“So, Jisoo tells me that you have recently been speaking to someone other than me Hanbin” Yunhyeong intentionally creepily whispers into Hanbin’s ear as he walks past his desk.

Sliding the chair in front of Hanbin’s desk out and settling down into it, Yunhyeong cheekily smiles at Hanbin as he awaits for a response.

Hanbin briefly looks up from the paper he was currently working on and blankly stares at Yunhyeong, before Hanbin resumes scribbling down the solutions to his half-answered paper again. 

“Ohhh… shy are we?” Yunhyeong beams, as he attempts to distract Hanbin by covering portions of Hanbin’s paper. A solid tap is heard, drawing Yunhyeong’s attention. Hanbin had stopped writing and had made a stiff indent on his paper with his lead pencil.

“Stop making a big fuss out of everything Yunhyeong” Hanbin hisses out of annoyance. 

Being used to Hanbin’s cold demeanour, Yunhyeong laughs it off and ruffles Hanbin’s hair before leaving Hanbin with a present. Yunhyeong slides his present on top of Hanbin’s desk before strutting away. 

“Jisoo passed this on to me.” Yunhyeong gives Hanbin a wink. “Promise me you’ll look at it.”

Hanbin looks at Yunhyeong’s so-called present. It was a Vogue magazine. And on the very front cover was a photo of a very familiar girl that was b with confidence. 

/

That very day…

Hanbin was late to lunch, Jennie noted as she looked at her watch wrapped around her wrist. 

Mr Lee, their homeroom teacher, had called Hanbin to his office after class. He had been giving Hanbin extra attention recently and Jennie wondered what it may have been about? 

It had become routine for her to eat lunch with Hanbin at the rooftop during their breaks. Jennie felt special knowing that Hanbin allowed her into his private space. Hanbin wasn’t much of a talker, but he would always carefully listen to what Jennie had to say. It appeared as if he enjoyed hearing her perspective on things and she welcomed that. 

A very lonely soul, is what stood out to Jennie from spending quality time with Hanbin. 

A sad grieving soul. 

But she could never figure out what it stemmed from. Nor did she have the courage to ask even after all this time. 

Jennie sat on the ground facing the fencing near the edge of the rooftop, she places the lunch she prepared for the both of them down and snuggly hugs her legs as she feels the chill of the colder breeze on her bare skin. 

Jennie looks over at the set of banana and strawberry milk cartons and a larger lunch box filled with assorted cut sushi rolls. 

He wouldn’t think this is strange right? She thinks as she recalls the day prior where Hanbin had commented on how her lunches always looked good, whilst he sipped on his usual banana milk carton. 

She always wondered how Hanbin got through an entire day on purely milk carton drinks. 

Jennie, immersed in her thoughts, does not hear Hanbin approach her until she feels him settling down next to her, placing his carry bag onto the ground in front of them. She hears him let out a big sigh before he notices the set of drinks and the extra set of chopsticks paired with the lunch in front of them.

“Oh” he exclaims as he looks up at Jennie, clearly surprised.

“You mentioned that it looked good, so I brought a bit extra today” Jennie blushes as she hands him his pair of chopsticks and opens up the lunch box.

“Wow, thank you. I didn’t mean for you to go through all this trouble” he says apologetically. Jennie gestures him to eat and Hanbin picks up a piece before popping it into his mouth.

“This is really good” he compliments Jennie, as he slowly savours the taste in his mouth. Hanbin silently asks if the milk was also for himself by pointing towards the banana milk carton in front of him. 

Jennie nods in response, as she takes in his every expression while he ate. At the same time, she pays attention to the order that he ate things in, sorting out what his favourite flavours were in her head as Hanbin takes his milk carton and opens it.

 “What did Mr Lee want to speak to you about?” Jennie tries to nonchalantly ask, as she grabs her strawberry milk and opens it as well

“Oh .. “ Hanbin hesitates a bit. He takes his time to decide how to best word his thoughts, “...he’s been trying to convince me to reconsider my college application”

It was that time of the year where seniors had to choose their future career pathways. Jennie was well aware that Hanbin was at the top of class in terms of grades so she is taken aback when she realises that it was an actual issue. 

“Why?” She asks cautiously, as she noted how hesitant he was to reply to previous question.

“I ...I didn’t apply for anything just yet” he says, breathing out another heavy sigh before taking a sip from his banana milk 

Hanbin was such a complex, mysterious character that it wasn’t entirely a shocking revelation to hear that from him. 

“You don’t want to go to college?” Jennie asks. 

“Hm.. It’s not that, I’m just not entirely sure about what I want to do” Hanbin replies. 

If I want to continue making music

If this is what I want to do

“I don’t want to be doing something out of pure obligation” he adds. 

“With your grades, I guess Mr. Kim has been trying to push you towards the prestigious colleges?” Jennie questions after much thought, figuring that it wasn’t out of character for Mr. Kim to pester the top student to apply for the top universities.

Hanbin simply nods, seemingly more despondent than when he arrived. 

Jennie observes all this and furrows her eyebrows in the process. 

“You consider me as a friend right?” Jennie says in a matter of fact tone. Hanbin pauses and slowly  nods in response. 

“Then you’re willing to hear my thoughts out?” Jennie asks.

Hanbin, slightly rattled by the determined tone from Jennie, simply nods again

“I think you know the answer yourself already. It’s clear to you. I don’t know what’s stopping you, or making you feel confused. 

Right now, you know what you enjoy doing the most. You know what makes you connected to the world.”

A stunned Hanbin stares at the passionate Jennie as she breathes in after her long rant. Hanbin takes a moment before a small grin spreads across his face. 

It was the wake up call he truly needed. 

She definitely tells it like she means it. 

“Hone your talents through college Hanbin. You’re already so amazing, you will make it huge. I’m already your biggest fan.” Jennie desperately adds, whom was now slightly concerned after seeing Hanbin so unresponsive. 

“I.. haven’t offended you, have I?” Jennie guardedly asks, again worried about her raised tone.

I’ve screwed it up, haven’t I? she cusses internally, adding her actions to her ever-growing “most embarrassing moments” list. 

“Will I replace B.I in your heart then?” Jennie hears him belatedly say in a slightly playful tone. She observes him lower his head as he holds back a chuckle from escaping his mouth.

Her initial stunned expression slowly transforms into a beaming smile.

“We shall see about that” Jennie replies in a playful manner.

“Well, enough about me…” Hanbin says as he begins opening his bag. He takes out the magazine Yunhyeong gave to him earlier that morning. He proceeds to point to the fierce young lady on its front cover.

“I didn’t know that you were famous” Hanbin teases. 

“H-How did you get that?” Jennie frantically asks in a higher pitched tone than normal. Jennie’s face heats up and she attempts to snatch the magazine away from Hanbin. 

“I believe your friend Jisoo passed it onto Yunhyeong, and it was then passed on to me” Hanbin calmly says, as he continues to hold onto the magazine with one hand, far from Jennie’s reach. 

Hanbin laughs as he sees Jennie’s flustered self. Perplexed, Jennie continues making futile attempts to snatch the magazine away from Hanbin and she unconsciously leans further and further towards the male. 

Jennie’s determination to steal the magazine causes her to miss the fact that in the midst of the chaos, she had leaned in further than she had thought. Jennie’s focus shifts from the magazine in Hanbin’s hand to the face that was now inches away from her own. 

Jennie freezes. Her eyes widen, her heart makes a lunge before it starts to beat like rapid-fire as she stares in shock at Hanbin. 

Feeling another’s gaze on himself, Hanbin stops laughing as he becomes surprised to see a frozen Jennie at such close proximity. Taken aback, he also freezes and stares back. Their eyes lock, and both absorb each other’s features. 

Moments pass by before Hanbin regains his senses. Hanbin maintains eye contact before an upturned smile gradually forms across his face. The smile spreads to his cheekbones before Hanbin gently bumps his forehead into Jennie’s own. Shocked by the contact, Jennie reflexively leans back and places her outreached hand on her forehead. 

“Ow”, she winces as she looks up at Hanbin, who had already started skimming through the magazine.

“I wasn’t able to have a look in class earlier,” he explains as he finds Jennie’s photos.

Seeing how serious Hanbin was about it, Jennie resigns and shuffles over next to Hanbin, making a conscious decision to stay at a comfortable distance away from him so that she could conceal her rapidly beating heart. 

She observes silently as Hanbin analyses each picture, before flipping to the next. Jennie nervously fidgets around next to him, as she awaits for his feedback.  

“Strong… and empowering..” he says after he flips through the final page. “You really suit this, why do you want to hide it?” Hanbin questions as he looks at her.

It’s not that I want to hide it. It’s because it’s you that’s looking at it. 

Jennie thinks as she avoids his gaze. 

“This is what you’ve decided on right?” She hears Hanbin ask, Jennie turns towards him with questioning eyes. 

“Your future that you’ve decided on … the life beyond the walls of this school” he adds, explaining himself even before Jennie asked for clarification.  

Jennie nods in response. 

“Fashion has always been my interest. Modelling is fun but fashion design is my true interest. I’m hoping to get into the Department of Fashion Design at Seoul University next year” 

“…. A clear picture of your future ….  a dream you work towards.” Hanbin absentmindedly says as he fixates on the rusting fence wiring in front of him. 

I wish I had the same…. 

“That’s truly admirable” Hanbin eventually adds.

Jennie watches Hanbin, who appeared like he was deep in thought once again, and various thoughts run through her mind.

What are you always thinking about? 

What are you struggling with? 

Why are you right here, but at the same time, it feels like you’re so far away? 

With resolve, Jennie takes a deep breath to pump herself up before saying: 

“You have your own picture too, Hanbin.” Jennie asserts, as she looks at the boy sitting beside her. “It’s in there, you just have to realise it yourself” she encourages him. The little slouch in Hanbin’s shoulders does not escape Jennie’s eyes and before she knew it, her hand wanders behind him, over his far shoulder and hovers over it for a short while. Jennie contemplates whether or not it was appropriate to give Hanbin a little side hug as a sign of encouragement. Instead, she opts for her favourite ruffle of his hair, before excusing herself to the bathroom.

He smiles at the action before waving to her slowly disappearing figure from the rooftop. 

You may be right. 

You’ve always been quite right.

Hanbin ponders on the thought for a while.

And like always, without invitation, without any warning, a melody floats into his head and it does not escape his mind. Hanbin welcomes it, like usual, and silently closes his eyes. He sings the melody over and over in his head, as if he was unconsciously locking the melody in, whilst a bittersweet smile forms on his face. 

But do I deserve to dream... 

Do I deserve the right to dream …. again….. 

///