Silence is mesmerizing but so is Saab – Look at this unbothered girl leaning on the wall with her eyes closed in front of her bias. Is she for real? My sadness felt like a distant memory by now. How did she manage to turn my day just like that? And why... Why am I so comfortable when the only thing I know for sure is her name?

Shaking my anxiety away I cleared my throat, “Hmmm. So, ahm, where have you been?”

“What do you mean?” Her eyes, it’s making me feel things. “I mean, what did you do today? You look tired. I’m sorry for adding stress to your day.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that its nothing. I met with my last two clients. Next one would be next week so I have a whole week to relax.”, she smiled and got up, fixing the crease on her pencil skirt while doing so. The stars are suddenly blinding tonight. I tried not to look.

“Do you think they’re all gone by now?”

What is she talking about?

“I’m sorry. You lost me. Who?”

“The customers of the Café. Its closed now, isn’t it? I can sit here with you. On this table. We would look like a fool talking if I sit on the other table. I was hiding by sitting here but the fake grass is itchy.”, she explained while laughing softly.

Relief washed over me when I finally understood. She wants to sit here with me. Trying hard to hide it, I looked at the time. Then it hit me – “Wait, how come no one went to sit at the other table earlier. It’s just 11pm.”

“I told you, Jongjin closed the rooftop early. But don’t worry nobody noticed. I think so. But is it locked? What if somebody tries to sneak in? Oh shoot. Should I go?”, she cupped her face looking so shocked at her realization. I am struggling not to do the same to her cute cheeks.

“No. Of course not!” . That came out so strong. My entire face feels feverish.

“I mean, you don’t have to I’m sure they’re waiting for the last patrons to leave by now. You can stay. If you want.”, I added softly. That brat Jongjin though. What was he thinking?

“Okay. If you say so...”, she replied while sitting on the empty chair beside me. “Oh, by the way oppa... “

I have never heard that word spoken so beautiful as it did now. I looked her in the eye and smiled. I can see her blushing by the faint light – “I mean Yesung, ahm, have you eaten yet? I bought fishcakes earlier. Let’s eat I’m hungry.”

Saab searched inside her bag – “Oops. Looks like I sat on it a bit. Hehe.” I reached for the fishcake and laughed, “A bit? Look at this fishcake. It looks like a squashed jellyfish now.”

“Look at this guy! I will eat it then. How dare you be so disrespectful to Fishcake-nim.”, she snatched the paper bag and stuffed the whole fishcake in . “Hmm. Yummy. Oishi. Perfecto.”

What is this woman? I can’t help but laugh.

“Are you that hungry? Wait here. I will get you food.”, I stood up to go when she grabbed my arm. “Yah! Hajima! People will see you. Its fine I’m not hungry anymore.” Damn. What is this feeling. Too bad she let go quickly. “But I’m thirsty. I need a drink.”

“Oh. I have water. Here drink this. Still sealed don’t worry.”

I took the bottle she’s offering. I was so down the whole day I only drank coffee. Nothing else. Sigh.

“I poured sleeping pills on that bottle to help you sleep better.” Saab suddenly said.

I gagged on the water.

“IM JUST KIDDING. You just went to your sad zone again, didn’t you?”

“For a second yeah. How did you know? Are you a witch or something?”

“My job trained me to be an observant person. But seriously Yesung you need something to keep your mind busy.”, she ransacked her bag again, “Oh right. How about you tell me if the places I listed on my itinerary are worth it or not?”

“Sure.” How can I say no to those eyes? I took the paper she’s holding. Wow. She really has a list of places to go to the whole week. The places aren’t the usual list of a tourist.

“Yah. Why are you smiling? Is my list weird?”, she pursed her lips. “No, it is just unusual that’s all. Tourists go to other places. Look, Ihwa Mural Village. Really? How did you even know that kind of village exists?” That village is full of wall arts. I love her taste so much.

“To be completely honest, I googled for the less touristy spots to visit in Korea. I’m not really into people.”, laughing nervously she leaned on her seat. I scrutinized her list again to avoid staring.

“Hmm. You really love cafés huh. Hipster Café hopping. And wow, Sanmootonge really?”

She sat straight and began explaining animatedly, “SANMOOTONGE. You know that drama Coffee Prince? Stupid me, you’re Korean of course you know. I love that so much. I’m dying to taste the famous Lemon Cheesecake my mouth is watering. Ugh.”

“Gong Yoo isn’t going to be there you know.”, my jaw feels stuck for smiling so much.

“LEMON CHEESECAKE YESUNG. LE-MON-CHEESE-CAKE.”, It is so refreshing to see a woman looking so excited about food. I wonder how she is when she’s eating a real meal. I seriously want to see.

“Hey Yesung...”, I turned to face her, why is she suddenly serious? Does she want to leave already? Am I boring her? “Ne? Something’s wrong?”

“Aniya. Do you think they’re all gone? I need to go to the loo.”, I can’t help but laugh with relief. “Wait let me see, its 12:30 now and its quiet. I think so. Ka. But go back, okay?” I waved her list on the air, “I will take your list as hostage.” Walking backwards to the door, she mouthed “I will be quick.” And disappeared by the stairs.

The rooftop is so quiet and lonely without her. I studied her itinerary again. The other places she listed are perfect for romantic strolls. I’ve been to most of these places with Jongjin, except Gwanggali beach. She really wants to go to Busan alone?

Is it a crime I?

I dropped the paper on the table and shook my head. Should I? Maybe I should just in case. I strained to listen if she’s coming or not. Screw everybody. I like her. And took a snap of her list.

“Hyung!”

I almost dropped my phone. Jongjin appeared out of nowhere. Trying to act normal I put my phone on the table.

“Ne?”

“We’re leaving.”

. I don’t want to go home yet. “Let me wait for Saab first, she went to the restroom.” Jongjin is looking like he is so done with me. He reached out and dropped a set of keys on the table. “I will tell omma not to worry. Lock the doors and drive safely.”

I sat frozen on my seat as my brother walked to the door. He turned around and waved, “Thank me later.”

_____

“WHAT AM I DOING? I really shouldn’t be doing this.”

Saab stared at her own face on the mirror. Her words to Yesung repeating on her brain like a faint echo. When was the last time I genuinely felt something? I never looked this happy. After my mother died, I did nothing but go with the motions, fulfilling another person’s wishes and commands. That person. I don’t want to think about him.

I splashed water on my face to clear my head and spoke to my reflection, “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to do what you want. YOU. DESERVE. EVERYTHING.”

I reached a self-compromise. I would stop thinking for once and let my heart lead me. I just don’t care anymore.

I fixed my hair and got out.

“Ah!” Jongjin is walking towards me. I bowed and greeted him. “Hello.”

“Hello!” He stopped. “Hyung is waiting for you.”

“Oh. Are you guys leaving?” What a shame. I bit my lip to stop myself from voicing it out. He looked at me intently and smiled, “I’ll go ahead. I left the keys. Please don’t let him anywhere near my coffee makers.”

I laughed. Their relationship is so cute I wish I had a sibling too. Being an only child . “I won’t. Don’t worry.”

“I’m going.”, he paused. “See you around.”

I waved goodbye and went to the rooftop. Yesung is still examining my list. I sat next to him. “Jongjin just left.”, I said casually.

I’m alone with him at 12 AM. I can’t help but feel nervous and considering he is sweating when it’s cold, he is too. Man. We’re too old for this.

“He left the keys with me. Do you want to go home now?” He looks unsure of himself.

“I’m not sleepy yet. I’m just going to lie awake in my hotel room anyway. You?”

“No. I’m not sleepy at all. Let’s stay for a bit.”, Yesung replied with a smile. “Errrrr, so... You want to go to Jeju?” He really is taking my consult seriously.

“Who wouldn’t? And you still think I have a unique list?” Chuckling at him I leaned and pointed at the paper. “See that? When I get the big contract, I came here for I will celebrate in Jeju! I seriously want to see the Teddy Bear Museum.” He laughed.

“Wae? What’s funny with that?”

His eyes are glinting as he speaks, “Don’t tell me you want to visit that because of the drama Goong? I mean Princess Hours?”

Gasp. “How did you know?”

“I just had a feeling.”, he chuckled and sat lower on his seat. “You don’t strike me as one of those people who love drama.”

“Really? Why?”, I’m curious about how he sees me as a person, “You have a very serious job, you are so confident, how do I explain? –, he is phrasing his words carefully its adorable – “You are like those no-nonsense people who won’t waste time on mediocre things.”

“Kdrama is mediocre?”

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