Sometimes memories hurt more than a bullet, because the bullet kills you then and there whereas the memory lasts a lifetime. It's always there, reminding you everyday and no matter how much you try, those types of memories are impossible to erase. Believe me.

I would love to tell you that that week in Vietnam was magical and romantic,full of light and brightness. I would love to tell you Donghae and I made love hundreds of times and we visited many beautiful places. I would love to lie to you and lie to myself with the saying 'love lasts forever' but I don't have the heart to tell you.

At least I had fun.

I went back to the room without the coffee or juice, I went back with different ideas in my head and with questions, many questions, but who was I going to ask them to? Donghae never told Hani and Sunmi much, and he never spoke about it. I couldn't even mention the idea of speaking about 'him' cause he would change the subject and although to me it was normal and I understood, now I didn't want to understand it, I wanted answers. How is he? How did you meet him? Does it still hurt?

And it's not like it matters right? Because when you're with a person it means you're with THEM not their past or their future. Nothing should matter but their present, because that's who you fell for, who you want to be with. You weren't in his past and you don't know if you'll will be in his future but you are now in his present. Donghae was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and although it shouldn't matter, I wanted to know his past so I could build a future. One where there was enough space for 'us'. 

"Why that face?" Hani and Sunmi we're laying in one of the beds in their phones, they both looked at me.

"It looks like you saw a ghost. Hyukjae are you okay?" Sunmi stood up and left her phone on the side. 

"I'm fine don't worry," I faked a smiled,"I couldn't find the cafeteria or bar sorry."

"Don't worry honey we'll ask for them to bring it up to our room," Hani took the phone,"want anything else?"

"A cold beer," Sunmi laid back down on the bed. "Hyukjae are you going to order your coffee?"

"No, I'll pass." I walked to the other bed that was next to the balcony and sat on the edge. 

A few seconds passed and the girls didn't take their eyes off of their phones. It was nothing different than our sleepovers, the girls laying on the beds with their phones, beers everywhere and plans to go out to a party. Everything was the same, but I didn't feel it that way. 

"I found a club nearby, it had good reviews, let's go?" Hani's voice broke the silence.

"Let's go!" Sunmi agreed.

"Sure, sounds good." A bit of fresh air would do me good....if a club even had fresh air.

"It's 9:30pm right now, if we get ready now we'll be there at 11:00, good time. We'll be back at 4 or 5 and no one will know." Hani got up and started taking out her party clothes from a drawer next to the restroom. 

 "I call dibs on the shower!" Sunmi ran to the restroom, leaving her phone on the floor.

I still hadn't unpacked so I took my luggage and started taking everything out in search for my hair products and other beauty items. Though after I mixed all the clothes around I remembered my perfumes and combs where in the other smaller bag I had brought, a bag Donghae had carried and was probably in his room next door. The idea made me scared. Why scared? Isn't he your boyfriend? For the first time in the longest time I was scared to speak to Donghae.

Ignoring that feeling, I went out the room and knocked on his door.  Hearing the steps on the other side get closer made me shake, I fiddled with my fingers and bit my lips. What was I going to say? <

I was still thinking when the door opened, my heart stopped for a bit.

A head of curls peeked out and Chanyeol's smiling face eased me down.

"Donghae isn't here," his voice was sleepy,"he went on a walk, but he took his phone."

"I don't need Donghae," Did I just say that?>>. My heart broke a bit. "I left my bag here I think and I need it."

"Oh right," he opened the door completely,"Come in I don't bite. Not my best friend's boyfriend." I went in laughing at his joke.

"Did he tell you where he was going?" I was curious.

"No, he was acting a bit weird." He sat in what I guessed was his bed since it was undone.

His words made me even more scared. What if he bumped into Onew? And what if it is the same Onew that hurt him? Did they find each other again? So many things to think and such small head. I was stunned and I needed to breathe.  I hadn't felt this worried about losing someone since I broke up with Siwon. He broke up with you.>>. Whatever!>> I sat on the bed that was still neat, in front of Chanyeol, looking at him with teary eyes. In that moment he was the only one I could speak to.

"Last time someone looked at me like that I ended up being a dad," he laughed," Are you ok Hyukkie?" 

"I'm going to lose him," I spoke my thoughts. "I'm going to lose him and I'm so scared."

"Oh Hyukkie," his voice turned sweet, I guess he understood me. He kneeled in front of me. "I've know Donghae for years, if I can assure you of something it's that he's an idiot, he always does stupid things and messes things up, but I can also swear for the most sacred thing I have Hyukjae, that we all think you're the most sensible thing that bastard has ever had." He smiled nicely and I smiled back. "You came into his life as if it was all planned and you gave him something we all thought he had lost, the will to live. If I would've presented you  the old Donghae before you, you wouldn't recognize him. They hurt him so bad that he simply thought it was useless to f