Present, Winter 2018

House

          The last few steps of the road to my house feels a mile long, and I rub my runny nose. It usually only takes ten minutes from the bakery but those minutes feel so long with my heavy head. Among all this a flood of stuff starts to fill my head. Is the food I’m bringing enough for my brother Minhyung, his friend and his tutor? I think I forgot to add a few things to my employee’s shopping list for tomorrow. Did I turn off the electricity in the kitchen? I don’t have cash, what if the tutor needs to be paid right away? Those thoughts make my head dizzier. What went wrong today? Did I eat something strange? I rarely get sick in any seasons, not even when I overwork myself. I think I’m getting older.

          Speaking of old, I’m suddenly thinking about Minhyung’s tutor. He said the tutor is a professor in his university… He must be old and refined. I’m not going to have a good first impression in this state. I should just do a quick greeting and run to my room.

          I arrive in front of my door, and as soon as I open it loud laughs of people is heard. The loudest is of course Yukhei, Minhyung’s foreign exchange student friend. I’ve met him twice and that kid is a firework.

          They set a carpet and table in the middle of the living room, and from the front entrance I see someone sitting in front of Minhyung and Yukhei, facing my back. That must be the professor slash tutor. Wait… Is he? He looks young…

          Yukhei spots me, and his already-lit face shines brighter to see me. “Oh! Yuna noona!” he exclaims with a heavy accent on the Y. Minhyung sees me too, and the other one turns his back and meets my sight.

          My lips part, and I hold onto the bag I’m holding tightly not to make it fall. It’s Kim Minseok.

Yesterday

Wedding

          "Bride, please enter the wedding hall!"

          Claps start echoing in the cream-colored venue, and the sound of the large wooden door on the back of the room being opened is heard. The bride and her father, side by side, slowly walk along the aisle. My high school friend Han Jangmi glances at her groom at the altar lovingly with a smile on her beautiful, elegantly polished face. Whispers of praise surround the venue, and the bride arrives at the altar.

          I try to get a better look as my spot is right next to the bouquets of lilies beside the aisle. I see around the wedding hall, and sigh at how pretty it is.

          “Look at her smile. Of course it’s the smile you do when you scored a doctor and booked a wedding in this place.” Hyeyoung comments beside me. I elbow her lightly.

          “But by the way.” I lean to whisper to her. “It’s not really a Jangmi thing to have a winter wedding. Why can’t she wait until spring?”

          “You don’t know?” Hyeyoung points to her stomach. I raise my eyebrows.

          “…oh.”

          “And by the way, she and her husband knew each other for less than two months.”

          I blink twice “Where did you get those materials anyway?”

          “I met Yoojin last week, that time when I told you to come with us but you were baking something—well, you are always baking. See, this is why you should meet us once or twice, you’re missing all the good gossips.”

          I exhale inaudibly. “Can’t help that.”

          The wedding vow is said. "You may kiss the bride."

          The hall is filled with claps and whistles, and I look around me. The big round table is reserved for Jangmi’s high school friends, and I silently look at a few empty chairs. There are people from our circle that are missing, yes, but I hope for a particular person not to come…

          My phone vibrates, and it’s a call from Minhyung. I get up from my seat to pick it up, and choose a spot in the corner to avoid the noise. “Hello?”

          “Noona, where are you?”

          “Still at the wedding. Why?”

          “I just want to know if I can have a tutoring session tomorrow night at home with Yukhei.”

          “Him? The foreign student who sounds like ten people at once?”

          “…yeah.”

          “And the tutor?”

          “It’s a professor from my school. I need time confirmation now so I’m calling. It’ll be around the time you come home so I just want to make sure, in case you’d be bothered.”

          “Well, it’s okay. I can just stay in my room.”

          “Cool. Thank you, noona.”

          I hang up. A professor… Then I should prepare things. I’d bring some food… I should clean the house. Checklists, checklists. I still have my eyes glued to the screen taking notes as I go back to my seat, and from the back I see the previously vacant chair beside mine has an owner now.

          I slowly approach the table, and stare at the male figure. Who is this? I see the side of his face, and I grip the phone on my hand tightly.

          Kim Minseok is looking at me with his sharp cat-like yet childishly round eyes. His face hasn't changed a bit in the last 10 years, which makes it even more unsettling. He turns to see me, and a smile blooms on his face. “Lee Yuna! Hi!”

          I silently hold onto the chair until my hand hurts, and try to beam with my stiff facial muscles. Realizing it was my right hand on display, I slowly put it down.

          “Hi.”

Winter, 2008

High School

          I watch what’s happening in the center of the auditorium on the side with a hoard of other students, and my mind goes blank. Ahn Jaehyo just asked Han Jangmi to prom publicly, in the end of a joint PE class with a bouquet of roses.

          Am I dreaming? No. But then why did he take me to the movies? Why did he go to my house for math tutoring? Why did he ask me to have lunch on the weekend that time? Why did he comment that a peach colored gown on a store display would look good on me for prom when he was walking me home after that? Why did he message me everyday to ask me trivial things? Why did he get close to me?

          “…wow, Jaehyo finally picked her. But Jangmi wasn’t one of his nominees, was she?” an unfamiliar voice, probably someone from another class, is heard behind me.

          “Yeah, he was trying to woo Min Seyi since last month. Also that smart girl from Class B.”

          That would be me.

          “Jangmi actually broke up with Doyoon to seduce Jaehyo so he could bring her to prom, wow… She’s incredibly scary.”

          “Yeah, she probably couldn’t stand a popular guy not going after her, so she started pestering him recently… Someone saw them downtown last Saturday.”

          Oh. Three days ago. That was around the time Jaehyo stopped messaging me.

          I avoid the crowd stealthily, and slowly walk back to the classes building, taking time on every movement like walking and stepping up every ladder of the stair. My mind is empty, but my chest definitely hurts.

          I arrive at my empty class on the second floor, and enter through the sliding door from the back. I emptily stare at the chairs, and my eyes land on Jangmi's seat on the end of a row, beside the window. I look at the seat in front of her. Jaehyo’s. Oh, so that’s why he moved, he used to sit behind me for a month.

          I stare at Jangmi’s limited edition backpack on the table, slightly covered by Jaehyo’s new light brown parka lying on top of his chair next to the desk.

          I hate your owners.

          A stinging cold breeze brushes my hand, and I notice it from the open window right next to their seats. The freezing wind irritates me, and I walk nearer, intending to close it.

          I stand beside their seats, and stare at the bag and parka. One snatched my potential prom partner. Another one gave me false hope, and not only that, he wasn’t hanging out with only me that time. You two are made for each other, it seems.

          But why can’t I have what I want? Why can’t I be happy? I was about to go to the prom with the guy I like. I was sure he'd ask me.

          Hatred emerges inside, and I grit my teeth. I glance at the stuff in front of me, then at the open window.

          Wouldn’t it be so satisfying to throw them out in the snow, with the excuse of strong wind?

          It starts drumming inside my chest, and I lift a hand. Are you sure? Really? Think of the consequences. But you were wronged. You were hurt. Throwing them out actually won’t do anything, they can pick it up later. Make them think it was accidental, you can arrange the nearby items to support the setting. But the bag would be too heavy for that excuse. Screw it, you hate them, right?

          With one swift push, I close my eyes and feel Jaehyo’s parka running through my hand. I open back my eyes and Jaehyo’s parka is gone. The bag is still there.

          I feel a both thrilling and fearful rush. Oh my God. I did it. Now I just have to push the bag.

          "Lee Yuna?"

          I turn around in panic, and the back of my right hand gets caught for a second on something sharp stuck to the table. I let out a muffled yelp of pain, and grab my injured hand in another. It feels damp. Something is trickling. I have no courage to look at it. I look at the source of voice, and someone is standing near the door.

          Kim Minseok, a classmate, is staring at me, and his eyes widen at the sight of my hand.

Present

House

          “What’s wrong, noona?” Minhyung notices my expression. Minseok and I engage in a staring competition, but he has changed his surprised face to a delighted one.

          “Oh? Lee Yuna!”

          Minhyung looks at Minseok in disbelief. “You know each other?”

          I blink repeatedly. “My. What a surprise.”

          “You know each other?!” Yukhei repeats Minhyung’s words, only louder. His voice makes my head woozy. I just want to lie down.

          “We’re high school friends!” Minseok exclaims. He stands up and approaches me. “We just met yesterday in a wedding—Yuna, are you okay?”

          I blink again, and my eyes are so watery and heavy. “I… I’m just tired. Here, I brought you guys some food… I’ll go to my room. Please continue.”

          I try to walk, but my legs feel weighty. My body aches. Why now, of all times?

          I attempt to move again, but my joints go weak and I fall down. I drop to the floor knees first, and I have my head spinning with the combination of pain and the sound of three men rushing to my side.