The week spent at work without Joohyun dragged by at a miserable pace. Seungwan did love her other colleagues, and she enjoyed spending time with them, but she had gotten so close to Joohyun, was so used to her being there, even if they hardly spoke throughout the day, that it was hard to get used to her not being around. Because of this fact, a majority of Seungwan’s downtime at work was spent wondering if it was normal to be close to your boss, to think of your boss as more of a friend than a colleague. She’d even posed the question to Yeri when they had gone to get dinner during the week.

    “Do you consider Miss Kang your friend?” Seungwan had asked, trying to keep her voice level.

    “I mean, I guess so. We don’t hang out a lot, but yeah we’re friends.” Yeri had answered, seeming confused by the question.

    “Are you close with her?” Seungwan had pressed on, needing an answer so she could assess what was going on for her.

    “What does close mean?” Yeri had said. “I think she’s a lovely lady, and I love talking to her and working for her is nice. She’s helped me out when I’ve been in a pinch for student loans and always lets me have time to pay her back. But as far as being close goes, I don't know. I don’t know anything about her personal life, except that if she and Sooyoung don’t get married soon I’m gonna need to have some words with them.” They both laughed together at that, and then, “Why are you asking?”

    “Just wondering.” Is all Seungwan had said, though ever since then she’d been stuck thinking about her relationship with Joohyun.

After she went home Friday for the weekend, she spent all of that night thinking about her past two and a half months at the office. All of the moments she had spent with Joohyun, all of the kind words, soft smiles, the conversations about anything and everything. Seungwan had told Joohyun so much about her that she had never told anyone else, she trusted Joohyun more than anyone else in the world. Joohyun was on her mind constantly, she seemed to be everywhere in Seungwan’s apartment. The box of chamomile tea bags in her cupboard would forever remind her of their Christmas Day spent together, as did the glossy wooden picture frame still waiting for a picture that had found a temporary home on Seungwan’s kitchen table. The black coat that was Seungwan’s favorite thing she owned, which still held the change leftover from her cab ride home from Joohyun’s in the pocket, made her heart ache to look at because it made her think of all the times she had worn it with Joohyun, how it smelled when she first put it on. All of these things had forced Seungwan to realize that she liked Joohyun much more than she should if Joohyun was only her boss, or even only her friend. She wanted to be with Joohyun, to kiss her again. It was getting harder and harder to lock her romantic feelings for

Joohyun away, and a part of Seungwan didn’t want to. She loved being around Joohyun, she loved the way Joohyun made her feel, the way they talked and laughed together so easily.

    She slept fretfully Friday night, tossing and turning, waking up freezing and disoriented from dreams that all centered around Joohyun, nearly calling out for the woman in confusion until she remembered where she was and what time it was. She finally fell into a deep sleep, purely out of exhaustion, around six o’clock in the morning, and slept soundly until noon. When she woke up, the two days left of her week without Joohyun seemed horribly bleak. She passed the time by going to the grocery store, picking out her groceries slowly and deliberately, wanting to kill time. Being out in the world, around other people, was much preferable to being isolated in her apartment. When she arrived back home she cooked dinner, using another old family recipe she remembered from her childhood, eating alone at her table and then putting the leftovers into the fridge. By that time it was nearing ten o’clock at night, and despite only getting a solid six hours of sleep she was not tired. So, she went to her couch and sat, opening her blinds and watching the city lights flicker on and off as the cars whizzed by.

    Only one more day. She reminded herself. She would see Joohyun again Monday morning. Saturday evening was coming to a close and the prospect of only one Sunday and then she would be with Joohyun again sounded blissful. She watched the cars, nearly getting tricked several times by the ones that looked like Joohyun’s in the dark. A car that really resembled Joohyun’s came down the road very slowly, pulling into the parking spot that was now Joohyun’s spot in Seungwan’s mind. Confused, Seungwan leaned and opened her window totally, poking her head out. She watched as someone came around the car and started towards the apartment building, someone with long hair and a slight build who looked very much like Joohyun. Seungwan shut her window with trembling hands, entirely confused as to what was going. She’s not supposed to get back until tomorrow night, and why would she come here?

    There were a few minutes of silence, in which Seungwan had convinced herself she had been seeing things. Three light knocks sounded at Seungwan’s door and she nearly fell as she scrambled to get off the couch, running to answer the door. Her hands still shook as she turned the knob and looked around the door. There Joohyun stood, eyes red rimmed, shaking all over. Seungwan was scared, not knowing what was wrong, but so desperately wanting to protect Joohyun from whatever it was. “Joohyun?” She asked in a whisper. “What’s wrong?”

    Joohyun took a shallow, shaky breath and said, “I-” The minute the word left her lips, tears came running down her cheeks, sobs catching in . Seungwan rushed forward, guiding her inside and kicking the door shut, taking Joohyun into her embrace. Joohyun buried her face into the space between Seungwan’s shoulder and neck, letting out quiet sobs that shook her whole body.

She gripped tightly to Seungwan’s shirt, and Seungwan gently rubbed her back, whispering to her, “It’ll be okay, I promise. Whatever it is it’ll be okay.” She said this, but she wasn’t entirely sure if it was true, as she had gathered from her time knowing Joohyun that she was an extremely private person and if she was openly sobbing to Seungwan it must be pretty bad.

“I’m-I’m so s-sorry.” Joohyun choked out, her voice hoarse. Seungwan could nearly cry at hearing the apology, as if she felt like she had to be sorry for having feelings at all.

“It’s okay, please don’t be sorry.” Seungwan soothed her. “Cry it all out.” She ran her hands gently through Joohyun’s hair, hoping it would calm her somewhat. “Why don’t we sit down?” She suggested, to which Joohyun nodded. She led Joohyun to the couch and sat. Joohyun curled up beside her, keeping her face hidden against Seungwan’s neck, her arms wrapped around the younger woman. There were many long minutes where Joohyun simply cried, her whole body trembling, as Seungwan did all she could to comfort her.
 

“I’m so sorry.” Joohyun finally looked up, her face tear streaked and her eyes red rimmed. “I’m so, so sorry.” She exhaled a harsh breath. “I shouldn’t have bothered you so late and so unexpectedly.”

“Joohyun stop that, you can always come to me when you’re upset.” Seungwan said, feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. “Do you want to talk about it?” Joohyun shrugged slightly. “Was it your mom?”

“Yes.” Joohyun whispered so quietly Seungwan could hardly hear it.

“What happened?” Seungwan asked in a low voice.

“I went to stay with her, just for the week. We hardly see each other at all, maybe twice during the whole year. Usually once in the summer and once for Christmas, but she cancelled Christmas and told me instead to come out for a whole week right after New Years.” Joohyun spoke in a raspy tone, like was raw from crying. “It was fine at first, no worse than it usually is at least. But as the week went on she kept nagging me about everything she could think of, but especially about my being friends with Seulgi and Sooyoung. She’s always hated Seulgi, ever since we were young, she didn’t like that Seulgi was such a tomboy and that she encouraged me to go play in the dirt and things like that.” Joohyun stopped for a moment to take a few shallow breaths. “It got worse when Seulgi came out, and then when she started dating Sooyoung and the three of us all got close it was horrible. My mother and I didn’t speak for nearly a year. I can usually handle what she says, I just kind of stay quiet until she’s finished, but this morning was the worst it’s ever been.”

Joohyun paused for a solid minute, pacing her breathing, Seungwan offered a hand and she took it, gripping tightly. “Do you remember the Peter Marshall case you came along to?”

“Yes, why?” Seungwan said softly.

“Well it was a high profile case, and there were a lot of articles about it.” Joohyun explained. “One of the online articles happened to feature a photo of us walking in together, when I-when I had my hand on your back.” She swallowed hard, clearly trying not to start crying again. “The article didn’t even mention you, the picture just happened to have you in it, but my mother took that and ran with it.” Seungwan listened with baited breath, scared of where this was going. “She told me that if I…” She stopped. “That if I turn out to be dyke like my friends, s-she would- she would disown me.” She bit down hard on her bottom lip, tears welling in her eyes.

Seungwan was beyond angry, for Seulgi and Sooyoung, for Joohyun. Her anger only multiplied as Joohyun let out a soft whimper and buried her face against Seungwan’s neck once more, crying again. She held Joohyun tightly, whispering to her, “You deserve so much better than this. You didn’t deserve any of that.” Tears slid down Seungwan’s cheeks as she comforted Joohyun. “She should feel lucky to have you as her daughter, no matter what. You are an incredible person and she should feel privileged to know you.” She felt Joohyun close her eyes and let out a soft sigh. “Don’t listen to what she says, Joohyun. You can be whoever you want to be, and love whoever you want to love. You don’t need her permission, or anyone else’s, to be yourself.”

Joohyun sat up and faced Seungwan, reaching to wipe Seungwan’s tears away with a delicate hand. “Why are you crying, Wan-ah?”

“Because I hate to see you so sad.” Seungwan said.

“I’ll be okay.” Joohyun murmured, leaning her head against Seungwan’s shoulder. “Thank you, for everything. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Well luckily you’ll never have to find out.” Seungwan replied. “You’re stuck with me.” Joohyun gave her a half hearted smile, curling up with her head resting in Seungwan’s lap. She hid a yawn behind her hand, her eyes threatening to fall closed. “Go ahead and go to sleep, Hyun. You must be exhausted.” Joohyun let her eyes fall closed without protest, a small sigh escaping her lips before her breathing began to even out. Seungwan ran her hands through Joohyun’s hair once more, and though she had said a long time ago she wouldn’t sing for anyone, she thought this could be the one exception. She began to sing a softer version of an old Beatles song, making it more of a lullaby.

Once there was a way, to get back homewards

Once there was a way to get back home

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry

And I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes

Smiles awake you when you rise

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry

And I will sing a lullably

Joohyun was fast asleep, her features relaxed and her breathing even. Seungwan watched over her as long as she could keep her own eyes open, but eventually she too was taken by sleep, and they both slept peacefully the whole night through.