chanhee sighed and shrugged. He didn’t even know anymore.

=====

The mall was noisy, people passing and a hawker calling out jewelry prices across the square. Chanhee twisted his fingers together. It had been a week since his sort-of-date with Niel. He had called to see if the two of them would go shopping with him.

Minsu appeared from the direction Chanhee wasn’t looking, making him jump a little. 

“Hi.” Minsu grinned at Chanhee’s reaction.

Chanhee examined Minsu, as though Niel would pop out from behind him any moment.

"Niel had a mental breakdown about his assignment and stayed home to get it done." Minsu smiled down at him. 

It sent a swoop through Chanhee’s stomach. He tried to ignore it and move through the mall with Minsu normally. It felt impossible with the taller man beside him. He was showing off his tattoos from the elbows down and his soft, black hair swept to one side. 

"He sends a hello." Minsu slapped his hands together idly. 

"Send one back for me." Chanhee smiled. He was so good at punishing himself. 

"What are we shopping for?" Minsu asked, oblivious to Chanhee’s internal torture.

"I need some more eyeliner and I just wanted to get out of the house." 

Minsu smiled again. Chanhee felt part of his brain melt. He was going to die.

=====

The knock on his door rattled around his brain for so long Niel knew he was finished doing school work. He stood, stretching and yawning, and pulled the door open. Chanhee and Minsu stood in the hall, both smiling at him. 

“Oh!” Niel stepped back, his heart turning over in his chest at the sight. “What are you two doing here?” Niel kissed Minsu as they filed into the small space. 

“Chanhee was bored at home. I asked if he wanted to come and see the strange life of college.” Minsu settled onto the bed, shifting into the back corner against the wall. 

“Oh, sorry it’s messy.” Niel rubbed at his hair. His heart rate jumped and skipped. 

Chanhee was looking around with interest. He flicked the pink and yellow polka dot tie hanging from Niel’s blinds. 

“It’s great,” Chanhee said. 

“Thanks.” Relief washed through Niel. He grimaced on the inside as it faded. 

“How did the assignment writing go?” Minsu asked, fiddling with Niel’s rainbow slinky. 

“I am up to referencing.” Niel sighed and fell onto the bed. 

Chanhee took the seat at the computer, his face closed as he watched Niel and Minsu. 

“You know, Minsu’s room is way cooler than mine,” Niel commented when no one else spoke. 

“It’s all the way across campus though,” Minsu complained. “I just got comfortable.”

“Now I wanna see Minsu’s room,” Chanhee teamed up with Niel.

“Ugh.” Minsu rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

=====

Niel had been telling the truth, Minsu’s room was way cooler. It was also way messier and set Chanhee’s teeth on edge as he looked at the tumble of stuff that was falling out of the cupboard and across the floor.

“He’s a mess,” Niel commented, watching Chanhee’s reaction. “I tell him he needs to clean or he’ll get mice in here but—” Niel gave a laboured shrug. 

Chanhee smiled, his insides flaring with warmth. He looked away from Niel, too much affection swelling through him as they found common ground on Minsu’s mess. 

“Look, it’s my room and I’ll keep it how I like it,” Minsu commented, pinning one of his fallen artworks back to the wall.

“I just wont look over there,” Chanhee , turning away from the mess and inspecting the many papered artworks all over the walls. 

They were an assortment of pictures. Some torn from magazines, some free postcards collected from cafes, some that Minsu himself had done. One was Niel, pouting heavily and holding a hand to his head as he hunched over a surface. Another, Chanhee realised with a shock, was himself. 

“Oh my God,” Chanhee felt a blush rise. 

“What?” Niel came to stand beside him. They were almost brushing against one another it was such close quarters. 

“That’s me.” Chanhee pointed to the drawing. He was standing with his side to the artist, looking down his draping arm demurely. 

“Oh, yeah.” Niel smiled warmly. “I put that one there, it’s my favourite.”

Chanhee’s heart stammered so hard he thought he might pass out. 

“I like that one more,” Minsu added, pointing to another drawing of Chanhee that he was yet to notice. It was Chanhee arranged on the floor, his head thrown back and eyes closed softly. His arms and legs were set in angles, his back arching off the floor a little. 

“It is good,” Niel agreed. 

His cheeks burned, his pulse throbbing in his ears. His mind whispered strange things but Chanhee ignored it. He turned to look at the rest of the art. Minsu’s room was both fantastic and harsh abuse to his heart. 

=====

“Cab’s here!” Niel yelled, burning into Minsu’s room at high speed. “Holy damn.” He came to an abrupt stop, finding Minsu settling a leather jacket over his shoulders. It sent a flush through Niel and he stopped to fully admire the view. 

“See something you like?” Minsu asked, kissing his cheek and dragging him out of the dorm room. “Cab’s waiting.”

“Yup.” Niel followed, admiring the newest angle even more. 

Niel drew him to a stop at the foot of the stairs, kissing Minsu for a long time, hands sneaking beneath the jacket.

“Can you two stop it?” Taehee asked, leaning in the door of the block. “Hurry up, he’ll leave without us.”

They hustled down the hall and across the strip of grass, piling into the cab with a garble of thanks and the address. 

Within ten minutes they were pouring out onto the sidewalk of the club district. Taehee took Niel’s arm and led him along to the end of a busy line. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to the gay club,” she tutted. “Such a baby gay.”

“I’m not a baby gay.” Niel batted her hand away. “I just never had any interest before now.”

Minsu was busy with his phone, holding it to his ear and searching the street. 

“What do you mean you didn’t have an interest?” Taehee asked, she wriggled her small dress down and set the straps in place properly.

“I just didn’t want to go. What’s the point?”

“Good to hear you’re so enthusiastic!” A voice called into his ear. 

Niel’s pulse spiked. He turned and all but melted all over Chanhee. 

“You’re here!” Niel couldn’t stop smiling. He might have drunk too much already.

Minsu laid an arm over Chanhee’s shoulders and smiled as well. 

“Yes, while you two went off, I found him.” Minsu shot a look at Taehee. 

“You want a medal?” She asked back before giving Chanhee a sweet smile and introducing herself. 

=====

He only had himself to blame. Chanhee repeated the thought every time Minsu touched him, every time Niel dragged him to dance and pressed in close.

He had to stop this torture. He had to give them up. It would only end in tears. Because in the end Niel had Minsu and Minsu had Niel. They did not need Chanhee. 

'No' was a simple answer. He berated himself as Minsu held him in a close hug, chin resting on his head as they waited for drinks at the bar. 

'No' was a complete sentence. His brain tried to stamp it onto the back of his eyelids as Niel held his hand and pulled him down to the lowest level to explore. 

“Did you want to go home?” Niel asked, eyes seeming to catch him in the middle of his internal rant. 

“No!” He gave himself a mental shake. That was not what he meant when he lectured himself on the use of the word no!

“Let’s get some air!” Niel grabbed Minsu and pulled him toward the strange balcony area. It was split down the middle, smokers and non-smokers huddling around and chatting. 

Chanhee headed straight for the railing, leaning over to stare down at the passing cars in the street. His nervous system had taken a beating, every time one of them touched him it sent a spike of electricity through him. 

“You alright there?” Minsu asked, his low voice rumbling into Chanhee’s ear. 

“Yeah!” Chanhee turned, pasting his smile on. “Just a bit overstimulated.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna go home?” Niel asked again, coming to Chanhee’s other side. 

Why the hell had they put him in the middle? Were they trying to make him short-circuit all together?

“No!” He was such an idiot. A masochistic idiot. “I wanna dance some more!”

“Don’t you two ever get tired of dancing?” Minsu complained, following them back toward the door. 

“How could you ask me that?” Chanhee grinned, placing a hand in the middle of his chest. 

Minsu rolled his eyes and another small part of Chanhee screamed in pain. 

=====

Minsu knocked on Niel’s door; it was closed, the small whiteboard reading in hell. After a moment it opened, Niel’s face turning from irritated to pleased with a side of exhaustion. He waved Minsu in and gave him a kiss.

“Hey,” Niel only spoke once the door was closed. It was study week for exams. 

“Hey, sorry,” Minsu mumbled and wrapped Niel in his arms. “I know I should have asked and stuff.”

“Nah,” Niel shook his head. “I needed a break anyway.”

Minsu pressed his face into Niel and sighed. His stomach was tangled around his heart, everything feeling strained and strangled. 

“What’s up?” Niel asked gently, pulling back to look at Minsu. 

“Have you heard from Chanhee?” Minsu looked at Niel. The strain inside twanged and tightened. 

“Not much.” Niel’s eyes shuttered, a closed expression coming over him. “But he knows it’s study week. He’s probably leaving us to it.”

“I miss him,” Minsu mumbled. He shouldn’t have said it. It could be taken so many ways and even if Niel took it the way he meant, Minsu wasn’t sure that was going to be a good thing. 

“I miss him too.” Niel’s voice was clipped. 

The strangled feeling stretched so tight it was painful. Minsu tried to clear his throat. 

“I hope he wasn’t too… y’know, when we took him out.” Minsu had been conflicted for the last 4 days. Chanhee had seemed to be having a great time, but he had vague memories of pained expressions. Then there was the short and few text messages between them. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Chanhee was pulling away from them, intentionally placing a distance where there hadn’t been one before. 

“Me too,” Niel sighed. He sat down on the edge of the bed. He tugged at his lower lip and stared at the floor.

Minsu sunk down beside him, leaning his head on Niel’s shoulder and staying silent. 

Neither said anything for a long time. Minsu was too wrapped up in his own intense anxieties to notice Niel’s. 

“Maybe we should just call him,” Niel mumbled at last. “I can’t take not knowing.”

Minsu nodded. Yeah, it was the unknown that was the scariest. 

=====

The singing of Chanhee’s phone cut Byunghun off in his story. He fell silent as he watched Chanhee jolt and wince at the contact name. They were on videochat again, Chanhee had called him to catch up but had been on edge the entire call. 

“Who’s calling?” Byunghun asked. He wasn’t stupid, even from 10,000 kilometres away he could see what was happening to his best friend.

“It’s just Niel,” Chanhee said, his face betraying him. It was pulled tight.

“Answer it.”

“No, Byung—”

“Answer it, dummy!” Byunghun leaned on a hand and watched Chanhee through the camera. 

He brought the phone to his ear slowly. 

“Hello?”

Byunghun shook his head a little, a smile crawling over his face. Chanhee was turning pink. 

“Mm, it’s almost exams.” Chanhee fidgeted with his mouse pad. “No, no, nothing like that. No, it was fun. I had a good time. But you both have study week and then exams.”

Byunghun had never felt worse about leaving, he watched Chanhee gnaw at his bottom lip and furrow his brow. His stupid best friend had gone and fallen for not one but two taken guys and Byunghun was in an entirely different country and timezone. The best he could do was listen to Chanhee’s fears and try and guide him to the best solution. 

What that solution was, Byunghun had no idea. Well, he did, but there was no way Chanhee wanted to hear it. 

“OK, OK,” Chanhee was sighing and rolling his eyes. “I’ll come and see you tomorrow. But you better pass all your exams or I’ll feel really bad.”

With an internal sigh of exasperation, Byunghun watched Chanhee hang up. He was pink again, the glimmer coming back into his eyes. 

“I thought you were taking some time away from them?” Byunghun asked, pulling his fringe back out of his eyes. 

“He sounded really sad,” Chanhee’s voice was small and defenceless. 

Byunghun gave another exasperated sigh but let it drop. This could only end in tears. 

=====

Half the stress Niel had been carrying all week sloughed off his shoulders as Chanhee smiled in his doorway. He gave him a warm hug and pulled him into the room. Minsu stood and hugged Chanhee as well, the permanent wrinkle between his eyes finally softening. 

Niel knew this was bad. Bad and stupid and dumb and apparently totally unavoidable. 

“What do you want to watch?” Niel asked, ignoring the warning bells in his head. 

“I don’t care,” they said in perfect unison. 

Niel’s chest thudded and crushed the air from his lungs. He chose something asinine and climbed onto the bed to sit with them. He wanted to sit beside Chanhee, but he chose the opposite side of Minsu instead. He was Minsu’s boyfriend. Chanhee was their friend. 

=====

It was almost midnight when Niel and Minsu escorted Chanhee back to his car. As he drove away, Niel linked his arm in Minsu’s and hummed plaintively. 

“What’s up?” Minsu asked. Niel only hummed like that when he was nervous. 

“I…” Niel sighed and tried again. “I have to talk to you about something.”

“OK.” Minsu nodded, he steered them toward Niel’s block. 

“How do you feel… What do you think…” Niel huffed with frustration. 

“What’s wrong?” Minsu asked, bringing them to a stop.

Niel’s face was crumpled with hurt and confusion. Minsu’s own brow furrowed. He leaned toward Niel, his heart hammering.

“Ah.” Niel looked away and then back to Minsu with a plain face. “I think I have a crush on Chanhee.”

Minsu blinked. He pressed his mouth shut tight and nodded. Niel tried to cover his face but Minsu pulled his hands away again. 

They were standing in the middle of the path, halfway from the carpark to the blocks, in the dark. Minsu gave a small laugh and kissed Niel’s cheek. 

“Me too.” He finally admitted. It felt like popping a pimple. It had been painful and irritating all week, ignoring only made it more obvious and inviting to scratch at. 

“What?” Niel’s eyes popped open. 

“Me too,” Minsu said again. They started strolling along the path once more. “He’s just…”

“There’s something, right?” Niel almost exclaimed. “He’s so…”

They fell into silence, a tension they hadn’t even noticed dissipating in the cold night air.

“This is weird,” Minsu mumbled. “What do we do about this?”

They stayed silent. Minsu contemplated their options. 

One: stay quiet, be friends, wait for the feelings to pass. 

Two: confess, possibly ruin everything forever. 

Three: cut Chanhee from their lives. 

He winced. Option three was painful to even think about. 

“Should we tell him?” Niel asked quietly. He stared at the ground as they walked. 

“What if he freaks out and we don’t have a friend any more?” Minsu replied. 

“Well.” Niel tugged at his bottom lip. “What would you want if you were him?”

Minsu gave a bark of laughter. “I would want to date both of you. But I’m me. Not Chanhee.” Minsu had been turning that idea over in his head for a day and a half now. The longer he looked the better it sounded. He knew it was a pipe-dream, but dreams didn’t have to be realistic.

“Would you?” Niel asked, his head snapping up to look at Minsu. 

“Well, yeah.” Minsu shrugged. “It’s the simplest answer. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Uh…” Niel fell silent. 

Minsu could see all the reasons flashing through Niel’s brain but he didn’t voice any of them. 

“What if we don’t tell him?” Minsu asked when he realised Niel wasn’t going to reply at all. “What if we pretend we never had this conversation and don’t tell him?”

“Is that what you want to do?” Niel asked. They slipped into his block and didn’t speak again until they were tucked into the small bed together. 

Minsu sighed heavily. 

“I don’t know. I want to tell him. But I’m scared he’ll hate us.” Minsu lay facing Niel in the dark. 

“Me too.”

“What if we tell him together and we explain it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t mean anything and hope for the best?” Minsu suggested. Now he had struck upon telling Chanhee it felt like the only option. 

“Tell him.” Niel nodded. “Together.”

They fell silent. Minsu was wide awake, rolling thoughts and scenarios through his head.

“Would you really date both of us?” Niel asked, his voice barely audible. 

“I don’t know.” He gave a puff of laughter. “Would you?”

“Well…” Niel shifted, wriggling around in the bed and then settling down again. “It feels like the more I think about it…”

“The better the idea seems?” Minsu finished for him. 

“Yeah.” Niel sighed wistfully. “Is that weird?”

“Probably.” Minsu gave him a long, slow kiss. He tangled his fingers into Niel’s hair. “But I don’t care.”

Niel kissed him again. Their conversation forgotten as their mouths worked on other things. 

=====

They walked through the dark streets, Chanhee chatting away cheerfully about some musical or other. He had forgotten to listen. He was too busy thinking about his conversation with Minsu. Now that exams were all finished and Minsu only had the final grading of his semester’s art piece, they had planned to talk to Chanhee about it. But Minsu had to rush off for a last minute emergency Taehee was having at her forge with her own piece and now Niel was left with Chanhee smiling, shining and staring up at him like that. 

"Are you listening to me?" Chanhee laughed, pulling Niel to a stop under a streetlight. 

"Uh. No?" Niel smiled, guilt in his features. "Sorry. It was interesting. I just have... things on my mind."

"Aww, what's happened?" Chanhee asked, his head tilting and his hand coming up to touch Niel's arm. He was always touching them. 

"Chanhee, I like you." 

The words tumbled out before he could stop them. Niel bit his lip, trying to stop anything else escaping. His brain buzzed loud in his ears. What the had he just done?

"What?" Chanhee's face blanched. 

Niel winced internally. , , , , .

"What did you just... did you just?" Chanhee took a step back. Niel followed him.

"I didn't mean to say that. But yeah," Niel mumbled. "I like you. I can't help it. I like spending time with you. I always want to spend more time with you."

"But... but Minsu," Chanhee seemed to be struggling to breathe. 

Niel covered his face. "I know. I... ah, . I'm not supposed to be doing this." He couldn’t think. He babbled. "I was supposed to wait for him. But you touched me and you're so cute, it slipped out."

"Niel!" Chanhee gasped. 

Niel peeked through his fingers to find Chanhee frozen in shock, staring at him. 

"What are you saying?" Chanhee murmured. "Don't do this. Don't."

"Do what?" Niel asked, heavy regret was sinking into his stomach. 

"I'm not doing this. I'm not tearing you two apart." Chanhee turned and walked away. Niel chased after him, grabbing his arm to stop him and letting it drop when he was sure Chanhee wasn't leaving. 

"You aren't doing anything." Niel told him. 

His heart ached at the expression on Chanhee’s face. He was sad and confused. And scared. 

"I promise,” Niel continued. “You aren't doing anything."

"I have to go," Chanhee whispered. "I cant stay here. I'm… I… I have to go. Don’t chase me this time." 

Niel pressed his lips together, a slow throbbing ache starting in his heart as Chanhee gave him a long look and turned away. Niel watched him go, rooted to his place on the footpath. 

Chanhee did not look back.

=====

Minsu frowned at his phone. Why would Niel be calling him? He was supposed to be out with Chanhee. 

"Hello?" He answered slowly. 

"Minsu. I ed up. I ed up all the way. You have to come get me." Niel spoke in a rush. His was voice panicky. "I told Chanhee and he freaked out. And I don't know what to do." 

". OK, I'm on my way." Minsu jumped in his car. He clicked the phone to speaker. "What did you say?" Minsu's mind was racing. 

"I said I liked him and I wanted to spend more time with him. And he told me he didn't want to come between us." Niel gave a hiccough. "I ed it all up. I said it all wrong."  

"Just breathe. I’ll be there in like half an hour, OK? Let me try and call Chanhee, we'll straighten this out." Minsu rubbed his hand over his jaw. His heart thumped uncomfortably. 

He wanted to yell at Niel, but he could hear him crying through the phone, there was nothing for it but to try and find Chanhee. 

=====

Chanhee's phone buzzed again. Minsu calling for the 5th time. He stared at it. He couldn't pick it up. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. Niel had confessed to him. How could he talk to Minsu when his boyfriend had just confessed.  

His phone rang again. With shaking hands, Chanhee answered.  

"Chanhee?" Minsu's deep voice held nothing but relief. "Are you OK?" 

He felt tears well and couldn’t speak for the lump in his throat.  

"Chanhee?" 

"Hi." It was the best he could do. 

There was a sigh of relief. 

"Chanhee, can we come and talk to you? You can say no. I just... I want to explain." 

Chanhee chewed on his lip. He didn't want to see them. He couldn't bear it.  

"Chanhee, I'm not mad. I just really want to make sure you’re OK." Minsu's voice was soft and pleading through the phone.  

"I'll text you my address," Chanhee whispered.  He couldn’t resist Minsu’s tone.

"OK. Thank you," Minsu replied. "Thank you. We'll see you soon." 

Chanhee hung up, sending the text and curling up on his couch to wait. 

It was all out of control. His tears were here, the end was sure to follow along shortly.

=====

Niel hung behind Minsu, his heart hammering behind his eyes. The door of the apartment opened, Chanhee was visible for a second. His eyes red and swollen and his hair a complete mess. Then he disappeared into Minsu's chest. 

He sobbed loudly, gripping at Minsu's shirt and burying his face from view. Minsu guided him into the apartment properly. Niel followed, feeling hollow and lost.  

"I'm sorry," Chanhee bawled. 

Minsu held him, rubbing his back and swinging him side to side slowly.  

"Shh, it's OK. Its OK," Minsu soothed. He pressed his face into Chanhee's hair. 

"I'm sorry," Chanhee mumbled, pressing his face into Minsu. 

Niel felt something break in his chest. He nodded, pressing his lips hard together. He understood as he watched the two of them. Chanhee didn't want his confession. It was clear. He stepped back, hanging in the doorway of the lounge room awkwardly.  

What could he do? He did not want to give up Minsu. He loved him. He hadn’t told Minsu that yet.

But he could see from here how much Minsu cared for Chanhee. 

He loved him so much he would let him go. He loved both of them enough to do it.  

Chanhee seemed to be calming down. Only giving a small sob every now and then. He looked up at Minsu and wiped his eyes slowly.  

"I'm sorry," Chanhee whispered, more tears falling. "I really tried. I didn't mean..."

“Shh.” Minsu cupped his cheeks and wiped the tears with his thumbs. “It’s not your fault.”

Chanhee gave a hitching sob, his face crumpling into confusion and pain. 

“I don’t…” He dissolved into tears again, his voice drowning in them. 

Minsu smiled sadly, bringing Chanhee back to his chest again. He glanced at Niel, the same sad smile on his face. 

“This is not quite how this was supposed to go,” Minsu commented, sniffing himself and sparing a hand to swipe at his eyes. 

Niel stared at the floor, guilt and heartbreak burning through his veins. He wanted to leave. He couldn’t watch this. It was like acid was dissolving his heart in his chest. 

“Chanhee.” Minsu seemed to be the only one still functioning in the room. He cleared his throat. “Niel was supposed to tell you that we both like you.”

=====

Chanhee’s heart stopped. He was pressed tight into Minsu’s chest; the masochistic part of him revelling in Minsu’s strong arms around him and the scent of smoke and sweat that clung to him. His mind gave a dialtone as he tried to repeat Minsu’s words over again. He leaned back.

“What?” He asked, voice croaky. 

“We both have a crush on you.” Minsu was looking down at him, eyes fathomless. 

“What?” Chanhee said for want of a better reaction. Now he was tingling all over. He felt like he might actually faint but Minsu was still holding him up. His tears dried with the shock. “You like me?” He asked, slowly backing from Minsu’s arms and sitting on the couch. It was all a little much. 

He had just gone from home-wrecker to… to what? To what? He stared at the floor, trying to catch up to everything. Trying to ignore the flush of delight that was seeping from his stomach through his body. 

Chanhee glanced up, finding Niel in the doorway looking miserable. He was staring at the floor, face lined with pain. 

“You both like me?” Chanhee asked again. He needed Niel to look at him. He needed to see it for himself. 

The memory of Niel in the street hit him, he already had seen it. He shook it away. This was different. 

“Yes.” Minsu answered with a sigh. He ran his hands through his hair and his shoulders slumped. “I wanted to be there, when he said something.”

Chanhee was still staring at Niel. He hadn’t moved a muscle. His face now sending ripples of pain through Chanhee. With slow movements, Chanhee stood and moved over to where Niel was. 

“Niel?” He whispered. 

The eyes closed. Niel’s face turning away. 

“It’s OK,” Niel whispered, his voice was thick with emotion. “I don’t mind.”

“Don’t mind?” Chanhee stopped, his brain kicked an idea at him and he blinked rapidly. “No.” Chanhee gave a short sigh. “No.” He brought Niel into his arms. “Not like that.”

=====

Minsu was slightly lost and overwhelmed. Chanhee was yet to really respond to anything without crying or questions. Now he was across the room hugging Niel and beckoning Minsu over furiously. 

Bemused, and completely out of his depth, Minsu merely moved over to them and encircled the two of them in his arms. Niel was shaking with sobs. 

“What’s wrong?” Minsu asked quietly. Neil never cried.

“Nothing.” Niel was unconvincing as he sniffed and sobbed. 

“Oh, God.” Chanhee sighed, he slumped against the two of them. “This is a mess.”

Minsu nodded, still lost in the finer points of their exchange. 

“Come and sit,” Chanhee tugged at Niel and Minsu. He stepped out of their arms and led them to his very saggy two-seater couch. 

Minsu brought Niel over, still concerned over the strange show of emotions. He pulled him into his lap as Chanhee sat at the other end of the small couch, their knees almost touching as they looked at one another. Niel wouldn’t respond, nothing but hiding his face in Minsu’s neck or staring at the couch cushions. 

Chanhee gave a long sigh, rubbed his face and then retrieved a box of tissues for them all. He sat back down and shook his head. 

“So, you two have a crush on me. Even though you’re both already dating each other?” He clarified. He seemed to be past the initial shock now. 

“Yes.” Minsu nodded, his hand running over Niel’s back in soothing motions. 

“How long have you known?” Chanhee asked, his face was changing a strange calculating expression coming over him. It was slightly undermined by his red eyes. 

“About a month for me,” Minsu admitted easily. “Niel and I only talked to each other about it a week ago.”

“A month?” Chanhee breathed. He pressed his hand to his lips and nodded. 

“If you don’t feel that way—” Minsu started, Niel making an almost silent strangled noise. 

“Stop.” Chanhee held his hands up. He sighed again and gave a small smile. “Look,” he began, smiled wider and shook his head. “This is bizarre. I honestly have…” His face strained but he kept going. “I’ve had feelings for both of you since we first met. I mean, I went on accidental dates with both of you.”

Niel’s head twitched, his face coming up a little. 

“Yes,” Chanhee noticed him. “Both of you.” He smiled. 

“But… you…” Niel’s voice was hoarse. 

Minsu held him tight, kissing his soft hair as he tried to talk. 

“But you ran… and then when you saw Minsu…” Niel cleared his throat and hid his face once more.

“If you had of been standing there, you would be the one in the wet shirt,” Chanhee said. He glanced at Minsu and smiled.

It was like the sunrising, pure and bright and warming. Minsu’s heart fluttered. He smiled back, holding Niel tighter. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Chanhee sighed and came to a stop.

“What do you want to do?” Minsu asked. He tried to beat down the rising hope in his chest. 

Chanhee covered his face. 

Niel was sitting straight now, body alert and tense. They stopped breathing. Niel’s fingers clutched at Minsu’s shirt. 

“I can’t say it…” Chanhee whispered.

“Say it,” Minsu prompted.

“Please,” Niel added.

“Can we, really?” Chanhee asked, eyes peeking out filled with hope. 

Minsu and Niel practically launched themselves across the space, crushing Chanhee beneath them as they embraced him. He giggled, arms flailing from beneath Niel. His face ended up between them. His nose brushing Minsu’s lightly as he looked at him. 

Without thinking, finally casting all thoughts aside and just reacting, Minsu pressed his lips to Chanhee’s in a short, chaste kiss. 

Chanhee blinked.

Niel made a whining noise and Chanhee turned to him. Niel kissed him as well, eyes shuttering closed as they always did. 

Deep-rooted delight bloomed through Minsu as he watched them. He sighed, snuggling into Chanhee and squeezing them both in his arms. 

=====

He was content. Truly, the heartbreak washed away by Chanhee’s confession. Except that his was hanging off the tiny couch they definitely did not fit on. Niel clung harder for a moment and then fell off with a thump. 

Chanhee laughed, his eyes coming open. 

“I think we need to find somewhere else to do this,” Niel mumbled. He could see Minsu holding Chanhee close, his eyes closed as well. It sent flickers of happiness through him. 

“Come on. I do have a bed,” Chanhee said. “Don’t get any ideas though.”

Niel laughed and stood to help Chanhee extract himself from the couch. 

The bedroom was tidy, everything neatly in it’s place. The bed was made, not a wrinkle to be seen in the quilt. Niel paused, looking around with interest. There were a few framed photos on the dresser, Chanhee featuring in a few of them. 

“So.” Chanhee climbed to sit on the mattress and let the other two settle in. Niel sat across from him, his hand holding Chanhee’s. Minsu lay down, stuffing a pillow under his neck as he watched both of them. 

“So?” Niel asked, playing with Chanhee’s fingers. 

“What does this mean?” Chanhee blushed and laughed a little. “Are we… Do we…”

“I think we all date each other,” Niel replied. He felt like he could handle anything now he wasn’t the one being cast aside. “I think they call it a thruple.”

“Who is they?” Minsu laughed, his eyes glittering as he looked at Niel.

“I have Google, and I know how to use it.” Niel poked Minsu with his foot.

“It’s going to take me a while to wrap my head around this,” Chanhee sighed. 

Niel scooted over, taking the opportunity to lean in to Chanhee’s side. Chanhee smiled. 

“So, if I want to go on a date?” Chanhee asked into the air. 

“We’d both take you,” Niel replied easily. 

“And if we couldn’t, one of us would,” Minsu added.

“You two have this all worked out.” Chanhee frowned at them. 

“Not even a little bit.” Niel couldn’t keep the happiness from his voice. 

“What if we fight?” Chanhee asked, his voice beginning to turn scared. 

“Everyone fights.” Minsu shrugged, he patted Chanhee’s thigh comfortingly. 

“What if you two decide you don’t like me and you leave but stay together?” Chanhee’s voice was very small now. 

Niel threw his arms around him, crushing him with affection. Chanhee didn’t resist but laid his head onto Niel’s shoulder. 

“I don’t think I can exist without liking you,” Minsu said gently. He sat up and Chanhee’s hair. 

“Me either.” Niel squeezed him again. “There’s something about you, Lee Chanhee.”

Chanhee’s lips wrinkled and he let a smile sneak through. 

“I’m very hard to date,” Chanhee said after a moment. “I’m high maintenance.”

“Good thing there’s two of us to share the work,” Minsu mumbled.

“Dammit, that was my line.” Niel poked Minsu with his toe.

“You never would have thought of it, don’t lie.” Minsu poked back.

“I did, you just talked first.” Niel huffed.

Chanhee gave a soft giggle and leaned into Niel. 

“See,” Niel said, “you can’t help but like us too. It’s worth a try.”

“OK,” Chanhee whispered, “It’s worth a try.”

 

==========

A/N: I wrote a thing! A thing I didn't think I'd write but it started up in my head and I decided to put it all together. This story began with Chanhee in my head doing his rant to Byunghun about his strange love life and it grew from there. 

And so this was looong. But delightful. 

I wasn't sure I was going to post it but I think it's too cute and nice not to share. <3

 

Minsu's obliviousness to flirting is 100% my wife (she literally went on a date and was told a year later by SOMEONE else that it was a date!)