Joohyun is getting comfortable.

Too comfortable that it starts to feel a little alarming for her. Because Seulgi is being nice to her, she’s always too nice to her and she’s always be the person who do so much only for Joohyun. She’s like the Seulgi she knew back then, the Seulgi who she herself claimed to die because of her unrequited feelings for Joohyun. She thought she killed her Seulgi years ago, but here is the same person with the same face, the same voice and the same warm and kindness to offer exclusively for Joohyun alone (and her daughter too).

There’s so much Joohyun wanted to ask of her.

What happened to her all this time? How come they separated so badly in the past and now thirteen years later they meet again and Seulgi is acting like that ugly argument never happened? But as much as Joohyun’s curiosity goes, she’s also afraid to go back to that time. Seulgi’s back to the way Joohyun knew once and that’s enough for her.

Still...the guilt lingers.

“Seulgi…” She calls her softly, molding their bodies closer, seeking for more of Seulgi’s warmth. “I’m sorry.”

The said girl keeps caressing her hair. Then she answers, “Sorry about what, Joohyun? About what happened thirteen years ago? About burdening me now?”

“Um…” Joohyun hesitates, yet doesn’t let go of her hug. “Everything.”

“Stop apologizing.” Seulgi sighs, pulling away from the embrace and looks into Joohyun’s eyes deeply. Joohyun lowkey a bit disappointed that Seulgi pulled away from that comfortable position. “I didn’t love you just to hear you apologize to me every time we see each other.”

“Okay, fine, I’m sor—” Her speech was cut off with Seulgi’s palm on her lips.

“If you say sorry again, I won’t hesitate to kiss you.”

The moment she said that, Joohyun can feel her face heat up. What was her best friend thinking saying things like that? “Seulgi, stop joking like that.” She muttered, pushing herself away from Seulgi.

Truthfully, she wasn’t upset. Joohyun doesn’t even know what she’s feeling but she’s just… Gods, she has no exact words to explain the feeling. For sure she can feel her heart is thumping like crazy and maybe that’s why… That’s what makes her upset because now her face is burning—she must’ve looked like a boiling crab and it’s all Seulgi’s fault.

But then Seulgi reaches for her wrist, her eyes looking deep into Joohyun’s.

“Believe it or not, I can guarantee your divorce, Joohyun.”

Seulgi knew saying those words aren’t exactly the best idea. Doing what she’s doing for Joohyun isn’t a good idea either because she’s related to Joohyun. And Seulgi has feelings for the older woman, but no one really knew about it. As far as she concerns, only Seungwan and her late parents who knew about her unrequited feelings from thirteen years ago. Seulgi just wants to make her point clear with Joohyun.

Joohyun, on the other hand, was confused by that statement. It was as if Seulgi really meant for Joohyun to go separate ways with her husband.

“S, Seulgi…” She calls, feeling how Seulgi’s grip is getting firmer around her wrist.

It didn’t hurt though. “I will confess to you again. I just wish…you’ll give me an honest answer then.”

Joohyun was kind of speechless. Her words made Joohyun wanted to blush but at the same time there’s this something that feels off. Because when Seulgi didn’t ask for anything in return, her words seemed to imply for Joohyun to return the one thing she couldn’t just give away like that. Especially to someone of the same .

“I know I can’t repay everything you’re doing for me right now, but… But if you ask for my feelings in return, then I can’t do it, Seulgi… I can’t—just… You may as well just kill me. Just kill me, Seulgi…”

“And you think that would solve everything?” Seulgi whispered, she was upset too hearing that. She doesn’t like how Joohyun worded it. Maybe it’s because she’s feeling upset but it still hurt because Joohyun would rather die and leave her daughter than returning Seulgi’s feelings.

Joohyun doesn’t hate her.

She just hates the idea of being in love with Seulgi.

And no matter how painful it is to face it, Seulgi knew she couldn’t even bring herself to hurt Joohyun—more so killing her. Seulgi knows it well that she can’t push her feelings on someone and expect them to return them, that’s just selfish and Seulgi isn’t that kind of person. But if Seulgi knew better, Joohyun has that feeling for her, she’s just too afraid to let it out. Why else would she mop around about Seulgi’s sudden cold leave for years? Seulgi was sure Joohyun only needs more time to think everything through to consider her own feelings for Seulgi.

“Just think about it thoroughly. I’m not asking for an answer now.”

Seulgi lets out a rather sad smile.

“I’m not asking for much, Joohyun. I just want an honest answer coming from your heart by the time I confess for the second time to you. I…” Seulgi’s eyes turns down, avoiding Joohyun’s. “I just don’t want to regret it later on.”

Seulgi finally let go of Joohyun’s wrist.

The latter remained in her spot, speechless.

“Take a rest tonight. I’ll come tomorrow to pick up Yerim to school again.” Seulgi said, giving Joohyun’s head one last caress before leaving the room to head to the living room.

There, Yerim was busy playing together with Seulgi’s secretary.

Seulgi doesn’t talk much, she only goes over to Joohyun’s daughter, kneeling on her knees to match the little kid’s height. “You’ve been a really good girl, Yerimmie.” She said, making the latter smiles widely. She proceeded to give Yerim the gifts she told her when she arrived. She has one for Joohyun as well, but instead of giving it to Joohyun herself, she ended up using Yerim to give it to her mother.

Soon, Seulgi and Seungwan excused themselves to go.

Joohyun didn’t say a word, only a nod when Seulgi said goodbye. She closed the door as soon as the two women out of their place. Joohyun may think that her behavior is easily ignored, especially by her daughter but Yerim noticed the change and she wasn’t happy with it. Especially when she looked at Seulgi’s sad forced smile at her mother when the latter refused to even look at her.

Yerim couldn’t help but wonder what’s wrong with them.

It was completely different than when Seulgi arrived.

“Mama?” Joohyun was woken up from her trance once she heard her daughter’s voice. She didn’t get to react when Yerim throw her another series of questions. “You look sulky, why’s that? Are you fighting with Bear Aunty? Is Bear Aunty being mean to you, Mama?”

Being asked with all these curious questions from her daughter made Joohyun realize how evil she herself is. Even after thirteen years, after getting an indirect rejection from her, Seulgi is still loving her. Even she’s surer than she’s ever been that Joohyun is the one. But for Joohyun, she doesn’t feel the same. Her feelings don’t tell that Seulgi is the one for her. Moreover…now Joohyun has Yerim and what would Yerim think if she sees her mother with another woman? No…

“Yerimmie, do you love Bear Aunty?”

Without even a second of pause, the little kid smiles widely and says, “Of course! Bear Aunty is soooo nice! Not like Papa…” Joohyun forces a smile. It’s not anyone’s fault that she’s fond of Seulgi so much. Seulgi is a likeably person after all, but still… Joohyun doesn’t want it to be more. It’s not right.

…No, Joohyun doesn’t want to create another ‘Seulgi’.

Not in her daughter’s self.

She wants her daughter to live normal.

Because apparently, falling in love with the same gender is still something out of the norm for Joohyun.

Meanwhile, Seulgi and Seungwan arrived in front of the secretary’s house. Seungwan didn’t immediately get out of the car once Seulgi turn off the ignition. She watches Seulgi pulled up her phone and hesitates. Seulgi’s been meaning to send Joohyun a text, but for some reason she’s having second thoughts. Seungwan as Seulgi’s secretary surely realized how her boss is very attracted to Joohyun and Seulgi doesn’t mind that she finds out about it, as long as she can keep shut.

“Seulgi,” Seungwan started with her first name. It’s only because Seulgi told her to drop formalities when they’re off work. “Are you sure you’re going to help her? You know, a case like this…moreover fighting over child custody—”

“It’s not hard, Seungwan. We have strong proof. Her daughter seems to approve of it too.”

Seungwan was silent for a few seconds but she’s still quite persistent. “You’re not earning anything from—”

“I just want to redeem my mistakes back then. More than that, it’s only because I couldn’t see her suffer like that. You wouldn’t have the heart too, Seungwan. The life she has now…with that guy… It doesn’t even look like a worth living life. And I think,”

Seulgi looks out of the window, facing the apartment building where Joohyun and Yerim lives now.

“I think that our meeting now after thirteen years must mean something.”

Seungwan could only smiles a little sadly, staring at Seulgi’s side profile. “You’re in love, aren’t you?”

“I’ve always been in love with her, Seungwan. Not now, not thirteen years ago, not even the moment I met her for the first time…”

“When was it the first time you two met?”

Seulgi turns to Seungwan, sporting nearly the same sad smile.

“Twenty-seven years ago.”

The secretary’s eyes went wide. According to her calculation, Seulgi twenty-seven years ago was only a three-year old kid. She barely even understands anything and yet she said she was already in love with someone? Seungwan would like to tell Seulgi to stop joking but the look on Seulgi’s face says anything but a joke.

“I know what you’re thinking… It’s so naïve to think that I was already in love with her at first sight, and at such an incredibly young age… but the more I think about it… The more I couldn’t exactly be sure of the time it started. I just know I always have this feeling for her.”

Seungwan couldn’t relate much to what Seulgi is feeling, but seeing Seulgi’s changes here and there since she reunited with her first love, Seungwan was glad and happy for her. Yet, she knew Seulgi’s love interest refuses to acknowledge her own feelings for Seulgi. That part was the one that makes Seungwan feels bad too at the same time.

“And I don’t know until when I’m going to have this feeling or if it’s going to disappear at any point in my life…”

The secretary reaches for Seulgi’s hand on the gear shift, putting hers on top of Seulgi’s in a reassuring matter. She doesn’t know what else she could do to make Seulgi feel better. It’s sad to see Seulgi be happy and yet hurting too.

“I…can only pray the best for you two.”

Days passes by after that.

The first two days, Seulgi and Joohyun were still somehow keeping distance but on the third day everything starts to fall back into place again. Thanks to Seulgi’s small effort of asking Joohyun and her daughter to have a movie night together. Seulgi brought her portable projector, instant popcorns, Joohyun’s favorite snack and soft drinks just so they can watch the movie better. Neither Joohyun or Seulgi brought anything up from their last serious conversation involving Seulgi’s feelings and Seulgi was okay with that.

So long as Joohyun is comfortable.

At one point in the movie, Joohyun ends up laying her head on Seulgi’s shoulder, scooting slightly closer almost mimicking her own daughter on Seulgi’s other side. At that moment, everything feels so perfect in Seulgi’s eyes. She tries to smile because for some reason she feels her eyes getting teary.

What the hell, Seulgi…

She swallowed down her tears, she feels ridiculous for suddenly feeling so emotional. But on the other hand, Seulgi couldn’t help it. She really would do anything to have all of this with Joohyun.

Her jaw clenched, she shut her eyes close tightly.

Just enjoy it while it lasts…who knew what the future holds.

That night Seulgi had one of the best sleeps in a long while. She doesn’t mind even though she woke up with aching back, cramps and sore muscles. If the moment she opens her eyes and the first thing sees are Joohyun’s back at the kitchen, then she hears Joohyun’s voice waking her up, coupled with Yerim’s.

Is this what it feels like?

“Kang Seulgi, wake up. It’s almost noon—” Joohyun was moving around the kitchen, she leaves for a bit and Seulgi frown a little. Then she heard Joohyun’s voice again, with a softer tone now. “Yerimmie, please go wake her up, okay?”

“Okay, Mama!” The little girl sounds pretty excited.

The next thing she knew, Yerim was shaking her shoulders, trying to wake her up