Changkyun stared at the ceiling intently, eyes nearly crossed as he paid attention to the movement that was fluttering in his lower belly. He hadn't felt much of the baby moving since his appointment back home a week ago but now his son was moving a terrible amount and it was preventing Changkyun from letting the solace of sleep wash over his body. It had been a long day for him and he wanted nothing more than to shut his brain off and relax into the new pillows he'd bought for his new bed just before moving into his new room in his new house. 

Changkyun really hated change and the frustrations that typically paired with them but he had to keep in mind that this was a good change for him. He knew this as fact despite his brain being so hesitant and shaky in its wavering disposition. He would properly settle into the new living space over the next few days but for now, it felt so new and bizarre. It was the main reason he was having so much trouble sleeping that night. It didn't feel like it was his home yet and he felt out of touch with the new space, out of balance with this new environment he was supposed to call his own. Exhaustion would eventually knock him out but for now, he was wide awake and searching for something that could hopefully calm him down enough to sleep. 

But all that was filling his head were somewhat rational anxieties. Tomorrow was the first day of the new semester and that alone was nerve-wracking, but he would be starting the new semester visibly pregnant and it set his teeth on edge. He would need to meet and talk to people, face all of his teachers and every other random stranger that walked the same path or hallway with him, attract everyone within sight's attention with a large belly. He had been able to hide his bump for a good few weeks but now it was nearly impossible and he was so thankful neither his mother nor father could detect the changes in Changkyun's body while he had been at home. He wondered momentarily how they hadn't seen the changes at all and then remembered that they didn't pay much attention to him. He'd seen enough evidence of that when he was home for break and it did little in terms of comfort. 

He had been lucky then, but now, with less obligation to hide and more bump to contend with, Changkyun's days of hiding behind his clothes were nearing an end. He wanted to attract as little attention as possible for as long as possible but it seemed he wouldn't be able to do that for much longer. Tomorrow would be his first day of classes and he was absolutely certain everyone would know upon laying eyes on him. It wasn't a secret anymore, that was for sure. It was everyone's business now. 

Changkyun was more awake than before now and he was starting to get antsy with his own thoughts, and his son wasn't letting up on the swift movement. And in addition to all of that, he was bloated and uncomfortable, the anxiety helping none. Changkyun wanted nothing more than to shut his brain off and sleep but he concluded that it would be better for both his mind and body if he got up and moved around for a bit. He rolled out of bed, careful with his bump, and noted how much his feet hurt once they were on the floor. They were starting to swell in the slightest and while he could still fit in his shoes just fine, it was annoying to feel the uncomfortable change in size, just like his developing belly. Yet more changes he wasn't comfortable with. With a deep sigh he left his room, footsteps careful as they took those first few strides into the hallway. He wanted to avoid waking both Hyungwon and Hyunwoo. 

A quick glance at his phone in his hand told Changkyun it was nearly two in the morning and he thought how ridiculous his mind was being with a deep set frown. His body was in need of rest and yet it wouldn't allow him that need. He had an eight am class and he needed to sleep now if he wanted to feel rested at all. He had to laugh to himself. Changkyun used to be able to run on three hours of sleep several days a week if he so pleased but the more he progressed into his pregnancy the more rest he needed to survive the day. Having less than at least seven hours was too much for him and he would go on with the rest of the day dead on his feet. It had happened too many times last semester and now that he was even further along it would be worse, he was sure of it. Today was going to be a rough first day of school if he didn't get rest soon enough. Hopefully, this walk around the house would help him out. 

Changkyun padded in the direction of the sitting room where there were a few couches he could sit on if he needed a break or to think, and there was a tv he could watch if he decided to stick around for a second. The distraction would probably help with his thoughts and he noted in his head that if he fell asleep on the couch it wouldn't be so bad. At least it was a comfortable couch, and maybe it being comfortable and in a different room would help his case. He was hoping he would eventually fall asleep, if not in his room then in the living room. He was hoping for sleep and escape from the tortures of his mind. 

As Changkyun stepped closer to the sitting room, he started to register that the light was already on. It hadn't computed at first, it was just a small detail, but his mind had made the decision that the last person to occupy the space had probably just forgotten to turn the light off. It wasn't much to agonize over, and it wasn't until he turned the corner into the front room that he realized the light was on for a reason. Evidently, he wasn't the only one struggling to sleep that night. 

Changkyun found Hyunwoo sitting in the well-lit room by himself, lost in his own little world. He was contentedly laid across the first couch on his back with a book in his hand, his feet raised and resting on the armrest at the opposite end of the couch. He was deeply focusing on the words written with furrowed brows, taking in the storyline intently. He was wearing his glasses, something Changkyun had never seen him wear before, and he was in sweatpants and a hoodie, something else Changkyun hadn't seen him wear before. Hyunwoo always looked so proper and dressed up, and to see him dressed down and cozy was bizarre while also comforting. This was a new side to his roommate he hadn't seen before and it made Changkyun unknowingly smile. 

Hyunwoo looked so concentrated that Changkyun wasn't sure if the older knew there was someone else in his presence. Changkyun stepped further into the room with a low clearing of his throat before speaking quietly, not wanting to startle Hyunwoo out of his stupor, "Why are you up so late, hyung?" 

The older glanced away from his book, glasses sitting low on his nose. He didn't appear startled and instead smiled, adjusting his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose so he could see properly, "Hey, Changkyun ah," he shortly lifted his book in the air, "I'm almost done with my book, just a few chapters left," he glanced back down and quickly finished his paragraph before he was turning the page and placing a bookmark in for good keeps. Hyunwoo shifted so he was sitting up, placing his book flat on his lap when he was settled in place, "What brings you here during this late hour of the night?" 

"Couldn't really sleep," Changkyun admitted, taking a seat on the second couch that was opposite the couch Hyunwoo was sitting on. He got comfortable, tucking his feet underneath himself to keep warm, resting his body against the armrest. It was chillier in this room compared to his bedroom and he could feel the familiar and uncomfortable prickle of cold on his exposed toes, "There's a lot on my mind right now and I can't seem to shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep," Changkyun felt the baby move again, reminding him that he was still there and still very awake, "And the baby is moving, so that's pretty distracting." 

"I can't relate to the baby moving part, but it's pretty difficult to shut my brain off to go to sleep too believe it or not. And when that happens I usually read to distract myself. I finish a book almost every week," he smiled, gesturing to the tall bookshelf that was pushed against the wall in the room they were sitting in. It was nearly full, every shelf containing a plethora of different kinds of books, some were old textbooks but most were books he had read for fun, "I've read every single one of those over the almost three years I've lived here," he seemed proud of his insane accomplishment, but then again who wouldn't be proud? "And I can recall every single plotline and character." 

It was an alarming amount of books and Changkyun didn't know how the older man could do it. He felt he never had the time and here Hyunwoo was with a difficult and time-consuming major and minor under his belt and blowing through books like it was his job. Changkyun was indeed impressed, "Will you be okay for your first class of the day?" he asked, genuinely curious. Changkyun, even when he was anxious about the change, had tried to go to bed at a decent time so he would be at his best for the first day of his classes. He was never the best at sleeping, but he would always make sure he was asleep to feel rested for the first day of class. 

Hyunwoo nodded, a small sigh escaping his lips as though he could admit he was struggling a little as well, "I barely sleep anyway, so this time will be no different. I'll just drink my half a cup of coffee and be on my way," he was always tired, but insomnia was no help in letting him sleep. He always survived and he was hoping once he was out of school it would be something that would mellow out. He could struggle for now and deal with it once he got his life going again. 

"You just need half a cup and you'll be fine?" Changkyun felt bewildered. He drank much more coffee than Hyunwoo allowed himself, as much as he could ingest while pregnant, and he still felt dead on his feet; it was never enough. That was yet another impressive feat Changkyun easily admired. 

"I'm working on none at all but yes. Exercise usually helps wake me up. I go to the gym every morning and that helps loads," he made it a habit to work his body to keep it fit, not necessarily built but enough that he was happy with the shape he was in, "Protein and lots of water help, too. Coffee is just a little something extra in case I'm not fully awake."

"And you work out?" Changkyun was starting to think he was careless with his body. He'd never done so much for his body before and the only thing he'd ever done was watch what he ate, but he would also purposely not eat when he was feeling especially down on himself. Changkyun realized he wasn't doing such a great job with his health, but pregnancy had really helped him change his bad habits. He ate more, slept more, drank more water, and was starting to care for his body a little more. He had a long way to go if he was ever to achieve Hyunwoo status. 

"I do and I try to get in at least an hour every morning before classes start," tomorrow would be the exception. He would have to visit the gym later than usual and most likely save it for the evening. He'd be too nervous to focus on his sets and routine with the lingering thought of classes creeping up on him, "Lots of cardio and the occasional weight lifting. It's enough and I actually really like it. Makes me feel better the rest of the day, too. Especially with runner's high," he smiled, sweet and kind. Hyunwoo didn't often talk about himself and getting the moment to made him feel a little silly, but it was nice. Not many listened to him speak since he didn't often speak to other people. He was too busy to properly socialize and create bonds with others. 

Changkyun really enjoyed Hyunwoo's company. He was maybe a tad ridiculous but also great and a lot of fun to talk to. He went to the extremes and walked a thin line between self-care and self-destruction, but he handled it so gracefully and with so much confidence that Changkyun had a load of respect for him. It was honestly inspiring and he would do the same but he lacked a serious level of motivation, especially now that he was a little over halfway through his pregnancy. Maybe after he gave birth and had a baby he would at least attempt a few changes, but he would have to see. That was a long way away, and there was no doubt he would be even busier then. 

"Maybe you should take me some time. I need the motivation," Changkyun felt instant regret after suggesting it. Going to the gym was for his health but the sheer laziness he felt wasn't exactly driving him to do anything. He continued, "And I need the exercise after everything I've been eating," his hand absentmindedly strayed to his small bump, feeling the weight gain against his palm while simultaneously feeling his baby from the inside. The baby had yet to move strong enough to feel from the outside, but Changkyun assumed he was getting to that point soon. Not long now. 

"I'd rather let you sleep in and get the rest you need," Hyunwoo stated, eyes glancing to where Changkyun's hand rested. His sweatshirt was large and swallowing his frame so he couldn't see much definition of anything let alone a baby bump, "Growing a baby can't be easy."

"It's not," Changkyun assured quietly, nodding and removing his hand so it could rub at his knee, no longer wanting to touch his middle. He pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands to keep his fingers warm, chilling in the cold air, "But I'm doing my best," Hyunwoo nodded, sure Changkyun was. He was doing a lot already, "Growing a human is kind of cool but it's difficult," he could recognize the wonder of his body's actions, but you'd think this would be easy after millions of years of people having babies. 

The sound of someone else closing in on the space they sat in filled the room and the two turned their heads and watched as a very awake Hyungwon entered, peeking around the corner to assess the situation. He smiled, stepping out more confidently than before when he saw it was both of his roommates, "Well hi!" he greeted, loud and enthusiastic. Far too loud for two in the morning, "Ya’ll having a party without me?” he chuckled, cutting to the connected kitchen to grab a glass of water. He was thoroughly parched, "Rude not to invite me, don't you think?" 

"I thought you'd be asleep by now," Changkyun admitted, which wasn't a ridiculous assumption. He should be asleep; they all should be, "I couldn't sleep so I left my room and Hyunwoo hyung was already here. We didn't mean to exclude you, but rather we didn't want to bother and wake you."

"I'm just pulling your leg," Hyungwon laughed as he filled the glass, taking a long gulp of water, "To be honest I thought you'd both be asleep as well," he walked towards the sitting room and took a seat at the opposite end of the couch Changkyun was sitting on, sinking into the couch cushions and relaxing into his seat with his glass in hand, “Look at us! All the roommates 'not sleeping' together," he laughed, earning a laugh from both Changkyun and Hyunwoo as well, "We're all pretty ridiculous." 

"Why aren't you asleep, Hyungwonnie?" Hyunwoo asked then, fixing his glasses and kicking his feet out to rest on the coffee table in front of them all. They could all put their feet up at the same time if they wanted, "I was doing some late night reading and Changkyunnie has a lot on his mind. So what's up with you?" he asked with an amused smile. They all had something different keeping them conscious. 

Hyungwon pursed his lips, nodding his head, "I'm nervous about the new semester. I always am," his smile faltered slightly, "And I just changed my major so that will be interesting," realizing last semester that exercise science just wasn't his speed, Hyungwon spoke to an academic advisor and changed his major to Korean Literature with a double minor in biology and creative writing. He had wanted to do it when he graduated high school but had foolishly decided against it as he registered for classes, "It's the uncertainty of things that make my chest hurt. I mean, I know what I signed up for and everything, who my professors are, and what I'm supposed to be studying but change is ominous. Makes my 'flight' instinct act up, you know?" talking about it now had his gut twisting, the exact reason why he was awake now, "It's weird, but I've been that way since maybe middle school," it was relatable to Changkyun. He felt deeply nervous about starting the new semester as well; it meant a lot of change. 

"There's nothing to worry about. You've got this!" Hyunwoo smiled. His smile could fix a world of hurt, "It's basically any other day in your school career, with emphasis on any another day. In my opinion, there's nothing special about the first day of the semester. It'll be the same until we graduate." 

"You're right though," Hyungwon agreed, pursing his lips in thought. He couldn't argue with Hyunwoo's perception of first days, "Just the first day is when I have to meet new people and that isn't always the easiest," despite being good with people, it was always hard for him to open up at first. It took time, "First impressions are important to me." 

"Don't think too much into it. These days are the easiest to deal with, so try to enjoy them while there's no stress," Hyunwoo stood up to grab his own glass of water, finding his throat was dry, "Do you want some water, Changkyun?" he asked, trying to look out for the younger even in the smallest ways. He very well couldn't leave Changkyun out when he and Hyungwon both had their own water. And did being pregnant make you thirsty? The thought made sense to Hyunwoo, but he didn't know much about pregnancy to know if it was reasonable. 

Changkyun would have indeed loved a glass of water but if he drank it now he would be up to urinate later and that was annoying to deal with. Waking up to use the bathroom several times a night had been happening for a few weeks now and it was torture. He was already tired, and being awake longer would make him even more so and he would struggle even more the next morning, "No thank you. I'm good," he smiled, running a hand through his hair. It was still damp from the shower he took earlier, thicker than ever hair clinging to the moisture furiously. The feeling left him cold, wanting nothing more than a thick blanket on top of him. 

Hyunwoo nodded and walked towards the kitchen to grab a glass. Changkyun felt enough courage to speak up, suddenly finding himself chatty despite the time of night, "How was your Christmas, Hyungwon hyung?" he asked with genuine interest, "How was it having Wonho hyung there?" he hadn't had the chance to ask between Hyungwon picking him up and arriving at the house. He had all that travel time to ask but he had fallen asleep as soon as he sat down in the back seat of the car and Hyungwon had let him sleep away. Changkyun had been utterly exhausted from the facade he wore for his mother and father and had passed out from the exertion. When they arrived at the house, there was a load of unpacking to do including moving stuff to their new house, and it had slipped their minds with other things to focus on. Now they had no such distractions. 

Hyungwon smiled blissfully at the mention of his boyfriend. He couldn't help himself, "It was the best Christmas ever," he sighed airly as though lost in a surreal dream, "My mom and dad love Hoseokkie already and it was so nice having him there to celebrate with us," he loved that man so much and to have his parents love him as well was truly heart-warming, "I really think he's the one. I've thought that for a long time and I mean it. He's really so great and perfect and makes me feel so loved," he could talk about Hoseok for hours on end if provoked. There was so much to say about him and Hyungwon wanted everyone to know how amazing he was. 

"That's awesome, hyung," Changkyun cooed with a smile, "I'm glad your parents like him so much," his own parents wouldn't do the same for him. They would disown him if they knew he was attracted to men, "I'm happy you have their support and love."

"We had it from day one, even when they didn't know he existed," Hyungwon laughed. His parents claimed they were in need of a son-in-law and they had told him many times before jokingly. There was no pressure for Hyungwon to get married so young, but it was something they did want for his future, "Ugh, I haven't seen him in only a few hours but I already miss him. And I really hope we can do the same thing next Christmas," his heart pined for the older and sang a sad song in the short time they had been separated. 

"You will. I'm almost certain you were both made for each other," Hyunwoo commented from the kitchen. They fit together so well, it was silly to think they wouldn't make it that far. Hyunwoo had only seen them together a few times but he already knew the outcome. It was just that obvious, "The definition of soulmates."  

Hyungwon nodded as if in agreement, a dopey smile painted on his face, "You're not wrong," he shrugged happily, running a hand through his hair. It was his turn to address Hyunwoo who was standing in the kitchen and drinking from his tall glass of water. He looked content where he stood, "What about you, hyung? How was your Christmas and New Year?"

"Oh, it was so much fun!" he answered, taking another sip of his water, "I don't have any siblings so it was just me, my mum, and my dad. We have a tradition of watching as many Christmas movies as we can on Christmas Eve and morning until there's only one person still awake. This time we managed to stay up until three in the morning and it was me who had to turn the tv and lights off," it was always easy for him to stay up so late, so it was no surprise he made it that long. When he was younger, it was always his dad putting them all to bed on the couches, "Then we sleep in, have a good Christmas breakfast or lunch depending on the time, and then open presents."

"What did you get?" Changkyun asked in curiosity. 

"Clothes, some books, including the one I'm reading now," he pointed to said book where it sat on the couch, "And I also got a new pair of sneakers. My old ones were falling apart," they sat in his closet at home and even though they were basically dead, it was hard to toss something that had so many memories attached. He wore them on a trip to Japan and had taken them on many a hike. He couldn't get rid of them, but their walking days were over, "It was pretty great, and for New Years I went to a party and out," he added. He didn't do that often, but the night called for it, "That's what you do for New Year's right?" he asked with a laugh, embarrassment and amusement laced in his features. 

"I think so," Hyungwon laughed loudly in agreement, "It's an annual tradition," he agreed. Had he not spent the New Year at home, he would have done the same with his friends. He turned his head and faced Changkyun, "How was yours, Changkyun ah? Your Christmas and New Year?" 

The older unknowingly opened a can of worms with his seemingly, what was supposed to be innocent question. Changkyun felt his face fall as his mind raced with the memories of his weeks spent back in his unsafe household. He hadn't exactly had the best time home, that was obvious, but he wasn't sure if he was going to go into it and really describe his time home for the holidays. With a quick glance at his phone that was lit in front of his face, he was reminded that it was still two in the morning, way too late to trauma dump onto his friends like his heart was telling him to. He would need hours more to talk it through if he wanted to make a dent, something that they didn't have, so Changkyun started off mild without bringing the mood down, "It was okay. Wasn't my favorite time," he glanced at both Hyunwoo and Hyungwon and the previous smiles on their faces were now replaced with curious frowns. He mentally cursed at himself, thinking how he should have just said it was a fine trip. 

"Why's that? You didn't enjoy your time home?" Hyunwoo asked, taking a seat back on the couch, focusing entirely on Changkyun. He set his glass on the coffee table, full attention on his younger friend with furrowed brows. 

Changkyun swallowed thickly, wondering if he should really clarify the dirty details. He had done this to himself and he couldn't leave it now that Hyunwoo and Hyungwon wanted answers. He should have just said fine, "Well, yes and no. Some of it was good, but most of it was pretty stressful and it really made me feel sick most of the time," he'd thrown up a few times, the debilitating anxiety stirring his stomach and making him feel ill. Luckily, it had been in the early hours of the morning before anyone else had been awake. Vomiting in secret seemed to be a common occurrence with him. 

"Is there any reason why?" Hyungwon was invested now, and he wanted to get it out of Changkyun before he retreated and blocked out any of the details. It was something he did too often, and it surely wasn't good for him to store such negative energy in his chest the way he did. Shutting down wasn't always going to work for him and getting it out now would do him wonders. Hyungwon was confident in this.  

Changkyun sighed deeply with a slight shake of his head. Might as well share some detail to sate their curiosity, "My mom and dad aren't the best parents," Changkyun stated with a shrug, eyes locking on the carpet to avoid eye contact. He hadn't stated this much to anyone before about his parents besides his big brother, and even then he censored most of what he thought, "They love my hyung and are always doting on him and giving him the world, but they haven't exactly done the same for me. There have been moments but most of the time they make comments and criticize everything I do. They're very hard on me and it ruins my mental health when I'm around them," relief flooded is chest as he spoke out loud because he wouldn't dare say something like that to Changwoo. He felt his brother couldn't relate after a lifetime of doting from their parents. 

The silence was loud and pounding in Changkyun's ears. After sharing some difficult and very vulnerable information about himself and his family life, his brain could easily understand if the pair chose not to respond and instead chose to move onto something else. How do you respond to something like that? "Do they know?" Hyungwon inquired after a few muted seconds, cutting the silence off at the root before it grew uncomfortable, "That you're pregnant?" Hyungwon felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end hearing his own words. Based on previous information, he could guess no, but waiting on Changkyun to answer made him terribly nervous for the younger and there was a heavy sense of sympathy deep within his chest. The desperate desire to help his friend through this unfortunate situation was overwhelming, but sadly there was nothing he could do. 

"God, no," Changkyun shook his head, hands palming over his eyes so he could rub them. He was tired and anxious and that was a less than ideal combination, "They're not exactly the most supportive parents," that was a severe understatement, "And they're a pair of God-fearing Christians, and much of what they believe isn't very loving or accepting. Ironically," he paused, his lips and clearing his throat of the anxiety crawling up his esophagus, "Me being biual and pregnant would bring out a side of them I haven't seen since I was in high school," it was a look that struck his heart and made him fear for his life. The littlest things triggered them back then, and they took it out directly on him. He learned that look well and feared it immensely, "If they knew... I-I don't even want to think what would happen then."

Silence swept over the three and Changkyun didn't have to look to know that both Hyungwon and Hyunwoo had sympathetic, yet pitiful expressions on their faces. He just released his darkest demons and it wasn't the easiest thing to understand and Changkyun felt a burning shame. He dug his fingers into the leg of his sweatpants, focusing deeply on the textue of the material to distract himself. He didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. This was starting to embarrass him. 

"They constantly look down on you," Hyungwon stated nearly in a whisper, feeling the hurt in his chest. He planned to say more but he was blanking. What else could you say? "Why would they do that?" 

Changkyun shrugged, feeling his lower lip quiver and his eyes darting around, "I don't know, but they get upset over the smallest things. A big thing my mom kept mentioning while I was there was that I put on a lot of weight," if she had known he was pregnant it would be different, but she didn't and she wouldn't for a very long time. Ideally never, but that wasn't realistic, "It made me feel pretty ty," what he said next was not something he was proud of and wished he hadn't done, "As stupid as it sounds, I barely ate for fear that I'd gain more weight and they'd say more about it to my face," he starved most of the time there, but if it meant he could hide his bump even slightly more then it was okay with him, even though his efforts were absolutely useless, "It made sense at the time, but it wasn't doing anything. Baby kept growing, I kept getting bigger with or without me eating," his hand tucked under his bump, fingers running against bare skin. If he sat normally, his belly was almost sitting in his lap, centimeters from resting on top of his thighs. He hated the idea of it, "I feel stupid." 

Sharing so much about his parents, something he had never done before, was incredibly liberating. It was like taking a weight off his chest while also weighing him down by the ankles. Now that he started he couldn't stop, he couldn't move on, "But someone in my family who never said anything of the sort to me was Changwoo hyung," the thought of him made him breathe easier, but he was still internally upset, "He was the only one who ever really cared about me in the house," he chewed the inside of his cheek, "He was so supportive when I told him about the baby and he is so excited," his frown was returning, thoughts ruminating with the inability to focus on one thing at a time, "My parents don't even know I'm pregnant and they're already so unsupportive. They're unsupportive with everything I do," he scoffed to himself, a crooked smile replacing his frown, "You know, they didn’t even want me to go to school for art. They said it was a waste of time and my potential and that really hurt," art was Changkyun's passion and to be told his passion was a waste shattered his drive and pride in his talent. 

Changkyun felt himself choke up, finally stopping himself from spilling any more of his mental anguish. He sighed, head lolling forward and hand palming his forehead, blocking his eyes from the harsh light of the front room. His head was starting to ache and he really just wanted to sleep and forget this happened, "Being home is kind of a nightmare for me," his voice dropped an octave, eyes starting to tear up while he was trying hard to keep it in. Emotions got the best of him sometimes, blame it on the hormones, "I'm sorry, I've probably said too much. All you asked me was how my time at home was," he sniffled quietly, feeling a tear run down his nose, eyes filling with tears as he grew more and more upset, "I didn't mean to force all my problems onto you guys when you didn't want to hear them in the first place." 

"I wanted to hear them," Hyungwon interjected, eyebrows furrowing in surprise with a frown to match, "You wanted to say those things and both Hyunwoo hyung and I wanted to listen. That's why we're sitting here talking with you." 

Hyunwoo agreed, joining in to share his piece, "If you felt you needed to speak from your heart then all we have to do is sit here, listen, and figure out how to make you feel better if we can," his heart went out to Changkyun because none of that was fair to deal with. Hyunwoo couldn't even imagine himself in the same world, "We aren't going to turn away because you have your trauma. If anything, I have loads more respect for you," he already held Changkyun in high regard, now he held him even higher. But Changkyun felt he was lying and was just saying that. 

"And there's no need to apologize," Hyungwon assured, lifting himself from his spot further down the couch to sit right next to Changkyun, "This is obviously something that you think about a lot because you can't get away from it, and it's something that is really upsetting to you," he set a tender hand on Changkyun's knee, comforting him physically, "Don't ever apologize." 

"But it's a lot," Changkyun reminded, wanting to hide away. He could see the way Hyunwoo was looking at him with so much worry in his eyes and it was unsettling. He hated making people look like that, "And it's not very fun to deal with the sad friend who has a bad home life," he had always been that friend and it was something he tried to avoid when it came to conversation. In his view of things, sharing his tragic home life like he just did was destructive and pushed people away, and from experience, he knew it was a good way to lose people, "It's a total inconvenience to deal with and I don't want you to feel sorry for me because you don't have to. I get it-"

Hyungwon had to cut him off because that was ridiculous, "Hold on now, you don't need to say any of that because it's absolutely not true," Hyungwon didn't want Changkyun to apologize for something he had no control over. He cleared his throat, "I think this was something you needed to express at this time, or else it would have festered in your chest. Eventually, you wouldn't be able to breathe," Hyungwon gently reached and grabbed Changkyun's hand, holding it in his own so tenderly. Changkyun typically shied away from physical affection such as this with anyone other than his brother, but this was nice and Changkyun did not feel repulsed at it. He rather enjoyed it and squeezed Hyungwon's hand, "And I need you to breathe. I think this moment now was meant for you to talk and tell us what you were dealing with. This was the moment you needed to feel better and maybe get some of that mental strain out there so you wouldn't have to suffer in silence," he nodded with a reassuring smile, looking towards Hyunwoo for some of his hopefully wise words. 

"I'm glad you told us," Hyunwoo added with confidence, "Otherwise we wouldn't have known. And I know you don't want either of us to feel sorry for you, but my heart goes out to you so much," it really did with an ache, "It's good to talk things out, and if you ever need to say more and empty your heart or share your inner turmoil, we are here and more than willing to listen to you. And I mean that," Hyunwoo meant every word he said with his whole heart. He would never get tired of hearing Changkyun talk, especially if it was so needed. 

"You were telling us how supportive your brother is and how that really helps you through your ups and downs, and if you'll let us, we want to be that support system for you as well," there was no spoken agreement between Hyungwon or Hyunwoo that they would be that support system but it was mentally there and Hyunwoo couldn't agree more. It was built within the few minutes of Changkyun apologizing for sharing his family dynamics and was unchanging, "There's no need for you to be alone when you feel like this." 

"You always have friends you can rely on when things get tough," Hyunwoo reminded, eyes turned to soft crescents as he smiled. 

Changkyun felt like he could cry. The two were being so nice to him and he appreciated it so much. It was almost unbelievable that he was able to befriend such caring people after years of avoiding everyone he met, "We're always here for both you and your baby boy," Hyungwon smiled confidently, eyes drifting down to settle on Changkyun's bump at the mention of the baby. He was showing so much more now than he last saw him and it was astounding. Hyungwon was curious... wanted to feel Changkyun's bump and the baby that was contained safely inside. It was bizarre to feel such an attachment to someone who wasn't even born, yet here Hyungwon was. 

Changkyun could see the way Hyungwon was so focused on his bump and while that was something that would cause him to hide his body and tuck in close, that wasn't the case this time. Hyungwon was someone who deeply cared for him and the baby and there was no need to hide. It was silly to think such a way when he was safe and with people who wouldn't hurt him. It took some effort, but Changkyun let his guard down entirely for a second. He let himself rest for once and relax as he felt comfortable. 

And then he did something he never thought he would do. Changkyun straightened his legs out slowly in front of him, letting them adjust and stretch before removing his hand from its hold with Hyungwon's hand. He reluctantly grabbed him by the wrist and gently guided the older's hand to rest on his bump, right where he was feeling flutters and butterflies. Hyungwon wouldn't be able to feel anything but Changkyun could see the curiosity in his eyes, and he trusted the older to feel. 

Having a hand that wasn't his on his bump felt weird and uncomfortable, but it was also incredibly comforting at the same time. This baby was such a huge part of him and to finally let someone get to him in that way lifted a huge weight off of his chest. Seeing Hyungwon's shocked smile upon the contact was also very pleasant and made Changkyun giggle to himself. Hyungwon smiled more confidently, shoulders shrugging as he preened at the gesture. He knew what this meant for Changkyun to do something like that, and it was monumental. He was happy to be a part of something so special. 

"I wanna feel too!" Hyunwoo chimed in, hand outstretched as he removed himself from the couch so he could feel Changkyun's bump too. He didn't want to be left out and with Changkyun being as reserved as he was, this was the moment to snatch the opportunity to feel the baby boy inside. He nearly stumbled to the floor standing up too fast so he could get closer to Changkyun, but it was a quick recovery. Hyunwoo was so ready to feel the baby; not necessarily feel him move, but just feel that he was there. 

Changkyun had to laugh and once Hyunwoo was close enough, he gently placed the oldest of them all's hand on his bump right next to Hyungwon's hand. There wasn't much space left to feel, his whole abdomen nearly covered by ten fingers and two palms, but that didn't matter to either of his friends. They were both endlessly fascinated by the bump that had developed over the few weeks they were apart like it was the eighth wonder of the world. And while they held him and his bump in such high regard, it was a new sensation for Changkyun. He saw himself as ugly, fat, not worth anyone’s time yet here he was, being treated as though he were fragile and precious. It was a wonderful feeling and Changkyun wished he could feel like he did in that moment all the time. He felt cared for and almost loved, and it was phenomenal. 

Eventually, they did part and give Changkyun his space back so he wasn’t smothered, and even after everything they talked about they still weren't tired or ready for bed. They were just as awake as they were before they all joined in the sitting room and it looked like they weren't going to make any progress any time soon. No one was ready to go to bed yet and so it was up to them to keep the conversation rolling. 

And Hyungwon had the perfect story to tell them all, “Okay, did you hear about Kihyun and Minhyuk?" there was excitement in his voice, a tone that was ready to spill drama. Neither Changkyun nor Hyunwoo had heard anything from the two at all since they didn't keep in contact with either boy, but both were ready for whatever Hyungwon had to say, "Sit back, this will be a juicy story. I have some tea." 

------

Changkyun stepped out of Hyungwon’s car, pulling his coat close to his body. Their house was close enough to campus that they could walk and show up to the grounds in minutes, but the low temperature and cold was too overwhelming to bear for the ten minutes it would take to get to campus. Changkyun was very thankful his friend had a car so they could do this. He would need to take advantage of that now when it was cold and then later when he was huge and struggling to walk to class at a good pace. 

"Thank you, Hyungwon hyung for driving me," Changkyun chirped, eying the school as he readied to head towards the pattern of buildings lining the walkways. The campus wasn't too big and the class buildings were very close so travel between classes wasn't too difficult. Yet another perk he would appreciate when he was waddling between classes. 

"You don't need to thank me, Changkyunnie. I'll be doing this every day. Can't have my best friend and nephew freezing to death," the term of endearment had Changkyun smiling. He wasn't his nephew by blood, but the sentiment was nice, "And I couldn't let you walk alone when I drive because I'm too lazy to walk," he was extremely tired as well. They continued to stay up the night before and talk for another two hours until they were in bed at four in the morning. That had not been the plan but conversation helped them sleep in the end and that was the goal anyway. Changkyun would just need to take a nap after all of his schedules and hopefully it wouldn't affect his later sleeping schedule. 

"Again, thank you," Changkyun emphasized with a smile. Hyungwon rolled his eyes but smiled back none the less, "I'll see you after classes, whether that be at home or in between," they had both compared class schedules the day before and Hyungwon made it a point to find time in his own schedule to drive Changkyun home once he was done with his classes. He wanted to make sure Changkyun wasn't out in the cold for prolonged moments of time, or pushing himself when he was pregnant. Changkyun had needed to remind the older that he was a little over five months and that he wasn't in need yet. But Hyungwon was not having it; he was going to help when he could. 

"I will be driving you home so I will see you after your last class," Hyungwon nodded pointedly, meaning business in his words. He wasn't going to let Changkyun go home on his own when he was pregnant, "And good luck! Knock 'em dead," he encouraged, turning to head towards his class in a building a bit farther than where Changkyun was going, "Have a good day!" he more or less shouted over his shoulder, picking up the pace so he could make it to his class. 

"You too!" Changkyun shouted after him and the happiness that he felt momentarily speaking to his friend was starting to disappear and his anxiety was returning, swirling in his gut and making him feel queasy. He wasn't mentally prepared for school and he wasn't ready to sit in a room with people he didn't know. He would rather be curled up in bed but he had no choice and would just have to feign some courage for his own sake. Faking it until he made it seemed to be the move today and it was what Changkyun was going to settle for. 

His coat didn't fit as well as it did before so he had to pull both sides as close to his body as it would permit. It was in that moment that he realized just how big he actually was and it had his mind going to a dark place. Depleting body image and low self-esteem were not his friends yet made visits often. It was unfair when all he wanted was to be happy with how he was now and adjust to his new normal. And while this was something he could agonize over for hours he couldn't focus on that now. He had to get to class with a clear head and had to make it before all the good seats were taken. Sitting in the front of the class gave him terrible anxiety and preferred it further in the back. That was typically how it was for most people but it was especially worse with Changkyun. He would probably cry if he had to sit in the front. 

Ignoring the voices in his head with a shake, Changkyun started on his way to class and started heading towards the pathways, glancing around as he closed in other students as they headed towards their own destinations. He was closing that distance between other people and it was making him nervous. He felt extremely visible to others and felt like everyone could see his bump and tell he was pregnant. It was unlikely since he was so well covered up and in reality, wasn't too terribly big yet but that lingering fear in his head was preventing him from relaxing. He kept his head down as he walked into the classroom building and walked down the halls until he found the room that was meant for him. He watched as other students sauntered into the room and he had to inhale deeply to calm himself. There was no going back and he knew that, so he continued on his way until he stepping into the threshold of the classroom. 

Luckily there weren't many people yet in the room and luckily there were still plenty of seats open near the back of the class. Changkyun hurried over and took a seat where he would hopefully keep out of the class's eye, exhaling the anxiety out of his body as he sat down. He still had plenty of anxiety to spare as he had the rest of the day to survive through, but a significant amount in the moment was released. He had an estimated half-hour of relaxation before all the anxiety was flooding back to him and he was back to feeling out of control and shaky again. He had several classes in the day to repeat the cycle with. He couldn't wait. 

Changkyun took a look at his phone, a time filler as he waited the five minutes he still had until class officially started. A look at social media would help mellow him out, reading through articles and looking at what was trending had him lost in his own world, until a voice rather close to his head scared him out of his trance. He jumped, nearly dropping his phone on the ground and sending shockwaves up his spine. He felt his right knee knock into the table he sat at and it momentarily hurt, feeling the pain splinter into his shin. Annoyance building in his throat, Changkyun turned to look at who was speaking to him to possibly tell them off but instead his eyes widened because it was Jooheon. 

Jooheon was smiling wide in excitement, still looking sleepy but ready for the day. They hadn't seen each other in nearly a month and there was a certain softness in his features that was oddly comforting to Changkyun. It almost made him happy to see him, "I didn't know we had a class together," Jooheon chirped, taking a seat right next to Changkyun, placing his backpack on top of the table and establishing himself in the spot. He was getting comfortable because he was staying right there and wasn't moving, "What are the odds, huh?"

Changkyun swallowed nervously, still feeling a little shaky and uneven. But he did his best to deliver a genuine smile, "I guess we're pretty lucky," Changkyun had known Jooheon was a psychology major and he himself had a minor in psychology, but he didn't think they would cross paths and have a class together after all the classes Jooheon had already taken ahead of Changkyun. He'd been in school a year longer than Changkyun so it really was a surprise that this had not been completed on his transcript and mapper yet. This was a shock to both of the boys that they would be spending the semester in the same class, and both had vastly different opinions about it. 

Jooheon settled further into his seat, organizing his belongings and taking out what he thought he would need on the first day. He was quite prepared and that wasn't something Changkyun was used to seeing. From his own experience with Jooheon, the older was unprepared and was clumsy, hence the baby they were having together. He was taken abac