Siwon gazed at himself in the mirror. No, he gazed at the face of a handsome stranger; a face that he just happened to possess; a face that he had coveted for the past two years of his life. He focused his eyes on every unfamiliar curve, every foreign feature, every inch of the spotless skin that could not fully be considered “his.”  The introverted freak that had just invaded his privacy was soon forgotten, Siwon becoming too immersed in his own unnatural, yet fascinating beauty.  It looked so real.  He had always wondered how plastic surgery worked, and now he was able to bask in the glory of the effects of the procedure.

Finally he was handsome, good-looking, popular.  He had gone seventeen years of his life being mocked, made fun of, and teased for the face his parents had been so proud of creating.  He endured seventeen years of that endless, heart-wrenching, tear-jerking torment, before finally, deciding that keeping the face that his mother loved so much, wasn’t worth being constantly ridiculed for its homeliness; ugliness.

“Yeah, Cho Siwan!  Can’t you even afford to fix your face?”

“How can your parents still love you if you look like that?”

“Get out of my way, you ing ugly piece of .  No one wants to look at you.”

The cruel voices that haunted his past came back, echoing in the farthest reaches of his mind, reverberating throughout his skull, revolving around his every thought.  He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his grip on the smooth, cool surface of the bathroom sink.  His fingers pressed hard along the sides, turning his knuckles white.  Siwon blocked out those painful memories with the comfort he found in the popularity that came with looking like a celebrity.

“Yah, Choi Siwon!  Come to our party this Saturday!”

“Ohmygod, he’s so hot.  I really want to ask him out.”

“He could be a model.  No wonder his parents love him so much.  He has the face of an angel.”

As much as he thrived in school - purely because he was absolutely gorgeous - that one fragment of guilt always came back to stab him in the heart.  Siwon knew he was selfish.  He changed his entire appearance and even his name to get people to like him.  He had accepted long ago that the world was full of unfair discrimination against people that didn’t fit the proper constraints of beauty.  He wished he were strong enough to have ignored what people thought of his face.  He wished he had the interior strength that would have allowed him to keep moving forward in spite of the terrible words people shot at him.  Siwon, however, was not strong.  He was weak and he knew it.  He remembered, as he looked back at is perfectly imperfect reflection, how he had thought death was the only escape.

The scars that ran along is altered abdomen was solid proof.  That was, however, until he decided to start over; start with a new look, new name, new life.

The old Siwon - or what remained of him - came back occasionally.  The agony that filled his past haunted the weakest parts of Siwon’s mind, looking for chinks in his far-from-impregnable emotional armor.  It attacked his insides mercilessly, refusing to end the torrent of painful memories and possibilities that threatened to be the end of him.  He was constantly in fear of what would happen if someone, somehow, discovered the secrets that he had tried so hard to cover up.  He dreaded the day when someone would finally uncover the truth behind his refined looks.

Those thoughts and those fears followed him wherever he went.  Despite the fact that people seemed to gravitate towards him - simply because his physical features were more than good enough to be accepted - Siwon could never get rid of that imperishable dread; the knowledge that the inevitable day when he would be found out couldn’t be avoided.

Though his friends were oblivious to it, Siwon could see the terror that hid behind his dark brown, deep-set eyes.  He could see, clear as day, everything and anything he ever wanted to hide from the rest of the world.  He could see the truth, and marveled at the fact that he hadn’t been called out on the fact that he was living a lie.

You’re not living a lie.  You’re living.  That’s all that matters.  You are better off living like this than rotting in a grave, hardly anybody noticing your absence from Earth.  At least now, if you die, people will miss you; miss you and your handsome face.

Siwon stood up, the warning bell ringing in his ears.  It was loud enough to clear his head of the flood of worries that had him clutching at the porcelain sink, but they didn’t clear out; they never would.

I’m not living a lie,Siwon told himself.  He wanted to believe it so badly, but the constant war that raged within him didn’t allow his mind to be at peace.  On one hand, he knew that he wasn’t living the life that his parents had wanted him to have.  He knew that his outward appearance was simply a shadow of what he had always wanted to be.  He knew that his selfish act of turning into a whole different person broke his mother’s heart.  He knew that his life wasn’t worth living if it was all a cover.  On the other, he loved the popularity, loved that he had friends, loved the way that girls would throw themselves at him.  Before the surgery, he had never experienced the fascinating feeling that accompanied the title of “stud.”  He never imagined how great it would feel to be valued for something, even if it had nothing to do with the person he really was.

Siwon stood up straight, reinstating the warm, welcoming expression that he had mastered.  It proved to help in hiding everything he was feeling and now, he needed its assistance more than ever.  He walked out of the bathroom, pulling his sunglasses out of where he had tucked them in his shirt.  Shouts echoed through the halls in reaction to his sudden appearance.

“Yah, Siwon-ah!  Get your over here! We’re planning a party at Jieun’s on Friday!”

In spite of himself, Siwon laughed.  The popularity was wonderful.

“I’ll be over in a minute.  Let me go to my locker to grab some stuff.”

Giggles could be heard around him as he walked to his locker.  The aura that he gave off made the entire female student body swoon.  None of them had eyes for anyone other than Choi Siwon.  They were in love with his clothes, his height, his hair, his face; they were in love with everything about him that didn’t really matter; they were in love with everything...except for the real him.

Siwon approached his locker, smirking at the squeals that accompanied the simple act of shifting the weight of his bag to the other shoulder.  He entered the locker combination in one swift movement and flung open the small metal door, watching in surprise as a small sheet of paper floated down onto the tiled floor.

He sighed.  He suspected it would be another confession letter, something along the lines of:

Siwon Oppa, meet me in the courtyard by the bench after school.  I want to tell you something.

or

Siwonnie Oppa, I’m in love with you.  Will you go out with me?

He bent over to pick up the note that had drifted down from the confines of his locker.  He could almost feel the eyes of his admirers boring into his back, peering over to see what had been written on the small, pink rectangle of paper.

He unfolded the paper, and as his eyes followed each word, his blood turned to ice and his heart seemed to stop.  He nearly dropped the paper, which would have allowed everyone to read what it contained.

We know your secret.  It would be shame if that secret was revealed.  Your identity would be exposed...your REAL identity.  If you care enough for the web of lies that you’ve sewn over your life, come to the basement of the school on Friday night.  Come alone.

-S

Siwon was frozen, rooted to the spot.  Someone knew.  Someone had finally found out.

It looked like he wouldn’t be going to the party on Friday.

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A/N: OKAY here's Siwon! :)  Lol yes, I did write most of this during school.  yes, that's probably bad.  no, i do not care.  POOR WONNIE! D;  Look forward to the next chapter...key-umma will have some major to thorw in your faces kekekeke >:D Hope you enjoyed this!

Can u guess who "S" is?

xoxo