Taekwoon wasn't an expressive person. His facial expression was very hard to read and it seemed to stay blank and empty most of the time, his eyes were lifeless, his voice sounded as if he didn't really wanted to talk at all and he just seemed to be an empty body with no will to live.

But when Taekwoon got to Wonshik's studio on Friday morning, Wonshik could tell there was something wrong. There was an expression on Taekwoon's eyes. His eyes were full of sorrow, sadness.

Taekwoon was also really distracted, mistaking the lyrics of the song, mistaken the melody, the tempo...he wasn't focus at all and Wonshik couldn't work like that. He needed to do something...didn't he?

And this time, he had to be very, very tactful.

He sat down next to Taekwoon on the black leather couch that was placed against a wall of the studio. Taekwoon didn't look up, his full lips on a pout as he looked at his lap with his eyes full of sorrow, he seemed so deep in thoughts. "Are you okay?." Wonshik asked.

Taekwoon shook his head. Wonshik was surprised the other seemed so open about how he was actually feeling. Wonshik moved closer to Taekwoon. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" Wonshik whispered, trying to sound soft. It was as if he was talking to a child.

Taekwoon didn't move. "I did something wrong." He whispered, Wonshik could heard the guilt on Taekwoon's voice. The younger frowned, he wanted to say yes because Taekwoon had been messing up all day long...but he had a feeling Taekwoon wasn't talking about the songs...he also didn't thought it was the right moment.

"Can you...elaborate more? What did you do wrong?" Wonshik said slowly, trying not to get the other too worked up. He saw Taekwoon gulping down, closing his hands on fits and pursing his lips together as if the memory of whatever mistake he had made was making him angry.

"I- I don't know what I did wrong." He whispered. Wonshik was now fully confused. He got even closer as Taekwoon was lowering his voice, almost afraid of letting the words be heard.

"Hyung, then how do you know you did something wrong?." Wonshik said. Taekwoon finally looked up, his eyes were teary, tears were already falling down and Wonshik was taken aback.

"He left us..." Taekwoon whispered. "He said he was leaving the company". Taekwoon whispered this words as if the mere fact of someone living the company caused him immense pain.

Wonshik guessed Taekwoon meant a staff or another artist from the company but he didn't ask anything else related to who left. "Why is that your fault?". Was Taekwoon mean to the person? How could that quiet, awkward boy be at fault?. Wonshik couldn't imagine Taekwoon screaming at someone, hitting someone or just being mean, he just couldn't.

"I just know." Taekwoon whispered. "Is always my fault..." He added and Wonshik frown deepened. Taekwoon looked away again as more tears formed into the older's eyes. "if I hadn't been so annoying. He is younger than me, still I never did a lot to take care of him." Taekwoon started to ramble. "He always was taking care of me."

Wonshik noticed how the older's knuckles starting to turn white as Taekwoon closed his fits tighter. "Did you force him?" Wonshik finally asked. Taekwoon looked at Wonshik confused again. "Did you force him to take care of you?" He asked again, Taekwoon shook his head, he never forced Hyuk to do anything the younger wouldn't want to do. "Then is not your fault. He was taking care of you because he wanted to." Wonshik added and Taekwoon shook his head.

"I messed up." He whispered. "I always mess up." He added in the same whisper. "I am so stupid...so worthless." Taekwoon started to whisper as if he was reciting a mantra, whispering things that were engraved on his mind.

Taekwoon brought his legs up, pressing his knees against his chest as he continued to whisper things that Wonshik would rather not to hear coming out of anyone's mouth. The older started to loosen the grip on his hands as he stared blankly at his own legs. "I can't do anything right..." Taekwoon muttered again. "Always a burden for others." He said.

And then Wonshik saw how Taekwoon's nails started to dig on his own arms, picking at the skin before digging deep, starting to draw blood. Wonshik bite his lower lip, he was scared of touching Taekwoon. He could tell the other wasn't on his right mind, but he was scared that touching him could make things worse.

"Taekwoon." Wonshik call out not receiving any kind of answer from the older. "Taekwoon hyung." Wonshik called out again louder this time, still not answer. He moved his arms slowly, almost afraid that the movement would startled Taekwoon.

Taekwoon was deep in his mind. Memories of last night replying, memories of Hyuk leaving the apartment. It obviously didn't made things better when the next morning, Hongbin's manager reached the dorm and saw Hongbin's fresh bruises on his skin.

The man screamed at them both. He scolded Hongbin for being so weak, and going to hurt himself just because Hyuk left them and scolded Taekwoon for allowing it. Taekwoon didn't know what Hongbin was doing that night in the bathroom but he should have guessed it.

"So useless." Taekwoon whispered with anger. He was angry, he was upset he was such a pathetic human being, he was angry he was so good-for-nothing. He couldn't even take care of Hongbin well, he was at the dorm last night, how did he allowed Hongbin hurt himself?

Why couldn't he be a better hyung? Why couldn't he take better care of the youngers around him? Why was he so stupid? So worthless. Why?

"I should just die..." Taekwoon whispered as a painful lump formed on his throat. Those words hurt him, those words always had a deep impact on his mind and heart, but Taekwoon knew they were true, if everyone at the company said it, it was because those words were truth.

Wonshik brought his arms around Taekwoon's smaller frame, he felt the older one flinch and tense up but didn't move away. Wonshik pulled Taekwoon closer, making him rest his head on the rapper's chest. Wonshik started to move his arms in a way where he could keep Taekwoon from picking at his skin and digging his nails on his arms. "Calm down." Wonshik whispered.

Taekwoon was trembling, tears were streaming down Taekwoon's cheeks, tear after tear, non-stopping, almost as if it was the pouring rain, Wonshik could remember similar tears falling through Hakyeon's cheeks when everything was too much for the actor years ago, he could remember similar tears from himself when he was a tired trainee, but he could also remember those tears were always accompany by sounds, heartbreaking sounds, nevertheless, no sound was coming out of Taekwoon's lips, just whispers. He wondered how use was the older to cry in silence.

"Hush now, is fine. You are fine, just breathe" Wonshik said, almost purred on Taekwoon's ear trying to sooth the older one. He rubbed small comforting circles on the sides of the soloist as he started to hum a slow melody he remembered from a lullaby he used to sing to his little sister.

"I am- I am sorry." Taekwoon hiccupped and Wonshik shook his head as he continued rubbing Taekwoon's sides. "Please...forgive me" Taekwoon begged to no one specifically.

"You don't have to speak right now, just focus on my heartbeat." He said. "You'll be alright, don't worry." He added. He held Taekwoon tighter and closed, continuing to hum softly the melody.

He felt Taekwoon relaxing in his arms, he also started to hear small hiccups and whimpers coming from the elder and as soon as the sounds started, they ended as Taekwoon fell asleep right away.

Wonshik let out a sigh as he tried to slip out of the couch without waking Taekwoon up, but after failing he decided to just lay there until the older wake up. He held Taekwoon close to his chest before looking at the elder's arms.

His arms were still bleeding, his skin was red thanks to the elder picking at the skin. Wonshik managed to sit down on the couch with Taekwoon on his lap resting his head on his chest, he took his jacket off as slowly as he could and used it to clean the blood from the elder's skin.

Taekwoon was still shaking, Wonshik didn't know if it was thanks to the adrenaline of the moment of it was thanks to nightmares or thanks to the cold, but Wonshik just wrapped his arms around him tighter while humming softly.

It wasn't too long before Taekwoon woke up. He was wrapped by Wonshik's arms, who seemed to be asleep, and he couldn't say he wasn't comfortable. A deep blush took over his cheeks. He went to stand up from the younger's lap but Wonshik tighten his grip around Taekwoon's waist.

"R-Ravi." Taekwoon said as he tried to wake Wonshik up. Wonshik groaned slowly waking up before quickly loosening his grip on Taekwoon. "Sorry." Taekwoon whispered as he stood up from Wonshik's lap. The rapper took a hold of Taekwoon's wrist.

"Are you okay?." Wonshik asked. Taekwoon was about to ask why before the memories of his breakdown attacked him. He felt ashamed. He just nodded and Ravi pulled the older one into the couch. "Don't lie, please tell me the truth.".

Wonshik stared into Taekwoon's eyes, so deeply, trying to get the answers out of the older's eyes. Taekwoon couldn't bear to look into the dark eyes of the younger, he looked away. "I am good, I am sorry..." He apologized again and Wonshik looked down at the older's arms. His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned closer to Taekwoon taking the other's arms on his hands.

"Hyung, what's wrong?." Wonshik said. His voice filled with worry filling his voice as he traced his fingers over the other's small bruises.

And Taekwoon started to beat himself up again. He was the hyung, he was the oldest one, he had to be the strongest one, why was he so weak? Why was he so pitiful? He hated himself, he hated how weak he was.

Why did he show his weak side again? To someone younger than him again? Why did he had to breakdown? He took a deep breath and shook his head before moving his eyes to the clock on the wall. "It's midday." He said. "Go to eat."

Wonshik always goes for lunch at midday, and Taekwoon needed time alone.

Wonshik shook his head. "No." He said. "I can't leave you alone." Taekwoon was about to complain but Wonshik just interrupted him again. "You may breakdown again..." Wonshik whispered.

Taekwoon bite his lower lip and shook his head. "I'll just take my medicine...go eat." Taekwoon said before turning away to take out some pills from his backpack.

Sedatives.

Wonshik remembered the words of his best friend the first day they saw Taekwoon, and Wonshik wanted to push those pills away but before he could do anything, Taekwoon put three pills on his mouth.

Wonshik let out a sigh. "Now you'll be all sleepy..." He said before freezing. He suddenly remembered how sleepy Taekwoon usually is...is it because of the sedatives? Did he took sedatives each time Wonshik left to eat lunch?

Wonshik suddenly felt guilt building up inside him along with worriness. He pulled Taekwoon back into his chest. "Wh-What?!." Taekwoon exclaimed surprised. Wonshik started to rub circles on Taekwoon's sides again. "What are you doing?." Taekwoon asked in a slurred whispered.

Wonshik didn't answer, he didn't stopped either, and before they knew it, Taekwoon was sleeping on Wonshik's lap again. Wonshik held Taekwoon close to his body as he continued rubbing Taekwoon's body slowly.

Wonshik couldn't fall asleep. Just holding the older closer, afraid the other one would get hurt, afraid that he would wake up, afraid of taking his eyes out of Taekwoon's. Wonshik held Taekwoon closely again, trying to keep the older as close to him as he could.