"Super Junior’s Kangin Receives Sentence For Drunk Driving Case"

Another article about me as I scroll through my phone. I admit I was wrong but being in the spotlight for a long time made me wonder if the human 'Kim Young Woon' still exist in this world. I lost myself somewhere because being an idol we are forced to project to the world the 'us' they only wanted us to be.

"Who am I?"

In the middle of my disturbed and confused my mind again I made another mistake and this time would've been the worst. Feeling sorry for them won't make my wrongdoings right and I know so well it will all go down more as the time ticking seconds by seconds.

I’ve forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to perform with the 'members' I used to call my own. It was incredibly difficult to reconcile my desire to see them again with my belief that there is no more chane I could return. But then again, I found myself watching every program they are on TV.

It pains me to admit that I think about them more now than I did when I was still with them. I stare into my negative space and fear that one day I will go twenty-four hours hoping and wishing I could return to them. As the sound of their voices grows more distant, leaving parts of me behind seems inevitable.

I no longer remember all the steps to our dorm I used to call our home. I let my tense slide from present to past and even past perfect, the one used for actions that have been completed before others take place.

Selfishly, one of the worst realizations is that you guys are the first of the big losses I will ever face in my life. I even cried thinking about how far we went and how old we become. Slowly, I have been losing my confidence.

While it is frightening to think of what comes next, somehow, in my own way, I've been preparing for it. You guys were my first friend and my family. I think you guys never knew how glad I was to have you all as my brothers. Thank you for making me believe that I can function in the face of tragedy. I never would have asked for it to be this way, but if this is what there is to it. I just want you guys to know that even if I'm a stage apart from all of you somewhere in the middle of the pearl sapphire blue ocean.

I'm there singing and dancing with all of you.