A/N At the end there is a spoiler to the ending, like a big one, if you want to see it. If you don't just skip over I'll give a warning before so you can just scroll past it. I asked my cousin to spoil it for me when I read this story because I was just desperate to know but after I knew it I wished I wouldn't have cause the story would've been much more exciting, but it's up to you all if you want to know. 

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When we're little we go through the stage of 'Why?' 

It can be very frustrating to many parents since we ask it for anything, but that's how we gain knowledge of everything around us. Why the sky is blue or why birds chirp in the morning. You discover mom's name isn't mom and teacher's real name isn't teacher. We learn to explain why our tooth fell out or why a rainbow appears after a rainy day, although it can happen that the first few answers we get aren't the correct ones, they're the ones given to us and we believe them fervently until we go to school and we find out babies don't come from a bird like in Dumbo. I have a theory that it's then when the heart starts to break a bit, because what we believed to be true turned out to be false, what mom and dad said was a lie. Not a bad lie, but one of those you tell when you don't know how to explain something. And it's because it's easier to tell a little kid that there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow rather than telling them it has no end, that it simply disappears. I suppose that's why they do it. Those lies are what make you start to dream and imagine fantastic things. If you ask me, I prefer the story of how the sky is made of cotton over the gaseous reality much more. 

But something they always forget to explain, or something that we forget to ask rather, is.....why does a heart break? Why, if it's only suppose to be an organ that pumps blood, does it hurt so much when they hurt you? I think they forgot to warn 6 year old Hyukjae that there would come a time where every heart beat would hurt like punches......or maybe he forgot to ask, he was too focused on being happy.

They don't prepare you for that even in school, it's something you learn on your own, and what a pain it is. But you learn. Now you know that not all the 'I love you's are sincere or that not all friends are real....oh and let's not forget that lesson about words hurting more than a punch. And although it hurts to learn that, we never forget it. Maybe that's the problem.

I still remember when I had my first time. is such a beautiful thing spoken and practiced, but only if it's with the right person. If I'm being honest no man ever knew how to touch me like Donghae did that night. I don't know if it was because it was my first time or because I really loved him, but I never felt the same way. 

I also remember that night we spent it outside, on his convertible, watching the stars and talking about everything that passed through our mind. That night I heard from his own mouth what had happened to him. He told me about when his parents fought one night and his mother died, (that's what he said although I knew the correct word was 'murdered'. I suppose he didn't want to give all the details.) that since then he's been living with his aunt and uncle, who couldn't have kids of their own. His aunt was identical to his mother according to Donghae, that's why it didn't hurt as much. He told me some nights, when he would have nightmares, he would go into her room and would get under the covers next to her and imagined it really was his mom, convincing himself it was all a dream....at some point he believed it. His aunt and uncle had given him a last name, house and an education and he felt he was in debt with them. Donghae was a humble guy and he always looked for ways to thank them.

We talked about my life in a boring house, about my habits and low self-esteem. I told him I had depression at some point and I took medicines, that night we learned everything about each other. I loved that feeling of closeness we had, our bodies skimming our feelings. That night is engraved in my mind and I still remember every aroma and sensation, everything, I remember everything as if I was in that moment. 

Allegedly I was told the next day, Hani and Sunmi has fallen asleep, drunk and without with Chanyeol like they had planned to. I suppose fate or life saved them from making that decision. In the morning, Donghae's mom offered breakfast, his father was still asleep for he had just arrived from a conference in New York, I was able to see Donghae's body in that women. Their smile was identical and so was their hair, she had beautiful hazel eyes and calm voice, a very beautiful and relaxed woman. It was like the stereotype for women that everyone wanted to be like, I understood why Donghae was sensitive and humble, he had been raised and educated by a marvelous woman.