Author's Note: this chapter takes on the format of the girls “diaries” so it’s a little different: more thoughts than actual scenes. i drew a lot from blackpink house so if you’re bored at home, go watch them! the pinks are so adorable (as always)

Jennie’s POV

A year and a half since our debut and we were kicking . We were doing far better than we could have ever even fathomed. All of our releases broke multiple records, we brought home multiple awards, and our fandom was growing quickly despite our infrequency in activity. Because of this, Sajangnim decided to capitalize on our popularity by starting a reality tv show following our lives in the Blackpink House.

Normally, I hate stuff like this: cameras in our living quarters, always having to put a smile on for the camera; it was just more opportunities for antis to put our lives under scrutiny and find more reasons to hate us. 

But because of our packed schedule for the past year and a half, we didn’t get much time to just relax and reflect on our lives like the old times during our trainee years, so the reality show was actually a blessing in disguise: it allowed us just to rest and enjoy moments together.

Thus, I went into this experience willingly, obviously in complete oblivion of what would happen, or rather, what would happen AGAIN.

I was over Park Chaeyoung completely by this point. Yes, I still had the occasional flutter of the heart, but after having little down time over the past year and a half to even think about anything that has to do with romance, I got over it. There was not even time to hang out with her in general; in the past we would hang out in the dorms after practice, but after exhausting ourselves with promotions, we would just crash in our own rooms. So one day, I just didn’t really feel much anymore. Of course I still loved her like family, but there were no more butterflies. There was no pang in the heart whenever Chaeyoung would smile at me. There was no feelings of overheating when she would give skinship.

And I was super relieved. I was delusional. Us together could never have happened in such a conservative environment, especially since we were also group mates.

Despite my simmered-down feelings, I was still super nervous when it came time to pick roommates. Every other time we’ve had to share a room, we would split it up between the elders and the maknaes; it was just easier this way. But this time, for the “entertainment” factor, we had to play a game to pick roommates. And let’s just say I tried really hard NOT to pick Chaeyoung. 

Don’t get me wrong, she was (and forever will be) my hubby, and I, her wifey, but I was not confident enough in myself not to fall for her again. I mean, it was already bad that I was now going to hang out with her 24/7 for filming, but to sleep in the same room as her and basically never be able to escape her cuteness?! It would be risky for the future of my heart and for Blackpink.

So when I watched Chaeyoungie go to the room on the right (which unfortunately was the room I wanted to pick) through the crack in the divider, I made sure to pick the left room. But to my surprise, both Jisoo Unnie and Lalisa were hiding in that room, so we had to do another freaking game!

And in the end, Jisoo unnie picked Chaeyoungie. Safe, reliable Jisoo unnie (unlike Lalisa, who is a total flirt). I knew for a fact that they were just friends and nothing more, so why was I still not sat ease? Why was I nervous that Jisoo was going to spend more time with Chaeyoungie than I was? 

And this small trickle of jealousy made me realize that my feelings were starting to surface again. So I decided that I needed to keep away from her.

Chaeyoung’s POV

Week 2 of filming for Blackpink House and Jennie was already not like her usual self.

She skipped out on my first solo photoshoot because she was tired and wanted to just rest in the dorms, away from the cameras. I always try my best to understand as I know she likes her privacy, but this time it hurt a little. 

Jennie was always there for my firsts, always there to cheer me on and give advice. So not having her there was hard for me. I may sound selfish or unthoughtful because Lisa and Jisoo unnie were there, but I just really could’ve used Jennie’s presence... I don’t know how to explain it, she just makes me feel more comfortable and calm in the newest environments.

I could feel her distancing herself from me, just like she did before, and just like before, I had no idea why. I couldn’t let history repeat itself considering how miserable I was the last time we stopped talking.  I had to do something about it.

So the next morning, I made her toast. Now that might sound extremely lame and ineffective, but I knew that taking small steps closer to her was going to work better than a huge leap.

And it kinda worked