Stepping on the gas pedal, I let the wind from outside coming in through the open window as the cool air of the night greets my entire body. Driving toward nowhere, I watch the almost empty road that seems to never end. Although there are street lights everywhere, but the darkness seems to pull me in. I smile bitterly, that's because I am the never-ending darkness, the black hole that only causes pain to the people around me. That's why, I try to interact less, so I won't pull the innocent people into the dark world, including the most beautiful girl that I love so much.

Kim Jisoo. I whisper her name in a hushed tone, delivering it through the wind.

This is really how heartbreak feels like and I have to deal it with my own. Being alone and to go through everything by myself is how I live my life anyway, so I should get used to it. But not this time.

I am really glad that she has Lisa by her side, to hold her, to be with her, and to take care of her like I used to be. Although I know the pain that she feels right now won't hurt less than mine. Gripping hard on the steering wheel, I bite the bottom of my lip as the memories of seeing her crying because of me appear in my mind. 

I hurt her. I cause her pain. That's why I don't deserve her. I let her go, because I am afraid she will be in more pain if I keep her with me. I don't want her to waste her time trying to fix me, who is already broken and can't be fixed.

Wait, did I just say broken? I don't think that's right either. I am not just broken, I am such a trash, a depressed human being without any future, not even a tiny little dream. I have got nothing in me, I am empty, that's how I am.

I know, she asked me to love myself and I am still feeling so guilty until now by the fact that I pretend to embrace myself in order to have her. I have been pretending to accept my flaws, so she does not need to worry about me harming my own body. I pretend to forget about all of the problems that I have because I want to be genuinely happy with her, but those monsters in me never been gone, they are here within me, crushing me with all their might. 

One thing that I would never pretend is the feeling that I feel because of her. She is the only one who can bring the colors to my world, a smile on my face and the deep beautiful thing calls love in my heart. I really do love her, a feeling that I never thought exist, as a person like me never feels it to anyone before or receive any of it from anyone. Only Jisoo who shows me how strong and powerful love is, also how bitter and hurtful it is if we break it. 

19 days. That's how long our relationship is. Ironic or not, the number is the combination between her birthday date and mine. Although we spent a lot of time way more before we got together, it is still not enough. But I cherish those memories, all of the little things about her to the way her lips that form a heart-shaped whenever she smiles, even though I do not know when will she smiles like that again.