It's time for a change, new air, new 'once upon a time', but this time it'll be 'once upon a time Hyukjae' 

When you think everything is wrong, you can't help but have that pessimistic feeling about everything, wanting to throw everything away, wanting the hit to finally aim at you and kill you so you could stop feeling....but when it hits you, you find out it doesn't stop hurting and it won't, at least not for some time.

I knew that Onew was the same one that once loved Donghae and that still did. He had no idea he was in the same place....with me. But, why hadn't they bumped into each other yet? The hotel wasn't as big to not bump into a walking disaster like him. Donghae went out many times in search for many things and he hadn't bumped into him. Instead, it was me who always found him getting in trouble. Why? Why couldn't they finish killing me and find each other?

The moment didn't demand it...

I remembered that life philosophy Donghae had, everything happens for a reason and maybe the encounter between them had no reason. The week was almost over and we would be going home as if nothing had happened. Donghae would never find out Onew was there and we would continue our relationship like always, it was the perfect plan, that's how the moment demanded it, no?

If they didn't bump into each other because of fate, what did I have to do with it? Onew didn't have a place, I was there now. It was MY moment, he lost his opportunity, right?

Sadly, even though it wasn't something the moment demanded, it was something I had to do. Things between Onew and Donghae hadn't ended on good terms, there were many things to clear out and feelings to express. Who was I to take that opportunity away? It's true that all that was in my hands. I could be selfish and not tell them anything. I could stay with Donghae forever and everything would be alright, but I wasn't, I wasn't going to be calm knowing I could've done something for them both and I didn't. I loved Donghae too much to be selfish. They had to see each other. 

On my way to my room, I thought about all the possible consequences of what I was going to do. If Donghae still loved Onew and left everything for him, including me. I would have to accept him, his happiness was more important than anything to me. 

Instead of going to my room with the girls, I stood in front of Donghae and Chanyeol's door. I swear my heart was a paralyzed for a few seconds. Was I doing the right thing? The sounds of footsteps nearing the door sounded like the countdown on a bomb to me and the surprised and smiling body of Donghae was the denotation. 

"Hyukjae," he hugged me tight. He seemed scared. "Where were you? I thought you where with the girls and when Hani came to ask for you I panicked. I was about to go look for you, don't scare me like that."

"I went for a walk," I whispered, letting his arms hold me. "Where are the girls?" 

"It seems like Chanyeol and Sunmi are taking care of some private business next door, Hani went out to leave them alone. She thought you were with us so she came to look for you, when I told her you weren't here she said she'd go look for you....it was just a second ago. I was barely putting on my shoes to go with her.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," I smiled apologetically,"let's go look for her to tell her."

"No," he took my hand,"I'll send her a message," he pulled me close to him and closed the door, leaving us in the darkness and silence of the room. His gaze was lost and his caresses seemed like a desperate effort to find themselves. 

"Donghae," How do you tell your boyfriend that you found his ex and he still loves him? "What do you feel for me?"

"Good question Mr.Lee." We were sitting down on his bed, still in the dark, speaking in whispers. "When I met you I knew it hadn't been an accident. You were just as lost as I was. We were both going through difficult times, we both loved someone that wasn't for us. We suffered in our own way for similar reasons...but the moment demanded for us to be together Hyukjae. I don't know if it was the same for you, but the day we met, when we took different paths, a million ideas flew through my mind. Was that really it? Was I not going to ask you out? Wasn't it the start of something amazing? And when you called me from afar to thank me, I smiled, because you answered that question Hyukjae. You were that new beginning I needed....While we advanced and got to know each other better I could see more of you. You really were as lost as I was and every time we spoke it was like giving advice and reminders to myself. It came to a point, a night where my mind and heart agreed for the first time that I couldn't be another second without you. Without your smile and lips belonging to me....Somehow your innocence took ownership of me Hyukjae. It turned me into a better person and I think that's a good enough reason to stay with someone...I wasn't always like this Hyukjae. I didn't always think this way. I use to be a disgusting man, I went out with men that had nothing inside. They were so horrible that the only thing they had left was their appearance and I surrounded myself with those type of people...I'm not proud of that at all. But with you it was different since the beginning. You satisfy me in a supernatural way Hyukjae. Physically and mentally. You're the cure to my thoughts and demons. With you everything is bright, no matter how bad the situation is....And I'm so scared of losing you, I'm scared of losing you for something dumb, for not taking care of you. That's why it hurts when you don't trust me Hyukjae..." there was a deep silence.

"Donghae, I think I love you," I whispered, almost inaudible.

"I'm sure that I love you," He kissed my temple.

After those words, I somehow felt safe, my heart and soul could feel relieved. Still, I felt the need to help Donghae, to close that episode of my life and I could only do that with Onew.

 Donghae tried making love to me that moment, but I couldn't. I couldn't be with him in soul and body in any way until I solved that. 

I didn't want to wait any longer, I wasn't going to allow myself to keep thinking of what would happen...if I felt brave in that moment I was going to take advantage of it...I was going to do the right thing.

"Hyukjae, are you alright?" He was surprised when I pushed him away.

"No Donghae, I'm not alright. I've been uneasy all trip long, I haven't been able to stop thinking of what would happen to us if you bump into him...I couldn't stop questioning if you still loved him...he's precious and not evil like I thought. He even resembles me in ways, I'm scared that you only chose me for being a stupid reflection of him. Donghae I'm NOT ok." I spoke quickly.

"Hyukjae what are you talking about?....who's him?" His body was pale.

"I can't with this anymore," I took his hand and dragged him to the exit. He was even more confused than me...I was scared, but there was no going back.

With Donghae by my side, I searched the halls. How to find Onew? Is he here? Did he go home? I really hope he hadn't, I wanted to solve this once and for all. I didn't know what I