Lee Hyukjae was not stupid.

He knew that his children were up to something, he just didn’t know what they were planning. If there was something that he knew about his sons very well, is that they tend to know a lot more things than he let on, like the time when Muti ran away and that one time in summer camp when he caught them being matchmakers for Junseo.

Whatever it was, he felt like it will be something that he will ground the boys for once he gets the entire story from them. It wouldn’t help at all now that he knew that they were now close to Heechul, who was one of the sneakiest ones in his group, never second to the K.R.Y. trio.

“Eunhyuk,” his head turned when his name was called by none other than the source of most of his headache, Lee Donghae.

“What is it?” he asked, trying to be as indifferent as he can. He had gone six months before their disbandment like this, he was pretty sure he could put up with this for at least three more months.

Donghae seemed to pick-up on it and stayed at an arm’s length. “The next song is Growing Pains.”

‘.’ Hyukjae cursed in his head. He remembered that they planned to showcase the sub-units with the ELFs favorite songs. Growing Pains was one of them, and it was a ballad that required the two to be in harmony as before. “Alright. Let’s start song rehearsals.” Hyukjae agreed and the two went to the middle where they had already set up two mic stands. Sungmin was manning the sound system and hit play for the instrumental of the song.

It took everything for Hyukjae not to react too much into the song. As talented as Donghae is, this song can bring out what he is feeling right now towards the creator: love and hurt.

He never thought he would sing this again with the man that he had loved in an atmosphere so suffocating that it was becoming too much for him. In order to battle the suffocation, he had to act cold and distant, despite him forgiving Donghae for what he had done four years ago.

The first notes of the song was then heard, and the only thing that Hyukjae could do was to sing without looking at Donghae, which was difficult as the two were standing in front of the mirror, but he had to endure. Just to survive this song that portrays what he is feeling right now.

Little did he know that hiding it is bound to be useless.

[English Translation of Growing Pains]

This cold night street

These heartbreaking footsteps

Someday, it’ll all pass

Memories of us crazily in love

It will slowly flow down

Forgotten with time (Forgotten)

I tried going into your closed heart

But in this empty room

I discovered ourselves already broken

So it hurts

“You know I love you, right?”

“I do. But sometimes with the way you mess with Siwon, I’m not sure most of the time.”

“Yah! I already said I was sorry about that in the last concert. What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Shout outside that you love me and only me?”

“Okay.”

“Oka—wait, what are you doing?!”

“I will shout to the heavens.”

“NO, wait Donghae, get back here!”

“I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK LEE HYUKJAE! I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU!”

“Donghae you idiot!”

“YAH YOU IDIOT COUPLE, WE ALREADY KNEW FROM THE START SO STOP MAKING NOISE!”

“We already know Donghae-hyung so be quiet, we just got Taemin to sleep! We live right above you!”

“Hey! Your room is right below me and Sunny! We have a show tomorrow. Profess your love some other time!

But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me

I hope for this every day, countlessly

I hope you won’t remember as much as I do

I hope you’re better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

*“Oppa. You hadn’t eaten for the entire day. Umma is worried about you.”

“I’m fine Noona, I just…want to be alone.”

“But getting food in your stomach is more important than you lying there in your bed, making us worry.”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t be. Oppa, I know it hurts, but this will pass.”

“How can it pass? Half of my life, I’ve spent with him…and now…he’s practically gone from my life. I can’t even fight.”

“Oppa…”

“I really love him…but this…sometimes I wish I didn’t…”

“No, don’t you dare regret loving Donghae, Oppa. I know he still loves you deep down.”

“How can I know when he’s getting married to someone else…?”

My thoughts that were filled with you

Even those thoughts push me away

as if they’re irritated

I chase after the clock hands, chase after time

But there, I discovered you leaving

I’m in a rush and you’re in a hurry to leave

Like an express train, my footsteps are

rushed every day – (Surrendered to the memories)

Now we’re like an old

and worn notebook filled with scribbles

“Are you sure you’re leaving?”

“Yes. If I stay here in this flat…it reminds me of him too much…”

“Are you moving back to your old flat?”

“No. I have no intention of selling that in case work brings me back here. I bought a property in Incheon. I’ll stay there while I supervise my new dance studio.”

“Hyukkie, I know this is not my place to say, but…are you simply going to stay away from him?”

“What choice do I have, Heechul-hyung? Every turn I make, I see his face in tabloids and posters for his new film and dramas. Sometimes even with his wife. I want to get away from this.”

“And not saying any goodbyes to all of us?”

“What a silly question hyung. I won’t say goodbye to you all. I’m just a phone call away when you need a drinking buddy.”

“You hadn’t told him, have you?”

“No. and it’s better that way. What’s the point when he’s just going to go after me? I have no intention of being a mistress.”

“If that’s your choice, Hyukkie, take care.”

I tried going into my lost memories

But now I can’t see you

I discovered ourselves already disappeared

So it hurts (it hurts so much)

“He’s been calling me, asking how you are doing.”

“Sorry to be the messenger, Jungsoo-hyung…”

“It’s fine with me, but what about you? You really don’t want to hear his side of things?”

“What’s there to explain? He already made it clear that we had nothing.”

“Don’t go putting words in his mouth, Eunhyuk. There might be more to the story than that.”

“I doubt it, with how they’re all over each other on tabloids and shows.”

“Ah, so you do keep track.”

“I don’t. Their stories always flash on my screen even if I don’t look or it voluntarily.”

“Whatever floats your boat. What do you want me to say?”

“Tell him…I don’t want to see or talk to him ever again.”

“Eunhyuk…”

“Please, I’m begging you hyung…”

“Alright, fine. If that is what you want. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me

I hope for this every day, countlessly

I hope you won’t remember as much as I do

I hope you’re better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

“What do you mean?”

“Just turn on the television Hyukkie! Hurry!”

“What…?”

“I was never in love with her. She had something against me that I could not fight back, unless someone else’s career and life gets caught in the crossfire.”

“What is he spouting?!”

“Just listen to the entire thing Hyukkie, and don’t say a word.”

“What did she have against you that the solution is marriage?”

“She had threatened to expose me and my lover’s relationship if I did not do what she said. And of course, I was cornered, and so, I had to do what she wanted: marriage.”

“Why did you not expose her immediately? You could have exposed her earlier on that you were being blackmailed.”

“Let’s be realistic. As of three years ago, our industry are hostile against same- relationships. Even if I sue her, the damage will be done despite filing a case against her. I was an active idol of Super Junior, and one wrong scandal could have destroyed fifteen careers in one go. Now that Super Junior has disbanded and I have enough support in our industry in this day and age, I now have the courage to expose her and to do the right thing. I divorced her, and now, she is going after me and my money, the money that I have earned in my years as an idol, composer and an actor, which I will not allow. Our marriage held no value, and I will not give her a single won.”

“What do you have to say to your lover, if he is watching this?”

“I know I hurt you and did not explain myself when I declared my intention of marriage to her, but please understand that I did it for you, for our career and for our names not to be dragged to the mud without any severe altercations to our lives and our career in our industry. I know this is too late, but I want you to know that I did it for us, and that…I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me in the future.”

“Jungsoo-hyung…what…?”

“He’s been trying to fight for a while, Eunhyuk. Now you have the answer. Donghae is really sorry it came to this.”

One Two Three Four Five (I put it all down today)

I guess I’m forgetting (I can’t really see you)

Five Four Three Two One, I think time is up

“What about you, Appa? Were you once in love?”

“Where is this coming from, boys?”

“Well, if Doyum has Jinsung and Junseo has Yongha—after a lot of blood, sweat, tears and headaches on Junseo’s end, by the way…”

“HEY!”

“…then what about you?”

“You boys are getting too nosey and you don’t even have an older sister to teach you that.”

“We have Muti for that role.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have the older sister vibe, don’t deny that. You’re the diva out of the nine of us.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep Lee Seunghwan…”

“Moving on before Muti kills Seunghwan?”

“Haha, okay. There was this one person, he was everything to me.”

“Eh? Then why aren’t you together?”

“We were once, but not anymore. Things happened, and in order for us not to be hurt badly, he had to break my heart.”

“That’s no excuse. Who is he?”

“If I tell you, you’d go out of your way to mess with him either in person or in social media, so no, I won’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve already forgiven him. Despite all that…I’m still in love with him.”

But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me

I hope for this every day, countlessly

I hope you won’t remember as much as I do

I hope you’re better than me (oh today and tomorrow)

When the song ended, it was only then when Hyukjae realized that he practically poured his emotions into the song, as he was three seconds to breaking down.

It did not go unnoticed by the others in the room, and especially not by Donghae who was looking at him with wide eyes and some sort of emotion was fluttering through his eyes, as if understanding what Hyukjae was trying to convey.

It was then when he realized that he had slipped. One glance at his boys who was looking at him with surprise, he immediately snapped himself out and feigned a cough. “Sorry, just…I need a moment.” He said as he silently got out of the training room. No one had the heart or the brain to move and only regained their mobility when the door closed.

“Oh dear…” Heechul mumbled as he looked at Donghae who was still staring at the door in shock.

A sense of longing coursed through Donghae as he watched the door still. The moment Hyukjae had sung his rap lines, he had immediately picked-up on his emotions, and he immediately knew his message: ‘I miss you and still love you.’

He felt hopeful that he might get Hyukjae back with him. He felt hopeful that despite the years apart, he still loves him the same way he did.

His thoughts were interrupted when a scuffle was heard at the couches.

“I’ll go after him. Guys, you know what to do.” Wumuti said as he raced to the door, hell-bent in following their father to see if he’s alright.

“He might be in the SJ Sitting Room at the end of the hall upstairs. We usually hang out there when we have no practices.” Sungmin supplied.

When Wumuti disappeared, the remaining eight’s stares turned cold.

“Can we speak bluntly, Siwon-sshi? Jungsoo-sshi?” Seunghwan asked.

Too startled at their mood, Siwon and Jungsoo could only let out a nod.

“We’re not five not to think that this song reminds Appa of someone, and we’re not stupid. We know you know this person. Whoever he was, I hope he’s happy he made him upset about this.” Shihyun said with such coldness it was unreal.

“You better tell this person to watch his back, because if this affects Appa more than it should, then that means he’s still hurting. We won’t show any mercy.” Doyum declared.

“Come on, we better head downstairs for ‘you know what.’” Byeonghee motioned them as they exited the room in one single file, going about a task that is known only to them.

That left the adults in the room who sighed in relief as the atmosphere lightened.

“Wow. At least now we know that other than messing with Hyukkie, we must never ever cross his kids.” Heechul said and looked at Donghae, “Donghae, you know, if you want to apologize to Hyukkie, you better do it fast before the kids find out on their end on what happened. You may never have the chance once the kids go on bodyguard duty.” He told him. “You’re lucky they still don’t know you wrote the song.”

Donghae looked down at his feet, until ultimately, he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “How can I make it up to him…?” he mumbled, but it was loud enough for Kyuhyun and the others near him to hear.

“You could start with being more civil and talking to him properly instead of as a stranger.” Kyuhyun said. “But I think you need to get past the boys first, now that they know something is bothering their father.”

“They’re smart kids. They’ll be able to piece things together.” Jungsoo said. “From what I understand, despite just meeting three years ago, the nine boys are very in sync with Eunhyuk. They may not take after him physically, but their attitude and actions tends to remind me of him, and we all know what happens when Eunhyuk gets protective. No one involved will ever get near him.”

Donghae’s shoulders sagged at the realization. This will be hard. “I can tell.”

…

Wumuti was livid. They didn’t know that the extent of the pain their father endured was this severe, and he was considering in just making Donghae suffer instead of trying to get them back together.

“For some reason, I’m all for just messing with Donghae-sshi at this point.” Wumuti said on his phone where Shihyun and his brothers were on the other line, him being in speakers.

“Don’t assume anything just yet. Must be the music, but we did tell Jungsoo-sshi and the others that the person who hurt Appa needs to watch is back.” Shihyun said.

 “If the song with him affected him this much, then Donghae-sshi is the person to blame. I sincerely hope this is a good idea on our part…” Wumuti wondered.

“Come on. Appa said so himself back then, he already forgave Donghae-sshi for what happened.” Seunghwan said, “From the conversation we had with Appa at that time, and from what happened to Donghae-sshi’s career after the SJ Disbandment, I’m now pretty sure of what happened.”

“Oh Sherlock, please do explain.” Byeonghee asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“Hello, Lee Donghae the Actor fanboy here? Of course I dug up all information of his career from being an idol until now.” Seunghwan defended. “And remember, Appa said that he already forgave him, but facing him might be a different issue altogether.”

“I hope you’re right on the mark, Seunghwan, because I’m one step closer in just simply keeping Donghae-sshi away from him.” Wumuti stated as he approached the sitting room with the SJ Label on it. “I’m here. Did you get the goods?”

“We did. We’ll join you in a few.” Shihyun said before cutting the call.

When Wumuti arrived at the room, he saw his father sitting on one of the couches in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking down on the busy street below. Wumuti understood why they liked to hang out at this place.

As soon as he opened the door, his father’s head shot up to his direction and relaxed once he recognized him. “Muti. Are they looking for me now?” he wondered.

Wumuti didn’t say a word and joined his father on the couch. “They’re a bit worried when you walked out, Appa. Is there something that bothered you with the song?”

Hyukjae smiled apologetically. “It didn’t bother me. Rather, something came out because of it.” he told him. “Must have been misunderstood by your brothers. I hope they won’t kill the source.” He told him.

Tilting his head to the side, he asked, “Something came out?”

His father simply smiled. “The memories of that person.” He said. “Remember when I told you that I had someone that I had loved and forgiven years ago?” Wumuti nodded, “Memories of him came back and…well, let’s just say the song is a trigger.” He stated. “But I’m fine now. It just came out and I was embarrassed that it happened in front of you all.”

“Oh…” Wumuti replied. He guessed Seunghwan was right about before. “So you’re fine now?”

Hyukjae nodded in assurance. As soon as he did, the door opened again revealing his eight other children with a large plastic bag in Shihyun’s hand.

“Appa!” they shouted in worry.

“Are you okay now?” Jongwoon asked.

The eight stared at Wumuti as he mouthed, ‘misunderstanding’ at them. It concluded that Seunghwan’s theory was correct.

“I’m okay. I was just a bit into the song that I needed a breather.” He said as he looked at the bag, “Did you boys buy ice cream?”

“Yes.” the nine replied.

It was always their get well food. Hyukjae often buys them ice cream when something gets them down, from bad practice days to letters of rejection in their first auditions and applications, and he found it endearing that his sons were doing the same for him.

“Okay, I see where this is going. Why don’t we take a bit of a break here?”

“What about Jungsoo-sshi and the others?” Doyum asked.

“They can manage thirty minutes without me.” He said as he fished out his phone, sending Heechul and Jungsoo a message to carry on without him for a few minutes. “So, why don’t we make ourselves comfortable?” he told them.

Not a minute later, nine teenagers were huddled in front of their father while he reminisced about his trainee days and the shenanigans he gets himself into while they preyed on their store-bought ice cream, forgetting that the ones below them were actually thinking that their father was upset.

TBC

*From a source, even though Sora is older than Hyukjae, she still calls him 'oppa'

I know I said Chapter 6 could take a while, but after listening to ‘Growing Pains’ on repeat for the past six hours…this chapter came out. Haha…!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because chapter seven is going to take a while—at least until something like this happens again.

See you!