Don’t worry, dear…

Rosé opened her eyes. She was covered by a sheet. She had fainted out of shock cause of seeing blood coming out from her head. She tried to move her body but couldn’t, because the anaesthetics had worked up on her body. But it didn’t work really well enough to suppress her consciousness, but she didn’t feel any pain, even though the surgeons were sewing the small cut on Rosé’s forehead.

The cut was unharmful, but it was enough to make her bleed a lot. The surgeons noticed the movement of Rosé.

“Granny…?”, said Rosé with a hoarse voice.

Don’t worry…

Meanwhile, outside of the operation room. The three girls sat separately from each other. There was also their manager present in the place. The mood was gloomy. There was a television reporting an anomaly in the weather, a disturbance in the amount of moisture made it rain really hard, even if it’s winter. But the forecasters said that it might turn into a hailstorm, or just snow.

Lisa wore a mask for her face was a mess from bruises and also from trails of tears, and was crying her eyes out because she thought that it was her fault.

Jennie too wore a mask, her face looked like an identical mess with that of Lisa’s. Lots of bruises, but luckily no serious cut or scratches on their faces. She was frowning and feeling guilty as much as Lisa did. But Jennie managed to stay composed.

On the other side, Jisoo wasn’t crying nor teary. She just looked very exhausted, and leaned on the wall with a blank stare. Her mind had crumbled, but fortunately she’s still able to clung to reality, thanks to her innate sense of kindness and pity when she saw Rosé.

Jisoo was entering the death phase of her personality. Her mind was beaten into a pulp, but managed to save themselves inside of a cocoon. Jisoo had shown a fearful side of her and the monstrous malevolent madness side of her.

The encounter with that side of her made Jisoo questioned her own personality, it began to break the pre-existing knowledge of the self, but at the same time gave Jisoo a better understanding of herself.

And she was now acting awkward towards the girls, especially Jennie. Nevertheless, the large and oppressive shadow still lurking inside of the deepest corner of her mind. And as Mr. Jung said, it’s still easy for her to fall apart.

The other two girls, were also entering the same phase even if theirs are a little bit milder than Jisoo’s.

The light of the operation room has been turned off. And the chief surgeon came out with a calm and assuring face.

“She’s okay now. Don’t worry, it was just a small cut. It will leave a scar, but not that significant. It would look like a small bump, unnoticeable, really.”, said the surgeon after opening his mask.

The girls looked relieved.

“Thank god.”, said the manager.

Awkward silence.

“…and you too, Mr. Surgeon”, the manager continued.

The surgeon laughed, and the words lifted and melted the cold mood. The three girls also started laughing a little, even Lisa who was still crying out of guilt.

“So… she’s still asleep right now, but do you guys want to see her?”, the surgeon asked.

The three girls nodded.

“Okay, we will first move her to another room, cause there will be another operation in this room”, said the surgeon.

“Don’t worry, okay?”, said the surgeon as he went into the operation room.

The three girls and the manager bowed. The patient’s bed were being pushed towards another room. They followed it and went into a single VIP room.

“I’ll wait here…, and call Rosé’s parents”, the manager said.

The three girls hesitated to step into the room, as each and every one of them felt the same guilt. They blame themselves for what happened to their sister. But with a brave step, Lisa went into the room first. Followed by Jisoo and Jennie.

In the room Rosé was sleeping, she looked very peaceful. And the cut was bandaged on her forehead. Lisa sat beside Rosé and held her hand, she looked very sorry to her innocent chipmunk that was lying on the bed. Lisa frowned, but had stopped crying.

When Jisoo saw Rosé, she identified with her. She saw a reflection of herself in Rosé, but the difference was, Rosé held the pain and hides it behind her smile and kindness, while Jisoo lost to the shadow of her pain and fear, and let it took over herself.

She thought that she should have done better in fighting the pain, even if she knew very well that it wouldn’t be that easy to do. She frowned.

The moment of silence between the girls gave time for the three girls to reflect on what had just happened to themselves. The first one to rise from the dark was Lisa:

Lisa realized that her sadness didn’t only come from guilt, but also fear of herself. She was scared to hell that she could be that destructive force when struck by anger and jealousy. It may have something to do with her fear of being inferior.

But, on the other side, she understood herself a bit more, and were trying to manage her temper to prevent herself from doing harmful things to the people she love.

“I have to say this”, said Lisa wiping her tears.

Lisa slowly bowed ninety-degree towards Jisoo, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”, Lisa starting to get rid of her fear of inferiority, and traded it with humility. But it was still incomplete, for the greatest trial for her is to apologize first to Jennie. But Lisa’s trauma had given her the impulse to fix it all straight.

Lisa walked to Jennie, looked her in the eyes. Jennie still couldn’t look at Lisa’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, It was wrong of me to slap you. But, I think it was not wrong of me to be mad at you”, said Lisa with a hoarse voice. Lisa didn’t make an excuse, instead she logically think through what she was going to say and concluded that not all that she did was wrong.

She was stating an argument, after a logical train of thought. She was being assertive, and finally her fear of inferiority started to subside as she then could control herself.

“Um, It’s okay Lisa…”, said Jisoo with a low voice, her eyes still blank.

But, Jennie walked outside without actually saying anything to Lisa. Jisoo looked at Jennie who was looking really sad and guilty. Jisoo wanted to follow her but she couldn’t, her body was still fearful of anything at that time.

Jennie—Jennie realized that she wasn’t really selfish. The selfishness actually originated from her cowardice. Cowardice to face the problem and get hurt while doing it. She was ashamed of herself, but then found her courage ironically out of fear. The fear of problems running amok, and cause unnecessary damage to other people that she loves.

She walked out of the room.

“Jennie where do you want to go?”, the manager asked her.

“I’ll be back soon”, said Jennie without looking back.

Lisa looked at Jisoo right into her eyes. Jisoo was waiting for the words to come out from Lisa’s mouth, from anyone’s mouth at that time. Words of encouragement.

“No, I will not tell you to do anything, unnie…”, Lisa averted her gaze from Jisoo.

“It’s your choice…, I’m staying here.”, Lisa continued.

Jisoo clenched her fist, She looked down. Cause the fear came once again for her, fear in trying to chase love. She ground her teeth in frustration. She should have ran and chase Jennie, but instead of her wanting to go for it, the fear froze all of her body and made her stand there doing nothing. She fell, and lost.

Rosé opened her eyes, and felt something warm holding her hand. It was Lisa.

“Oh you’re awake…”, said Lisa.

Jisoo opened her eyes wide, she looked relieved, and tears started to appear but Jisoo held it in by clenching her teeth.

Rosé looked at Lisa, then Jisoo.

“Where is Jennie-unnie?”, asked Rosé.

Lisa looked at Jisoo, then Jisoo averted her gaze.

“She went outside for a while”, said Lisa.

Rosé tried to sit. Lisa immediately helped her.

“No, I’m okay…, a little bit dizzy… but it’s okay…”, said Rosé.

“Ooo…, the numbness started to fade, it’s getting painful”, said Rosé as she tried to touch her forehead. Lisa grabbed Rosé’s hand and put it down. Rosé yawned.

Lisa started to smile, Jisoo looked really relieved.

“Oh…”

“I’m really sorry. I was wrong.”, said Lisa while holding Rosé’s hand tight, and she looked regretful of what she has done.

“I’m…, I’m sorry too”, said Jisoo to Rosé. She bowed at Rosé and Rosé was shocked.

“No-no-no It’s okay, it’s partly my fault for standing in between thes- I mean between Lisa and Jennie”, said Rosé as she was feeling uncomfortable seeing both of them blaming themselves. But she couldn't deny that she felt really happy when the girls started to notice her and apologized.

“But please don’t throw things again, Lisa”, said Rosé with a humorous note. Lisa smiled and nodded, she looked teary. Jisoo smiled.

“What time is it?, said Rosé.

Lisa picked up her phone and looked at the clock.

“It’s…, Wow it’ almost midnight…, just a minute left.”, said Lisa with a hoarse voice.

“Where is Jennie-unnie?”, Rosé asked hastily.

“Wha-what?”, said Lisa holding Rosé down.

Jisoo look unbothered. Then her eyes widened as a voice from her phone were heard. It was a reminder alarm that she set to play when a certain important day comes, it was playing “Winter Child”, she started to tear up but managed to held it in again. Lisa also realized. The dorm was in a pretty messed up situation, so the sisters didn’t really keep the track of time, and didn’t really think about this kind of event.

It was Jennie’s birthday.

“You guys forgot?”, said Rosé. Rosé jokingly sighed and facepalmed.

“I printed photos of us when we were still trainees…, I wanted to give it to Jennie-unnie as a pre-birthday present, where is my phone?”, Lisa then grabbed Rosé’s phone from Rosé’s coat and then gave it to her. Rosé removed the rubber cover of her phone, and picked the printed photos from the back of her phone.

“Oh… darn, It got crease”, said Rosé disappointed.

“What do you expect?”, said Lisa laughing with teary eyes.

It was a picture of four of them standing together in front of their dorm from their trainee times. They looked so happy and cheerful, for they were going to debut as BLACKPINK together, they were going to sail the harsh storm of the industry together.

Jisoo looked at a particular girl beside her. The girl’s cheeks were undeniably plump, which made her looked so innocent and cute. Jisoo looked at her but couldn’t smile, she was still afraid of the pain. But she remembered all of the promise and all of the dreams they shard together. Her with Jennie, her with the other members.

“Unnie…”, said Rosé. Jisoo looked at Rosé. She knew what Rosé was going to say.

“Can I ask you a favor?”, said Rosé. Jisoo averted her gaze and sighed deeply.

“No, it’s your gift, you give it to her.”, said Jisoo giving back the photo to Rosé.

“No, I didn’t ask you to give it to her…”

Rosé was hesitant.

“I would look for Jennie…But I have to take care of this girl right here. It was my fault, so I’m responsible”, said Lisa saying what Rosé wanted to say. Lisa looked at Jisoo with firm eyes.

Jisoo just looked down.

“Let’s just wait until later…”

“Maybe she went to Kai..”

“Or maybe she’s alone”, said Rosé.

“I don’t think she’s that kind of a person, unnie”, said Rosé.

Jisoo’s eyes slowly widened. She started to remember the memories of Jennie. And she remembered her Jennie. HER Jennie.

But then, another negative thought surfaced, thoughts of the Jennie she didn’t know. The mysterious unknown that might struck her defenseless and threw her into hellfire.

Jisoo was caught between the two and was clueless.

“Will she be alone?”

“Will she be with Kai?”

Jisoo clenched her fist and stay in the same tile, didn’t budge a little.

“Why are you hesitating…”

“You love her don’t you?”

“But even so…”

“Have you done anything to get her heart?”

Jisoo’s eyes opened and were teary. She then walked out of the room with a fast pace,

“Where’s Jennie?”, asked Jisoo.

“I don’t know, she said she’ll be back soon”, said the manager.

Then she started to run. She shouldn’t run, but her body went on moving by itself and Jisoo gave in to the force. She checked every place on that floor but couldn’t find Jennie.

She took the stairs and walked down quickly, not missing a tempo until she was on the ground floor. It The heavy rain had turned into snow when Jisoo walked outside and looked for Jennie, but Jennie was nowhere to be found. She picked her phone and call Lisa

“Lisa, I’m going to go look for Jennie, she’s not here”, said Jisoo while trying to catch her breath.

“Okay unnie, be careful”, said Lisa. Lisa then put down her phone, looked down.

“Ahh, I can’t believe it”, said Lisa.

“What?”, asked Rosé.

“I actually lost…”, said Lisa frowning.

“Don’t worry…”, Rosé hold Lisa’s hand.

“I lost too…” , said Rosé.

Lisa smiled.

“So we’re a bunch of losers?”, said Lisa.

Rosé nodded as Lisa noticed the warmth of Rosé’s hand. Lisa blushed.

Jisoo tried to call Jennie, but there was no answer. She then took a taxi to go to places where Jennie might be going.

The first place was the dorm. As soon as she arrived Jisoo ran in the snow and tried to look for Jennie, but Jennie wasn’t there.

And then she went to several places where she and Jennie shared fond memories. The sense of self started to built up inside Jisoo’s mind, as she remembered who she was, and who she is. She laughed at her pathetic self who lost to the depression, and promised to not do that again. She laughed at herself who just whined and didn’t try to do anything to get Jennie’s heart.

She then felt fear once again for this may not work again for her. But at that time, Jisoo was feeling strong that she would rather get hurt than doing nothing, for the love of her life.

She thought to herself that if she fail, she would try it again. If she fail again, she would try it all over again. And if she’s doomed to fail, then she would live loving Jennie without loving anyone else from a distance.

The positive thoughts started to balance her dark thoughts. And the everlasting fight continued, but now Jisoo resides in the light. The one who pushed Jisoo to the light was Lisa, Rosé, and her version of Jennie. And standing against her was the Jennie she didn’t know, the mysterious potential of emptiness. Nevertheless, Jisoo chose to fight.

Finally, she went to the hill overlooking the town. There she saw Kai driving away from the place. But there was no Jennie in the car.

She walked slowly out of the taxi. And then walk towards the place where she promised to go together with Jennie.

Jennie was there.

She faced towards the tiny blips of city lights.

She looked at Jisoo, and her eyes widened.

Jisoo looked at Jennie with firm eyes.

Snow was falling, and made Jennie’s hair and coat a little bit wet.

Both of them didn’t say anything for a while,

“I broke up with Kai”, said Jennie. Jennie had found the courage to make a decision. She realized that the reason she acted like a coward, was because she was scared to hurt other people. But after the incident, she knew that fear and indecisiveness might bring more harm to the people she loves than good. And she doesn't like seeing other people get hurt.

In this case, she couldn't choose to ignore Jisoo for she was afraid that Jisoo might get hurt. But at the same time she didn't want to break up with Kai for it might hurt him. She was just scared. In the end, she realized that she had to make a decision, and she chose Jisoo and the members. She didn't regret it, because she thought that it was the best way to end the problem. It's better to shot a guy in the head rather than to torture them for a long time. Still, it would be a lie to say that Jennie herself wasn't hurting. She loved Kai. But she loves Jisoo and the other girls more.

"W-wha..?"

Jisoo’s eyes widened, she could see Jennie’s eyes were teary. Jisoo wanted to ask “Why?”, but she understood that Jennie wasn’t in the mood to explain. It would make Jennie’s mood get worse as she explain.

All of her plan to bring Jennie to the hospital and say happy birthday were ruined by some unknown force that moved her body. And she hugged Jennie tight. Jennie was perplexed.

“I’m sorry…”, said Jisoo looking down. She felt that all of this was her fault. All of the things that were happening to the members.

Jennie was silent and pitied Jisoo.

“I’m sorry…”, Jisoo started to get teary.

“I’m sorry….”, Jisoo cried.

It was the first time since forever that Jennie saw Jisoo crying. Jennie started to cry and caressed Jisoo’s hair lovingly.

“It’s not your fault…”, said Jennie lovingly

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay…”

“You’ve always held it in, didn’t you, unnie?”, Jennie asked as Jisoo cried. Jennie caressed Jisoo’s hair and kissed her forehead.

“It’s okay…., it’s not your fault…”

Jisoo cried a lot more intense. She was expressing all of the frustration, fear, guilt, sadness, and emptiness at that time. She couldn’t hold it in. She cried a lot more.

“I’m sorry, Jennie…”

“It’s not your fault”

As she cried her heart out, Jisoo’s old self had crumbled into dust, hence a new personality was being carefully constructed. A new Jisoo that has returned from the death, and it was still in a fragile state, as the old shadow still remained and ready to take over Jisoo to the bottomless pit of depression. But now, she was embraced with a light that saved her from the shadow. And a glimmer of hope started to shine deep within the black sludge that already filled the void inside Jisoo’s heart.

Jennie and Jisoo spent time like that for a while, before finally went into the dorm for Rosé had went home from the hospital.

The living room was a mess. The four of them looked at the crazy mess, and then sighed deeply. But Jennie was relieved when she looked at Rosé who was looking really good. Jennie hugged Rosé.

“I’m sorry, Chaeyoung”, said Jennie. Rosé started to blush.

Then Lisa joined Jennie and hugged Rosé.

"Sorry Lisa", said Jennie to Lisa. Lisa nodded.

Jisoo smiled, and then joined the other girls, and the three of them hugged Rosé lovingly.

“You’ll be loved by everyone, dear.”, Grandma Park’s voice surfaced inside Rosé’s mind. She got teary.

Then the girls started to say happy birthday to Jennie. Lisa jokingly slapped Jennie’s face, and then made Jennie shocked. But then they were smiling and play fighting with each other. It was a familiar sight knowing that similar scene had just happened not long before. But the major difference was, now they’re smiling happily.

The room was a mess, just like the sisters’ relationship before the incident But they will start once again and rebuilt the trust and relationships between them. And maybe new love will start to bloom, new problems will start to appear, new shadow will haunt them, but they weren’t scared of the future. They weren’t scared of anything.

The next day, they had breakfast together. Jisoo cooked them some kimchi fried rice. She looked much happier than she was before. Nevertheless, the shadow of her depression still lurked inside of her. But she decided she’s going to do something about it.

“Hey, I’m going to be a bit late for training…”, said Jisoo as the other girls were munching their delicious meal.

“Going somewhere?”, asked Lisa.

“Yeah, from now on I will regularly go to the psychiatrist”, said Jisoo.

Jisoo hesitated, but then pulled out her courage.

“Jennie, won’t you come with me?”, said Jisoo without looking at Jennie’s eyes.

“Huh, me?”, Jennie unknowingly started to blush, part of it was because she was surprised that Jisoo would ask her to go out with her. It hasn’t been that way since she was with Kai.

Jisoo blushed too, both of them were blushing and looked very clumsy. It was a weird sight seeing two best friends blushing at each other. Painful as it was for Lisa, she couldn’t deny that Jisoo and Jennie looked cute. The two best friends might have tread an unexplored field of their relationship now.

“O-okay then”, said Jennie whose face was red.

Looks like a new story for the girls will unfold.

.

.

.

“What about us?” said Rosé cringing.