CHAPTER 10: HIS SIDE

SAVE ME

“Annyeong Yoon Gi Oppa…” I walked closer to him and saw his vegetative state up close. I sat at the chair beside his bed and held his hand. The room was engulfed with the sounds coming from the machine beeping and the air conditioner, though when I got closer to Yoon Gi I was able to hear him breathe with the help of the machine. 

“I’m sorry, It took me so long to visit… it must’ve been so lonely being confined in this room” I said without expecting anything in return. Without the machine supporting him, he would have been gone by now… My chest felt heavy at the thought of losing Yoon Gi oppa too. Could JungKook be in here too? When I read the article from yesterday I saw that 4 of us survived the crash—Including Jimin. When in fact, he should’ve been the only one to face the fate that Taehyung and the others faced. 

“I haven’t regained all of my memories back… but I’m getting there.” I watch the rise and fall of his chest. It was very much calculated—but I still have my hopes up that he’d be waking up from this. Yoon Gi’s tougher than he looks. 

“For now, I’d look for Jung Kook… I’ll come back to see you again soon… hang in there Min Yoon Gi-shi!” I squeezed his hand one last time before I made my way out. I thought seeing Yoon Gi will help me remember something—anything, but there was nothing. Though I’m glad to see that he’s still there—somehow. I closed the door behind me and glanced sideways to see that my mom and Mr. Min talking. They seem to be in trance with their conversation that they didn’t notice that I’m going in their direction. 

“I wasn’t able to convince Jungkook’s dad to extend Jungkook’s life support” my lips parted in disbelief as I overheard their conversation. I felt a sudden outburst at my head as if something in me blew up. Slowly, my knees unbuckled as the pain in my head seared, soon after it met the ground. I felt a static due to the shock and I was able to get my mom and Mr. Min’s attention. They quickly went to my aid and tried to help me up—but everything felt heavy—physically—psychologically. It was as if my soul’s being ripped apart from my body. 

“Jia—Look at mommy—Look at mommy, sweetheart,” Mom said in a frantic voice as she placed a protective around me as she tried helping me up. Mr. Min assisted mom as he began calling for the nurses. 

“Jia! Nurse! Someone!” Mr. Min shouted at the top of his lungs as they both cradled me. Soon after, people in white emerged from nowhere—they’re all running in slow motion as they approach. I chuckled a bit cause their faces look so disoriented. I felt the I was being carried and placed on a stretcher. Soon enough, everything turned into a blur but I was so sure that there’s a lot of people towering above me.  

“Jia, this is Dr. Xi, I’ll be the one attending to you,” one of them said, I can’t picture out who cause they all look alike and they’re all wearing white. They’re all talking to me and I try to respond as best as I could—but none of the words I’m forming came out. My lids are becoming extremely heavy, but I try to fight the urge to close them as per one of the nurse's request. She specifically told me to not sleep—but I’m really sleepy. I just want to close my eyes. This time I let the drowsiness consume me… but then I felt each one of my eyelids being forced open. Each time it was opened, I see light—it was so blinding.

“all operating rooms are of use right now Dr. Xi!” I heard one of the nurses said—but my vision was clouded by darkness. 

“The aneurysm ruptured already—we can’t waste any second more—I need a makeshift operating room! And I need it now!” said a voice. I felt a hand on my wrist as I felt a hot liquid drop on my cheek. 

“Stay with me, baby…” 

I don’t think I can 

Jimin’s Point of View 

“Stay with me, baby…” my voice was hoarse as I held her briefly. I had to let go as they entered the emergency room. Mira, Mr. Min and I were left outside. Mira almost lost balance if it weren’t for Mr. Min. We all had worry painted on our faces. I leaned my forehead on the wall as I pressed my eyes shut. My left hand formed into a fist as I started pounding against the wall. 

“Jimin” Mr. Min’s voice echoed in the hallway as he called for me. I stopped tormenting the wall and let out an exasperated sigh. I started counting from one up to ten to ease the anger in my chest. I reached number 10, but the anger is still in there. If anything—it even ignited. I clenched my fist tighter as I shouted when I slammed my fist on the wall for the last time. I felt a jolt of electricity when my fist met the wall. 

“It’s my fault.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and I quickly shoved it away. No amount of soothing words will calm me down. 

“We’ve talked about this before Jimin. It’s not your fault” Mr. Min said as he placed his hand back to my shoulder. I turned around this time and inched up on him. My jaw clenches as I fought the urge to cry. 

“Jimin, Mr. Min’s right, It’s not your fault—Jia overheard us talking—She had another episode—but everything will be alright like it always does… okay, honey?” Mira tried to hide the anguish in her voice as she spoke in a calm manner—but her eyes tell a different story. 

“What if it’s different this time? She’s never had an aneurysm before—this one’s different—we can really—” I stopped myself as I swallowed a big lump on my throat. Mira’s face turned white as she searched for words to say. 

“I’m going to get us some drinks,” I said as I finally excused myself. I walked and walked and walked until I reached the farthest vending machine that I can find. I stood in front of the vending machine like an idiot replaying what I said to Mira and Yoon Gi’s dad earlier. I’m such a fcking . My fist involuntarily slammed on the vending machine and a diet coke suddenly popped out. 

I cleared my throat as I glanced sideways to see if someone saw what just happened—but there’s no one around, and there’s no CCTV camera at this side of the hospital too. I crouched a bit and took the diet coke at the dispenser. My hand suddenly sting as I took the diet coke. Apparently, my fist is starting to swell from all the punching and slamming that I did to that poor wall. I took a container out of my pocket and took a pill out. I popped it in my mouth as I drank the free diet coke on my hand. My throat felt dry at the contact of the diet coke in it. I sat at the bench beside the vending machine as I continued chugging down the coke. I burped a bit when I finished the whole thing. I rested my head at the wall with my eyes closed. I sighed deeply as the anger finally subsides. 

“Feeling much better now?” Said a voice. I nodded without opening my eyes. Another sigh escaped my chest. I opened my eyes now and threw the coke can in the trash can in front of me. It made a ‘thud’ sound the moment it went it. 

“And he scores!” said the voice on my right. I chuckled a bit as I peered to my side. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while Taehyung hyung,” Teahyung smirked at me then shrugged. 

“That’s because you haven’t been angry lately,” he said in a low voice before slumping his back to the bench. I glanced at him once more and saw that he’s still there. I sighed again in exasperation… If only he’s still here, then Jia wouldn’t be like this. If only I was the one who died instead of them… then surely… Jia wouldn’t be hurting this much. 

“Hey…” he said as he draped an arm around me. The Taehyung I’m seeing is only an after-effect of the pill that I’m taking to calm my nerves. It has hallucinogen properties that wear off after quite some time. After the accident, I developed a trauma and I get angry—a lot. Mr. Min my neuropsychologist suggested that I count to ten whenever the anxiety kicks in, or do something to calm myself down—but when all else fails, he told me to take the pill. But whenever I take the pill—I see him, I see Taehyung. And every single time I do, It reminds me of the opportunity I missed—we could have been proper brothers. The four of us could’ve been really a family. 

But he died before that could have had happened. He died because of me—They died because of me—Jia’s dying because of me—and Yoon Gi… Mr. Min is still at denial—without the life support connected to Yoon Gi, he’d be long gone too. 

“I’m going away soon… take care of Jia for me—for the rest of us” 

“It’s my fault hyung…” Taehyung ran his hands on my shoulder slowly. 

After the accident, only 4 of us made it out alive—Me, Yoon Gi, Jia, and Jungkook. The 4 of us were placed at a medically induced coma to let our injuries heal. I’m the person with the least injury, so I was able to heal faster. I woke up a months before the others. Jungkook and YoonGi regained consciousness on the same day—though a latter complication surged after they woke up. Their consciousness was short lived—and soon enough the doctors suggested to connect life supports on them. Though earlier this month… Jungkook’s dad signed a waiver stating that he’s permitting the doctors to finally remove the life support connected to Jungkook—It was the 1^st day of classes… It was the day when I accidentally answered Jia’s call through Taehyung’s phone. 

I wanted so badly to tell her that Jungkook’s really gone… but I can’t, because I feared that something like this would happen. 

When Jia first woke up from her coma, she developed dissociative amnesia which was caused by her traumatic brain injury. Every time she remembers the accident, she shuts down entirely and then she’ll wake up as if the accident never happened. In almost a year she’s had 4 cycles already. The first and second cycle happened within 3 months after her release. 

Mira decided to move out of Bangtan with Jia because every single thing in Bangtan can trigger Jia’s memory to come back. It was that time when the divorce issue finally rose up. Mom told Mira that they can move in with us at our old house while Mira finds for a new place for them. During Jia’s third cycle—we all thought that she’s getting better. She’s finally remembering bits and pieces of what happened at the accident. The new environment helped her a lot in overcoming those—until I ruined everything again and she spiraled back into a new cycle of her dissociative amnesia. 

That’s when Mira decided that it would be best if I stay away from Jia for a while… And just like that, she buried every single thing—every single memory with me. I’m always going to be the reason for her downfall. 

“We’ve talked about this before… It was never your fault” Before I can even protest his apparition was gone and I was left alone in that hallway. I went up to my feet and took some cash in my pocket. This time I’ll do it properly. I won’t let the anger get the best out of me—even if it means that I’d have to pay for the drinks this time. 

I got Mira tea, and water for Mr. Min. As I went back to them they seem more relaxed—but the worry is still in there. I handed them their drinks and they both thanked me. Mr. Min was leaning against the wall while Mira was seating. I took the seat beside her and she offered me a weak smile. 

“How’s your mom?” She said all of a sudden. I winced a bit—I really don’t want to talk about my mom… She hasn’t been herself too after the divorce. 

“She’s coping up… like the rest of us” I answered carefully. Mira just smiled and never asked again. Taehyung’s death took its toll on my mom’s and Taehyung’s dad’s marriage. They tried for a couple of months after his death, but then they decided to just call it quits—again, it’s all because of me. 

A lot of people are hurting and it’s all because of me. If only I could turn back time… If only it was me instead of them…