August 2013

Chaeyoung’s POV

It’s almost been a year since GD sunbaenim's album “One of a Kind” was released. The album featured two trainees: me and Jennie unnie. I sang in his song “Without You” while Jennie unnie was featured in his music video “That XX”. Although I am very grateful for the once in a lifetime opportunity to work with such an amazing artist, I can’t help but feel a little bitter. I continue to face hate everyday for being featured in a song only a few months into my training period and to make matters worse, it was G-dragon sunbaenim’s song, the most popular idol and the most looked up to person in our agency. I knew it was cutthroat in the trainee world but I didn’t know people were this cold. I’ve made no friends besides Lisa, Jennie unnie, and Jisoo unnie because all of the other trainees have cut me off.

Besides that little problem, I am really happy for Jennie unnie. She finally received the recognition she deserved from her hard work. It seems as though everyone in Korea was asking who the pretty girl from his music video was. Everybody in the agency is treating her differently too: like a celebrity. All the other trainees that were once cold towards her (and are now cold towards me) crowd around her every lunch in the cafeteria, buttering her up with praises. Lisa, Jisoo and I barely get to eat with her anymore or hang out with her in general as she always seems to be practicing or surrounded by new people that do not seem to care about anyone besides Jennie. 

Even the staff treat her with extra attention and care, which is both a blessing and a curse as it’s a lot harder to hang out with her without a manager following our every move. 

Actually, now that I think about it, there were more negatives to GD sunbaenim’s album: I am now the most hated trainee AND I don’t get to talk to Jennie unnie anymore. 

Anyways, today is some kind of special day because Yang Sajangnim called all of the trainees to a larger practice room, the room where we normally do our evaluations (I already crossed out on the list of possible reasons behind this meeting as evaluations were last week).

As I walked into the practice room, I immediately found Lisa and Jisoo unnie, as they were obviously the loudest two in the room, bickering yet again about something. I found Jennie unnie soon after as well, as it was not hard to spot the large entourage of trainees surrounding her, all of whom probably talk crap about me on the daily. Jennie unnie and I made eye contact and her eyes seemed to light up a bit. Maybe she was happy to see me, but I’m pretty sure I was imagining things. She’s way too popular to care about me, a loner who all of her new friends hate.

——————

“What are you guys fighting about this time?” I questioned as I sat next to Lisa.

“We are just speculating what this whole thing is about. I’m thinking that he’s going to announce another special artist-trainee collaboration like he did with you and Jennie last year. But Jisoo unnie’s convinced he’s announcing that he’s finally going to stop wearing those ugly hats,” Lisa explained, “That does not make sense though.”

“Well yeah, why would he go through all these pains just to announce that?” I sassed.

“Nono. I meant that he’ll never stop wearing those hats. He’s not YG without that stupid hat,” Lisa said knowingly.

We all laughed.

Jisoo unnie jokingly scolded Lisa: “Yah! You know Sajangnim hears everything right? I wouldn’t be surprised if he stormed in right now and immediately kicked you out.” And as if on cue,  our CEO walked in the room, sporting the iconic hat. 

And almost as if on-command, every trainee and teacher in the room stood up and  bowed to him.

As he walked toward the center of the room and as we all sat back down on the ground.

As he adjusted his iconic hat, I heard Lisa whisper to Jisoo unnie: “You owe me an ice cream”.

Sajangnim cleared his throat. 

“Today I have an excited announcement. We have another collaboration coming up!” 

Lisa leaned over to Jisoo and whispered once again: “That’s two ice creams.”

“Our one and only Jennie Kim is going to be taking on a collaboration once again!” Sajangnim announced with excitement as he signaled Jennie unnie to stand up beside him.

“Her potential to be the next best idol was proven in the responses to G-dragon’s music video from last year and that was just through her visuals, so this time around, Jennie will be able to show off her rapping skills! All the instructors and I have been watching her closely ever since she arrived at YG. Her audition stood out amongst the rest of the auditions as she has this unique allure that draws you in. And she reassures is that we made the right decision in choosing her as she works hard everyday and has turned out to be a multifaceted, talented artist with overflowing potential. Everyone give her a big round of applause for her effort for the past few years because it is finally paying off!” 

Jennie stood there, her gummy smile shining brightly as the whole room erupted in applause. We made eye contact and I tried to show how proud I was her, but was interrupted by the sound of Sajangnim’s frill voice.

“Yes, this is definitely a time of celebration, but it also is a time of learning and reflection. If you guys don’t remember, we also had Chaeyoung feature in one of GD’s songs, but the response to the song was definitely not as positive or as huge as Jennie’s. Me and the vocal director have been talking about it and we have come to the conclusion that it is because of her voice. The trendiest voices today are the unique ones like Taeyang’s and Bom’s. Because Chaeyoung’s vocal colors showcased in the song were not unique enough, it did not receive much hype.” At that moment his eyes searched the crowd and as they met mine, I lowered them in embarrassment. 

“So Chaeyoung-ah you are definitely going to be spending a lot of time with the vocal director on transforming your voice into something that better fits both our company and the style that listeners want. I’m not trying to single you out in front of all the trainees, but I think it is an experience we can all learn from. All of you need to remember that the only way to make it in this industry is to put yourself out there and create a style that is unique to you. You can either end up in Jennie’s position or Chaeyoung’s position. You have to decide how your future will pan out. You are dismissed.” And with that closing statement he walked out of the room, as if purposefully leaving the rest of the trainees to prey on the weak—me. 

Before anyone could take the first stab at me, I ran out of the room as the walls seemed to be closing in around me.

Jennie’s POV

As I walked into the room, I noticed Lisa and Jisoo sitting on the other side, with space for one person on either side of them. I assumed they saved seats for me and Chaeyoung, despite my recent absence from many of our hangouts as Sajangnim has been pestering me about practicing my rapping more and as other trainees have been taking me out to lunch (everyone knows I can’t resist free food). While I was walking towards them, both of them smiling at me, and Jisoo unnie patting the seat to her left, an entourage of trainees ambushed me with bows and small talk. They urged me to sit with them and practically dragged me by the arms to where they were sitting. I looked back at Lisa and Jisoo unnie in remorse and they both were giving me thumbs ups and reassuring smiles.

Then, Chaeyoung walked in. Out of habit, I almost called her over, but she was already looking in the direction of Jisoo unnie and Lisa. We met eyes for a brief second, and she smiled that sweet, bright smile that I missed so very much. 

My eyes continued to follow her until she reached Lisa. Then, I watched as they giggled together, Chaeyoung hitting Lisa’s arms playfully and Jisoo unnie scolding Lisa for something. 

In that moment, even though I was surrounded by people trying to get my attention, I felt more alone than ever before.

—————— 

As I watched Chaeyoung shut down, each word hitting her like a dagger to the heart, rage filled every crevice of my body. She held her head down in defeat as he pummeled her with criticisms and only nodded slightly when he urged her to practice more. I swear I was so close to kicking him in the nuts, grabbing Chaeyoung, and walking out that door. 

I’ve never seen her this hurt before. And I never wanted to see her like that again.

As soon as Sajangnim left, a couple of girl trainees came up to me. 

“Wow, so pathetic. Can’t even face us after what we all already knew was  announced to us, I can’t believe you used to be friends with her,” some girl scoffed after following my eyes to see Chaeyoung  dashing out the door; Lisa and Jisoo chasing after her. 

“I can't believe Lisa and Jisoo are still friends with her. You were smart to distance yourself from them Jennie,” another girl said. 

“Jennie?”

“Jennie, where are you going?”

I heard them call out to me but I couldn’t answer as I was already on the other side of the room, ready to make an exit.  

As I reached the doorway, some dude sidestepped in front of me, blocking me from the only exit of the room. “Crazy stuff huh. I mean I guess she deserved to be put in her place after acting all high and mighty after her collab but I didn’t know that Sajangnim could be that harsh,” he remarked. 

“Get out of my ing way, douchebag” I seethed through my teeth. 

“Geez, sorry. I just—“

I didn’t hear the rest of his sorry excuse as I was already out the door and in the hallway. I was walking down the hall toward the staircase when I heard voices from the restroom.

I opened the door slowly and slipped myself in, standing behind the wall to stay hidden.

“Chaeyoung-ah can you please come out from there? Crying by yourself in a bathroom stall is not the solution. Let me come in and cry with you,” a voice I recognized as Lisa’s pleaded. 

“No crying! From either of you. Let’s go out. I’ll buy you kimchi-jjigae,” Jisoo unnie said.

“But” *loud sniff* “you hate kimchi-jjigae unnie-“ *huge noise blow* “how about samgyetang” *sniff* “because we all like that,” Chaeyoung suggested quietly. I almost wanted to laugh. It was so like Chaeyoung to care about other people when she was dealing with her own crap.

I missed her. 

“Nonono. We are getting kimchi-jjigae. The decision is final, right Lisa?”

“Yup, it’s two against one. I guess you have no choice Chaeng. Now will you hurry up and come out? I’m hungry!”

“Okay fine, I’ll come out. But we are getting something we can all enjoy!”

I slipped out of the bathroom before they could see me. I’m sure Chaeyoung didn’t  want anything to do with me at that moment, so it was better to keep my distance.

I went to the cafeteria and sat at the usual table, the table where I met Chaeyoung. But this time around I wasn’t approached by her blinding smile, but instead a whole squadron of