Chapter 31:

*.☽.*

He took me to sit on the chair before wrapping a towel around me. I couldn’t stop crying and I already felt my body shaking because of the cold. He took another chair and sat in front of me as he brushed the hair away from my face.

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

It was the first thing that he said after staring at me silently for a couple of minutes while I looked back at him, still sobbing.

“Seeing you this way…” He let out what seemed to be a regretful sigh as he bent to cover his face with his hands, his elbows on his knees.

He looked as devastated as I was. When he straightened up his posture and faced me once more, I could clearly distinguish the tears from the water dripping from his wet hair.

“I shouldn’t have let you go a while ago.” He added, remorse evident in his tone. “Watching you leave drove me crazy mad. I couldn’t even think straight for one second. I wanted to stop you, so bad...” He trailed off to take a deep breath.

He lifted his hands to brush his hair away from his face.

“Damn.” He hissed, momentarily looking away as I watched how his hands formed into fists on his lap.

It took about a couple of seconds before the look on his face transformed into something else.
Despair.

“But I also wanted to give you the space that you wanted.” He stated, his head titled tilted“I stayed in the car for a few minutes. But then, I kept convincing myself not to follow you to respect your decision but I could only hold it for so long before I decided to go after you.”

The moment he met my eyes once more, my heart wanted to get out of my chest, it was beating so loud. It hurts to see him this way. I knew he already felt so bad about what happened and I didn’t seem to know how to make it better.

“I wanted to make sure you were safe and I didn’t care if you’re gonna get mad at me for doing it. So, I tried to look for you but I was too late. I couldn’t find you anymore.” He paused to place his hands over mine.

His hands, despite being wet, still brought that familiar warmth.

“I looked for you anywhere, every street, I wanted to get out of the car and get into every café, every corner but there were too many people I…” He said breathlessly before pausing.

His sentence was left unfinished but I knew what he meant. But somehow, I still didn’t have the right mind coordination to answer, nor even make a sound. The look of pain on his face was making me feel worse.

“I said I wouldn’t hurt you.” There was still a wave of ambiguous anger but evident remorse in his voice.  “But it’s what I exactly did.”

The glistening present in his eyes right after saying his last statement left a pang in my heart. And suddenly, I couldn’t seem to afford not to hold him. So, without wasting any time, I pulled him into a hug.

The silence was what came after.
Not wanting him to hear any of my sobs, I bit my lip.

 

*.☽.*

9:34 AM

As expected, I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. I groaned in pain, as soon as I was conscious. And with my eyes still closed, I brought my hands to my head.

You’re never gonna drink again, Park Hae Won.

I silently scolded myself as I finally struggled to open my eyes and instantly realized that I was in his room. I rolled to the other side of the bed but it was empty. My thoughts immediately wandered to his whereabouts. I got off the bed wanting to look for him. I slightly winced as soon as my bare feet made contact with the cold floor because, for some reason, it triggered my headache.

Ugh, this is unreasonable. I grunted.

I walked towards the door but stopped as soon as I passed by a full-length mirror. I was wearing his grey shirt which was of course way too big for me paired with navy blue plaid pajamas.

I couldn’t remember changing into his clothes last night. I closed my eyes and tried to recall but the last memory I had was of us talking by the pool.  It’s weird. It’s strange not being able to remember what happened. And maybe I forced my brain so hard, my head ended up hurting again. Not that it went away anyway.

I gave it up. I decided to just ask Baekhyun about it later.
But first, I need to find him.

I went out of his room, walked through the hallway, and stopped on my feet when I was about to take the stairs. I heard voices talking but it was inaudible. I looked around, trying to determine where they were coming from. It took me about a few seconds to know where the sound was originating, his study room. My feet, having a mind of their own, walked towards the room on the right.

My heartbeat was starting to race as I neared the ajar door. I lagged as I was finally able to recognize Baekhyun’s voice but still couldn’t make out of his words. I stopped right in front of the door and about a second after, as if getting my rational senses back, I turned around dismissing the thought of eavesdropping.

“No Hyung, tell them to off!”

I almost jumped, stopping on my feet. I closed my eyes, my hands on my chest. I was so surprised by the volume of his voice.

“That’s not gonna happen!” He said once more with the same amount of rage in his tone. “No one is telling me what to do.”

There was a brief silence and I kept convincing myself to walk away but my feet seemed to be glued on the floor.

“I understand how mad you are right now, Baekhyun but we need to think this through. You gotta calm down.”

I was a hundred percent sure that it was Manager Kang.

Silence. I could imagine Baekhyun taking a deep breath.

“From what I found out, Publisher Kim must’ve known about this all along.” Manager Kang added. “I heard she was the one who contacted Ara and told her about your leaked photo with Haewon a couple of months ago.”

“What?” The disbelief in Baekhyun’s voice was so evident.

“I’m not sure but it seemed that she was the one who convinced her to come back and help out with the mess. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one who pushed about you and Ara’s photoshoot.”

“Damnit!” He hissed. “I asked her to clean the mess not to make something worse out of it.”

I was startled when I heard a loud thud, it must be his fists on the table or something.  

“So, you’re telling me...” It was Baekhyun. “You’re telling me that this was a setup? That Ara kissed me on purpose and that someone was ready to take a photo of it?”

“Most likely.” His manager’s answer came quick.

“Damnit!” He hissed once more, this time louder. “How could I be so stupid?! I can’t believe I let them play me. !”

I heard his heavy breathing as I tried to keep mine steady as well.
Publisher Kim and Ara?

“Hyung...” His voice has softened. “All I want is to be with Hae Won…” I heard his footsteps. “Why does everything have to be this complicated? Is it wrong to fight for something that makes me happy?”

There was a quick pause and it allowed me to feel something gripping my heart.

“I love what I do but why does it seem like chasing after my happiness is a crime?”

He took a deep breath.

“What did I ever do to them to treat me this way?”

Betrayal. I knew it was what he was feeling as of the moment, or maybe something more than that. He had worked with Publisher for the longest time.

 I couldn’t imagine how hurt he must be right now.

“How’s Hae Won?” Manager Kang asked, probably wanting to distract him.

It hurts to listen to him talk about what he wants to like this.

“She’s not fine.” He answered in a disheartened voice.  “After looking for her everywhere last night, I found her outside the house…drunk.” He sighed gloomily.  “She’s not fine Hyung. She kept telling me she is before passing out last night but I know it’s not true…I wanted to punish myself for making her feel miserable. She didn’t deserve any of this….I have put her through a lot already. And I can’t stop hating myself for it.”

My heart continued to sink.
Oh, Baekhyun.
I knew he must have been feeling guilty but hearing this confirmation straight from his was just excruciating.

“You never wanted any of these to happen.” The elder reasoned out. “And I’m sure she knows that.”

“Yes but seeing her suffer because of all this mess…” He paused.

I listened to the loud beating behind my chest as I waited for his next words.

“Sometimes, I wished she never met me instead…in that case, she wouldn’t have to deal with all these controversies.”

If I hadn’t met him…
If I didn’t…
I couldn’t even process what he just said.
Was it possible not to meet him in the first place?

Do I want it that way?

I blinked my eyes a couple of times, then tilted my head up to fight the formation of tears in my eyes.

“But I can’t imagine my life without her.” Baekhyun's voice filled my thoughts once more.

I lifted a hand to my chest as if my whole composure depended on it.

“And I know I might be selfish but I’m going to fight to keep her in it. I can’t lose her. I’d be damned if I do.”

I bit my lip.
A tear successfully escaped and rolled down my cheek.
I wish I would run out of tears.
I’m tired of crying.

“I know Baekhyun.” Manager Kang replied.

A few moments of silence took place.

“What are you gonna do now? The photos are everywhere.”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know yet. But I’m going to do anything, everything to make this right. I have to tell everyone that this is nothing but a misunderstanding as soon as possible. They have to know that I am not in any sort of relationship with Ara anymore.” His voice sounded so determined.

“I’ll have a meeting with the entire team.”

“Make sure Publisher Kim isn’t a part of it.” He added. “Tell her to look for another artist to work with or else she’s getting sued.”

I could just imagine how his jaw clenched while saying it.

“What about Ara?”

“I’ll talk to her. She either has to fix this or I’ll do it…and she won’t like how I’m going to do it.”

I shivered at how he said it.  

“Baek.” Manager Kang said, his voice sounding worried. “I promise I’ll see what I can do to help you out... I know a lot is going through your mind right now, but try not to do anything reckless. It’s too risky. We have to be careful. Your reputation is at stake.”

I haven’t heard any word from any of them for the next few seconds. Then there were footsteps nearing the door, I panicked but it was too late for me to even move a muscle.

The next moment I knew, I could already feel someone standing right behind me. I slowly turned around to check who it was, my heart pounding behind my chest.

I held my breath when I saw Manager Kang’s profile. He looked as surprised as I was before an apologetic expression took over his face.

I gulped as my throat seemed to have run dry.
I neither know what to say, nor what to do.

“Hae won…” He uttered before he tilted his head down to acknowledge my presence.

I hesitantly did the same thing before he walked past me. He must have been caught off guard as I was.

I stayed on my spot for a couple of minutes before I heard some movement inside the room. And as if my body got the signal, my feet hurriedly walked as fast as I could.

I went back to his room, stood right behind the door for a brief second before lying on the bed.

Ara and Publisher Kim?
Ara and Publisher Kim?
Ara and Publisher Kim?

I couldn’t even get my brain to process the thought. Why would they do this to him?

Is it a crime to fight for something that makes me happy?
Why does it seem like chasing after my happiness is a mistake?

I felt my heart sinking, recalling the hurt in his tone.
Then I thought, if I hadn’t shown up in his life, would all of these happen?

I closed my eyes for a few seconds wanting to divert my attention to something else when I heard the door open.

Baekhyun. I knew it was him but for some reason, I didn’t open my eyes and pretended to sleep. I didn’t know why I had to do that.
I felt him climb on the bed beside me and the next thing I knew, he was already brushing my hair with his fingers.

“Hey baby, wake up.” He said, gently.

No more pretending, I thought.
I opened my eyes and looked up to meet his eyes. My heart almost melted at the sight of his eye smiles.

How is he even smiling like this after what he found out?
God, Byun Baekhyun. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It hurts how he had to keep a straight face in front of me.

“How do you feel?” He asked as he planted a quick kiss on my forehead.

I should be the one asking him this.

“Bad,” I uttered.

He let out a soft laugh.

“My poor baby.” He teased, pouting.

Oh, my heart.

“I made you something. It’ll help you with the hangover.” He said as he stretched his arm to get something from the bedside table next to him.

He handed me a glass with a reddish-orangey liquid inside.

“Does it taste good?” The first thing I was able to ask. “It looks weird,” I added.

“It doesn’t.” He chuckled. “I’m sure it doesn’t. But you have to drink this.”

I was hesitant to take the glass from him because it did look really weird but he made it for me and he said it’d help so I did eventually.

I was aware that his eyes were on me the moment I sipped on the drink. I was right, it tasted weird. There’s tomato, carrot, and ginger and oh my gosh I couldn’t stand the taste.

“Did you put everything you had in the kitchen here?”

He laughed so hard.

I gestured to stop drinking but he urged me to drink more.

“I can’t anymore.” I protested.

“Just a little more Baby.” He egged on.

So, I did. Closing my eyes, I tried my hardest to drink as much as I could.

“Good girl.” He said patting my head when I almost finished everything.

“I’m not getting drunk ever again,” I swore as I handed the glass back to him.

“I hope you never have to again.” He replied and I couldn’t neglect the hint of guilt in his tone.


*.☽.*

We were lying on the bed, snuggling against each other. My eyes were closed as I concentrated on the sound of the beating of his heart and his steady breathing. He buried his face on my neck like he always did, the tip of his nose touching my skin, the soft feel of his lips distracting me every time he unintentionally graze it against my neck.

Then I remembered something.

“Baek?”

“Hmm…”

“Who changed my clothes last night?”

I swear, I could feel his smile without even seeing it.

“Why is it always an issue to you Baby?”

I opened my mouth to argue but no words came out.

“Of course I did.” He answered using a matter-of-fact tone.

My face suddenly felt warm.

“What?!” I exclaimed unbelievably.

“Why are you so shocked?” He asked with an incredulous expression on his face when he leaned away to look at me.

His remarks made me thousand times shy, I had to look away. Then I heard him let out of a soft laugh.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing.” He said a crazy smile on his lips before pulling me into a tight hug.

“Baekhyun!” I whined. “What is it?”

He ignored me.

“Did you do it?” I continued to interrogate because I somehow felt like he was making fun of me.

Well. He was making fun of me and my tomato-like face right now.

His muffled laugh resonated and filled my ears and I just had to pinch his sides to get his attention.

“Ow!” He exclaimed exaggeratedly groaning in pain. “Okay, you did.” He finally confessed when I pinched him again.

“I did what?”

“You changed your clothes yourself last night.” He said sulking.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He answered hastily. “If I did it…then you wouldn’t have pajamas on.” He said, his eyes piercing through mine.

I gulped. Ugh, this man.

“Why do you always like to make fun of me?” I asked him, couldn’t help but sulk as well.

I pushed his chest away from me using my hands so I could turn around. I knew this was lame, but my face was about to explode because of embarrassment.

But then, it only took a couple of seconds before I felt him come near me. His hand found its way to my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Because I love you.” He whispered.

His words sent a shiver down my spine.

“Thank you for coming home to me.” He added, his voice filled with affection. “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if you didn’t.”

I closed my eyes, as his familiar warmth enveloped me. Having his arms wound around me like this, with our bodies pressed against each other was kinda distracting.

I turned to face him and instantly met the sad look in his eyes. I wanted to take it away. I wanted him to forget about it. I wanted to forget about it.

We both held each other’s gaze.

Maybe a distraction is what we both need right now.

So, I took a deep breath before I leaned closer, closed my eyes, and waited for my lips to make contact with his.

I gave him a soft, steady kiss before leaning away.

“Let’s forget about everything for now, hmm?” Meeting his eyes once more, I told him.

I watched how his face looked afflicted for a moment before it was replaced by something else. His gaze turned heavy. I even heard him swallow.

 I knew he was getting the message.

“Make me forget, Baekhyun.”

In just a matter of a few seconds, he already had his strong hand at the back of my neck, pulling my head closer to his. His lips grazing against mine for a brief moment.

“I love you.”

These last three words reached my ears right before his mouth unstoppably claimed mine. The kiss started cautiously at first then it became intruding and needy. Sending every possible thought not related to what was happening right now out of the window. I was drowning with how good this was when he stopped all of a sudden to sit only to have me holding my breath when he pulled my pajamas.

As my heart almost skipped a beat because of what he just did…
A smirk. I swear I saw a handsome smirk on his face when he did it.

“Maybe I did change your clothes last night.” He teased.

I groaned, rolling my eyes at his antics. I wanted to argue but he sure didn’t have any intention to let me when his strong arms suddenly lifted me and made me sit on his lap, facing him, my knees bent and ended up spreading around his waist.

I thought he was going to start kissing me again but didn’t. He took his shirt off in one swift move instead. His perfectly toned chest and broad shoulders took my entire attention. I brought my hands to his chest and cautiously grazed my fingers against his warm skin.

When I looked at his face, I was immediately mesmerized by how handsome he looked. He had always been handsome but he looked very different right now. His disheveled hair almost covered his eyes. So, from his chest, I took my hands on his face to brush the hair away, freeing his beautiful forehead.

How is this man for real, honestly?

I swear. There’s not a single part of his face that’s not attractive. The moles have been seemingly plotted perfectly on their spots. His eyebrows, his eyes, his nose, his lips...

Then I noticed something else. Aside from desire that’s painted all over his face, there was something else. What could it be, I didn’t know exactly but it gave me that sinking feeling behind my chest. Then maybe…maybe it was the same thing I had been trying to take my mind off.

Hurt, pain, worry, and guilt. Everything related to what we were trying to escape from.

Now, I didn’t want anything else but to lift whatever it was that was making him feel down. I held his gaze before I cupped his face with both hands.

“I’m scared of losing you too,” I told him, making an effort to sound reassuring.

I saw him swallow, his jaw slightly clenching in the process before he pressed his eyes closed. Then he buried his face in my neck, his hands around me tightening.

I was sure, I was