If she only knew.

"You should invite her, or maybe do a guilt-tripping or something." 

Sipping on her coffee, Yena insisted that I should dial a certain number on my phone. It's giving me both anxiety and excitement to do so, but maybe, anxiety scored up to a little higher than the other. 

We're sitting in a coffee shop, with Yuri–Yena's soon to be girlfriend. It might be complicated for now, but I'm sure that they're going to end up anyway. I'm the only person in our circle of friends who happens to get a kind of bad luck.

It was never a new thing for me when a relationship goes for a score of almost. It would always be that, I think. and I got used to being broken to my past crushes too. But, unlike those painful ones, the butterflies in my stomach doesn't want to choose the path of death. 

They, for sure–enjoy flapping their wings inside me. 

If she only knew.

It just so happens that I'm the only single in the group and most of my deary lads have their own partners already, no pressure though. I like my ways, the essence of being single and the advantages of it, simple as that.

But if I were to be taken, I certainly want one person to lock hands with me.

Kim Minjoo.

Oh good heavens, the name could already send shivers inside me. I can't help but smile at the thought of her, face, laugh, the way she looks..almost everything is perfect.

She was a saving grace, the one who enlightened my whole world, she gave me hope without her knowing it. I might be sounding creepy right now, but she doesn't know it anyway. I'm free to mingle with my imaginations.

Minjoo, the one who made me fix the mess I made and I  don't think adjectives are enough to describe what I feel for her.

If she only knew.

Yena and Yuri looked at me, laughing. I'm probably showing them the funny face I have whenever I feel giddy. I would always–how can I say this, flail?– whenever there's a topic with Minjoo involved in it.

I looked at Yuri and whined, "Can't you just invite her instead?" I asked. Hoping that she could save from the future embarrassment of rejection.

"I told you, it would be more effective if you're the one who's going to invite her here. Just tell here we're just around her workplace and having coffee." Yuri encouraged me to look at my phone and dial a certain number.

The first time I met Yuri was also the first time I laid my eyes on her. It was just a local fundraising event, with Chaewon inviting both me and Yena to come with her. We're not really interested to go there, but lucky Chaewon, ducky and I happened to feel that particular Sunday was boring. That's why we ended up going.

Right then, Who would've thought we'll both thank Chaewon so much for inviting us that day?

Jet black hair, specs, sleeveless tank top and a pair of vans caught my attention. It was simple, I knew that the girl who was standing in front of me was an ideal type. I'm not too girly myself, neither her. But I was sure that I wanted that cute and bright eyes for sure, she needs to be protected at all costs.

If she only knew.

Yena was a luckier one I guess, she was able to get Yuri's time and attention after that day. Meanwhile, my chance for this person I like was 0.01%, because she was so busy.

I hate her job–wait, no, that was one of the things I liked about her.  She was one of the floor production officers in a broadcasting company. You know, waking up at midnight because you received a call from your boss, or not being at home for a day because the whole production should be running smoothly. I love that field, like, so much! But fate played with me so I ended up taking literature instead. 

I guess that comparing her job to my boring book analysis and paper revisions got me more hooked into her, this beauty, too simple yet superb.

She was really a responsible girl, half of her life lived in Japan, maybe she got that from the Japanese culture–I mean, being a workaholic.

 Nevertheless, I'd always remind her that overworking one's self is not healthy. She would just nod at me and tell me, "Of course I know that. I can handle it myself, don't worry." With a smile, my heart is at ease. 

If she only knew.

Ah, independence is too attractive. In my case, I might see myself being saddened and running to my friends when a dog didn't look at me the same way I did, that's how it worked.

If I was an ice cream–I'd be a soft serve.

That made me feel weak and much more of a loser. A lot of moments in my life would give me an impression of myself, being one of the best at being a loser out there.

However, there was once, she told me, "You're a great person. You might not see it on yourself, but most people see it, including me."

I could feel my heart burst into happiness and determination that night, I could smother myself lightly with a pillow just to scream my feels out.

She was the only one who could make me feel this way. 

If she only knew.

The strong look I establish outside was the total opposite of myself on the inside. 

The only positive thing I could see here was Yuri being one of her best friends. And that, just maybe made me a little closer to the universe.

Nonetheless, it's making me happy.

Sometimes, I feel stupid for thinking that way, but sometimes, I feel thankful that little things make me happy too.

If she only knew. 

"Let me try,"

I dialed the number nervously, waiting to hear a certain voice. The two people in front of me had that look of anticipation, also with a smirk. They knew how weak my knees are with just her voice. I can't help myself but close my eyes and bite my lips as someone on the other lined uttered a greeting.

"Oh, Hey~ Yujinnie, what's up?" 

The soothing voice went inside my ear to my mind, I could feel my heart beating a bit too fast. It was another abnormal heart rate.

"Oh, Minjoo-ah, well..uh..I'm with Yena and Yuri having coffee ar