There's always one stupid mistake that changes everything and for me that is losing you. I already had you, you gave me your everything and beg for my love until the end. I wanted to hit myself, why did I let you slipped away?

"One day you’ll want me back but I won’t be yours anymore.”

I used to think that your threats are funny and ridiculous, I didn't know that a day will come when I'll hear someone shouting your name in the streets feeling thousands of lightning bolts through my body only to realize they are talking about the East Sea, not you.

Those gloomy days you kept on telling me that you're missing me even if I'm just sitting right next to you. And now, I know the reason why you do; People starts missing the person they love before they’re even GONE.

I should've known that missing people in their absence is the worst way to miss someone. Every bits and pieces of our memories together is still haunting me.

Your goodmorning calls that made me so annoyed but now I can't even stop staring at my phone wishing your name will come up across the screen. Lunch dates that got me so fed up that I even wanted to puke every meal but now I couldn't even digest anything. Midnight stargazing that made me cringe so bad but now I'm counting the stars wishing you'll be right here, next to me.

Donghae, what did you feel when I dumped you and trampled on your feelings? Did you also have this longing feeling in your chest, like I do?

Longing to hear your voice sing the songs that we loved. Longing to see your face beside me telling me you love me. Longing to hear your weird laugh, your random rants and even those simple conversations we once had.

Longing for a moment to be with you once again.

Donghae, I hurted you more than anyone or anything else ever has, and I know how you felt when you just cannot go on life anymore.

"Please don't leave me, Hyuk."

I remember the tears falling down from your melancholic eyes, the snot on your nose and your disheveled hair. I remember every single details about that night. The night, I made that one stupid mistake in my life that changes everything. Watching you lost and desperate, how did I even managed to turn my back on you while you're begging me to stay?

Laugh at me Donghae, atleast you get to beg. Sometimes, it's better than not being able to do anything at all.

"I will still love you even if you don't want me anymore".

Isn't it ironic?

Now that I want you back, you don't love me anymore. Hence, here I am saying it back to you. Let the cycle keeps going on and on.

Since that is the case, will you return to me after I walk away because I know I could wait until that day which you couldn't.

I will wait for you through the end of the world, through fire and smoke. As the moon waits for the sun I'll indulge myself into dreaming for the day you'll give yourself to me and let me to go the ends of heaven and hell, fighting for you.

The truth is, I told myself so many times that you will never come back to me, I left you broken, suffering, depressed and shattered. But even if it's like that I couldn’t keep waiting for the day you'll return to me. I couldn’t keep myself from hoping and wishing and wanting and working for something I know I will never be getting. They say 'Even the people who loves get tired of trying', but when will I ever get tired?

How did you get tired of me?

I tried hearing songs you used to play on repeat until I ended up thinking about you more. Then I'll find myself changing the songs on the radio but every music reminds me of you. Movies remind me of you. Games, remind me of you. Jokes, remind me of you. Everyone, reminds me of you. Everywhere, reminds me of you. I look back on those vital times and I can’t help but smile, despite the loneliness and emptiness.

"One day I swear you’ll miss me and when that day comes I’ll be gone". You win Donghae, like a game of rock, paper and scissors the chances are half and half I should given you the benefit of the doubt.

I will never blame you for leaving me, because It's me who didn't do anything to make you stay. I walked and ran the wrong path away from you without even knowing I might had to make a u-turn since the finish line is you. All this time it's you, just you.

I wish my heart can understand how my brain knows you don't love me anymore. I wish my body can understand how my heart knows you'll never be here anymore.

I’m sorry if I ever failed you. As much as our memories have disappointed you and this was very difficult to finally say because it really feels like I’ve lost my life but I hurted you enough please don't let anyone else hurt you anymore.

Everytime you get reminded of me, I hope you won't hate yourself. Forget about hating me too, forget everything about me so you'll attain a hundred percent peacefulness. Even if it's a world where I don't exist.

Donghae, this is the most perfect revenge plan someone could ever constructed. Nothing hurts as much as making someone realize how much they love you by watching you love someone else.

Nothing hurts as much as I know that I can just disappear right now and you won't even notice.

But then, the chapters of your life with me has already been torn out, so I just pray for the remaining pages of your life will allow you to blossom.

"It’s okay! It's okay Donghae, even if I’m not in it."