“What exactly would you like to know?” Victoria asked. Amber and her were sitting on a bench near the Han river, the cold wind slapped their bare faces and the sound of children laughing filled the atmosphere.

“Everything” Amber replied, looking at Victoria dead in the eye. Amber was determinate to find out the true story of the girl that was bothering her for the past few days.

“I’m afraid I’ve only been her guardian for ten years” Victoria informed, but that wasn’t stopping Amber.

“I don’t care, tell me everything you know” Amber commanded as she adjusted herself on the bench, she was now facing Victoria.

“Very well” The blonde girl nodded.

“I was assigned guardian of the Jung sisters when miss Jessica was 16 and miss Soojung was 10. Her parents are really rich, they work for a tech company in California. When miss Jessica wanted a change and a fresh start, she suggested to come to South Korea, her parents agreed but miss Jessica had one more request, to bring her sister with her. Because the Jungs were always busy, they couldn’t take proper care of the sisters and therefore opted to hire nannies and bodyguards to take care of them, Jessica was tired of that, so she wanted to live a normal life and take her little sister with her” Victoria said as she looked at Krystal from afar.

“The Jungs bought a small house for them in a nice neighborhood, Jessica went to college and when she graduated, she got a job in order to provide for her little sister. They never knew I was there, watching them from afar. Miss Soojung started maturing and, in the process, she hated her parents even more, she thought they abandoned her and miss Jessica never said anything to clean their name. They were a pretty normal family, until that day came” The older girl continued and stopped to face Amber.

“Keep going” Amber insisted.

“One night, the sisters were peacefully hanging out in the house, I was hungry and a little bit sleepy so I thought of moving my 3 am break to 8 pm… after all nothing could happen at 8 pm, or that’s what I thought. When I returned to my position, I saw miss Soojung curled up, sitting next to her now dead sister. I’ve never felt so guilty in my entire life… If only Amber, if only I didn’t move from my position… that would’ve not happened” Victoria said. Amber could see the regret in her eyes, the way she was broken.

“It’s not your fault… things happen for a reason” The short-haired girl tried to calm Victoria.

“Miss Soojung was only 20, she killed the man, it is true. Her parents found out and rushed here but only to lock her away in a mental hospital… you have no idea, the pain she went through” The blonde lady said, fixating at Krystal’s silhouette once again.

🍂

The Jungs called Victoria for an emergency meeting, they were inside the house waiting for her and as she entered, they motioned her to sit.

“How may I help you? Boss” Victoria asked.

“You know my daughter, Soojung. We’re locking her away in a mental hospital, I need you to be 24/7 beside her, for real this time” Mr. Jung said, he was standing in front of the window with his hands tangled on the back of his lower back.

“May I ask, boss. Why are you locking her in an asylum?” The tall girl asked her boss, she was genuinely worried.

“Haven’t you heard? Victoria, she killed a man” The boss said in a cold tone.

“I think she needs another type of guidance-“

“You don’t get to tell me what the I do with my daughter, may I remind you that I already lost one thanks to your ineptitude” Mr. Jung said and turned to face Victoria with cold eyes.

“Pardon my manners, sir” Victoria apologized.

“Now go, it’s her first day, you don’t want to miss it”

The days passed as Krystal struggled in the mental hospital, Victoria stared attentively through the window and made sure Krystal was alright and still sane. The guardian knew deep down that this wasn’t the correct way of helping Soojung, she knew that if Soojung had to kill that man it was because he was being a threat in the household and she did what was her actual job. The little sister’s parents tried to convince Victoria that because they found her staring blankly at them it was a psychopathic behavior and that she needed to be locked down for it. Victoria knew better. In this kind of ‘job’ there are two types of people: the ones that will claim they can kill anyone but when they’re actually there, they get paralyzed before or after committing the crime. And the ones who would kill and shut the up about it.

Judging by Soojung’s actions, she was using a coping mechanism to handle both the loss of her sister and the crime she committed. The only thing Victoria couldn’t understand is why the girl liked to be electrocuted to hell. It seemed like Soojung got herself in trouble just for them to drag her to the room and transfer the volts into her fragile body.

That day, Victoria was looking through the window as expected when she saw another silhouette inside Soojung’s room. She walked closer to the building to see who it was and there she had it. Soojung’s doctor was smoking inside the room, he exchanged words with the girl and without warning he put out the cigarette on the latter’s body. The doctor walked away while he laughed hysterically, leaving a grunting Soojung behind.

Sadly, that wasn’t the last time Victoria’s witnessing something like that. Through the years, Soojung gained a collection of cigarette burns, minor stab scars and bruises, and even after being treated that way, Soojung never fought back.

🍂

“So, where were you?” Amber asked Victoria, snapping her out of her trance.

“When, exactly?” The blonde girl asked, turning again to face Amber.

“When Krystal was held in the crack house. She killed another three men. Where were you?” The tomboy asked with a stern look.

“May I ask, where were you?” She fired back.

“Looking for her” Amber replied.

“So was I. After you took her to the hotel I lost track of her, I thought I was never going to be able to find her” The older girl confessed.

“What about when Jackie tried to hurt her? Where were you?” Amber pushed Victoria’s buttons.

“It was a cat fight, miss, nothing could’ve gone wrong” Victoria reasoned with Amber and the latter just nodded.

“I’m going to be taking care of her until I die, even if she’s got you. She’s like my own daughter” The blonde girl said. “But you got to promise me that you’ll seek help” She added.

“I won’t take her back to the mental hospital, if that’s what you’re suggesting” Amber stated.

“Of course not, you can’t do that to her and she won’t let you take her near any kind of consulting rooms” The older girl said, she reached Amber’s hand and held it tightly. “What I’m trying to say is that she’s trying, she wants to stop being the mental girl who’s locked away in an asylum. She’s just by the first step of accepting help from you… let her in, she won’t hurt you” She added and let go of Amber’s hand.

“You claim you know enough about her, but is she really not willing to hurt me?” Amber asked. Victoria saw the fear in her eyes, and who wouldn’t be scared? The girl has killed a total of four men and Amber was there to witness the demonic state she gets in; she had all the right to be scared and also to run away from this responsibility but Amber wasn’t like that. Instead of running away, she was trying to understand Krystal’s state.

“She hasn’t hurt you yet, has she?”

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“So, when did you met?” Luna asked the younger girl. They were standing in front of the Han river, watching the peaceful waves dance with the cold wind.

“Like three days ago” Krystal replied, her eyes glued on the river.

“Wow, that’s a record” The shorter girl said while hiding her hands in her jacket’s pocket.

“What do you mean?” The ice-looking girl asked.

“I mean you guys met three days ago and you already have her head over heels” Luna confidently said. Is this some kind of cheap propaganda? Krystal thought.

“Look, I don’t know if she asked for you to promote herself to me but it is absolutely not working-“

“She didn’t, I’m just saying it because I know her” Luna interrupted Krystal and stated her facts.

“And you are sharing that with me because…” Krystal complained and Luna chuckled.

“You’re a tough one, did you know it?” She said.

“You’re an annoying one, did you know it?” The younger copied Luna’s tone.

“Ouch, point taken. But seriously, why do you keep messing with Amber?” The tanned girl asked.

“You don’t know what it’s like. To be me” Krystal sorrowfully said, not looking away from the waves. There was something recomforting about those waves, the way they carefully formed with the wind and disappeared to the river made Krystal’s mind at ease, for once in her life she wasn’t overthinking and was actually paying attention to her surroundings, this, by consequence, made her speak her mind freely.

“But she wants you to let her know” Luna said while approaching slowly closer to Krystal. “I’m her ex-girlfriend, I know what is like to be with her, and trust me, she’s not going to hurt you” She reassured.

“I’m sensing she’s not doing this for me, Luna. I’m starting to think she’s trying to confront me about my past” Krystal confessed.

“Give her time, you might think she’s not capable of showing her feelings to you but she’s just so stubborn. It took her one year to admit her feelings for me” The shorter girl said and chuckled upon remembering her time with Amber.

“I’m the one who’s not capable of showing their feelings…” Krystal sighed. “I keep sending her the wrong signals and I’m afraid I’m confusing her; she thinks I’m playing her. The truth is that I don’t even know what’s wrong with me” She added and got closer to Luna while turning to face her, the latter followed.

“Promise you won’t tell” The younger pleaded the tanned girl and the latter nodded, holding up her pinky.

“I promise I won’t tell a thing” Luna said as they pinky promised.

Krystal sighed in relief and continued. “I’m attracted to her, but I have this weird condition that blocks me from expressing my real feelings. I’ve killed four men and I don’t feel regret whatsoever. I don’t know if I can be capable of showing her that I’m willing to let her in” She said, her eyes were glassy and her hands were cold.

“I really don’t know what to say about this… the fact that you’ve killed people makes it difficult for me to try to understand of what Amber’s going through… but I’m willing to bet she’s just scared, scared that you’ll leave her or even hurt her physically. Can you blame her?” Luna reasoned with Krystal.

“I can’t blame her, even if I want to” The younger girl shortly replied.

“There’s no one to blame, Krystal. Not even yourself” Luna said and slowly and carefully hugged the girl. Krystal was stiff the first seconds but then relaxed herself while she thought of her sister, it was like if she had her right there, like if she was comforting her. She returned Luna’s hug and held her tight. Since Amber came into her life, she was meeting kind and loving people, something she never had in the five years she was in the hospital. For the first time she let herself be vulnerable before anyone that wasn’t Amber and as much as the feeling scared her, she enjoyed the company.

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“So, her parents. They’re still alive, aren’t they?” Amber asked the guardian.

“They very much are” Victoria answered taking a glance of Krystal and Luna. “You need to get back to the hotel, everyone is looking for her” She added and stood up from the bench while Amber followed.

“Thank you, for not hiding the truth” Amber smiled at Victoria and walked towards Luna and Krystal.

When she approached them, they were hugging, Amber found it weird but at the same time was happy for Krystal.

“Hey, you girls bonding?” She asked as the others broke the hug in embarrassment.

“Yeah, and you just ruined the mood” Luna joked.

“Let’s go Krystal, we need to get out of here, your parents and everyone else are looking for you” When Amber finished pronouncing that, Krystal felt something inside her broke. The only feeling she ever put a name to it was anger and now, she was raging.

“My parents, Amber?” She asked the tomboy, her voice tone raising.

“The Jungs” Amber confirmed.

Krystal was wondering where did Amber get that information from when she saw her so called ‘guardian’ hiding behind a tree. She knew it, Amber left her with Luna so she could have her tea party with Victoria. She’s betrayed, Amber chose to have a conversation about her with no other than Victoria, a lady who probably doesn’t understand .

“So you talked to Victoria” Krystal grunted, crossing her arms.

“Well yeah, you aren’t telling me … I had to find out, I want to know you better” Amber tried to reason with the younger girl but the latter shook her head in disapproval and stumped her foot on the ground.

“Bad move, Amber” Luna murmured.

“Yes, bad ing move, Amber” Krystal said, almost shouting. “I was here, waiting for you, hoping to get things right this time, and you ing ask Victoria. Yeah! Go ahead! I bet she knows so much about me. I bet she knows the times my parents starved me to death because they were busy with their stupid robots, oh I bet she knows that my first word was ‘nanny’, I bet she ing knows that my sister and I cried ourselves to sleep hoping for our parents to notice us one day” The ice-looking girl raged, she looked at Amber in the eye and then started running away.

She doesn’t know why she felt the urge to run, to escape, but she is. She passed by the families, by the couples and didn’t stop. “Krystal!!” She could hear Amber calling her name, but there was no use, Amber ed up, she stepped on the only trust Krystal gave her to form a link between them, she now betrayed Krystal. She couldn’t believe the way the tomboy was desperate to know Krystal’s past, so desperate that she had to trick her and take advantage of her vulnerable state.

This is why I ing don’t open to people, Krystal thought. She didn’t understand why she deserved this treatment, why Amber couldn’t be more patient with her, why after all that they’ve been through she couldn’t even giver her the chance to open up by herself. There and now she confirmed her theory, Amber didn’t want to be near her or to be kind to her just because she likes her, she wanted to know the truth, and now that she knows it, she’s going to use it to push her into telling the whole truth, a truth Krystal wasn’t ready to share yet.

The younger girl ran out of breath and chose to sit on a bench that was near, she looked around and thought she lost Amber.

“Here you are” The tomboy girl said while hugging Krystal from behind.

“Get away from me!” The ice-looking girl adverted the other, pushing away her hands in the process.

“I won’t” Amber said, sitting next to the panting girl.

“Amber, I don’t want to see your stupid face! GET AWAY” Krystal yelled, making everyone in the park eye her.

“Okay, that’s it. You’re drawing a lot of attention” Amber said as she forcefully carried Krystal bridal-style to her Camaro.

She drove back to the hotel still not knowing what the hell went wrong, Krystal was quiet the whole trip and she wasn’t even bothering to steal glances at Amber like she used to. I really ed up, Amber said to herself. Arriving to the hotel, the two girls were still not talking, until they entered the room.

“I’m sorry, Soojung” Amber said.

“Great, does that make you feel better with yourself?” Krystal bluntly said, she walked to the small sofa that was in front of the window.

“Can we talk, please?” Amber pleaded, following Krystal.

“Oh, now you want to talk. Sure, where do we start? From the moment you betrayed me or the moment you stepped on my trust?” The younger girl said, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her stomach.

“Look, I know I was an . Let me make it up to you” The taller girl said while approaching closer to Krystal.

“Yeah, how exactly are you going to make it up? By kissing me? ing me? You can’t even touch me without feeling disgusted” Krystal said, that comment hurt Amber in every possible way.

“Soojung, I’m sorry” She said while coming down to hug Krystal.

“Don’t!” Krystal adverted and jerked her body up, thinking that was going to free her from the other’s grip, but it didn’t, instead, Amber held her tighter. “I hate you” She said while punching Amber’s chest.

“You hate me?” The older girl whispered on Krystal’s ear.

“Yes! I ing HATE YOU” The shorter girl said and couldn’t take it anymore. She started crying nonstop in the tomboy’s embrace.

“Baby, hating is feeling” Amber kept on whispering to the sobbing girl. She rubbed the girl’s back as she let her cry in the crook of her neck. Sometimes you need to break something in order to fix it. Krystal wasn’t broken, she just was in denial, for the past five years of her life she was in shock, everyday she would remember the way she saw the men’s last breath. She was scared to find out the truth about herself, and now she was sobbing uncontrollably against Amber’s chest.

It felt horrible, the fact that she was being this vulnerable, the fact that she was experiencing sadness for the very first time in five years, it was sickening. She learned to cope with disguised anger, with impulses instead of emotions, with attitudes instead of feelings. This isn’t freeing at all, it was like if in this moment she made a deal with Amber, she was now stuck with her, bearing with her, funny how a few days ago she tied Amber to a bed, but now Amber was unconsciously tying her to life. Krystal wondered why she couldn’t feel any other emotion that wasn’t associated with pain, right now she was feeling like if she was being ripped in half, a big ache in her chest made her breathing difficult and she was still sobbing even when tears stopped flowing.

“It’s okay Soojung, I’m here”