Every tick of the clock felt like a year is passing by. The droplets of the rain were similar to the ones from my eyes as I tightened my hold on the can of beer, it was a new flavor to me but I couldn't appreciate it that much.

If ever this isn't happening, what could we be doing? I just hope that I'm hugging you tightly instead of this awkward gap between us.

"Yujin-ah."

I heard my name from the person who's the cause of the little anxiety crawling in me. I looked at her, trying my best not to sniff. She was just staring at me with a blank face.

Ironically parties should be fun and all, but this one's different.

"Do you think if we'll break up, we're still gonna end in good terms?"

I held my breath, as I try to decode the words, 'break up' and 'good terms.'

I mean how is that even possible? A three-year relationship doesn't mean that everything is going to be okay ones you split.

"I don't know, and how come you could still think of that?" I said lowly, there was a hint of irritation in my voice. The heavy lump on my chest seems no plans of going away anytime sooner.

"Nothing, just.." She paused her words and looked down. 

At that point, I am already at my peak, and the next few words that I've said can be another hole in the relationship.

"If you're breaking up with me why don't you just say it?"

She shook her head, without confirming anything. Her eyes were just blank, very different when she would call me sweetly every lunchtime. 

It was different whenever she comes near me holding a cup of coffee in the afternoon.

It was different when looks at me at night before sleeping. Seemingly, the 'I love yous' are not genuine anymore and was only an obligation to make sure of the commitment. 

And I know that wasn't what I wanted.

I never had a proper relationship before Kim Minjoo. 

And she was the one who taught me about the good things of commitments. The thoughtful gifts every special day, the warm hugs in long nights. The cries of the aftermath of petty fights.

But regardless of those things, there were still negative points of every situation. Sometimes, it felt like I was only in the delusion of seeing Minjoo in love with me and slowly, it became a fear in the back of my mind.

Loving her was not easy. That, I am honest. However, it doesn't shove the fact that I fell in love with this person too deeply, that I am invested.

There were the petty fights, but those petty fights were printed in my mind as a toxic attribute in our relationship.

I'm always the jealous one, because she's pretty and people are easily attracted to her. She can't blame my insecurities when it comes to it.

But whenever we fight about my jealousy, she doesn't give me the right assurance and I'm choked too much. 

I feel like my mind is going crazy and I just want to throw tantrums the whole day because she's leaving me like that. She's not doing anything. 

And maybe if there's something that I hate the most, it must be myself getting too soft once she says sorry.

"I told you, she