I was popping the bubbles in the bubble wrapper from the past half an hour.

People say that it's easy for an idol to perform on stage but every time I step up on the stage I feel like my knees turn into jell-os. The mask which I put in front of the world is something which is far away from reality. A bold, cold, confident and outgoing personality is what I have according to the world. But none of them has any idea what's behind that mask.

Fear, insecure, pain, childish, timid personality is what is hidden behind it.

"Yah! Jennie-ah! Come out of your dream world. And stop wasting the poor bubble wraps." Jisoo-unnie shouted.

"Ah! Gapchagiya! Unnie! Don't shout like that!" I gasped.

"Unnie, you are up after five other artists. Come on cheer up!" Rose chimed in.

"You know what? Even EXO sunbaenim are performing today! We can see them!" Lisa whispered, eyes shining in excitement. I smiled in return.

We were standing in the backstage and were waiting for my chance to perform. I was the 2nd last performer for the day. The last performance is by EXO sunbaenim.

"Unnie! Hwaiting!" Both the maknaes screamed on top of their lungs, embarrassing the living hell out of me.

Just when I was about to scold them for shouting like that in back stage, we heard someone commotion behind us. We turned to see a very amused EXO members looking at us.

I was so embarrassed that I just wished to dig a hole and hide in it.

The members chuckled at the childishness of our maknaes.

Jisoo-unnie reacted quickly and greeted them.

"Annyeonghaseyo, sunbaenim." We all followed her lead.

"Annyeonghaseyo," they all greeted back.

"I heard one of you had a solo debut. Congratulations! I didn't know that our juniors were so talented!" Suho sunbaenim said with a cheering voice.

"Ah, kamsahamnida. I am Jennie. And yes, today is my solo debut stage." I said. And I think my voice cracked a bit while speaking. Well, it is given when you are nervous and when your world-famous seniors are standing right before you and will watch you perform, it is bound to happen.

"Are you alright, Jennie-ssi?" Chen sunbaenim asked.

"Ah ne! I am fine, just a bit nervous." I said while smiling. They smiled back, understanding the nervousness.

But as always my eyes end up landing on the tall maknae of theirs. He just never fails to make my heart flutter like a butterfly. To my uttter surprise, the moment my eyes met his he gave me a thumbs up along with a small smile.

"Oooooooh~" The maknaes started making weird sounds, loud enough just so I could hear. Well, they knew me inside out. So, of course, they knew about my long-time crush on this giant of a man. I shushed them by glaring at them, but it was all to vain as they continued to giggle.

"Jisoo-ssi?" came a voice from the door of backstage. We all turned towards the voice. It was Doyoung from NCT. He was a MC along with Jisoo unnie.

"Oh! Annyeonghaseyo sunbaenim!" he beamed. EXO sunbaenim slapped his back in fondness.

"I am sorry but Jisoo-ssi we are up next." He said.

"Ah! Okay, I am coming." She said and turned towards me. "I need to go now and take these two monkeys to the waiting room. I might not be able to meet you till the end of the show but remember we are all with you. Don't worry about that. Okay?" She said to me. I just nodded. I tried to smile, but it came out more like a frown. The maknaes hugged me before leaving with Jisoo unnie. And as soon as they left, because of some technical glitch, EXO sunbaenim were asked to go their rooms to change there mic settings.

I was there alone sitting on one of the backstage chairs. And you know what happens when you are alone and nothing to distract you? You just revert back to the most vulnerable state you have ever been in.

Slowly my mind shifted to last night. All those hate comments, all those messages. Just thinking that so many people hate me made me shiver. I knew that choosing to become a singer, especially a kpop star was a risk. I knew that I would have to face this, but what can a 22 yr old girl do? I might be an idol to the world but still. I am a girl. I too am a woman with feelings. I am just another human being who happens to be an idol.

My head was almost swaying with all the typhoons of thoughts going in my mind when all of a sudden I felt a cold hand on mine. I yelped and tried to pull my hand back, but the person was too strong. I snapped my head to look at the person and telling that I was shocked would be an understatement. Never in my whole life did I even imagine a situation like this, where my long-time crush will be kneeling in front of me, holding my hand and looking at me right in my eyes with nothing but concern.

"Are you alright? Jennie-ssi?" Sehun asked me still holding my hand. I looked at our linked hands and back into his eyes.

"I-I am alright?" Well, it came out more like a question.

"I don't think so Jennie-ssi," he replied. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. He lifted his hand and brushed my cheeks with his sleeves. Till that moment I didn't realize that I was crying.

"Ah! I am sorry, I am usually not this emotional." I said trying to wipe my tears. But all the things that were happening fell on me at once. You know there times when just one question can break everything that you have been holding on to. That you bottled up. And even if that question is asked by a practical stranger, you still feel that intensity... And the same happened when he asked if I was alright, I wanted to shout no. That I wasn't okay. That I am sad, I am scared, that I am tired. The stupid tears just won't stop coming.

I tried to control myself by thinking positive but, no. The stupid traitor tears won't stop! Dang, it!

There I was in front of the 4th most handsome guy on the earth, crying my eyes out. I don't even know what to do anymore.

And even when I was having such an emotional episode, I still managed to get worried about someone finding me in such a compromising situation. I didn't want to stir up new rumors and scandals.

As if sunabenim just read my mind, he stood up and pulled me out of the backstage through a door leading us to an empty hallway. He pulled me into his arms and let me wet his brown sweater as I continued to cry fat ugly tears. I clung to him dear life and kept on crying for what felt forever.

It was after around a forever of crying I realized that not only do I have a performance in the next 15 to 20 minutes but also the position I am in with the person whom I talked to for the first time on a personal level.

I realized he was hugging me as if he was protecting me, as if he was telling me through his body that he was there, for me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. And the worst part you ask? I was clinging to him as if my life depended on it!

I pulled myself back with a small jerk and did my best to avoid eye contact.

"Sometimes crying your soul out is better than any other thing. But I can see you still have so much stored inside you that you need to let out." Sehun-sunbaenim said. "I wish I had the ability to erase the cause for your distress. But that is not what life is. At least not an idol's life. Don't take being an idol as a weight on your tiny shoulders. They will break if you overload them. Let things go." He rubbed my cheeks lightly with his right hand while keeping his left one on my shoulder.

I finally managed to gather courage and look at him. This might sound like some fantasy driven cliche novel line, but as soon as our eyes met, I felt like I was home. For some weird reason, I wished this feeling wouldn't go.

"Although I myself don't have much experience in life nor in work to give advice to you, but as a fellow human, not as a fellow idol, mind you, I feel like you need to let go of these burdens. To taste the sweetness of life you need to pay a price. Feel those burdens of yours as a price to pay and trust me you will feel much lighter and will be able to get some whiff of freedom. Don't let it hold you back." He said those words with such a passion that I felt them sinking into myself. It was clear from the look in his eyes that he himself was prey for many things. Although he won't say, you could feel it. "Oh God, I am sorry! Even though I have no idea what happened I went on blabbering." He was evidently flustered. His ears are red! Cute!

"Animida. You really helped me out. And what you said it made me feel a bit better. Although it's my first time meeting you, you still held me while I cried and let me ruin your sweater. It's me who should be sorry." I said while pulling myself further away from his body.

"Jennie-ssi, I seriously don't know whether I should say this or not but..... you must go to the make-up artist. Even though you look cute like this, your mascara is spreading. And I don't think your blinks will appreciate it." His voice was filled with mirth.

"Ah!" I yelped and covered my face with my hands and tried to run. What surprised me was he was aware of what our fans are called. Could this man be any more perfect than he already is?

But before I could turn Sehun-sunbae held my hand and pulled me towards him, then he started walking to the other side of the hallway. It was on the opposite side of the entry.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked while trying to cover my face. I was a bit worried because I had my performance lined up.

That is when I saw a brown door. He opened it and pulled me in before closing the door.

It was a makeup room. To be more precise- EXO-sunbaenim makeup room.

"Minyu-noona ?" Sehun-sunbaenim called the woman who was closing her make-up kit. "Can you fix her make up real quick? She has a performance," he added further.

"Eh? What? Wait! Is that Jennie? Blackpink? What is she doing here? Wait! Are you dating?! Waaaaaah! Daebak! You should have given me a heads up Sehunnie!" Minyu-noona said. I saw Sehun sunbae's ears turn red. And so did my cheeks.

"Noona! It's not like that. But before we talk, can you fix her makeup like really really quickly while I change my sweater?" Sehun-sunbae said.

"What happened to this one. Hang on there little boy! Why is there lip gloss on your sweater?! Oh my, goodness is this for real?! Oh finally! Sehunnie! I started to think that you were gay with your almost zero dating history!"

"Noona!" Sehun-sunbae shouted in embarrassment. "I said it is not like that. It is just a few things led to this and that and here we are. Now, please tell me where the grey sweater is."

Within minutes Minyu-noona fixed my makeup. You can easily tell by her handiwork that she is extremely talented. Sehun sunbae came out of the dressing room just when I was about to stand. He seriously looked like a model in that grey sweater. Well, he could make a plastic bag on him look like a piece of art with the physique he has.

"Beautiful," he said while looking at me. I felt as if my heart just leaped out of my chest and bounced back to its place.

I blushed. I think I blushed more today than the whole month together.

"Well let's get going. Thank you noona, will talk to you later." He said as he grabbed my hand pulling me towards the backstage.

When we reached backstage all the EXO members were already there. And each face had a worried look which was immediately replaced by relief as soon as they saw their maknae.

"Yah Oh Sehun! Have you lost your mind?!" Baekhyun sunbae shouted. But as soon as he saw me and then our linked hands his eyes seemed like they were about to pop out of his eyes.

Sehun sunbae and I immediately pulled back our hands.

Aaaand the hell broke loose. Immediately all the members attacked us with questions following with questions. It almost felt as if we were attacked by the paparazzi.

Baekhyun sunbae: Yah! Maknae! From when did you start dating?!

Chanyeol sunbae: You didn't even tell us! How could you betray your hyungs like this?!

Xiumin sunbae: Woah! Uri maknae has grown up now.

DO sunbae: Ho Ho, Oh sehun, nice!

Chen sunbae: I can't wait to become an uncle! Sehun-ah, I want at least two nieces! (WHAT?!)

Kai sunbae: Yah forgets about hyungs you could have at least told me! Anyon Jennie-ssi. Please take care of our maknae!

I think I am going to have whiplash. I was red straight to my toes and I think my blush is going to turn permanent today. I looked up to Sehun sunbae. He himself was resembling a tomato.

Good God, how did I end up in this situation?

Suho sunbae came between me who was hiding behind Sehun sunbae and now too close EXO members and asked them to back off.

"We will talk about this later. Jennie-ssi?" Suho sunbae turned towards me.

"Ne?" I asked.

"I think you are next, all the best and don't get nervous. Okay?" he said. I never thought Suho sunbae was this supportive of his juniors.

"Thank you sunbaenim," I bowed.

"Don’t thank me, I should be the one saying that. After all, you accepted our maknae." Suho sunbae said with an ear to ear grin. Oh my God. Not him too!

"Hyung! It is nothing like that. I have been trying to tell but not even a single one of you would give it a break. We are not dating. I was just helping her out. Okay? And Chen Hyung, seriously? Niece?" Sehun sunbae said all of it in one breath.

"We know Sehun, we were just teasing you. Sorry, Jennie-ssi. It's just how we are," Chen sunbae said.

"Now now Jennie-ssi don't be nervous, okay? Hwaiting!" Xiumin Sunbae said. On cue whole, Exo said together "Hwaiting!". Except for Sehun sunbae. I was just starting to feel sad as he didn’t say it, that Sehun sunbae turned to me and held my both hands in his and said in a low voice.

"Belief in yourself. And remember what I said." And then with a tender smile he let go of my hands.

"Waah! Our maknae is turning into Romeo day by day," Baekhyun sunbae said with a knowing smirk.

"You have a death wish hyung?" Immediately Sehun sunbae said with a glare. Which was answered by snickers by the members.

They were really like a family. A sweet family. Just like us girls.

"Jennie-ssi? You are next please come with me," a staff member with a walkie talkie in hand came into the room. With one last look at Sehun sunbae who was encouragingly smiling at me I entered the stage. With shaking legs and sweaty hands I put on my Mask. mask of bold and outgoing girl. The moment I saw the swarm of Blinks along with a much bigger crowd of Exo-l's my demeanor of fear hid behind the mask.

Well, here goes nothing!