Jin

I couldn’t believe it.

Nari had text me to tell me that she was working late to make up for the files that she had lost during the day. When it got super late and she still hadn’t text to say that she was home I decided to go get her from work. She has the tendency to lose track of time when she is focusing on something.

The building was quiet as I made my way up to our floor, so I was shocked when I heard raised voices. I instantly recognised the voices as Nari’s and Wonsik's. My hands curled into fists at the thought of him daring to show his face in front of her like this. I only managed to take two steps out of the elevator when I heard it.

“…he was in a mental institution?”

My body froze, my blood pounding in my ears, making it hard to hear. She knows…

My brain refused to accept it. My most closely guarded secret… exposed to the person I care about most in the world. So many emotions ran through me in those few short seconds: Would she be afraid of me? Would she turn away from me? Would she want to break up with me? I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was like someone had wrapped a vice around my chest and had tightened it without warning.

I shook my head, trying to focus on the sound of Nari’s voice again, but it sounded so far away as I tried to stop my hands from shaking.

“This secret wasn’t yours to tell, Wonsik. If Jin wanted me to know, then he should have been able to tell me whenever he wanted to.”

I watched as she grabbed some papers and stuffed them into the shredder, her face clouded with anger. I've never seen her look so furious before.

“I suggest you destroy any copies if you have them.”

She turned around, shock covering her face as she caught a glimpse of me. I saw Wonsik turn to see what had caught her attention, his face paling as his gaze landed on me. That split second of eye contact with Wonsik was all I needed to bring myself back to my senses. Anger washed over me like a ferocious tidal wave. I barely registered my body moving as I moved forward and punched Wonsik. I didn’t feel any pain in my hand from the impact, even though I know I should have felt something. I’m not usually the type for violence, but this time he's gone too far.

“Clear out your office right now. I never want to see you in this building again. If I do, I will have you arrested.”

I released his shirt and turned away from him before I did something that I would truly regret. My eyes landed on Nari who looked terrified. Was she scared of me? I heard her call my name, her voice so weak and confused, and I fled. I stormed towards the stairs, knowing there was no way I would be able to cope with being cooped up in the elevator. I vaguely heard her shout my name again just before the door slammed shut but I didn’t slow down as I ran down the stairs and away from the only woman I have ever loved…

Nari

I ran out of the office, throwing open the door and charging down the stairs. I could just make out the sound of Jin’s shoes and he tore down the stairs. “Jin!” I shouted, hoping that he would stop, but if anything, he only sped up in his attempt to put some distance between us. I swore and started running down the stairs as fast as I could. I almost slipped on the last step of one flight, managing to catch myself at the last second against the wall before tearing down the next flight.

I launched myself down them like a woman possessed as I shouted Jin’s name again. I heard the sound of the emergency exit doors being pushed open and I swore again as I increased my speed, crashing into the wall as I reached the next landing, going too fast to properly control my direction.

I finally reached the bottom floor and shoved my full body weight against the door to open it. My head whipped right and left as I tried to catch a glimpse of Jin, my chest heaving as I desperately tried to pull oxygen back into my lungs. I saw him run towards his car and I took off as fast as I could. I can’t let him drive away. I need to talk to him. The look of pain in his eyes when our eyes met upstairs burned into my mind.

He threw himself into his car and I heard the sound of his engine starting. I threw myself in front of his car, my arms outstretched as I stared at him through the windscreen. I could barely catch my breath as we stared at each other. It felt like an eternity before he killed the engine. I let my arms drop, bending over to try and catch my breath.

Jin opened the door and stepped out of the car, but stood behind the door, as if the physical barrier between us would be able to protect him. I finally stood up and wiped the sweat from my face. “Jin…” I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say. His secret had just been revealed to me by my crazy ex. I can’t even begin to imagine how he must be feeling.

“I am so sorry.” I spluttered out. Jin looked shocked, but stayed quiet. “I am so sorry that Wonsik did this. I had no idea that he would do something so… so… despicable.” I said as I tried think of the proper word to describe how awful Wonsik's actions were. “He should never have done that, and he should never have told me. It wasn’t his story to share.”

Jin looked at me with an intensity that I've never experienced before. We stood that way for what felt like an eternity before he let out a soft sigh. “There's something I want to show you, will you come with me?” he asked, his voice so gentle… so vulnerable and fragile that it barely reached me. I nodded and he gestured to the passenger side of his car. I quickly rushed around the car and got in, afraid that he would speed off and leave me behind if I hesitated too long.

The journey was silent. We didn’t exchange a single word and the radio was off. It was strange seeing Jin like this. He was usually so warm that seeing him so stoic was such a change. He might have been a little colder when he was Mr Kim at work, but this was different. There was a vulnerable aura around him that was so different from the usual confidence that he held himself with.

We eventually pulled up at a house that was near the outskirts of town. “This is my home.” He said quietly as he parked the car. I looked at the pretty building as I unbuckled my seatbelt. Jin had been to my apartment several times since we started dating, but this was the first time I had been to his home. It was beautiful. It was a simple building, but there were several small details that just made it look like the true definition of a home. There was a small, but well-tended garden at the front of the building, and I could see candles on the windowsill. He led me up to the door and put in his pass-code. He stepped to the side and let me enter first.

He followed me in and gave me a pair of slippers to put on before leading me into a spacious living area. He indicated one of the couches and I sat down while he remained standing. “Would you like something to drink? Tea?” he offered, his voice still quiet and subdued. I nodded, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous.

He disappeared into the kitchen while I looked around. The room was immaculate and modernly designed, but there were signs that the room definitely belonged to Jin. There was a Nintendo gaming console hooked up to the TV, and there were several game character figurines on display on a set of shelves by the window. My eyes landed on the only photograph in the room. It was a photo of six boys. They all looked so carefree and happy as they smiled, I assumed that Jin must have been the one to take the photograph.

Jin appeared a few minutes later with a tray with two mugs on it. He placed the two mugs on the coffee table in front of us before sitting next to me. He took a deep breath but didn’t say anything. I was torn. I wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him. I hated seeing such a tortured appearance on his face. But I wasn’t sure if he would accept my comfort or not. I clenched and unclenched my hands several times as I tried to work out what to do.

Jin startled me by suddenly standing up. “Wait here a second.” He said before disappearing again. I bit my bottom lip nervously as I waited for him to return. He finally returned with a wooden box in his hands. He sat back down beside me and gave me a nervous glance. “I want to explain something to you. It’s about what Wonsik told you tonight. Can you promise me that you’ll listen to my story before you judge me?” he asked. My heart broke seeing him like this. Where was my confident, happy-go-lucky boyfriend? I never wanted him to be in so much pain. I wanted to take on all of his pain and suffer it myself so that he wouldn’t need to.

“Jin..” I said as I tried to reign in my emotions. This isn’t the time for me to be getting emotional. I need to be strong. For Jin. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me anything you aren’t ready to tell me. Don’t let what Wonsik did or said make you feel like you owe it to me to tell me anything.” I said as I hesitantly reached out for his hand. I breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t pull away from me.

“The thing is… I want to tell you.” He admitted quietly, his gaze focused on my hand which he interlinked with his own. I nodded. “Then I promise you that I’ll listen to everything you have to say.” The corner of his mouth twitched up for a second in a small smile but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

I took a deep breath as Jin opened the box on his lap which held his biggest secret inside…