“Everything is looking amazing,” Changkyun’s doctor chirped as she removed her hands from his protruding and round belly. Changkyun wasn’t sure how but with each passing day he managed to look bigger and bigger and he was wondering how Daewon had any room left to grow. He was going to need to find some with all the time he had left until he was due, but it seemed impossible. Changkyun was not looking forward to the size he would be by the end of his pregnancy, and how terribly uncomfortable he will be as well. 

Today’s prenatal appointment was a routine check-up to make sure Changkyun was still doing well physically. His weight and blood pressure had been carefully taken, a urine sample had been collected to check for protein and sugar, and most importantly Daewon had been thoroughly checked as much as he could be without an ultrasound. His fundal height, position, and heart rate were all entirely perfect, and he was still head down and in the perfect position to deliver. Hearing all the facts had been the biggest relief to Changkyun to hear that. He couldn't bare the thought of his son declining in health after all this time. Everything was faultless and Changkyun couldn’t have asked for anything better.

“I’m very pleased with your visit today,” she smiled as she stuck her hand out and helped Changkyun sit up, as gracefully as he could while being weighed down by his son. He grunted as he pushed himself up while still holding onto his doctor’s hand, quickly fixing his shirt so his stretch-mark-riddled skin wasn’t showing anymore. It was a silly thing, his doctor had already been looking at his bare skin and he was sure she looked at stretch marks all day long, but Changkyun couldn’t help his insecurities with his rapidly changing body. He was still wildly self-conscious and if he didn’t need to show off his skin anymore he was going to quickly hide under his t-shirt and hoodie again. He smoothed the material back over his bump, wishing momentarily that he didn’t care so much. 

"When will you start checking to see if I'm dilating?" Changkyun had looked it up online and he had read several sources that claimed it would become a routine part of his appointments very soon. He wanted to double-check with his doctor before assuming the agenda for his next appointment at the clinic. Dilating sounded so bizarre, but he knew it was inching closer the closer he was to his due date and he wanted to be in the know when it came to his body.  

The doctor smiled softly at Changkyun, enjoying his inquisitiveness for the near future, "It's a bit too early to start inspecting your cervix for dilation, and based on Baby's positioning and health I'm not too concerned with checking just yet. We'll start measuring at around 36 weeks, and I'll also be checking if you've started effacement, which is the thinning and shortening of your cervix in preparation for birth. Some people start in the later weeks of pregnancy, and some don't at all until they're in active labor, but we'll wait and see where you're at. But for now, everything is looking perfect and like he won't budge for a few more weeks," which is exactly what they wanted. Changkyun nodded, biting his lower lip in thought at his body going through even more change in preparation for birth. Very uncomfortable changes at that. 

"But I do have some other concerns," his doctor added last minute, breaking the positive and safe aura that had encompassed them both. Everything had been going so well and was now taking a turn. 

The spike of anxiety shooting in Changkyun's stomach as his heart dropped had him looking up at her, waiting so patiently for her to continue, "And what would those be?" worst case scenarios ran through his head, thinking there was actually something wrong and she had waited to break the bad news to him until now. He felt the way his throat dried up and was aware of how his hands started wringing together, prepared for the worst that could happen to his son. 

His doctor could see the fear in his eyes and the way his body stiffened so harshly and she felt she needed to immediately rectify the situation before a panic attack ensued. She knew her patient by now and she should have known better than to throw that at him so out of the blue, “I don’t have terrible news, just a few notes I’ve made along the way regarding you, not your baby,” had it been Daewon, she would have immediately spoken her concerns and medical expertise upon recognizing the issue. That’s how she knew Changkyun would want, “Baby Boy is perfect. I have concerns about you.”

Changkyun’s heart sang so happily for his son hearing that he was doing so well and the relief that washed over Changkyun was palpable, but there was still a hint of concern and rigid anxiety in his body language. Anyone could see that, “Then what is it?” he asked with a shaky voice, not sure he was actually ready to hear anything she had to say. Now that it was established that Daewon was okay, he was now realizing there was something wrong with him, and that was just as bad. 

The doctor appeared totally professional, no hint of a smile on her face as she faced Changkyun, looking him in the eyes. This was very unlike her usual friendly composure and it was unsettling to Changkyun. He nearly squirmed under her gaze, "Like I said before, everything is looking good, but I have noticed you've lost some weight. It's not a lot, but it's an alarming amount of weight to lose in two weeks since I last saw you, especially since you're in your last trimester," this was a time of rapid weight gain with about a pound a week per average. Losing over five pounds was a tad concerning to put it lightly, "Have you been eating?" 

The guilt that choked Changkyun in the moment was shocking even though he knew what he had been doing to himself. After the falling out with his parents, Changkyun's motivation for anything involving himself was nonexistent, and when he did have a smidge of something in his soul it was in poor execution. Changkyun had eaten on average once a day, but then again he couldn't remember if he ate anything yesterday or the day before. He ate a light meal that morning before leaving, but eating anything all week was difficult to recall, "No," was his simple answer aimed at the floor, sounding defeated and guilty. He knew it was wrong and he wasn't even going to try and lie when his doctor had the numbers as proof. He had not been eating. 

His doctor sighed and Changkyun spared a glance her way. To his surprise, she didn't look judgmental or cross with him, but sympathetic and concerned. Changkyun was upset with himself, why wasn't she as his doctor? "Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked so gently, willing to do anything if it meant he didn't have to feel so hopeless and lost in his mind and heart. There was obviously something going on mentally, and those were the toughest hurdles to overcome alone. It wasn't her field of work but she could recognize the signs and it was her job to check in. 

Changkyun swallowed thickly like there were knives lodged in his throat, gaining the courage to speak with his shaky voice, "No," he repeated albeit reluctantly. His issues were deeply rooted and there truly was not anything his doctor could do for him that would fix the situation. Medication may have been a good option for something like this, but with such a lack of motivation, he wasn't sure he would be able to take his medication routinely, "I'm all good." 

His doctor nodded with a short hum, looking unconvinced. She stayed silent and looked in thought for a few seconds before she was speaking again, looking more direct and pointed, "Okay. Then can I ask you to do something for me?" unsure of the direction she was taking her question, Changkyun nodded silently and slowly, waiting so patiently for her to continue, "Can you eat and take care of yourself for me? And if not for me then for Daewonnie?" her words were like a stab to the heart for Changkyun and the guilt was eating him alive. He shouldn't have to be asked to do something that like, "I may not know what's going on with your situation right now but Changkyun, you have to live for your baby right now if not for yourself. I know how difficult it can be sometimes, but you're so close to the end and Daewon is depending on you now more than ever. You've been doing so well all this time, so keep it up. This may be easier said than done, but I personally know you can do it." 

And damn it she was right. Changkyun had been taking care of himself so well so far, had pushed himself past his comfort zone when it came to food and letting himself eat, and had thrown away so many years of bad eating habits, only to fall back into old and self-destructive ways. He needed to stop and change for his son before he did something he would regret, "I'll do better," he promised his doctor, sure he would now that he was reminded of how stupid he was being, "It's just difficult." 

His doctor's familiar smile and demeanor returned back to that amiable shine Changkyun had grown so accustomed to. She had so much faith in him, "I know it can be difficult, but you can turn it around. I've seen you grow as a person since you started coming to me and I am truly impressed with your dedication to your son. I just think you needed a gentle reminder that you need to keep doing what you've been doing for both of your health. You love your son and he loves you, just remember that."

Changkyun loved Daewon so immensely, more than he had loved anyone before, and he would do anything for him, especially change everything about himself for him. He smiled as convincingly as he could and nodded, "Thank you, Doctor. I'll be better for the next time you see me," or at least he hoped so. He wanted to be better, but even thinking about changing was exhausting. He would rather lie down in bed at home, which is what he had been doing for the past week now, since his visit home. 

"I have all the faith in the world in you," she smiled before reaching out and grabbing Changkyun's outstretched hand to help him gracefully off the examination table. Changkyun was really starting to struggle with dignity and mobility, so more often than not he needed help getting off the couch at home or out of any seat he sat in. It was the most embarrassing in class when he struggled on his own trying to get out of the desks in certain classrooms. It always took some well-planned thought in order for him to make it out in a timely manner. Not yet had he had to ask someone to help him up, and hopefully, he would never have to. 

Changkyun departed shortly after making yet another appointment with the front desk in two weeks. Pretty soon he would be needing to take a trip to the clinic every week and the hassle of it sounded exhausting. In addition, it was yet another reminder that Daewon was on his way and another reminder of how unprepared he still was. He had so much to do, but the problem was he didn't even know where to start. For the time being, he was too tired to make a decision on his plan of action and decided he would try to think of one after a long nap at the house. That sounded loads more preferable than trying to think now with a clouded head and damper temperament. 

The bus ride home had been long and silent, no entertainment on the empty bus to keep him occupied led to him being trapped in his thoughts as he watched the rolling and dim cityscape out the window. Changkyun would have much preferred riding in Jooheon's car to and from the clinic to prevent boredom and to have a shorter ride time, but Jooheon had not attended this appointment like he had the past ones per Changkyun's very stern request. His ever-changing body was at the forefront of his mind and he wasn't fond of the idea of Jooheon seeing his bare stomach and much heavier body after all this time. Insecurities would rather have him dying than having Jooheon see the very significant changes made in recent months. There was nothing exciting nor important to see anyway since there were not going to be any more ultrasounds the remainder of his pregnancy, and Changkyun had told him this many times before now, telling Jooheon didn't have to come if he didn't want to. This time around it just so happened that the older had a test to do at the school and didn't have the time to head out with Changkyun and that had been okay with the younger man. The bus had been the perfect option for him because it gave him time to think as he headed home where his troubles continued to await him. He could never escape from them. 

When he arrived home, prepared for light conversation about the baby with his roommates, he was lucky enough to enter an empty house with no one there to greet him or distract him from his path to his room. There had been a small celebration in his heart for this and he waddled as quickly as he could into his bedroom before anyone could ruin his plans. He closed the door behind him and felt like he could finally take the deep breath that had been caught in his chest since before his appointment. The relief he felt in his core was extreme and he felt he could slump to the floor and crash for the rest of the day if he could get comfortable enough. Any motivation he had worked up inside himself on the bus was now completely gone and all he could manage for the rest of the day was to lay in bed and sleep the depression off. 

The fact was, after the falling out with his parents, Changkyun was feeling the worst sadness and despair he had ever felt in his short, young life. He was feeling completely hopeless with everything and he was finding it difficult to find a reason to live, even if he was pregnant with his baby. Daewon was everything to him and a very good reason to push through all of his trials, but even he was not a strong enough force to drive Changkyun to his basic needs or give him the will to take care of himself. Life was not panning out how he wanted it to and mentally he was struggling to cope with all the changes that were happening too fast for him to keep up. It felt like one thing after the other and he was far past his tolerance threshold. 

Truth be told, Changkyun was not doing well in the slightest. After being thrown out of the house by his parents and being disowned from the family, his mental health very swiftly and significantly declined to a point that it was leaving him in a debilitating depressive episode. But who could blame him? This was an appropriate response to such a traumatic event that had quite literally altered his brain chemistry in ways he didn't think he could recover from. Growing up in that house, his mother and father did not do their jobs as parents like they were supposed to. There was such a lack of support in his passions and desires and there was such an air of hatred for all that was different from them that it never provided Changkyun with a safe space to live in. He grew up in a very toxic household which led to him being mentally and verbally abused all his life, and with such trauma, he should hate them after the damage they'd done to him, but he didn't. He still loved them and he still cared so greatly for them. It was very confusing for him to compartmentalize as an event in his life and his heart was so conflicted as he tried to accept his new reality. All his attempts at figuring it out and trying to move on had been in vain and he had gotten nowhere. 

Changkyun laid down on his bed as gently as he could, as gracefully as he could, but within the past week, moving his body felt like moving a ton of lead. Once down it was difficult to get him back up to do anything and he rarely left his bed unless he had a shift at the restaurant, or if he had to go to the bathroom which was becoming increasingly frequent. Class had only just started again after break and that was tiring Changkyun out significantly more. Moving was getting so difficult and if he had the choice, Changkyun would lie down in his bed and never get back up.

It was so strange to him how terribly he was feeling. Not only was there the heartbreak and the lack of motivation ruining his vibe, but all of his pregnancy symptoms were manifesting possibly ten times more than they had before and it was causing loads of strain on Changkyun's body. He had put thought into why this may be, and he was sure it was because the stress of keeping everything secret and the process of figuring things out for Daewon's arrival prevented him from really experiencing all the changes his body had made. He hadn't been listening to his body like he should have and now he was overwhelmed by every symptom. The usual handful that plagued him were muscle cramps, the ever-so-often tug of queasiness, and the insatiable hunger that seemed to have eluded him the past week. Now, at this moment in time, Changkyun's queasiness had evolved into nausea in the mornings, fatigue set in after a few minutes of doing something other than laying down, and he hit a stage where sudden mood swings filtered through his system at all times of the day. He was moody, often very snappish and impatient, and on top of that, his belly was itching like crazy, which did not help his irritability. It was insanely difficult to control his emotions and in an effort to keep them at bay, he isolated himself in his bedroom as often as he could. Physically his body was at war with itself, and there was a mental battle simultaneously tearing him down. 

Changkyun's insecurities were at an all-time high and it was only going to get worse the longer he was pregnant. In all the time he'd had to himself in his bedroom, he often found himself standing in the full-length mirror that hung on the wall farthest from his door. It was usually when he was changing, finding clothes that weren't so tight fitting and had room for him to move around in. His selection was very limited, and he basically lived in sweatpants now since they were all that was left that fit. Those first few days of shutting himself out from the world, scrutinizing everything about his body in the mirror had become his go-to pastime activity.

Looking into the mirror during those first few self-esteem-crushing moments, he had really started to notice his weight gain and how it settled on his once thin body. He was very aware that he was much heavier than he was before, but actually seeing it was much different from knowing it was there. There had been a particularly bad day near the beginning of his grief where he stood as long as he could in front of the mirror without his feet hurting and just stared at his body with such hatred. His hips were significantly wider than they had been before and his thighs were considerably thicker, a huge culprit in not allowing his jeans and dressier pants to fit him. His waist was gone, his shape all square. His once hollow cheeks were now full and round and that was arguably the worst part. He could hide his body with oversized clothes but he couldn’t hide his face behind anything but a disposable mask. Overall, he looked swollen and he hated it. The worst part was he was only going to get bigger and cause more stretch marks to sprout on his skin. 

He had so many already. Now situated on his side in bed, Changkyun gently slid his hand under his shirt and felt along the long lines of red and distressed skin with his finger tips, using his nails to scratch lightly where his skin crawled. His belly was covered in stretch marks, reaching all the way up to his belly button and aiming to climb further the more Daewon grew. Changkyun could picture the ones decorating his hips, those ones had been the most surprising to see and the first to show up. They were very light and not nearly as intense as the ones on his belly, but they were there when they hadn't been before. He was also pretty sure he had them on his inner thighs but it’s not like he could see them if they were there with his giant bump in the way. He could probably check in the mirror, but he didn't want to have actual proof they were there. 

Everything he had gone through had felt so tolerable before, but now he was feeling truly pregnant and he hated it. He had all the love in the world for the little boy he was carrying, but he was done with this rollercoaster of emotions and poor mental health that were paying a toll on his physical health. Changkyun had found himself wishing Daewon would hurry up and be born already, but he almost always took it back a second later because he really wasn't ready for him to be here. They still had so much to do and these thoughts were always reminders that he didn't have long left at all. The stress of it all was too much for Changkyun, but his motivation and lack of interest in living were preventing him from doing anything about it. It was exhausting being so depressed and low. 

Therefore, isolating himself in his safe space was how he was dealing with his situation the best way he could. It was so much easier just to pretend the world outside his bedroom didn't exist and to wallow in his own, pitiful company. Changkyun wanted to stay in his room and never leave ever again.

But this was becoming an issue for all of those who cared so much about him. His entire friend group had given Changkyun space to cope with the loss of his family, understanding that this would be a difficult situation to deal with and come to terms with, but it had been a week of shutting himself off from the world and they were concerned for him. It wasn't healthy for him and most of them would be lying if they said they hadn't considered Daewon's health as well. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo had barely seen Changkyun eat in the week since returning from his hometown and it was such a change from his previously always hungry antics. It had their hearts dropping into their stomach sometimes, and Jooheon was having a similar reaction after all the times he was asked to grab food at the younger's request only for him to go silent and turn down offers if Jooheon made any. Even Seungcheol could spot the difference in his behavior and he was still fairly new to their dynamic. That was worrying. 

Jooheon and Hyungwon had tried so hard to do something for Changkyun to improve his mental health but everything was in vain. Changkyun always had an excuse not to do something ready and they all made sense and were plausible. He was eight months pregnant after all. "My back hurts. I think I'm going to lie down for a bit", "I've been getting a lot of Braxton Hicks, I don't really want to move around", "My knees and feet are on fire and I'm waddling like a penguin. It's annoying so I'm just going to sit and study", "I'm feeling really nauseated. Eating sounds miserable", "Finals are coming up and Daewon is due soon, it's all stressing me out. There's so much to do so I can't go out tonight", so on and so on. These excuses were all good ones, but Jooheon and Hyungwon knew him well enough to know there was more to it. They could see in his eyes how unwell he was and it was heartbreaking. Pushing Changkyun was going to get them nowhere, so they had no choice but to believe him and let him have what he wanted. Alone time. 

Any move anyone tried to make was rejected and no one really knew what to do to improve the situation. It hadn't been until all of their friend group, sans Changkyun, met up for a 'meeting' about the youngest of them all to discuss options and plans to involve Changkyun in something other than laying in bed. Jooheon and Hyungwon had arranged it in case someone could come up with something to help bring him back up. Something had to be done before something bad could really happen. 

Jooheon had rented a study room in the library for this moment, behind a lockable door and encased in a room with four walls so they could speak in secret. Changkyun wouldn't like this kind of thing happening but it needed to be done for his sake. Not only that, Jooheon was worried for their son. He would lose his mind if his little boy's health rapidly fell so close to the end. He didn't know what it would take for him to perish but he would rather not think about that. He was just hoping it was his anxiety yanking at his heart and that he was being ridiculous. 

So here they were. The seven of them sat together at the table provided, respective couples sitting next to each other and looking anxious with furrowed brows. Everyone had their own unease with Changkyun and it was a relief that they could come together to come to a conclusion and find a solution. Jooheon was closing in on desperate for both parties involved. 

"Welcome," Jooheon started awkwardly, glancing around the room and making eye contact with each person as he did so. This was such a bizarre situation, but it needed to be done, "Thank you all for being so willing to help Changkyun out in such a dark time for him. I know we're all worried about him, so I'm thinking we should do something for him to hopefully lift his mood up," he had his own ideas, but he wanted opinions to see if they were enough, too much, or too little of an effort to let Changkyun know they were all there for him, "He's not doing well right now but I think we could change that for him. Any thoughts?" it was almost comical how they were having a meeting style get together about another friend but it was very much necessary. This was going to be a group effort.

"Baby shopping? I say that because you guys still need a lot of stuff," Hyungwon tried, not sure what to say except for the things that popped up in his head. He was basically speaking without thinking but with good intentions, "It might be nice to go as a group so it's not just you and Changkyun making decisions alone. Eight heads are better than one," it was a lot of shopping and a lot of money for Jooheon and Changkyun to spend. They might as well all help with the shopping part, while also looking for the lowest prices, and make that trip significantly shorter. Jooheon was a fan of the idea and nodded with his head tilted, considering it. Changkyun would appreciate having the workload shared among their large friend group, “And cute things could cheer him up. Really anything having to do with Daewon always brings his mood up.”

"I'm thinking something nice but not overwhelming," Hyunwoo chimed, attempting to set the expectation for what they should plan, "It has to be discreet like we had planned this for everyone and not just him. He won't like that," especially now that he was feeling worthless and deeply melancholy. There was nothing that didn't overwhelm him, "It has to be lowkey and at the house. That's where he'll be the most comfortable and it will be the farthest he'll venture. Previously, every attempt we've had at involving him in something has been out of the house. Let's try something inside, then it will be harder for him to decline an invite," it was maybe deceptive but they all missed him so much and they just needed him to be okay, "All he really has to do is sit on the couch and interact with us."

"Then how about we order dinner and invite him to join. He hasn't been eating, it will be nice to get him something he can stomach," Kihyun piped up with a hopeful smile on his face, growing excited at the prospect that they could really be helping their friend, "He's always a big fan of take out. Ordering food means he doesn't have to cook anything and it could give him the chance to choose what we eat that night. Hopefully, it will be something he'll eat at the time," Changkyun had been on a bit of a take-out kick before everything with his parents happened. There had been so many orders delivered to the house it was concerning, but as long as Changkyun was eating it had been fine. He was also eating all the right foods on top of it, so there was no reason to stop him from doing so. Eating anything now would be a huge improvement and better than nothing.  

"And I bet he'll want to order pizza," Jooheon smiled, knowing the younger man so well. He had lost count of how many pizzas he was sent to get so Changkyun could save on delivery costs. If Changkyun fell for the move, then he knew what they were going to be eating that night and that was what he needed the most. 

"And we could watch a movie! It gives us a reason to watch that new release on Netflix that's been pretty popular," Minhyuk interjected, always the movie buff. He had been patiently waiting to watch the film with Kihyun when they had the time, and he could sacrifice that bonding moment for Changkyun. Regardless, he loved Kihyun so any time spent with him was bonding time, "And it's in the house so he doesn’t have to leave or go anywhere just like he would want. All he has to do is sit on the couch and watch the tv." 

"And if we need to do a snack run while watching the movie I'll be more than happy to get anything he wants myself," Seungcheol offered with a raised hand. He may not have had a spot in this friend group for very long but he was more than willing to do anything for any of them. They had treated him so kindly and he was always one to show gratitude in any way he could, "I'll go all out if I need to. I won't mind." 

"This all sounds so appealing and nice and it sounds difficult to turn down but we can't force this on him," Hoseok spoke up, considering Changkyun's current mental rut and the difficulties he was still dealing with. They still had to be realistic, "We shouldn't pressure him to join us. Pressuring him to be with us when he isn't ready won't turn out well for any of us and it could push him further away. We should ask and if he says no, or gives us another excuse, we should try just enough for it to sound like we're genuinely thinking of him being around and genuinely want him to hang out. If he really isn't feeling it, we have to let it be."

Jooheon didn't want to just let things be, but Hoseok was correct. Changkyun wasn't a fan of pushing boundaries and doing so with him could turn into a worse situation than they already have so if it came down to it, they would have to acquiesce and let Changkyun wallow some more in his own self pity. Jooheon so desperately wanted Changkyun to be okay again, "If he says no this time, we ask again at a later date. We keep trying to involve him so he knows he isn't alone in all of this," Jooheon saw himself and Changkyun as a team, and when one half of the team was struggling, he wanted to do everything in his power to get them both back up to speed, "We can never give up on Changkyun. That's what he's felt like with every person who has tried to get close to him: they gave up on him. We won't ever do that, we have to keep trying."

Everyone felt similarly. Changkyun was quiet and often kept to himself, but when he was more open and feeling really well, everyone could see the light in his life and he was fun to be around. They all knew the truth about him and they missed that side of his personality. They all desperately wanted to see it again and soon, so giving up on him wasn't an option they would consider. 

"We could try tonight? The sooner the better right? And I know he doesn't work today or tomorrow so he won't exhaust himself by sitting with us after a shift at work," Hyungwon spoke up, wanting to execute their plan as soon as possible. Waiting was difficult and they couldn't waste time with Changkyun. He needed help now, "I think tonight is the move."

"I'm cool with that," Hyunwoo chimed in before everyone else enthusiastically agreed to do what they planned to do tonight. Jooheon felt his heart flutter at the prospect of sitting down in the living room with all their friends for Changkyun's sake. He needed reassurance and proof that many people were there for him. Even though the action was not for him, he felt the joy in his heart seeing Changkyun so loved and cared for, "Let's do it tonight," they were ready to make a change as soon as possible, hopefully in a few hours.

------- 

Changkyun lay in bed, contemplating whether or not he should try and eat something heavier than just a bowl of rice for once. He had made such a poor excuse for a meal that morning and while the bowl had been small the portion had been too much for him to stomach. He knew his eating habits had made a drastic change in the past week, and he knew his lack of motivation to eat was dangerous, but he just couldn't get himself to ingest anything. While in bed he had been going through a list of foods he could potentially make or order that would be easier for him to eat, which consisted of both healthy and not-so-healthy foods, but if he was being honest the unhealthy options were sounding more appealing, even if he still didn't want to eat them. If he could eat something Daewon would do better than he was now. The little boy was still kicking dramatically and letting Changkyun know he was there, but the father to be knew he still had to do better for his son. 

He even went as far as taking out his phone and opening a food delivery app to check his options. An easy click on his screen would ensure a delivery headed his way, but did he really want to eat anything he would order? He didn't know the answer to that question, and he was bordering on giving up when he heard a gentle knock at the door. Had he been asleep or listening to a video or music, he would have missed the gentle rapping, but he heard the request to enter and he sighed, knowing he would have to get up to greet whoever was on the other side of his bedroom door. To save some embarrassment and to cut short his attempt to lift his heavy body off the soft mattress of his bed, he called out to whoever was waiting for him, "It's open," Changkyun took a moment to analyze his voice and he had barely recognized himself. He sounded so tired and hoarse despite not having done anything that day besides going to class. It sounded like another person speaking and that was deeply unsettling to him. 

Changkyun watched as whoever was on the other side of the wooden door gently and slowly opened the barrier to peek their head inside and glance around the room to locate the pregnant man. Changkyun was not surprised to see that it was Jooheon stepping into his room after the older man had done so many times in the past week. Changkyun wasn't blind to the fact that he was doing it out of concern, and he did appreciate the thought, but he didn't even have the energy to speak to Jooheon let alone pretend to act like he was okay. Not like he tried to hide how he was feeling anyway; it was blatantly obvious that he was not doing well in the slightest. There was no hiding that with the situation alone. 

"Hey, Changkyun," Jooheon greeted carefully as he pushed the door further open so the younger could see his whole person. Changkyun could read his body language and he appeared hopeful and apprehensive while kicking his feet, anxious for his response. Changkyun didn't know what he had planned but he could take a guess this was going to be another attempt to get him out of the room and have him doing something other than sulking. Changkyun didn't have the energy to do that right now, just as he had not the past week since coming back home. 

"Hi, hyung," Changkyun greeted lazily, still laying on his side in bed. He thought about moving to give a proper greeting but the odd pressure in his pelvis caused by Daewon was keeping him down. It was becoming more frequent and was yet another reminder that he was going to have a baby soon. The thought was terrifying, "What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to see if you would like to watch a movie with the guys," Jooheon started, hoping this was the time that would bring Changkyun out of his depressed stupor. He had asked so many times before, maybe this was the time when he would finally give in and put his plan into full effect, "Something new came out on Netflix and everyone is raving about it. We wanted to order food and watch it together to see if it's all worth the hype. It would be nice if you could join us. Even if it’s only for a little while," Jooheon hoped he was convincing enough to reel Changkyun in with the invite, but getting him to stay would be the biggest challenge. And even though he desperately wanted him to spend the entire night in the room with them, he didn't want to force anything, "There's no pressure to join, but we would like it if you were there." 

Changkyun had a response ready on the tip of his tongue, a very resounding no with whatever excuse he felt was most applicable to him at the moment, but he stalled. Jooheon looked so hopeful as he stood there, body language still anxious as he awaited a response and the guilt in Changkyun's chest was surprising. He had so easily written Jooheon and anyone else who had tried off before but he couldn't bring himself to do it now. He had been ignoring them all for days and the quick turn of emotions had caught him off guard, but he figured he might as well appease those he knew were incredibly worried about him. He was so tired he could fall asleep now, but he supposed he had plenty of time to sleep before the evening was over. He told himself he didn't have to stay the whole time, he could stay for half an hour and then tell everyone he was going to bed because half an hour was a good amount of time. Maybe he could push himself to an hour if he was lucky. He was going to try this time around and who knew? Maybe it would help him feel a little better and get him out of this dark cloud of depression he knew was holding him down. That would be a nice change for him. 

"Okay," he settled on, forcing a small smile on his lips that was hopefully genuine looking enough for Jooheon. Based on the smile on the older man's lips, it was enough for him to sigh happily and smile wide enough for his dimples to pop out and his teeth to be on full show. He had such a beautiful smile, Changkyun could agree with that, "But you have to help me up," he asserted as he tried to start the process on his own. He felt so weighed down and nearly helpless, and wiggling like he was doing now was starting to hurt his back. He could laugh at himself if he wasn't so close to frustrated tears, "I'm stuck."

"Give me your hand," Jooheon immediately offered as he held out his own outstretched ones. Changkyun gratefully took it and held on tight as he helped maneuver the younger man into a better position that would get him sitting up. Once upright, Changkyun sighed, hands going to hold his belly as Daewon kicked and flailed his limbs so wildly. He was so expressive about when he was uncomfortable or when Changkyun moved too fast or awkwardly for him. Changkyun loved all the kicking but if his insides could bruise then he was surely riddled with a worrying amount of black and blue contusions, "You all good?" Jooheon asked out of concern, seeing the grimace Changkyun had on his face. 

"Yeah," Changkyun assured with a curt nod, "Our son is just very against me moving right now. He's been liking me being still all the time," he bit his tongue, trying to stop himself before he said anything else that was self-sabotaging. Changkyun avoided looking Jooheon in the eye, knowing there was a sad frown on his face, eyes downturned and pathetic. Changkyun had seen the look too many times in the past week and oh how he wished he didn't have to see it anymore, "I guess I've spoiled him. He'll have to get over it."

Jooheon stayed silent towards the comment and held out both of his hands, "Take 'em," Changkyun was quick to obey and grabbed his friend's hands. The contact would have once been enough to have him shying away from his friend but his heart did not react in the slightest to the feeling of skin on skin. Once his grip tightened on his fingers, Jooheon pulled him up onto his feet, careful to make sure Changkyun was steady before letting him go to be on his own, "Ready to go?" he asked, sounding so patient and kindhearted. Jooheon was an angel. 

Mentally, Changkyun was being honest with himself and he was admitting that he was not ready to go. His body missed laying down in his bed and the fatigue was swiftly getting to him as he wasted energy on standing. He wanted to stay and sleep the night away, food no longer on his mind as he was ready to crash for the night, but it wasn't an option anymore. Changkyun forced a smile on his chapped lips and nodded, "I think. What are you guys ordering for dinner?" food piqued his interest now that he was up and it didn't sound too bad to sink his teeth into something if it would help Daewon out. His poor baby boy was probably starving, and if he was honest with himself again he was starving too. 

Jooheon shrugged and turned over his shoulder, starting his way out of the bedroom and towards the living room where he knew all of their friends were anxiously waiting. Changkyun followed suit at a slower and less balanced, wobbly pace, "We hadn't decided yet. But since you're joining us, maybe you could decide for us?" Jooheon was predicting Changkyun's answer just like he had before. He was confident the younger man was going to suggest pizza and cheesy breadsticks like he had been obsessing over for weeks beforehand. If he suggested anything else then he didn’t know Changkyun as well as he thought he did. 

And just as he thought, Changkyun's answer came shortly after the question was asked, barely any thought put into what he wanted on the night’s menu, "Pepperoni and sausage pizza with cheese breadsticks," it was a simple and go-to order and Changkyun knew that if he didn't end up eating anything or ended up eating a small amount it would be easy for everyone else to finish what he didn't touch. There was also an inkling of desire in his stomach as it called for some cheese-covered bread of any kind, "We could order some cider and coca cola too. I think that deal is still going on where you get a free liter with your order of a large pizza,” knowing that off the top of his head maybe wasn’t the best but it would help the experience. Soda went very well with pizza. 

“Smart thinking,” Jooheon complimented with a wide smile as they closed in on the living room, "What do you think of three large pizzas, all different kinds so we have options?"

Three large pizzas sounded like overkill but if they had leftovers, Changkyun would surely eat them later without complaining, "Smart thinking," he parroted with a small smile, genuine, but tired. It was a win in Jooheon's book and he was hoping to see his smile more as the night progressed, "Get two orders of cheesy breadsticks too. Hyunwoo hyung and Hoseok hyung will have to fight me for those," while everyone enjoyed the addition to the pizza, Hyunwoo and Hoseok went basically feral when cheesy breadsticks were around. Changkyun would have to row with them for his own share, meaning he would eat something tonight. 

"You got it," Jooheon smiled before finally stepping into view of the sitting room where all of their friends were patiently waiting. Changkyun stepped foot in the room and immediately noticed their eyes brighten at the sight of him, smiles fighting so hard to stay hidden as he walked further toward them. They were accidentally making it obvious that they had done this for Changkyun, but he was choosing to ignore it. He had obviously worried them and he didn't want to cause them that kind of pain anymore. He had his own damage, but he was bringing those he cared about damage as well. If he wasn't going to put himself first, he might as well try with his friends. 

"Hey," Changkyun greeted as he headed toward the only open spot left on the biggest, comfiest couch. It happened to be his favorite spot to sit in and it warmed his heart that they thought about him this much. It was the corner seat so he could use the armrest as leverage in case he needed to move, and Hyungwon sat in the spot next to the empty cushion. The older man looked so patient as he waited for the younger to head over and it brought a tiny smile to his lips again. Once there, Changkyun slowly lowered himself as carefully as he could with one hand on the armrest and the other holding his belly. Before he could even think of asking, Hyungwon wordlessly helped by grabbing his hand to help steady him until he was finally sat. Changkyun landed with a soft 'oof' and did his best to settle in his spot as swiftly as he could. Again, Hyungwon helped him do so, "Thank you," Changkyun whispered, earning himself a nod from his friend. He then addressed the group, "So what are we watching?" 

Everyone could see how Changkyun was still visibly sad and visibly exhausted by what had happened to him. Losing your family was crushing and none of them could imagine the pain and distress that would cause them. Every single person surrounding him felt so much respect for him and his bravery and they felt so much love for him and by extension his baby. He was the youngest of them all and he had such an important and special place in their lives. He sadly couldn't recognize their feelings about him with how depressed he had been but they were going to do their best to show Changkyun how much he meant to them. This whole night was planned just for him and to bring him back to them. 

After the food was ordered and shortly delivered, the critically acclaimed movie was played and everyone sat to watch as their night together started. Even though things were nice and he felt comfortable where he sat, Changkyun was closing in on his threshold of tolerance. Or at least, he thought he would have surpassed it by now after originally planning to leave after half an hour or so under the guise that he wasn't feeling well or that he was tired. But, as evidence would have it, Changkyun was still sitting with his friends and enjoying himself and enjoying being around others. He had been avoiding this for days and looking back on his foolishness, he should have never shut them out. 

The movie they were watching was serious and action-packed, the kind of movie that would have you on the edge of your seat with all the suspense and tension and required your full attention, but none of them were really paying attention to the movie because they were all too busy conversing about much more interesting things. They had watched maybe the first ten minutes of the movie before Minhyuk was turning to tell everyone a very embarrassing story about Wonho that he couldn't get out of his head. 

"I need everyone to listen to what I'm about to tell you because I have a truly humbling story about our dear Hoseok hyung," everyone turned to spare a glance at the built man sitting next to Hyungwon and they watched his expression turn into a confused frown, eyebrow raised in curiosity, "It's harrowing."

And while previously Hoseok had looked confused and curious, wanting to hear what Minhyuk had to say about him, now he looked alarmed and like there was almost fear in his eyes, "Are you talking about...?" he didn't finish his sentence before Minhyuk was nodding, a devilish grin painting his face, "Oh no please don't that's so embarrassing," Hoseok whined as he hid his face behind his hands, shielding his eyes so he didn't have to look everyone in the face. Changkyun and Hyungwon noticed how his ears burned a vibrant red as he quickly grew flustered with the attention, "Minhyuk!" he shouted in his palms, muffled and sharp. 

And despite his distress, Minhyuk continued, "So, this happened like two weeks ago, just before spring break, but remember when he was telling us how his audio engineering class was going to have a guest speaker? That one successful producer that he wouldn't shut up about?" there was a chorus of everyone nodding and agreeing yes, they did remember how excited Hoseok had been to meet this producer, "Well, he was supposed to have one more class before meeting them and that class was dedicated to all the students creating samples to show this producer as an introduction. Hyung was saying how he had spent days finishing his and the last class he had before the event happened was going to be important because that was when his professors were going to check his sample and approve it for the big producer," Hoseok had been stressed about the whole