Chapter 10

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Hanbin noticed that Jinhwan had been giving him pointed stares for a few times now from across the table as they eat their breakfast that Yunhyeong left for them. It usually did not bother him since from as far as he know his hyung, sharp and passive had been always been his default facial expression which make it hard to read what’s running on his mind. If his hyung did not smile so often, it would not be so hard to assume that he is judging everyone with his stare. Right now, Jinhwan was looking at Hanbin with much more weight than normal that the older guy did not even attempt to put in discretion.

“Like what?”

“Like a creep.”

Jinhwan chuckled, putting down his cup of coffee gingerly. “I just noticed that you’ve been in a good mood lately.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Hanbin rolled his eyes.

“Of course not,” Jinhwan shook his head. He eyed Hanbin for a second and gave him a small smile, “Just glad that Yunhyeong and you are being normal again.”

Is being normal the same as being like they were before? Hanbin wanted to ask his hyung but instead he held their gaze at length and returned the gesture in silence.

Hanbin remembered how he had been overzealously waiting on the apartment for his hyung to comeback last Saturday. It was embarrassing to admit that he felt like a dog with ears perked up when he heard the door clicked open and Yunhyeong came in. He wanted ask where will they go or what they will do but he did not want to sound so eager and excited even he though he was. So instead, Hanbin resorted to asking how his hyung’s workshop go. It did not came off as nonchalant as he wanted to which earned him a laugh from Yunhyeong. Even with him not being convincing enough, Hanbin thought that it was a good start. And it was. They somehow eased up from that talking about mundane things like they always did. Like how they would argue on what brand of ramyeon tastes better or how Yunhyeong will try to exaggerate things he experienced and how Hanbin made it his job to undermine everything about it.

They ended up in a bowling alley that evening, like they always did  before when they wanted to bet on trivial things. That time, it was who will pay for dinner. They both played like their life depended on it, egging and annoying each other, just to gain advantage. But Hanbin already knew that it was not his game so it was as easy as breathing for him to accept his defeat in the end. Besides, it was in his intention to treat Yunhyeong to a meal in the first place. Overall, that night turned out more than what he could hope for.

From there on, anyone could tell that they were back to normal, like before. But it became so banal that Hanbin couldn’t barred his thoughts from thinking if they have always been like that before. Just the thought of it leave a trail of acerbic taste on his throat because no matter how hard he try to rationalize or no matter how he and Yunhyeong fall into normalcy, Hanbin could never accept it.

Because what they have was not simply normal.

It was special.

“It’s good that he’s moving on then.”

Hanbin blinked out from his musings and glanced at his hyung. He was not exactly sure of the expression showing on his face but he surmised that it was not the reaction that Jinhwan was expecting. His hyung looked at him quizzically for a moment before his eyes soften and stared at him in a strange knowing silence that made Hanbin lowered his gaze and turn away.

Jinhwan sighed. “You know what that means, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Hanbin murmured quietly.

After all, that’s what it’s supposed to be, right? Hanbin knew that’s bound to happen. He had been busy bridging the gap with Yunhyeong for the past weeks that he failed to remember how will this going to end – with them just being best friends.

Despite all the assurance that Habin kept muttering to himself, there was still a gnawing feeling on the pit of his stomach he could not explain.

“It’s not your fault, ok.”

Hanbin turned to Jinhwan in confusion, “What?”

“That you don’t feel the same way.”

There was a tone of finality in the way Jinhwan answered him but why does it feel, in some ambiguous way, that it was also a some sort of a question directed to Hanbin.

“So don’t be hard on yourself,”  Jinwhan continued, letting Hanbin keep his silence. He send a small reassuring smile at his direction like he can read his thoughts, “Whatever you are feeling right now, it’s not different. It’s normal.”

So, that’s what it is? Hanbin thought.

Hanbin smiled bitterly to himself when it finally dawned to him that he was being so stupidly foolish from the start. It felt like he had been so drunk for the whole time and Jinhwan gave him a coffee so strong to shake him back to his senses.

And now, he finally understood the distance that he had been seeing in Yunhyeong’s eyes.

The difference between what they had before and what they have now…

Jinhwan was right, this is normal.

***

Chanwoo darted off his class room as soon as he dumped his things inside his b