Seungwan hardly slept at all once she arrived home, despite feeling exhausted, and began her day at seven o’clock in the morning. She couldn’t stop worrying, worrying about Joohyun being left all alone in her drunken state, worrying about the kiss and what it would now mean for them. Seungwan only knew one thing for sure; she could never go there with Joohyun. It was too risky, it would jeopardize too much for the both of them. Seungwan adored Joohyun with every fiber of her being and would do anything for her, even if that meant pretending all of her feelings for the woman were entirely platonic. There was also the fact Joohyun had specifically told Seungwan that she was straight, not into girls, and yet she had made the decision to kiss Seungwan and had seemed disappointed when Seungwan stopped. In her college days, Seungwan had encountered girls who claimed to be straight until they were drunk and from her experience, none of them were actually straight. Though Joohyun did not seem like those girls, who had thought of being gay as gross or dirty until their inhibitions were gone. Joohyun was too considerate to think like that, or to act like that. It must’ve just been a mistake, or a misunderstanding somehow. It had to be.

    She waited until nearly noon before texting Joohyun, nervously writing and rewriting her message a handful of times before settling on a final draft.

    Hey Joohyun, are you up yet? When you are let me know so I can swing by and drop your car off.

    Joohyun’s reply came much quicker than Seungwan had anticipated.

    Yes, I’m awake. I think it says a lot about last night that I didn’t even realize you had my car.

    The message made Seungwan hopeful Joohyun wouldn’t even remember the quick kiss in the kitchen. She replied quickly.

    How are you feeling?

    Terrible, honestly. Never let me do what Sooyoung suggests ever again.

    Haha I won’t. Can I bring your car by?

    Yes, thank you for everything last night.

    The word everything made Seungwan’s stomach turn a little. Maybe it was because she was dwelling on things too much, but it seemed to imply much more than she assumed Joohyun intended it to. She did not respond to the message yet, instead going to her kitchen table and scooping up Joohyun’s car keys and then slipping her coat on, readying herself to leave. After locking her apartment door and beginning her descent down the stairs, she composed a reply.

    Of course, anytime. On my way, see you in a bit.

    The reply sounded nonchalant enough to Seungwan with seeming stand offish. Sighing, she rushed over to Joohyun’s car and clambered in, easing the car out into traffic. She was overly cautious with her driving, and she nearly got lost twice, so it took her much longer to get to Joohyun’s than it should have, but she arrived nonetheless. She hesitated a moment before pressing the garage door opener and guiding the car in. She shut the garage door and go out of the car, pocketing the keys and going to the side door. She knocked loudly twice and stepped back slightly, waiting. She heard the shuffling of feet and the click of a lock and then the door opened. Joohyun smiled tiredly at Seungwan. This was the most casual Seungwan had ever seen her dressed; she was wearing black leggings, an oversized Harvard hoodie, her hair in a ponytail and her circle rimmed glasses perched on her nose

    “Thank you, Seungwan-ah. You’re an angel.” Joohyun said as a greeting. Seungwan was glad she was back to her normal self. When she was intoxicated she had seemed so far away, hardly speaking at all and clinging to Seungwan, not leaving her side. “Come in for a moment, if you’d like.” Seungwan stepped inside, the lavender smell she had come to associate with comfort washing over her.

    “You seem awfully cheerful for saying you feel terrible.” Seungwan teased lightly.

    “Well how could I not be more cheerful when you’re here?” Joohyun said warmly. A comment like this usually would not make Seungwan nervous, it was nothing Joohyun hadn’t said before, but it made Seungwan’s heartbeat speed up significantly. Does she know we kissed last night? She wondered to herself. “How do you plan on getting home?”

    “I figured I’d just walk.” Seungwan said with a sigh. Joohyun pursed her lips, looking at Seungwan with disapproval. “Well you can’t drive, you’re still hungover.” Seungwan pointed out.

    Joohyun looked away. “I really overdid it, didn’t I?”

    “Yeah, a little.” Seungwan said. “How much do you remember?” The question left a sour taste in .

    “Not much. I remember getting there and being in the kitchen with you and…” Joohyun stopped, thinking. Seungwan held her breath, hoping that the kiss would be omitted from Joohyun’s memory. Finally, Joohyun said, “That’s it.”

    “It wasn’t too interesting anyways.” Seungwan assured her. “You get really quiet when you’re drunk.”

    “Do I?” Joohyun asked. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been genuinely drunk, and I never remember much anyways.”

    “Yeah, you hardly spoke at all. We stayed in the kitchen during the countdown, because the others were being really rowdy and you didn’t like it.” Seungwan explained. Joohyun gave a half smile. Seungwan looked at her, wondering again whether she remembered their kiss. It didn’t seem like she did. As much as Seungwan was glad, there was a part of her that was disappointed. She was jealous, in a way. Joohyun could move on as if nothing happened, as if they were just friends and colleagues. But Seungwan would never forget what it felt like to kiss Joohyun, how wonderful even that small, short kiss was, how much she craved more, longer, deeper kisses. How could she pretend everything was as it had always been when she couldn’t even look at Joohyun without remembering what her lips felt like, what they taste like?

    “Hey, earth to Seungwan.” Joohyun said softly, snapping Seungwan back to reality. “Lost you there for a moment.”

    “Sorry.” Seungwan mumbled. “What did you say?”

    “I’m going to call you a cab to take you home.” Joohyun repeated, her voice steady and patient. “I’ll give you money to pay for it.”

    “Joohyun.” Seungwan said, sounding exasperated. “Stop being nice to me.”

    Joohyun let out a quiet giggle at that. “You’re funny, Seungwan-ah.” She went over to the kitchen counter and grabbed her phone, looking at a list of phone numbers on her fridge, searching for the right one to call. “Oh, by the way, I’m not going to be at work for the next week or so.”

    Seungwan felt her heart drop. “Why?”

    “I’m going out of town, to visit some family.” Joohyun explained vaguely. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

    “What do I do while you’re gone?” Seungwan asked, her voice meek. What would she do without Joohyun’s presence so close by, watching over her and comforting her?

    “It’ll be a slow week for you. Any phone calls you get just do what you can with, set appointments up for the following week if anyone calls to schedule.” Joohyun detailed. “I’ve asked Seulgi and Sooyoung to pick you up and drop you off and they were more than happy to help out.” She walked over to Seungwan, phone still in hand. She placed her free hand on Seungwan’s shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “You look so sad, Seungwan. It’s just a week.”

    “I know, I’ll just miss you.” Seungwan said back, feeling tight. She wasn’t entirely sure how she would manage without Joohyun. Even the month they spent hardly speaking they still saw one another everyday, still spoke even if it was brief. A whole week without Joohyun, who had become the center of her world, sounded so dreary and lonely. Especially considering, if what Seungwan was assuming was correct, Joohyun would be visiting her mother, who did not sound like a kind woman. She did not want to see Joohyun go and be with someone who made her feel awful about who she was friends with, especially when she could be here, with everyone who loved her. Tears threatened to well up in Seungwan’s eyes and so she cast her gaze downwards.

    “I’ll miss you as well.” Joohyun said. She continued on kindly with, “I don’t mean to kick you out, I just have a lot of packing to do. I’m sorry.” Seungwan could picture the checklist Joohyun must have of everything she would need, and it almost made her smile.

    “That’s okay, I understand.” Seungwan replied, and she meant it. Joohyun called the cab and it arrived fairly quickly, quicker than Seungwan wanted it to.

Joohyun walked her to the door and took Seungwan into her arms, hugging her delicately. “Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone.” She whispered against Seungwan’s ear. Seungwan managed a small smile. Joohyun slipped money for the cab into Seungwan’s coat pocket.

“I won’t.” She agreed as she hugged Joohyun back. “Enjoy your trip.”

“I’ll try.” Joohyun said, smiling in a way that soothed Seungwan’s heartache slightly. “Take care.” Seungwan let go of Joohyun reluctantly and walked down the steps and out to the cab that was waiting for her. She climbed into the backseat, the money Joohyun had given her safely in her pocket. As the cab pulled away she looked back at Joohyun’s apartment, seeing her waving from the front porch. Seungwan waved back, though she knew Joohyun couldn’t see her through the tinted windows. She kept her eyes trained on Joohyun, drinking in every detail she could before she wouldn’t be able to see her for a week. The tears welling in her eyes spilled over the second Joohyun was out of her view, and she cried as silently as she could the whole way home.