Hi, it's your author, H. I hope you're enjoying the story and I apologize for all the late updates. I'm trying to update as fast as I can and I'm lengthening the chapters. I won't prolong this story. Maybe 2 to 3 more chapters hopefully. Thank you for reading and showing your interests. I finally got more than 100 subscribers, thank you for loving this story. If you'd like you can comment so I know what you think of the story and whether the pacing is alright? That's it from me! Also, please forgive me for any mistakes cause I don't proof read and don't mind the timestamps. 

After her confrontation with the Roses and Hana’s blatant refusal to even look her in the eye, Yves stays home - heartbroken and in pain. Her lack of will to attend school intensifies after that morning and gets Jiso to call the school to inform them of her temporary absence. 

Jiso cannot argue and does as Yves asks, not knowing what to say or do because she’s afraid that one wrong word could set Yves off and that is something she would prefer not to happen. The school approves of Yves’s absence and says all school work would be sent through her email though Jiso could tell Yves finds no motivation to touch them. 

Yves doesn’t tell Jiso anything about what happened in school but Jiso could tell how upset Yves was after returning not long after she left. She barely touches her food despite Jiso cooking all of her favourites. Jiso is concerned when she sees Yves’s weak state - Yves has grown skinnier and her face lacks its usual healthy glow. 

She pushes Jiso away and spends her time alone. With Yves’s mother busy and Jiso reluctant to bother her, Jiso opts to watch over Yves in her stead. Jiso notes Yves’s state over the last couple of days; the young teenager appears dazed and out of it most of the time, looking out of the floor to ceiling windows or staying in her room. 

Jiso doesn’t say anything to stop it because she knows Yves wouldn’t listen to her anyways. At best, Yves would stare at her blankly before returning to her own business. 

Today is no different. 

Once again, Jiso watches as Yves wordlessly slides off the couch after mindlessly staring out the massive window for hours, weakly dragging her feet across the floor and up the stairs, the sound of the door closing following shortly after. 

Jiso lets out a heavy sigh and wonders what happened between Yves and Hana because she has never seen Yves this upset since her parents’ divorce. Jiso hopes whatever is hurting Yves (Hana) will be over soon. She cannot bear the pain of seeing Yves act this way any longer.

---

Yves sits on the stool in front of her dressing table and stares blankly into the mirror after retreating from the living room into her bedroom. Dull black orbs and a sunken face stares back at her with little to no expression.

Heejin’s words at the steps of the school returns to her mind and continues ringing in her ears. 

Heejin is right. 

How could she bear to look at herself? 

 How? You’re as much of a criminal as those people are. You destroyed someone’s life and expect to move on. You are a monster. 

In a burst of emotions, she grabs the scissors from the inside of her second right drawer. Grabbing a huge chunk of her long locks with one hand and with the scissor in the other, she snips. She watches as years of growing out her long hair fades into oblivion; black locks fall to the ground in chunks when she opens her hand. She takes the other side and repeats her actions once more. 

Once she is done, her eyes flicker towards the mirror and she catches sight of the drastic change in her hair - a product of her rough and inexperienced handy work. Choppy shoulder length hair with an uneven angle replaces her initial long locks. She laughs bitterly for a solid minute and when her laugh fades, she grits her teeth, feeling all the resentment inside of her explode as she throws the scissors towards the mirror with a scream, shattering it with a fearsome force. 

Footsteps pad up the stairs and in the hallway before the door into her room rips open revealing Jiso who is panting heavily from her run up. 

“Young Miss!! I heard…” Jiso’s loud voice trails off as she gasps at the scene in front of her.

Clumps of black hair are scattered on the floor with a mix of shards of glass from the broken mirror and a bawling Yves at the centre of all the chaos. Jiso tries to navigate her way towards Yves, avoiding glass shards as she crouches, softly putting her hand on Yves’s thigh.

 “Miss, what happened?” Jiso asks gently.

 “I messed up, Jiso. I’m just as guilty as those people. I could have saved her. I could have ignored them and called the ambulance but I let my judgement get clouded and the fear overtook my mind and now, the truth is out and I’ve hurt the person I love the most, Jiso. She hates me! Heck! I would too,” Yves cries out.

Jiso doesn’t understand but she isn’t going to ask, not right now. She could see small spots of blood on Yves’s face, shrapnels of the glass must have grazed her skin. To Jiso, curing Yves would always come first. 

 “Miss, I don’t know what happened, but I need you to calm down. Breathe, Sooyoung, please.” 

Yves’s breathing stabilizes as her sobs gradually reduces with Jiso’s help. 

“That’s it, Miss. Slow breaths. Inhale deeply and hold for 3 seconds then heavy exhale.” 

Jiso then stands up and says, “Come on, let’s head downstairs and clean up those cuts before they scar your beautiful face. I’ll have someone come clean your room. Be careful of the glass.”

Yves does as she’s told, following behind Jiso who helps her to avoid the glass pieces. They finally reach the living room as Jiso sits Yves down and goes to grab the first aid kit. She returns, opening the kit and pulling out some alcohol swabs. She gently dabs it onto Yves’s cuts, cleaning them and placing plasters over them. 

She then closes the kit, grabbing the used materials and heads back into the kitchen. She discards the materials into the bin, storing the kit back to its original place and moves to boil tea for Yves. Jiso finally returns and puts the cup of tea on the wooden coffee table for Yves. 

“I know something is hurting you. I’m not going to force you to tell me but please don’t ever do that again. I don’t want you to harm yourself. Please try for me, okay?” Jiso pleads with all her heart. 

Yves nods wordlessly. 

“Okay,” Jiso breathes with relief. “Now about the haircut you’ve given yourself, I’ll call someone to come tomorrow. Just so your hair looks even. Will that be alright with you?”

 “Yes,” Yves mumbles. 

---

Eden Academy

1505 hours. Days after the confrontation. 

School ends with the ring of the final bell, not that Hana was listening to her teachers anyways. She was far too distracted with her personal problems to care about linear equations or whatever her teachers were talking about today. 

As she saunters down the steps of Eden Academy’s science block, she sends her personal driver a text to come pick her up. She taps on the Roses group chat and also sends a text, letting them know that she wishes to be alone and will not be following them home. She shuts her phone off after, ignoring the numerous notification chimes after her text was sent. 

She cannot deal with her friends right now especially since they found out about what truly happened. She wasn’t going to let it slip about Yves but they kept forcing her and in her fragile and saddened state, all hell broke loose. 

The night she poured the truth out was also the night she had gotten terribly wasted, something she didn’t plan on doing for a long, long time. 

Flashback

Loud EDM music from the club downstairs could be heard from the private room where Hana sits, the dizzying smell of expensive perfume wafts through the air and the blue LED lines in the room are the only source of lighting. After a few bottles of beer, maybe, whiskey and some wine, Hana’s world is spinning around like a globe. 

She struggles to sit straight, everything going double in her eyes as she lies on her back, feeling woozy and hot. In her drunk state, memories of Sooyoung unknowingly floods back into her mind, replaying each moment like a cinematic movie, furthering her grief.

Her sweet smile. Her warm eyes. Her perfectly sculpted nose. Her plump lips. 

Every small feature, every small habit and every word that has left her lips, Hana has them in memories. 

Tears well up in her eyes, blurring her vision. She tries her best to suppress them but with no luck as it rolls down the side of her face anyways. She lays an arm over her eyes wishing for someone to just erase her memories. 

Memories she wished never existed. 

Then maybe, these memories wouldn’t hurt her so much. 

She hears the door opening and lifts her arm to check. She sees Heejin staring at her with her usual puppy dog eyes, ones that would only appear when Heejin was upset. Hana figures the owner of the bar (their friend and senior, Lisa) must have called her. She drunkenly pushes herself off the leather couch into a sitting position and stands up, wobbling dangerously towards Heejin and throws her arms around the shorter girl. 

“Welcome, Heejinie!” Hana exclaims. 

Heejin huffs, struggling to hold herself up with all of Hana’s added weight on her as she hobbles them all the way back to the couch to sit. She had received an urgent call in the middle of the night from Lisa informing her that Hana was at her club, drunk out of her mind. Without another word, she hops into a taxi and heads to her cousin, worried out of her mind. 

“Heejinie…” Hana mumbles, leaning her head on Heejin’s shoulder. “I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. The girl I love was one of the causes why Yeji became crippled. I’ve spent years blaming myself for that accident, cursing out those who caused it just to date someone involved in it. It’s so ironic, don’t you think?” 

Heejin says nothing. How was she supposed to respond? 

“I can’t stop the pain,” Hana beats at her chest, “It aches for her. It burns. It’s like everywhere I go, everything I do, every time I close my eyes, I see her. I hear her.” Hana’s voice grows softer with each word and Heejin could feel water bleeding through her shirt. “I want her. I need her but I can never have her. The gods are cruel, bringing me closer to someone just to rip me away from them. I hate this. I hate how I hard it is to just unlove her because all I can think about is her. It's just her, her, HER! I want to hate her but I can't. I just can't.” 

Hana goes silent, sniffles and soft whimpers fill the air as she clings to Heejin.  

“Come, Hana. Let’s go home,” Heejin coaxes Hana. 

Hana does not respond and Heejin takes Hana’s silence as an agreement, hauling the girl back up. She takes Hana’s arm looping it around her neck and holds it while the other circles around Hana’s waist to keep her steady. They walk out of the club and into the early morning air as Heejin calls for a taxi. She helps Hana into the car first before following inside and letting the driver know the address. Hana lays her upper half on Heejin's lap, cradling Heejin's arm while Heejin places her free hand on Hana's shoulder and soon, Hana finds herself falling asleep in the comforts of her cousin. 

Heejin’s phone vibrates violently in her back pocket as she is quick to pull it out so it would not wake the sleeping girl on her lap and sees over 50 messages in the Roses group chat. She forgot that she had sent a text into the group chat about Hana’s whereabouts and condition earlier. She chooses not to reply and closes her phone when she sees the entrance into the Kang estate. The guards stop the car but allow them in when they recognize Heejin, bowing in respect. 

When they pull up in front of the mansion's entrance, Heejin hands the driver four 50 000 won bills and tells him to keep it. She pushes open the car door and slowly tugs a dazed Hana out of the car. She helps Hana up the stairs, pushing open the front door and kicks the door close. She slowly walks up the stairs with Hana swaying side to side and finally reaches her room. They walk pass the living room and into the bedroom as Heejin gently lays Hana down onto the bed and tucks her in.

She lets out a relieved sigh, knocking the muscles on her shoulders. She relaxes when she sees her cousin sleeping soundly. She hears several knocks on the door and wonders who it could be at this early hour. Certainly not the servants. She opens the door and is surprised when she sees the Roses standing in front of her in sleep wear and coats. 

“Where’s Hana?” Lip is quick to question. 

“Inside sleeping. I tucked her into bed,” Heejin replies, stepping aside and allowing them to enter. 

She closes the door when the last of the Roses files in and walks back to the living room, plopping herself down on the couch. Jungeun heads into the bedroom and sighs with relief when she sees Hana safe, putting her worries to sleep. She and the rest of the Roses walk back into the living room and occupy the remaining seats. 

“How is she?” Hyejoo asks with a deep frown either from being woken up or worrying, Heejin did not know. 

“Bad. It's the worse I have ever seen and that's saying something. I’ve never seen Hana so broken and yet, she is.” 

“Who wouldn’t be broken? Finding out that the girl she loves was involved in the accident that could have killed her best friend. No sane person would survive the hurt,” Yerim speaks up. 

The usually bubbly and cheerful girl seems to spot a frown much like everyone else. 

“We can stay by her side. It’s the only thing we can do for her. The school has been informed of her absence tomorrow. Though they don’t seem to mind considering her grades,” Vivi adds. 

“I’ll kill her,” Lip growls through clenched teeth. 

“You will do no such thing!” Vivi reprimands. 

“Why? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t. The girl should be paying for what she’s done, not roaming around. She’s not good for Hana, probably never has,” Lip seethes. 

“Because Hana would not want you to. Hana is more than capable of fighting her own battles and we know that,” Heejin says. 

“But she isn’t. Not right now. She is not in a good state of mind. For once, Jungeun unnie makes sense,” Hyejoo chimes in. 

“Don’t start, Hyejoo. Killing her solves nothing but petty grudges. You will be driving Hana further off the edge and into hiding. Is that what you wish?” Vivi questions sharply. 

“So what?! Are we supposed to sit here and watch as she drinks herself to death!” Lip raises her voice. 

“Keep your voice down,” Vivi warns with a dangerous glare.

Lip shrinks back into her seat beside Hyejoo with her arms crossed over her chest and Vivi knows she's won. Vivi clears and reels in her annoyance.

"Here is what we will do. We will be there for her like good friends. We will help her through this step by step like we always have. What Hana needs is comfort and not violence, that is something we as friends can provide her. Do you agree?” 

Lip calms down, nodding as she agrees with Vivi. They all do. 

When Hana wakes up at midday, not only is she greeted with a splitting headache, nausea immediately pushes up the back of as she rushes into the bathroom and hurls her innards out. When the feeling fades slightly, she flushes it down the drain and goes to brush her teeth, rinsing it of the remnants. As she steps into the living room of her bedroom, her jaw drops at the sight of her friends sleeping on her couch - limbs sprawled haphazardly and mouths wide open. 

End

After that night, her friends did all they could to distract her, declaring that they would be having frequent sleepovers which meant every day. Hyejoo is first on the list with gaming. They take advantage of Hana's large flatscreen and state of the art gaming consoles to play mario kart. Hyejoo allows Hana to win track after track which the gamer girl never does but because it's Hana so she lets it go. 

Lip and Yerim with their endless amounts of snacks and sad rom-coms on Netflix which ended with her bawling at almost every minute. Vivi was more motherly and silently supportive - handing her more boxes of tissues when she cried, preparing tea and her favourite brownies and ensuring her room was clean after their sleepovers. 

Don’t get it wrong, she loves them and was grateful for everything they have done but, it was all too much too fast. 

It didn’t help that watching rom-coms reminded her of Yves. 

It certainly didn’t help that every time someone hugs her or cuddles into her side, she wishes it was Yves instead. The warm, fluffy, cinnamon and chocolate scent and the way her body fits nicely with Hana’s; it was all too vivid in her mind and it drove her nuts. 

Neither did it help when she was playing games with Hyejoo because she always remembered what it was like to be with Yves. The little disgruntled noises when she was annoyed, the small pout when she knows she’s going to lose and the small glares she would send Hana when Hana would midgame. 

No. 

Those were only the beginning. Because Hana saw Yves in just about everything she did and she can’t seem to understand why the girl was so special that everything about her is etched into Hana’s brain like a tattoo. She recalls Vivi’s answer to that question one late autumn night. 

Oh, but you do know. You love her. You love her so much that being without her is like being in the desert with no water or living without air. She has become your will to live and you can’t stomach that, little one. 

She pushes open the door into the open space with a frustrated grunt. Vivi’s answer echoes inside her brain, it almost makes her wish she never asked then maybe, she wouldn’t have to deal with the nagging feeling at the back of her brain. She spots the white Mercedes parked out front and walks towards it, pulling open the car door and enters. 

“Drive.” 

“Where to, Miss?” 

“Anywhere. Anywhere but here.” 

The driver does not ask again and drives out of the school compound. Hana has no idea how long they have been on the road; vast skyscrapers, small shops and shopping districts all pass by her sights. Her eyes stop on a church, nothing too large nor eye-catching but Hana is drawn to it. 

“Stop.” 

Her orders surprises her driver but he does as he is told and stops. She opens the car door and threads up the cobblestone steps and heads in through the wooden doors. The church is empty, no souls except her present as she takes small, cautious steps towards the altar. Although her family is Catholic, she has never really been within the confines of a church unless it was for weddings or funerals. 

She drops to her knees in front of the altar and stares at the sculpture of Jesus on the cross. Somehow, her resentment chooses this moment to flare. 

“Is this your messed-up way of punishing me? Of telling me I do not deserve to love another soul? That I deserve to know what it feels like to be hurt? To suffer?! Is that why you brought her to me? Is that why you made me notice her – fall for her – tell her all my insecurities just to have my heart broken?!” Hana yells at the sculpture, watching as the candles around the church flutters but never goes out. 

Tears stream down her face as she scoffs, “WHY! WHY ME! Out of billions, you chose heartbreak as my punishment! Years I’ve spent wallowing in despair and guilt over my best friend and finally—” Hana’s voice cracks as she suppresses her sobs, choking out “—Finally, I found someone to pull me out from this dark hole and YOU! YOU DID THIS!! What grand plan did you have in store for me? If this is it, you’re one hell of a liar! Everyone is a liar! Heck! Even, I’m a liar!” 

Hana is slowly losing whatever sanity she believes she had. She wants so badly to blame someone for this – anyone and she chooses God, but she knows the only person to blame was herself because all problems stem from her.

She slowly pushes off the ground with her hand and gets onto her feet, weakly glaring at the sculpture before turning around and walking away. She wipes the stray tears away with the back of her hand, dragging her feet against the cement floors and makes her way out. She yanks open the church’s doors, only for the pouring rain to greet her. 

She glances up towards the darkened skies, laughing maniacally, looking over her shoulder at the cross. 

Karma or anger, my Lord? 

Hana returns her attention to the torrents of rain pouring as she boldly steps out into the rain. She feels the heavy droplets of water hit her scalp, her uniform and wets her shoes. Despite that she continues walking, allowing the rain to drench her as she lets out a bitter laugh to accompany her dampen state. She closes her eyes, tilting her head up to the air and takes in the oddly comforting smell of the rain. 

What was it about the rain that comforted her? Was it because it hid her tears? Was it the way it poured relentlessly like a storm matching the one raging within her heart? Was it the feeling of rain washing away her sins? 

Or was it the feeling of liberation? 

The words she let out at the altar were thoughts she has kept to herself for too long and maybe, she just needed somewhere to vent. For once that day, Hana could feel the heaviness lifting off her shoulders, temporarily freeing her of the shackles of responsibilities under the pouring rain. 

“YOUNG MISS!?!” 

Hana hears the panic in the voice of her driver as she pops open both eyes and watches as her driver scampers up the cobbled stairs with an umbrella in hand with an expression matching the tone of his voice. He moves swiftly towards her, shielding her with the umbrella. 

“My apologies. I should have waited for you here with an umbrella and now you’re drenched, young miss.” 

Hana shakes her head.

“It’s fine. Let’s go home, Mr Han.” 

The driver nods and follows Hana with the umbrella in hand and over her head as they arrive back at the car. The ride home from the church gives Hana some quiet time to think.