Chuu.

Kim Jiwoo. My name was along the passport. My photo smiling back at my frowning face. I took this photo 6 months ago. It was when I was fresh out of secondary school. I can't recall why I was so happy that day, but I was extremely excited. I still had black hair back then. But, I recently dyed it a dark red. I'm fully aware of this phase I'm going through. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm in Seoul, South Korea. I failed most of my college exams because I didn't believe in succeeding in them. Most of the art schools in Korea were fully admitted and had me on waiting lists. 

I feel like I've lost myself. In brutal honesty, I really lost control of myself. I live off of my friend Heejin. Her tiny apartment can barely house us both. We share a tiny bedroom and she cooks for us both. Haseul sometimes stops by with dinner from her part-time job. The thing is, a music school in Paris contacted me a few weeks back. They want me to join their classical vocal class. I was honored, but barely have the funds to go on a plane. The school offered me a scholarship. But, I have no way to live over in a place as big as Paris. 

Heejin walks into the room, disturbing my thoughts. She sits her book bag down on her desktop and opens a bag. "I bought us some chicken. I have something to celebrate." 

"What?" I ask her. She smiles at me and nudges me. "Come on, just tell me. I'm not good at guessing games." 

"I scored an internship in Paris, France that offers housing." Heejin bounces on the balls of her feet. She looked very happy. I already knew what was coming next. "They told me I can have a roommate and I referred them to you. They accept us both. We're to be gone by next month."

"Next month?" I started braiding my hair. "When's the lease up for our apartment up?" 

"Technically by this Thursday. You don't even pay for it anyway," Heejin jabbed. That hurt a lot. I never had a job, considering I'm not even enrolled into college. I wonder how I'll thrive abroad. Apparently, it's more better over in the West. I can succeed creatively, according to my old teachers. 

I pick up my laptop and turn it on. It hums to life as I type in my password. "So, you gave my information without my permission?" 

"They simply asked for a name and birthday in the referral," Heejin said. "I think it's roughly 30 minutes away from your school. You're going to École Normale de Musique de Paris, right?
 

"Yes. Someone wrote me a letter stating they have viewed my vocal portfolio..." I shrugged it off. "It could have been Teacher Siam or Teacher Yoon. Either way, I got accepted there. I applied out of a hopeless aspiration."

"Aren't you fluent in French?" 

"Presque." I replied quickly.

"Wow...it's crazy...you and Sooyoung were fluent in European languages. You guys literally promised to-" 

I winced. The sound of her name stabbed me right in the heart. Sooyoung. Ha Sooyoung. My ex girlfriend. One of the many factors of my wanting to leave. I didn't want to think about her. The memory of our break up is still fresh in my mind. My graduation. 

The sun was beaming down on our class. Teachers were rushing around, begging everyone to settle down. Sooyoung wasn't there. My family was. As we all grouped up for the class photo, there was a text from an unknown number. There was a  long paragraph. It was from Sooyoung. She was in Spain. To sum up what she said, she had no time to say goodbye to me. Matter of fact, she said she was unsure how. She just packed her bags and left. She had graduated a year before me, to paint a better picture. She finally got accepted in a program to study abroad faraway. She wanted to cut off all contact from me. 

Heejin yelled at me as I cried all night. It made no sense at all. How we broke up. How we fell apart made things worse. I didn't really want to think about it. 

"Sorry," Heejin quietly said. "Let's just eat dinner to celebrate. Maybe, you should start looking for a job to pay the landlord extra so we can stay just a little longer." 

"Who's going to accept me?" I  rolled my shoulders. 

"I dunno. Maybe this chicken place?" Heejin waved the bag, the aroma of chicken suddenly making me hungry. 

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go now." 

"We can't yet. You have a boarding ticket?" 

"I'll pay for it with the rest of what's in my savings." 

"Where did that money come from?" 

"My...." I snapped my fingers. "Someone in the family." 

Heejin pressed her lips in a hard line. She knew better than anyone that I will never accept anything from my family. Especially with what they done. I was kicked out the house as soon as my family found out I was gay. This was not that long ago. This was a few days before my graduation.

Sooyoung had come to pick me up from my house to go out on a date. I go out with her to the movies. And we come back to see my parents there. They were confused as to why I was going out with Sooyoung so much, instead of . My eldest brother speaks up out of disgust and outs me. 

I really thought that Sooyoung and I were kept secret, but Sooyoung apparently told my brother that we were dating because she didn't want to be hidden as just my friend anymore. It broke my heart. I thought she understood but she got so forceful. We had a big argument and didn't speak until she sent me that text message. 

"Well...I can check in...But, maybe you should talk to your family members before you leave." 

"If I left they wouldn't bat an eye," I replied. It was true. After they found out, they took me off the family registry as soon as possible. I had to fight for the money. My lawyer had got together a fee of 5 billion won. Then I was free. I paid 2 billion for my plane ticket and application fee. 

Heejin shrugged. "Just a suggestion." 

"I'll send a letter." I went and got a piece of chicken. "Maybe they'll send me more money." 

"How did that settlement even go?" 

"They owe me support in every way." I my fingers. "Let's get to packing." 

"Jiwoo..." Heejin dabbed with a napkin. "You've changed a lot from the girl I met in high school." 

"Well things change." My lips that once smiled very often, were now in a neutral line. Heejin paid for her ticket online and we were due to leave by Thursday night. By Friday in Paris, France, I will be someone different. Someone else. Maybe. Not known as depressed Kim Jiwoo . Maybe vocalist Jiwoo Kim.