“My dear”

“Be kind, Love your family, friends, neighbors, even your enemies…”

“Don’t worry, dear…”

“You’ll be loved by everyone…”

.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two girls were sleeping side by side. One with the fluffy cheeks clung to the other girl’s arm, her body curled up like a baby. Both of the two girls’ face looked very peaceful and bright, It was almost like a scene from Disney princesses’ movies where the sleeping face looked very pretty and ideal.

Jennie opened her eyes first, just to wake up in front of a sleeping beauty. In front of her was the distinctive lip and the angelic childlike face of her most favorite Unnie. Jisoo’s face was so calm that it affected Jennie’s once messed up mood. The atmosphere was very relaxing as it bore the illusion that nothing is ever wrong.

Then the thought of Kai emerged and it made Jennie frowned a little. She was having selfish thought that things could go her way if she pretends to date Kai, but in reality it can’t be done because people’s feelings are not playthings. She then shook off the dirty cheater idea, and started to deteriorate in a dilemma induced stress. She was indecisive and she knew well that things could go bad in a flash if she doesn’t make any decision soon.

“Jennie?”, said Jisoo with a hoarse voice. Jisoo’s voice disrupted Jennie’s train of thought and made her confused.

“Yes Ka-…Jisoo-unnie?”, an accidental word came out. A Freudian slip. Jisoo noticed and was smart enough to tell that it was what’s inside Jennie’s mind. Jisoo started to feel pain again inside of her heart even though she denied it by thinking positively. But the pain didn’t go away. It never goes away.

Instead, she started to think some negative things, some unreasonably negative thoughts about Jennie or anything at all. It was just a tiny slip, but the mental condition of Jisoo made it worse. But she still fighting.

Jennie noticed the frowning face of Jisoo,

“W-what is it unnie?”, said Jennie anxiously.

“Um… I’ll go to the psychiatrist today”, said Jisoo without looking at Jennie’s eyes.

Jennie smiled.

“Okay then, unnie…”, said Jennie happily.

Jisoo looked down and pouted. Jisoo’s heart was still in pain but she tried to deny the negative thoughts really hard, and she succeed in suppressing the thoughts for a while. She looked at Jennie’s eyes, and then looked down again. She wanted to ask Jennie a favor but she was shy.

“You want me to go with you?”, Jennie read Jisoo’s mind with ease.

Jisoo’s face turned red, and she nodded slowly. Jennie smiled and took a deep breath.

“Of course…, don’t worry, unnie”, said Jennie as she curled her body towards Jisoo once again. The thought of Kai resurfaced and Jennie’s smile faded.

In the living room, someone was already up and was watching television. She wasn’t really watching the television, her mind was in another place and it was filled with sadness, rage, and jealousy. She thought to herself how unfair the world is after seeing the thing with Jennie and Jisoo that morning.

A door opened and it was Rosé walking towards the living room looking drowsy. She put on big slippers that looked cute for her to wear it. She sat beside Lisa on the soft fluffy couch.

“What are you watching?”, Rosé asked politely.

“Hm?”, Lisa didn’t want to answer, she was not in the mood and she was basically saying, “Shut up, you can see what I’m watching”, to Rosé but in a more subtle and arguably polite way to say it. Rosé was kinda hurt and was taken aback. The two didn’t make any conversation for a while, and started to build the inevitable awkward silence in two minutes.

Jisoo’s room door opened and the double J walked out of the room still wearing pajamas. Rosé looked happy when she saw the unnies looking friendly to each other. She thought to herself that this might be the start of better days for her and for the members. Lisa ignored the unnies and just kept watching the television, she was disgusted by Jennie at that time.

“You guys eaten yet?”, Jennie asked the maknaes.

“Um”, Rosé shook her head in a cute manner. Lisa didn’t answer.

“I’m gonna fix you guys some breakfast, pancake’s good?”, said Jennie as she walked to the kitchen. Jisoo followed and sat on the dining table.

“Um”, Jisoo nodded her head. She looked fairly happy even though she could still feel the prickly pain inside of her heart.

“That’s cool”, Rosé answered.

Lisa didn’t.

Jennie started to take out the ingredients.

“Oh yeah, I’m going with Jisoo-unnie to the psychiatrist today…”, said Jennie.

That surely caught Lisa’s attention as she jerked her head and suddenly looked towards Jennie’s direction. She thought that she is also worried of Jisoo’s condition, but deep inside she didn’t want to let Jennie ‘win’ too.

“Can I go with you guys?”, said Lisa.

Jennie was silent and looked at Jisoo.

“You don’t need to…”, said Jisoo. Lisa’s heart hurt really bad after hearing that words out of Jisoo’s mouth. Jisoo obviously didn’t mean harm. She just thought that she doesn’t want the girls to feel having an obligation to take care of her.

“But I want to”, Lisa said with a whiny tone.

“Well, if you want to…, then it’s okay”, Jisoo smiled at Lisa. Jisoo let out a small laughter. Lisa faked a smile.

Then the three of them proceed in doing what they were doing before. Jennie started to mix the batter, Jisoo started to play a game, and Lisa started to watch the television again.

“I… want to go too”

The voice caught the other girls attention. Rosé was forcing a smile and looked uncomfortable after saying the words. It was not a big deal for the girls, but for Rosé it was kinda big, because she thought that she was never invited to the party, and she thought that her saying that is the equivalent of inviting oneself to other’s party.

“But don’t you have solo preparations?”, said Lisa to Rosé. Rosé then remembered that she had to do some vocal training and other things regarding her solo.

“I think it’s okay to be late once in a while”, said Rosé defending her position.

“No, you shouldn’t”, said Jisoo to Rosé.

“It’s okay Chaeng, you don’t have to go with us…”, said Jisoo while focusing on her game.

“Okay…”, Rosé frowned.

“But, I want to go with you guys…”, a voice resonated inside of Rosé’s mind.

Jennie fixed them some pancakes and the sisters ate in a quaint and somewhat calm atmosphere. The deep calm before the storm.

Jennie and Lisa was now in the waiting room of the psychiatrist Mr. Jung’s office. Both of them didn’t talk, and Lisa looked very hostile towards Jennie. Jennie was listening to some music, and Lisa just sat there in a bad mood. A message from Kai popped up in Jennie’s phone, Jennie ignored it. Lisa noticed.

“You have to take care of the problem, you know”, Lisa said to Jennie with anger and frustration.

Jennie was annoyed, because she knew she has to face the problem.

“Yes.”, Jennie answered, unbothered.

Lisa rolled her eyes in disgust. She was angry at Jennie who seemingly wants everything to go her way. She ground her teeth.

“It will be a big problem, you know”, said Lisa.

Jennie glared, and didn’t respond with an answer.

The mood in the room was heavy and not pleasant, and the two of them continued to linger in that situation for a long while.

-------------------

Meanwhile, inside of the therapy room. Jisoo was lying on the couch, and the psychiatrist Mr. Jung sat on a different chair just beside her. The therapist got a small note and small pen on his lap and was ready to begin the session.

“How are you, Jisoo?”, Mr. Jung asked.

“I’m good…”, said Jisoo with a calm voice.

“Has anything happened in your life lately?”, Mr. Jung continued to ask questions to Jisoo.

“Hmm…, not much.”, said Jisoo.

Mr. Jung kept silent, to provoke some more words out of Jisoo’s mouth.

“…I guess it’s been going well”, Jisoo felt the obligation to say that words, based on the things that happened with her and Jennie lately.

“How so?”, said Mr. Jung with a tender smile on his face.

“Well…, I…”, Jisoo was hesitant. Mr. Jung waited patiently.

“I think the problem has been solved I think…”, Jisoo thought of the problem with Jennie.

“I had this problem before, the one that I told you?”, Mr. Jung nodded to Jisoo’s statement.

“And after I started living in the dorm again, everything was fine, but not because everything was actually fine, It was because of me who couldn’t feel anything anymore…”

“So I live on just like a drifting log flowing on the river, without care of anything at all. But it became boring and I thought a million times of ending my boring life. Because you know…, I didn’t feel any excitements, the flowers are not that pretty…, Music aren’t that enjoyable anymore…, I don’t know, it’s just…the right word to describe the feeling is—I don’t know—maybe…”

“Hollow?”

“Yeah, but because things happened…, in an unexpected way…, I suddenly started to feel again…, Well not only the good things…, but also pain…, But I think it’s better to start to feel again…, rather than…, you know…”

Mr. Jung smiled warmly.

“What happened? If I may ask you…”

“Well, l-love… I guess?”, Jisoo’s face turned red. Mr. Jung’s let out a little laughter.

“Good for you, good for you…”, said Mr. Jung while showing a genuine smile.

And then a sudden pinch in the heart made a certain expression flashed on Jisoo’s face. Mr. Jung noticed.

“What kind of thought that you just made?”, said Mr. Jung.

“…if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears”, Mr. Jung continued.

Jisoo’s breathing became faster. Mr. Jung was worried but years of experiences gave him the composure to stay calm in front of any kind of patients.

“If you don’t want to, then let’s move on to the…”, Mr. Jung’s voice started fading inside of Jisoo’s mind.

The words “Good for you” triggered some sort of an unconscious reaction inside of Jisoo’s mind. Feelings of anxiety brewed up slowly inside. The uncertainty came once again, and the traumatic experience of rejection and loss welled up again and formed a horrible shadow ready to engulf Jisoo in bottomless darkness.

“What if it’s only my subjective sense?”

“What if Jennie only wants me to go to the psychiatrist?”

“What if all things get messed up because of me?…”

A bunch of what-ifs surfaced inside Jisoo’s mind. And one thought collided into other thoughts and started to mingle and messes up the structure of Jisoo’s mind. She couldn’t think clearly. The jumbled thoughts gave an urge to hurt herself once more, to “FIX IT ALL STRAIGHT!”.

Jisoo slapped herself on the face. Mr. Jung was surprised.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Are you okay?”, said Mr. Jung, now with a serious look.

“Yeah, it’s just... damn mosquitoes.”, Jisoo said faking a smile.

Mr. Jung noticed the lie.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”, said Mr. Jung.

“Yeah, I’m fine…”, said Jisoo with a much more believable smile.

Mr. Jung wanted to force answers out of Jisoo, but he hesitated because he thought it wouldn’t do Jisoo any favor. So he kept silent and then faked a smile.

“Um…”

“Can I go home…?”

Mr. Jung cringed, and then looked at his wristwatch.

“But there’s still 15 minutes left for the session…”, said Mr. Jung.

“No, it’s just… just for today, just for today…”, Jisoo answered.

There’s no reason to force Jisoo into the treatment, then Mr. Jung came up with an alternative solution to the problem, which he himself didn’t think of it as the ideal solution. Mr. Jung prescribed some drugs for Jisoo, one of them was some sleeping pills for Jisoo to fix her sleeping pattern.

Mr. Jung called Jennie and Lisa while Jisoo is in the waiting room, he said to give her some space, and to give her extra attention to prevent some undesirable things to happen. Mr. Jung said that he is genuinely worried, because seeing from how Jisoo acted just then,

“She might fall apart easily at this point”

Jennie and Lisa were perplexed and started to worry a lot. Lisa then went to the pharmacy to get the prescribed drugs with Jisoo. Jennie was held by Mr. Jung, for he had something to say regarding Jisoo’s condition. And gave her a piece of advice if things were to go wrong.

The three girls went to their dorms with their manager-oppa driving them home. The sky was already dark and it had started raining, the sound of thunder rumbled from far away. Jisoo was sleeping from exhaustion beside Lisa. Lisa caressed Jisoo’s hair full of care and tender love. Jennie was riding shotgun. The manager-oppa peeked at Jennie and then smiled comically.

“What?”

“No, nothing…”, the manager smiled. Jennie cringed.

They arrived at the dorm, and the manager couldn’t stop smiling at Jennie. Jennie got annoyed. Lisa woke Jisoo up from her sleep. Jisoo looked very exhausted and stretched her petite body letting out a cute grunt.

“Thank you, Oppa”, said Jennie as she opened the door and walked out of the car. Lisa and Jisoo also walked out of the car.

“Thank me later…”, said the manager while smiling. Jennie cringed again.

Jennie and the others ran to avoid the rain. And opened the door of their dorm.

.

Kai was inside the dorm.

.

The pain stings inside of Jisoo’s heart as she saw Kai.

.

“What are you doing here? How did you get in?”, said Jennie who was shocked to see Kai.

“I want to apologize for yesterday, Hi Jisoo, Lisa…, sorry for barging in.”, said Kai. Jisoo and Lisa barely bowed.

Jennie started to panic, and couldn’t give Kai a response, instead she kept looking at Jisoo who was standing with blank eyes. Lisa then pushed Jisoo to go to her own room. Jennie looked very anxious after seeing Jisoo.

“Okay I forgive you, but can you go for now?”, said Jennie after she sighed.

“Why?”, said Kai.

“Um, there’s actually some sort of situation right now, I’m going to tell you later, but for now I think it’s better for you to go.”, said Jennie faking a smile. Deep inside, Jennie knew she has to end the problem, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't think clearly cause of everything that happened.

“Hm?.... Okay”, said Kai after thinking it through.

“Can I get a hug?”, Kai asked.

Jennie faked a smile and gave Kai a half-hearted hug.

Lisa peeked from Jisoo’s door, feeling disgusted by how her unnie acted. Jisoo was lying on the bed playing some game. Jisoo looked very apathetic and her eyes were hollow.

“So it was just because they had a fight?”

“I’m just a momentary distraction?”

Negative thoughts flashed inside Jisoo’s mind. Jisoo slapped herself to get rid of the thought. Lisa immediately gave her attention to Jisoo.

“What is it, unnie?”, said Lisa with a worried face.

“No, it’s… mosquitoes”, said Jisoo.

Lisa then closed the door and sat beside Jisoo looking really worried.., and really, really mad.

“My dear”

“Be kind, Love your family, friends, neighbors, even your enemies…”

“Don’t worry, dear…”

“You’ll be loved by everyone…”, said Grandma Park as she caressed young Roseanne’s hair in front of their house. The house was located in some sort of rural area, and it looked very peaceful and calm with blue skies and rustling grass.

Young Roseanne looked sad and she was crying. But Grandma Park continued to caress her hair lovingly.

…

Rosé opened her eyes and found tears welled up and were ready to roll down any time from the inside of her eyes. She looked at the faint reflection of her on the car’s window, realizing that she was not the same child as the one back in Australia. The rain was starting to get heavy and made the thoughts of her grandma resurfacing inside her mind.

Her grandma had always taught her to be a kind and caring person. And that’s what she did all her life to others. But, now for the first time in her life she has doubt about whether or not being kind is the right thing, for kindness had brought her a lot of misery. And the shadow of herself started to emerge, the one side of her that tell her to be cruel and think only about herself.

The car arrived at the dorm, and in front of the dorm was Jennie waving to someone in a car. Rosé ran out of the car looking very tired. She approached Jennie.

“Who was that? Kai?”, asked Rosé.

Jennie nodded and walked into the dorm.

.

“Don’t worry dear, you’ll be loved”

.

Rosé walked into the dorm, Jennie was already sitting on the couch sighing deeply and looked down.

“Where is Jisoo-unnie?”, asked Rosé. But Jennie was lost in her thoughts that she couldn’t even hear what Rosé said. Jisoo’s room door opened, Lisa walked out of the room looking really angry. Her eyes looked tense, her breath was fast and rough. She walked towards the living room.

“Where is Kai?”, said Lisa without looking at Jennie’s face.

“Went home”, said Jennie frowning. She felt really guilty even though a side of her thought it may not be a big deal. But she’s scared to confront Jisoo or Lisa.

“Lisa, where is Jiso-“

SLAP!

The sound was heard across the room as Lisa’s hand went really hard on Jennie’s face. Rosé was taken aback by the sudden movement. Heavy rain started to fall, accompanied with the sound of thunder.

“YOU ING MORON!”, Lisa shouted at Jennie.

Jennie kept silent and looked down.

“YOU THINK ALL OF THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL?”

“YOU THINK THAT IT’S OKAY IF YOU THINK IT’S OKAY?”

“ANSWER ME YOU IDIOT!”

“Lisa sto-“

“ANSWER ME!”

“…”

“WHAT DID I SAY HUH? WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU”

Lisa put her hands on Jennie’s face.

“I SAID ANSWER ME YOU ”, Lisa shouted. She was filled with rage that she became blind of her surroundings.

Jennie got angry at Lisa, she started to punch towards Lisa’s face. And they got into a physical fight. Their face were fierce, filled with anger and means to destroy. Fists flying from here and there.

“YOU BITC-“

“ACTING LIKE A VICTIM HUH”

“S-stop”

“YOU THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?”

“G-guys stop”

“SHUT THE UP”

Profane words came out of their mouth. It was the first time the sisters had a physical fight with each other. Lisa started to throw punches. It was ugly. And the girls didn’t notice that there was Jisoo standing in front of her door.

“JUST KILL EACH OTHER!”, Jisoo shouted. Her sanity hanging by a thread. Lisa and Jennie ignored Jisoo’s voice and kept fighting, they had gone berserk.

“Stop guys”

“LOOK AT YOU GIRLS. SO PRETTY”, Jisoo’s mind was broken, seeing Jennie and Lisa’s face bruised from each other’s physical contact. Jennie and Lisa kept going at it. They started to throw things at each other.

“Don’t worry, dear…”

Lisa threw a glass over Jennie’s head out of madness, but she aimed far enough from Jennie just to intimidate her. The glass broke and made a resonating crash sound across the room.

“You’ll be loved.”

Lisa and Jennie continued their fight. The two of them started to tear up.

‘”Guys…”

Jisoo was shouting but Jennie and Lisa couldn’t hear.

“GUYS STOP IT!”, Jisoo shouted while running towards Rosé.

Jennie and Lisa looked at Rosé. And their rage fell into a complete halt. Instead, guilt started to surge inside of their mind as Jisoo ran towards Rosé.

Rosé was sitting on the floor, her hand was covering her forehead. Her forehead had started bleeding after Lisa threw the glass. A shard of the glass had went flying towards Rosé. The room became silent, a tragic silence.

“Why don’t you listen to me?”, said Rosé crying.

“Why don’t you notice me?”,

“Why don’t you?”, Rosé cried.

.

.

“You’ll be loved by everyone, dear”

.

.