11. Pouring
Like the stars
Twinkling in the night sky
You are pouring out over me
I'm falling for you 

Kang Younghyun

As with most long-term relationships, my seven year old high-school-sweethearts narrative slowly lost its flame as it gained time. I became too complacent and made less and less effort, and I mistook the plainness of our conversations and interactions for comfort. All the while she grew slowly yet increasingly dissatisfied. And I chose not to make promises to make it better, a flimsy excuse to prevent her heart from breaking further even though that was what exactly I was doing.

When she got a job abroad, no amount of long-distance communication saved her from falling for someone else. She broke up with me before getting officially together with him, but I more or less understood what had happened.

My subsequent promotion was a welcome excuse to bury myself in work; and it helped immensely in the process of my moving on. That was how I started my 2015.

Around mid-year, Wonpil's best friend, Lee Jaehee, began to frequent our home. When she wasn’t travelling for work, she spent most Saturday afternoons with my brother.

A few months later, our mom eventually asked Wonpil what the deal was between him and Jaehee. He explained with clenched jaw, "Jaehee's now free from the shackles of her dragging relationship with that coward pretending to be a human being, so she has more time for her best friend now." It was one of the few times that I saw my brother get angry, even if he was sporting a calm demeanor. And before my mother further inquired, Wonpil added, "And yes mom, we're as platonic as the plants in our garden."

Whenever Jaehee was at home, I tended to loiter nearby. Wonpil will always be our household’s sunshine, but Jaehee radiated a glow that diminished the gloom of my bitter self. The ease with which she handles herself around my loved ones, the laughters and smiles she readily offers to the world around her, and the genuine interest she gives to whoever asks for it -- all of these were endearing to watch from afar.

And that's what I intended to do, because I was harboring a small, innocent crush on my brother's best friend at the worst possible time for the both Jaehee and I. Thus, we never really talked, just exchanged pleasantries here and there. It was enough to bask in her presence, to watch their friendship from afar, at least for the time being.

Just when she started becoming a pleasant weekend habit, she stopped visiting in mid-October. Wonpil said that her work’s organizing an international conference, so she’s booked until early December.

My mother insisted on a small gathering for my birthday that year, in which close family friends were also invited, including Jaehee. That afternoon, I heard Wonpil on the phone, practically screaming at whoever was on the other end, "Lee Jaehee, I am glad that you're going out on a date, but why did it have to be today?" A pause, and he nods as a grin escapes him. "Fine, you have to tell me everything tomorrow, okay? Text me updates."

When the guests left after dinner, Wonpil and I walked around the neighborhood, as we often do. Jaehee lived just a few blocks away from our home, and once we rounded onto her street, we saw a car in front of her gate.  A tall man that's around a few years older than her came out of the driver's seat and opened the passenger side's door, revealing a Jaehee in a coat that's too large for her, which she took off to return to who seems to be her date.

At that moment, I remembered feeling Wonpil's eyes on me, and thinking about how it's been a year for me and only half a year for her, and yet she didn't let the concept of time stop her from venturing out into the world. Time waits for no one, as that one animated film had purported.

Holiday gifts were then exchanged, and I received a greeting message from Jaehee as I often do.

She doesn't visit until February the next year. 

I was at the front porch when she rang the doorbell, so I opened it for her. "Long time no see, Jaehee. Busy with your boyfriend?" It was the first thing I said to her in 2016.

She responded with a furrowed eyebrow, and said, "I have a what?" Turning to Wonpil, she glared, "Yah, Kim Wonpil what rumor did you tell your hyung?" To me, she clarifies, "I won't be here on a weekend commercializing the celebration of romance if I have someone to spend it with. I bought ice cream, by the way."

For the next several weekends, her presence became a weekly thing once more. It became a habit that I loiter by the garden, either playing with the dog or just lounging by the terrace, so that I am the first one to greet her at the gate every single time.

One weeknight in May, while Wonpil and I were binge-watching an anime series, he suddenly blurted out how many interests I have in common with Jaehee. I was curious at the sudden commentary, but I didn't push for details.

The rest of the year was a status quo. Jaehee traveled for work and for leisure, often with Wonpil and other friends in tow. I was absorbed with work and my interests and hobbies, genuinely enjoying being single.

All the while, Wonpil transitioned from simply chiding, to heavily implying, to plainly stating that Jaehee and I are a perfect match. He even came up with a ship name, YoungHee. My goodness.

When December rolled around again, Wonpil was a frustrated cupid. One night, we were drinking at home after dinner when I asked, as casually as I could, about Jaehee. Wonpil, quite inebriated, rolled his eyes, and replied a speech instead: "Hyung, if you like Jaehee, make a ing move. It's always been her who texts you first when there's an occasion, and you never prolong the conversation. And yet you act differently around her when she's here, even staring at her too much."

It is important to reiterate that I never admitted anything to Wonpil, but it did make sense that he somehow knew.

Was I that obvious? was probably written on my face, because he continued, answering my thought, "Oh of course I see that, I'm not blind. My point is: Hyung, either you don't seem to have learned your lesson or you're not yet ready. Make an effort!"

It's not as if I was not aware that Jaehee was making an effort to be friends, that she initiated the contact a handful of times and all I had to do was reciprocate it. But I've always chalked it up to being just not ready to date again. So perhaps Wonpil was right, I haven't learned my lesson simply because I have no motivation to prove it wrong. I was also content with silently nursing my budding crush on her.

2017 was hectic for both of us. I got promoted again and sometimes was even working weekends. Jaehee was busy with her applications to international graduate schools and scholarship programs. It was hard to see her without making conscious effort, which I didn't make.

"I got in! I'm going to live and study in Japan for two years, all expense paid!" Jaehee breaks the news to Wonpil one spring weekend, in our living room. My mom overheard and they were hugging. Wonpil made a subtle gesture for me to join in. Jaehee was so elated, she hugged me as well when I congratulated her. "When are you leaving?" was all I could ask.

Jaehee left for Tokyo in August 2017. It was too familiar, being left behind. And where I got the audacity to be sad when I never made a proper move, I didn't know the answer to that.

It took me four years of forgiving myself, of moving on, of re-learning to take chances, of rediscovering the motivation to make an effort for someone else other than myself, and of finding courage to take that first step.

And now, I'm looking at her, gripped to a bear hug by my younger brother. Despite the literal and figurative long journey it took, I have fervently hoped that I was not too late. My back-up has arrived in Tokyo, albeit foremost for a vacation.

Yoon Dowoon

I've known Jaehyung-hyung for years since our undergraduate days, but he's only been my roommate for six months. I've seen his bordering-on-insominiac habits, his artistic genius, his perseverance at some of the oddest things, his quiet and deep interior masked by a bubbly personality. Hyung is a nice guy, he is a catch, and I firmly believe that he and Jaehee noona are a match.

Since Tuesday afternoon when we saw Jaehee going out with Younghyun, I've been stalking people on social media. Everyone around Jaehee that I know, to be precise.

Apparently all I needed was tune in to Wonpil's very detailed Instagram stories. He's on his way here, to Tokyo, today. His latest update was a video, detailing how he's probably gonna get lost on his way to surprise his best friend, even soliciting advice on how to get on the location.

With all these information, the last thing to do is to drag the hyungs out of the house. "We've been cooped in this apartment for days, did we all get rejected by girls we like?" I announce.

They both stare at me first, before reacting accordingly. Jaehyung-hyung laughs. Sungjin-hyung just sighs as he rolls his eyes, and says, "Just get to the point, dear maknae."

The elder responds in my stead, "Let's go out for fresh air, and maybe get some dinner, is what Dowoon's trying to say."

"Right. And I have a very~ specific place in mind. So get off your asses and look presentable, okay? Let's go."

We arrive at the garden in Shinjuku just in time. Across the street, I spot the three people I'm looking for, and when Sungjin traces my sight and it lands on them, he just pats me at the back, scoffing. "I can't believe you, Yoon Dowoon." He turns to Jae and puts an arm around him. The latter looks up from his phone, and finally sees them too. "Jae, it's your time to shine."