10. Feeling Good
Wherever we go, I don't care
I just need you to be there
Whatever we do, I don't care
I'm just carelessly enjoying
A once-in-a-while night

Park Sungjin

It was Sunday when Jae confessed to Jaehee, and it’s now Tuesday. No one saw Jaehee since then, even if she’s just a few doors away.

Jae, who drank much more than he could handle, woke up by noon on Monday, and is nursing a severe hangover. Dowoon had the perception to cook him porridge, and Jae’s little smile of gratitude was the only one he gave out the whole afternoon. After being forced to eat more than he wanted to (I sat in front him and sternly told him that he’s not getting up from the chair until he finishes the bowl of porridge that the maknae prepared for his sorry ), he proceeded to loiter by the balcony, either staring at his phone, at his laptop, or at the street below.

We ate dinner in an unusual silence. That is, until Jae broke it. “Any news on Jaehee?” Dowoon and I looked at each other, concern drawn in both of our faces.

“I’m fine guys, I’ve already had my fill of wallowing in negative feelings and whatnot," Jae answered, "It’s not as if Jaehee has rejected me already. And I am never drinking myself to oblivion again, not a fan of hangovers and feeling like .”

I couldn't help but smile, and apparently so does Dowoon. I tapped his shoulder and simply said, “Welcome back, Jae. I have no news to offer, though. I didn’t even see her run this morning."

“She did run away though.” Jae chuckles, amused at his own self-deprecating humor of sorts.

Dowoon fiddled with his phone and handed it to Jae. “You know Wonpil, Jaehee’s best friend?” Jae nodded, and I shook my head. I’ve heard his name but haven’t really gotten any reason to interact with him. Dowoon inclined his head towards Jae’s hands and said, “We exchanged updates regarding noona. She’s gone off the grid and is probably just cooped up in her apartment.”

Jae scanned Dowoon’s phone, and smirks. “You’re quite a loyal friend, Dowoon-ah. Spilled just enough information.”

“I’m not sure what you take me for, hyung, but I’m definitely rooting for you, okay?” Dowoon takes his phone back and cleans up the table. Jae and I just shrugged at each other.

On Tuesday, the apartment was filled with the sound of Jae’s guitar throughout the afternoon. Dowoon was on his phone more than his computer for some reason, taking shelter in my room because, to quote him, “Sungjin-hyung, I like you better so let me stay here for a while, okay?” I don’t understand this kid sometimes.

Jae was in his room when Dowoon called for him. The latter had already moved his base to the balcony. I get there later than Jae, and I see him heave a deep sigh before he got out his phone, typing away.

A few moments later, my phone rings. “It’s Jaehee. Stay calm, Yoon Dowoon and do not say a word,” I warn him. The maknae gestures to zip his mouth, making Jae laugh a little.

I answer her call. “A hanami? Sure, I’ll discuss it with Jae and Dowoon and let you know. But we’re mostly free until,” I broke off a bit, and vocalize what Jae was mouthing. “Until practically forever.” I end the call, and Dowoon and Jae simultaneously ducks as Jaehee turns her head towards our apartment building. They both reach for my arms and drag me down. I roll my eyes, “I don’t think Jaehee is naïve enough to not put it together that we saw her with Younghyun, what with Jae apparently sending her a text. Anyway, Park Jaehyung, if you’re done moping around, please do the laundry, it’s your turn.”

Dowoon, the ever lovable person that he is, quips, “Wow, hyung managed to slide in a point about household chores, you’re amazing.” Of course that earned a smack to the back of his head. This time, Jae laughs a bit more loudly.

Kang Younghyun

I wake up earlier than my alarm, despite losing some sleep to Wonpil nagging me into giving details of what he has dubbed as “YoungHee’s Domestic Nerd Date.” I spare as much information as possible, wanting to keep most of yesterday’s peaceful day to myself. Given that Wonpil would be adamant in getting all the information he wanted, I decided to spend half the time teasing him about his non-romantic lunch date the other day. After successfully increasing Wonpil’s flusteredness, he finally put down the phone and ended the call. Suddenly, he was sleepy. I can almost hear him blushing on the other end.

It’s just about 7 in the morning, an entire six hours away from my supposed meeting time with Jaehee. Once again, I test my luck, this time in an attempt to lengthen my time with her today. 

younghyunK: Good morning, Jaehee-yah, are you awake?

jaeheelee: A fine Wednesday morning to you too, Younghyun. I’m actually surprised that you’re awake this early.

younghyunK: I’m having a date with this pretty girl later, my excitement got the better of me.

younghyunK: hello?

younghyunK: hi?

younghyunK: jaeheeeeee?

younghyunK: jaehee-yaaaaaaa?

younghyunK: are you still there?

younghyunK: please don’t cancel our date hahahaha :(

jaeheelee: Hi, sorry, I just got home from my run. No worries, I’ll see you later. :)

younghyunK: Hey. Did you have breakfast yet?

jaeheelee: Not yet. Will wash off the sweat and then maybe cook my breakfast or something.

younghyunK: Don’t cook, I’ll bring food over. See you in an hour?

jaeheelee: Okay. :)
 

My new lodging serves bento for breakfast, and my room is for two. Thus, I order for two breakfast sets, which I can apparently ask to be packed for to-go, since some tourists often request this arrangement. I’d normally eat both, but sharing a table with her first thing in the morning is infinitely more appealing.

Jaehee is dressed in an oversized pink hoodie and white sweatpants when she lets me in an hour later. “I didn’t imagine you to be a very punctual person, Younghyun,” she greets, as we walk towards the dining table. I hum in response, while I unpack the two bento boxes and settle in a chair.           

We are seated in front of each other, and while she takes an eyeful of the food, I finally reply. “I told you, I have an important appointment with a pretty lady today, so I’m trying to be the perfect gentleman for her.” She smirks and raises an eyebrow, her eyes never leaving the box, poking her chopstick at the eggroll. She finally raises her head, her eyes on mine. “Lucky you, then, I guess.” She then lifts her utensil and starts eating, breaking the eye contact to focus on choosing what to taste next. She’s pursing her lips, as if to stop a smile even if it had reached her eyes already.

“You’re supposed to thank me for the compliment,” I say, and then her name in a sing-song, “Jaehee-yah.” She playfully scoffs, and says, “Eat your breakfast already, Younghyun-ah,” as she shoves a small portion of rice into my agape, caught off-guard mouth. I chew fast and immediately reply, “Yes, ma’am.”

We proceeded to eat in comfortable silence for the next few minutes, savoring the fairly delicious breakfast and each other’s company. We both commend the food, and I explain to her how I got it. “I kind of feel bad that you didn’t get to eat two servings of this. Thank you for the sacrifice, Younghyun-ssi,” she replies, batting her eyelashes in sarcasm. I scrunch my nose at her in response and say, matching her tone with a petty, childish one, “You’re welcome, Jaehee-yah.” We both laugh briefly at the silliness of the conversation, and Jaehee reverts to a soft smile. “But really, thank you, Younghyun,” she almost whispers, and we continue eating.

“So,” I restart the conversation, while I wait for her to finish her food. “Have you talked to Wonpil yet? He’s worried about you.” Jaehee winces at hearing her best friend’s name, obviously guilty at ignoring him too. She shakes her head as she puts down her chopsticks. “Aside from Jae’s text and that phone call to Sungjin yesterday, you’re the only person I’ve talked to since Sunday. I’ll talk to Wonpil later today, he has work anyway, so he can wait.”

Intrigued at so many points of her answer, I decide to focus on one. “Is it because I’m a stranger?”

“What do you mean?” She seems to be confused at the direction I’m taking.

“Is it because I’m a stranger that you let me intrude in your bubble?”

She ponders for a bit, and finally says, “Well, we’re not exactly friends?”

If that’s a good answer, I’m not entirely sure, so I prod further. “Are we now?”

She shrugs, and stands up to take the dishes to the sink. “Yeah, I guess?”

“You're not sure? I'm hurt.” I put my hand over my heart, and exaggeratedly pout.

Leaning on the counter, she squints her eyes at me, and then chuckles. “Friends, then.”

Somehow, she has both answered and evaded the question. If this is how she needs our relationship to progress, I have no complaints.

Lee Jaehee

Kang Younghyun is once again in my apartment, dressed impeccably nice, which is definitely an understatement. His ensemble of white turtle neck and black jeans (his black overcoat now hangs by the door) is punctuated by his bespectacled, hair-pushed-back, handsome face. He said that he’ll bring breakfast in an hour, and after trying to find an outfit, all I managed to put on are the most comfortable pair clothes that I have, deciding to just change later.

While I clean up after our breakfast, Younghyun sits on the sofa, sifting through my digital collection of films. I walk towards the living area, and he turns his head up to me, patting the space beside him, inviting me to sit. I raise him an eyebrow as I plop down to his right. He then looks at me, all excited. “We’re supposed to meet at 1 o’clock, so we have time. Let’s watch Infinity War?” It’s just about 9 in the morning, we still have time. So I press play in response.

“I definitely knew by heart about everything that should transpire, but this still makes me sad.” The credits roll and I am an emotional wreck, and Younghyun is just looking at me, amused. “Can I wallow in my feelings for the rest of the day?”

He sits up straight and faces me, disappointment unconcealed in his expression. “Are you cancelling our date?”

“Well, you are free to stay and we can binge watch some more films?” Younghyun smirks at this, and says, “I'm flattered that you'd love to get stuck in a room with just me, but—“ 
“You are twisting my words –“
“To my convenience, yes I know, but that made you smile so I assume you've already forgiven me for it." I pause and watch her reaction. She rolls her eyes and chuckles. I continue, “How about we table that discussion for later? Can I, instead, suggest an activity so you can get distracted for a while?”

“That’s your sole purpose since yesterday, Mr. Kang.”

“I am once again hurt but I will pretend that you didn’t say that.”

I roll my eyes at him. “So what’s this activity you’re proposing?”

"10 questions. We ask in turns and you should answer every single one, no skipping." His eyebrows dance up and down. I feel like this is a trap that I might regret falling for later on, but I ignore that and say yes. He pumps his right fist in celebration. "Just 10 questions each, right? You go first, Younghyun."

“Okay. I have a simple question. How are you, Lee Jaehee?”

I couldn’t help but sigh, because of course, Younghyun’s question wasn’t simple at all. I can always choose to answer succinctly, but I let a little bit of my true feelings show.
“I'm confused. And then I feel that for someone who's touted how smart I am, I can't believe that I didn't see Jae's feelings. I must be as dense as a black hole." I end with a sigh of relief, because saying that out loud felt good (I really should talk to Wonpil about all these soon). I realize that I was staring at the wall in front of me, and when I turn to look at Younghyun, he just softly smiles and says, “your turn to ask, Jaehee.”

I’ve been very curious about one thing since yesterday. I hold his stare, and ask him, “Why did you suddenly turn up yesterday, even after practically driving you away?”

Younghyun turns his torso sideways to face me, places his elbow on the sofa’s back rest, and leans his head onto his palms. His facial expression changes into an amused one, eyes on mine, as he answers, “I wanted to have lunch and I wanted to see you. I figured, why not hit two birds with one stone. Also,” he pauses, and lifts a finger to push an imaginary button to unfurrow my brows. He smiles before continuing, “I missed you, that's why.”

Younghyun’s honesty is unnerving, I don’t like this game anymore. I abruptly stand up, and walk towards my room. I talk to the door, instead of facing him. “We’ll go to Shinjuku Gyoen in an hour, I’ll just change and prepare.” I may have shut the door a bit too loudly.


Kang Younghyun

I probably shouldn’t too much, is what I thought when she suddenly stops the game and do a costume-change. It’s the truth anyway, I counter-argue. With that conclusion, I browse instagram and twitter while I wait for her. 

Jaehee emerges from her room in a black dress donned over white long-sleeves, a pink overcoat hanging on her right arm. Her hair is down today, framing her smiling face as she asks me, “Let’s go?”

The weather today is perfect for a stroll in the park, fifteen degrees and cloudy with just the right amount of windy. Jaehee stops in front of the neighborhood’s convenience store. “Let’s buy a bunch of onigiri and other food from here and instead just have a picnic in the garden?” she suggests.

“Sure. So how about we each buy what we want and then share it later?” She nods in agreement. As we walked towards the train station, I eat two rice balls, to curb my hunger, while Jaehee drinks a medium-sized chocolate drink. We alight at Shinjuku station and walk to the garden, the travel time taking us around 45 minutes in total. Once inside Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden, Jaehee walks two steps ahead of me, staring at the map in her hands. “I forgot how huge this place is.”

I make huge strides and stand in front of her. “Jaehee-yah,” I say, and reach my hands to hold her wrists, putting down the map so I can see her face. “Let’s eat first? I’m starving.” I pout and she chuckles. “Ah yes, sorry. Hmm,” she looks around, “we can sit over there?” I nod, and an awkward second passes before I realize that I’m still holding both her wrists. I let go of just one and lead her to a space in the open field. We sit down, and I feel her raise her arm as she says, “Can I take my hand back, Sir?”

“Can’t you eat with just one hand?” I’m pushing my luck for some reason.

“I really can’t, Younghyun.” She’s smiling, but I take that as my cue to let go of her wrist.

“Thank you,” she mutters.

“Ah, that was delicious! They weren’t kidding when they said that Japan convenience store foods taste great!” I am now lying on the grass, feeling blissfully content at the delicious lunch and the atmosphere. Jaehee has returned to perusing the map. “You’re looking for the location they used in Garden of Words?” She nods. I do a quick internet search and once I found what I was looking for, I sat up straight, my shoulders lining up perfectly with hers. Jaehee seemed a bit surprised at the proximity but doesn’t move or say anything.

“It says here that it’s near the Taiwan Pavilion. We could walk towards there.” Jaehee hums, tracing a route in the map she’s holding. “Yeah, sure. I figured out how already. Since we just ate, let’s sit here for a few more minutes?” She looks at me for confirmation and I nod, and then lay back on the grass. “Younghyun-ssi, I’ll leave you here if you fall asleep, okay?”

“Talk to me, so I won’t succumb to food coma.” Jaehee chuckles at this, and she turns in her seat to take a photo of the scenery. Her right-hand profile is now my view, and I stealthily take a photo of her with a camera in hand. “Younghyun-ssi, that better be a good candid picture.” She puts down her camera and asks for my phone. I give it to her. She smiles and says, “Not bad. If only your hands are a bit more stable?”

I watch as Jaehee takes more photos, and after a while she stands up. “Let’s go?”

I reach my right hand up to her and she just looks at me and then my outstretched limb, and then pats her coat to remove the dirt and grass. “Jaehee-yah, help me up please?” Yes, I am doing aegyo and I am trying my best not to laugh at her reaction, her face contorted in half-disgust and half-amusement, mouthing a “what the?” I extend my other hand and bat my eyelashes at her, saying, “Jaehee-yah, please?” Jaehee finally breaks into a small laugh and rolls her eyes, and clasps both my hands, her arms crisscrossed over one another. She pulls me up and I’m surprised that we didn’t tumble back down. “Wow, you’re strong, Jaehee.” She shrugs, and says, “I know.” I let go of one of her hands and shake off the dirt. “Younghyun-ssi.” I look at her, “Yes?” She lifts our hands, I was still grasping hers, which is now open. “I’d like my hand back, please?” I shake my head. “You don’t need it for walking.” Jaehee once again rolls her eyes and scoffs playfully, “You don’t need it to walk either. I, on the other hand, will need it for taking photos.” I pout as I release her palm, which she uses to pat my shoulder. “Stop it with the aegyo before I barf our lunch. Let’s go.”

The garden is definitely a sight to behold, teeming with trees and flowers and wide spaces and walkways. In the middle of the bustling city is this hundred acres of peaceful paradise. We walk slowly, and for the first time since I got here, I felt like a tourist, admiring every bit of beauty this place had to offer.

Jaehee is also off in her own world, taking photos and looking at the map every now and then. When we arrive at the pavilion, I pull up screen shots from “Garden of Words.” I exclaim at how the movie had perfectly – ethereally, even – animated the landscape in front of me.

Jaehee leans on the ledge beside me, “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” It’s cliché and all that, but I suddenly understand where the romance writers get it from. I slightly turn my head look at her and I almost say that she’s more beautiful, but I keep it to myself. We instead talk about the art of Makoto Shinkai, and how Jaehee went here on a rainy day just to have the full experience. We walk down and arrive at the famous open cottage featured in the film. “Hey,” I tell her, and she has a glint in her eyes as well, “let’s remake that shot of Yukino and Takao here?” She nods excitedly, and produces a tripod from her backpack. As she settles the camera and looks at the movie’s shot, she makes me sit on the bench.

“I was wondering why you have such a large backpack,” I comment.

“I’m practically a girl scout,” she replies.

After we take a lot of photos, Jaehee collects her equipments and sits on the female leading lady’s spot on the bench. I open my bag and remove two cans of beer and several chocolate bars, putting it beside me. “Jaehee-yah,” I call for her. She raises her head from her bag and claps in surprise. “I love the dedication, Younghyun! And I thought you had such a large backpack because you bought more than one bento box from the convenience store.” She laughs, and I hand her an opened beer. “Might as well go all-out and be the characters in the movie we both adore, right?”

Since it was a weekday, there were a few people in the garden, and we had the cottage to ourselves. We pick up from where we left off with the 10 Questions game we had this morning, but Jaehee had a condition set. “This time, no hard-hitting questions. Just “getting to know you” questions that you want to know.”

We walked through the rest of the park, well, as much as our feet let us. It was a huge garden, and it closes at 4 PM. Jaehee and I ask and answer more than ten questions, our conversation becoming more and more natural as the time went by. At one point, she packs her camera into her bag. “It’s also important to enjoy the surroundings through your own eyes.”

By 4 PM, we leave through the gates, where my surprise awaits. I see him first, and when he sees us, he practically runs into an astonished Jaehee, taking her in for a hug.

“Kim Wonpil, what are you doing here!” Despite her tone, she’s smiling widely, and hugs him as tightly as my brother does.