I was lying on the couch of our dorms and was wondering what happened between Sehun sunbaenim and me. It has been almost 3 weeks since that happened. Yet, it is so fresh in my memory as if it happened just a minute ago.

We never met again, not personally just on backstage. A quick smile and that's all. I know he is busy and even I am and I know that I should not expect more but I feel hurt that it ended up just like that. Maybe I was expecting more than I should be. I think I should keep reminding myself that it is not possible for me. Not in the world I live in.

But then again I never even imagined that I would speak to him but still, it happened. Life can really take weird and unexpected turns. And what happened was not just unexpected. It was beyond my imagination. But seriously, how? How did I even end up in such a situation in the first place? It is beyond my thinking capacity.

With all the performances going on I didn't even have time to sit and think about that incident much.

"Ya, Jennie-ah are you sure that nothing happened? All you are doing is lying on the couch and staring at Kuma." Jisoo unnie asked looking at me suspiciously.

"It's nothing unnie. Just thinking, I need to take Kuma for a medical check-up, ikt's been a quite a while since the last one. And, he has been eating less these days," I said the last part with a sigh. "Yeogiwa, Kuma, come to momma." Kuma padded his way to me. I just picked him up on the sofa and hugged the goofy dog close to me.

"While you are at it take Dalgom-ie too. It's been a while since he had a test." Unnie said. I just hummed back.

While petting Kuma reminded me of that commenter... even that person had a dog as a profile, awfully similar to Kuma. I sighed. The hate those people showed towards me through those words, I could practically feel it. It felt like a slap on my face. The amount of hard work I did, the endless starving, the countless sleepless nights, not even thinking about talking to my own parents just so that I could practice more, just so I could get more time, thinking about all those things it felt as if it were nothing but a waste of time. I worked continuously not even bothering that I need rest, that I need food, that I need to talk not just about my schedules with the manager or to YG about a solo debut or to my trainers about my mistakes. That was all I cared about, at some point, I even forgot about my own team members that I needed to work along with, not just by myself. In the route to gain success to impress my own members and YG, I left who I was way back, and now I am lost. I don't know what it means to seek happiness in little things anymore. For me, it became me and my team being successful, popular and the best the moment I was selected as a Blackpink member. It's been like this for the past so many years.

And now, for the first time that I felt this hatred, it came all tumbling down to me. In one go all my hard work, everything was just swiped away by just few comments.

She is nothing but a .

All she did was impress her seniors to get success.

Nothing but a loser.

I huffed at the messages.

It hurts. It hurts like a that people think that way. For the love of the Lord, they don't even know that I cannot sleep properly because of those comments. They don't even know that I am struggling to even stand up on the stage, scared that I would have to face all the people.

I wonder what they really think before writing such things. Don’t they feel ashamed or even sorry for the person they show so much hatred to?

"You know you have been awfully quiet today." Jisoo unnie said, suddenly bursting my bubble. "Is something bothering you? You know you can always come to me."

"I know, I was just thinking..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Seriously unnie, it's been years since I saw you like....this." Rose piped in. I placed Kuma carefully on the floor and turned towards Rose.

"What do you mean by 'this'?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"We rarely see you tossing around like this unnie. But it's a good thing, at least you are resting now." Lisa said while walking into the room grinning like an idiot.

"Eh? What do you mean? I do rest. And what's with the sudden attention. It's creepy," I said while sitting straight. "I think I might get goosebumps, see?" I said rubbing my hands comically.

"Ani, we are just happy. We barely saw you for the past two months, unnie and now all of a sudden watching you roam around the house just the way you used to be,” Rose sighed. “Well let's just put it like it almost gave me a heart attack when I walked in and saw you humming and cooking breakfast in the morning." She sat beside me and hugged me.

All of a sudden the atmosphere shifted from casual talk to an emotional one.

Lisa came and sat on the other side of the sofa and hugged me from the other side. Jisoo unnie removed her apron and closed the stove and came and sat in front of me after shooing away my Kuma. It was almost like our position which we take in our Dududdududdu choreography. I chuckled at the thought.

All of us gathered like this... it's really been such a long time.

It made me want to cry. Cry on the fact that how much I was deceived under the name of success, that I nearly forgot my loved ones. I didn't even bother to think of my own self. About how much I was storing it inside. I didn't even realize how much I kept inside me all the emotions, pain… everything, till the time he said. Till Sehun-sunbaenim said I didn't realize how much I was missing out, that I was talking my dream as a burden but not as something I wished, that it was okay to cry sometimes, that it was okay to feel tired, that it was okay to let things go. And most importantly that it was okay to show my weaknesses to the ones who are dear to me. The time I shared with him made me realize that I still have a long way to go and in that path, I should take everything I possibly can. When he, a total stranger whom I never talked to, can realize my agony by not even knowing the situation, I think my members, the one I consider as a family will surely understand.

And so I did something I never did before. My first step, I let my emotions take better control over me. I cried.

The moment tears started to drop like a silver thread with beads onto their hands they were startled. The unnie who stood as a wall, support, a person who kept her emotions on the bay, who rarely cried before them, I bet it scared the out of them to see me in such a vulnerable.

"Unnie!? Wegire? Why are crying?" Lisa said, her eyes turning as big as saucers. I started to cry more, my whole body shook while I cried. It was seriously hurting me. The pain, the fear, the anxiety, sorrow, everything.

"Jennie-ah, let it go. Let it all go at once. I have been silently waiting for the past a few years now, for you to realize. And now, how, which only God knows, you have understood it. Let it all go. We are there for you." Jisoo unnie was also getting teary. Lisa was crying her balls out and so was Rose. Jisoo unnie came closer and hugged me by my waist. To answer Jisoo unnie's question, the reason why I am able to understand now is a man named Oh Sehun.

"Wae? Dega wae? Unnie tell me what did I do wrong? Wae?" I practically shouted. I held Lisa and Rose's elbows which were now around me.

"Unnie did nothing wrong. It is their mistake. They are the ones who are bad. Not you!" Rose said in a trembling voice.

I was literally shaking while I cried. This time it was not just me crying in Jisoo unnie's arms. It was all of us. Just like a family. Just like we were supposed to be. They shared the pain even if it was not theirs. We were all a crying mess. We cried for what felt hours. We stayed like that for a long time doing nothing but holding each other tightly.

How did it turn from me lazing around to an emotional mess, I don't have a single idea, but I am great full it happened. Because it felt a lot lighter. Much lighter than when I cried on sunbaenim's shoulder. This feeling of home and whatever it is which made me feel good for the first time in years, it's all thanks to that man.

Suddenly out of the blue my stomach growled loudly. All the three of them lifted their heads off me and looked at me. Their eyes were swollen with all the crying, but they had amused expression. They looked beautiful. Just the way they are.

I blushed. "Well, I think we should eat," I said in a soft voice.

"Hee Hee. Maybe we should. I am also hungry." Lisa said smiling like an idiot she is.

"You and Rosè are always hungry." I teased them. I bet I was looking ugly as hell but I was smiling. I was feeling happy.

"Aye! I don't eat that much!" Rosè whined. We all laughed at our maknae's instinct.

While eating at the table we all for a while just looked at each other, maybe in the assurance that yes we have someone with us. I felt content.

Kamsamida, sunbaenim.

"Dalgom-ie, walk properly. I have bags with me!" I commanded Dalgom.

After our session of crying, we all felt we needed a break. Hence Jisoo unnie ended up calling our manager hyung to cancel our schedule for a week. But it was not possible to just suddenly cancel out like that so we ended up with 3 days holiday. We, of course, had to explain to him that we were really not well and stuff. He knew we really were desperate for a rest.

After our emotional breakdown, we were all tired so we just wanted to sleep. We all have separate rooms but that night we wanted to sleep together. So we ended up bringing our duvets to the living room made accommodations by ourselves to make us comfortable and so, we drifted off to wonderland. Oh, what a sleep I had thaat night. It was relaxing for the first time in a while. The next day we woke up late, ate late.

On our first day of the holiday, we had a movie marathon all morning so at the afternoon around 3 o'clock, I took Dalgom and Kuma to the Vet for the check-up. I had to make sure to have an appointment last evening itsself. On the way, as a token of thanks, I wanted to buy gifts for my members. So I gave the dogs to vet for a check up which would take about an hour, so I went off and bought things which they would like. By the time I came back their tests where almost done and my hands were full.

So here I am now struggling to hold the leash of my dogs and the 6 gift bags with my tiny hands. Thank goodness there was barely anyone in this area. It was kind of exclusive for...well you know idols and artists. Usually, people with big money come to this area and hospital, not implying I am a rich brat or something, but it was for our security we use this hospital or area for walks and stuff.

"Dalgom! Kuma! If you don't stop moving like kids on a sugar high I am leaving you here! For God's sake, what is wrong with you both today?!" I shouted in frustration. "Look here even I am struggling. Omma has a lot of bags. I even bought your favorite snacks! So how about we behave a bit? Hmm?" Congratulations Jennie, you are officially a madwoman talking to two dogs in the middle of the road as if they are kids. Well, they are my kids but sometimes I wish they could actually understand what was going on. I am seriously crazy to not take my car instead of walking almost 2 kilometers. And we still were just a few steps away from the hospital. I sighed in frustration.

I was losing my grip on bags so I just left Kuma's leash for a second to adjust the bag that he took off.

"Kuma!" I shouted in horror. He just went off to the middle of the road where cars were moving at full speed. Although there weren't many of them around the thought of my baby in danger made my heart clench in fear. Dalgom started to bark loudly grabbing attention. Thank goodness I was not wearing any makeup and had mask and glasses on. Even my clothes were pretty casual so no one could recognize me. But that was least of my concerns right now when Kuma was on road.

I was about to throw the bags on pavement and run after Kuma, when a tall man came and pulled Kuma's leash. That man pulled Kuma right when a car was about to pass. Seriously, it felt like those k drama moments where the main lead saves the girl. Only in this case it was a dog. The man just saved my baby's life. I was so relieved that Kuma was alright, I heaved a breath of relief with my hand on my chest. I had to take the street light's support to a keep myself upright. Dalgom was continuously barking in worry towards its dear friend. I looked to the other side of the road only to see a really tall man with a thin body standing there with a black mask and cap.

The man was crouching down to Kuma and was rubbing under his ear. Kuma loves it.

Strange, Kuma doesn't get friendly with strangers. On another hand, he had a leash which held a big white fur ball- dog or wait for a second, was it a lamb?

"Kuma!" I shouted while carefully crossing the road with Dalgom by my side. I ran to Kuma and practically threw my shopping bags on the empty sidewalk and went to Kuma's side with Dalgom on my tail. I didn't bother the man beside me I just held Kuma close to my chest. Both Kuma nad Dalgom barked softly in relief. I was in the verges of tears in fear of losing my Kuma. I really need to thank this man. He just saved my precious little baby.

Our little reunion was spoiled by a small cute bark from my right side. I looked up to see the cutest dog, obviously after Kuma, Kai, and Dalgom. It looked at me right into my eyes.

"Vivi, it's rude to bark at strangers." A soft voice said. I heard this voice before! I jerked my head up to see the tall man.

I was basically sitting in the middle of the sidewalk and when I looked up at a man who must be some 6 feet, it felt like I was looking at a tower. My neck muscles strained to look at him.

The tall man was very familiar. His body, his face shape, his voice, even his smell. It was very familiar. The man chuckled lightly and squatted down beside me. His face was now close to me, even then he still looked taller than me. The moment I saw him my eyes widened in recognition.

"I knew it! It's Jennie-ssi~ Are you alright? You look like you have your hands full." He said in amusement. I was so dumbstruck that I couldn't find my own voice.

"Jennie-ssi?" He said while snapping his fingers in front of my face bring me out of my bubble. I looked at him. Even though he had a mask on I could tell that he was smiling by just looking into his eyes.

"Sehun-sunbaenim?! What are you doing here?" I asked with my eyes wide in shock. Way to go Jennie!