12 January 

///

“Can I give you a ride?”

“I’m here with driver. Don’t worry”

“Thank you for coming though” said the taller most sincerely

Hearing that makes Kyungsoo laugh automatically 

“Thank you for what? I’m the one who should be thank you for the surprise.”

As they arrive at the front door, Soo’s buttoning his jacket up, ready to brace the cold outside

“Kyungsoo...” call the taller man once again

“Yes?” Kyungsoo look up, and they’re talking eye to eye

“Can I hug you again, just this time?”

Deep down he knows that this isn’t right, but Soo also cannot reject the idea of just a friendly hug

“Sure”

Kyungsoo purse his lips and soon his body is enveloped inside two hands. Wrapping him tightly in silence for few minutes that feels like eternity. 

Soo lay his head on the taller’s chest, he close his eyes a bit, feeing thankful for all the man’s given to him today.

The surprise cake, with candles, and all their friends altogether in one room. The food, their togetherness with a lot of talk and laugh they shared, it was all so precious.

On his 30th birthday, Kyungsoo didn’t expect the day to be this special.

Although everyone is busy at the office, his employees still celebrate his birthday in a simple way this morning.

And then now, when his very good friend ask for short meeting, he didn’t plan to stay for long at all. But still, the 3 hours somehow feels like few minutes only when accommodating the long due gathering they have tonight. 

With the warm hands holding his back, Kyungsoo rest his head one last time and smiles. He’s thankful to be loved by so many people around him, even by those whom he actually doesn’t deserve.

To be friend again with your ex is always awkward. In the past six months Kyungsoo has tried his best to avoid Chanyeol as best as he can. 

As agreed before he got married; the pair broke their relationship and Chanyeol fulfilled his promise to step out from his personal life from then on.

He knows that Chanyeol must be curious about his marriage life, and for that Kyungsoo has reassured the taller so many times that he is fine.

Most of the text exchanged between them are just: how are you, I’m fine. Talking about work a bit and that’s all. Kyungsoo doesn’t react to the other texts saying I Miss You even though he knows that it hurt Chanyeol so much. 

Now after six months passed, Kyungsoo’s utterly grateful to Chanyeol for remembering his birthday and celebrate it in a friendly way. 

There are ten friends who came in total, the taller gathered them all for Kyungsoo, making it merry and they had so much fun for the full three hours.

The meeting today, might looks or appears like they’re getting back together, but it’s not.

Kyungsoo has firmly draw the line between them. 

He stay quite when Chanyeol whisper 

“I miss you...” and he try hard not to move a bit when the older leave a light peck at the top of his head.

As much as Kyungsoo want to say that he miss him too, he holds it all.

He has rules, he is firm to be just friends with Chanyeol; and so this is what they are now.

Pulling his body out from the hug, Kyungsoo look into his eyes one last time and excuse himself first from the cafe

“Thank you Chanyeol. I’ll see you next time”

He says quietly as the door opens, and Kyungsoo’s back inside the car

“Let’s go home ahjussi”

“Sure Kyungsoo ssi”

——

He is waiting alone. That night in the empty dining room area, Jongin waits; putting his chin in one hand, staring at McDonalds takeaway bag in front of him; heart beating fast. 

It’s seven oclock and he is all smile. 

He hold his appetite down despite growling stomach, doesn’t want to eat alone that night.

Just few minutes.... he will come in few minutes...

Jongin’s leg can’t stop moving due to high anticipation. Just like yesterday, he’s expecting Soo to come soon, carrying take away dinner with him, then they’ll eat happily together before he comeback to the office finishing remaining  work later on.

It is few minutes to eight when Jongin feels bored of staring at his phone. Job conversations are over, he has read all news of the day, and the TV programme is far from exciting too. He feels bored, a little bit bored but he knows Kyungsoo’ll be home soon. 

Soon! Maybe there’s too much work so he has to work until this late. Inner Jongin while still sitting nicely, patiently waiting 

At 9 pm Jongin move his to sofa near the window and take a peek outside, staring at the front gate as minute after minute pass unknowingly. He awaits for appearance of a car, he wish to hear engine sound, for a sedan car to come near and the automatic gate to open so he could jump welcoming his spouse back home.

One hour later though, he check the clock and he’s still the only person in the house.

When the clock strikes 9:30; Jongin continue to shrug  and walk slowly to the pantry; feeling sad and desperate. 

He opens the take away bag recklessly and start chewing the big mac with head hanging low in the middle of the darkness.

The burger feels dry and unappetizing in his mouth, but he force his muscle throat to push it down nevertheless.

He’s actually not hungry anymore, but Jongin also isn’t a person who loves to make waste. 

He has bought it anyway, so he has to finish it.

Even though the burger taste like rubber, his fries and nugget are soaked; not crunchy anymore, and the drink has turned into half melted ice and half coke; Jongin continue to chew while cursing nonstop to nobody inside his head.

He hates it all. He hates being left alone.

Finally after finishing the meal rather quickly, Jongin doesn’t look back and move upstairs into their room immediately.

His initial plan to resume work is surely abandoned, he change clothes in a flash and dive straight into bed. 

Under the blanket, he still isn’t sleeping yet. Jongin wants to be asleep, but his brain refuse shut down, still waiting for the engine sound to come around, and wait for the person he long for to come too. 

At half past ten when his wishes come true, Jongin didn’t budge but continue pretending to be asleep under the cover.

He hears the door opened, he hears Kyungsoo’s light footsteps nearby, he hears the bathroom light get turn on and off until the other person come close, lay his body next to him carefully on their mattress bed.

That night, he find sit difficult to sleep because Jongin hates to admit that he is mad. He’s mad for Kyungsoo who left him hanging alone for 3 hours at this house. He’s mad for Kyungsoo who abandon their usual dinner time. He hates the fact that he is longing for the latter so much that it hurts. His heart hurts when he couldn’t see Kyungsoo’s face again that night.

I wanted to see you Soo. I miss you.

Finally at one; Jongin fell asleep due to tiredness after struggling for a while.