-1-

Cleaning up the room carefully, Sunghoon wipes a drop of water on his face then sighs with relief. On the days at the end of year, Sunghoon is always busy. Right at the Chirstmas night when Sunghoon had finished his final test for the exam, he started tidying up some stuff, bought some more necessary things so he also didn’t have interest to take a walk, he just went to the church in silence at midnight. Having thought again, Sunghoon feels at fault with Jaejin. Jaejin seemed to always waiting for a certain occasion to go somewhere far with Sunghoon.
Quickly going down the tortuous stair which has been become familiar then going up again, Sunghoon makes himself busy extremely although he can take a short rest to recover his energy. The weather is colder and colder but his sweats still sponge down, he takes the towel and puts it around his neck then continues to work until the early evening.
.
This evening…
“Two hours later I’ll pick you up.”
Looking at the clock and realizing that it’s 8 p.m, the rice has just been cooked but Sunghoon even doesn’t want to eat.
– I haven’t yet eaten anything…
“Are you tired?”
– No, I’m not. I’ve just done my work to prepare the room again.
“You didn’t ask me to help. I’ll come to your room a bit later.”
Turning on the phone to see SNS message, Sunghoon startles when seeing the inbox of him and Jiwon which still comes high on the list of priorities although they haven’t sent any message to each other for a long time, his heart is a bit grieved and he cannot describe that feeling. It turned out that when Sunghoon leaved Jiwon, his life was not bad, he could still go to school alone, eat alone and sleep well every night. However, his heart is much empty without Jiwon. It’s more and more not calm when he must find the way to dodge Jiwon every day at that corridor. Jiwon didn’t call at Sunghoon’s class to find him, of course, Sunghoon could feel comfortable completely, but for the thick wave which sometimes be calm and sometimes overflow deeply in his heart, maybe no one can help him console it forever apart from Jiwon. Slightly keeping his head down, Sunghoon looks attentively at every message which is moved by his finger takes him back to the period of the past, he knows he cannot deceive himself. He has never really given up, he only believed that he made a right and good decision for two people. Biting the under lip then pressing the key to delete the conversation definitely, Sunghoon stands up and walks into the kitchen.
.
.

Jiwon is still being absorbed in his pillow and sleeping. He just cleaned up only his room and the attic but it made his whole body tired as if he got old. His mind is still dim but it’s enough for him to hear the conversation between his mom and dad outside. It’s supposedly that dad has become good really, he can see the family’s atmosphere is much better. About one week ago, dad moved the luggage to here with a very small box which was covered carefully in a red gift-wrapping. Dad said to Jiwon that if someday Jiwon wanted to get married to someone, give the person whom he loved that gift. Dad didn’t say clearly what it was, but Jiwon thought it’s a ring put in a box which was as soft as cotton, so he couldn’t hear its sound when shaking the box.
Suddenly feeling that he cannot sleep anymore, Jiwon decides to change clothes and go out. Although it’s still more 3 hours that he can see the firework to welcome a new year and actually he also doesn’t have interest, he abruptly thinks that if he only lies about home, it will be rather boring.
– I’ll go out a moment.
– Don’t return home after 1 o’clock. We’ll wait for you.
– I know it Mom.
Jiwon doesn’t know where he will go, but he just keeps going and then he will have his finish.
.
.
.

-2-
Jiwon moves every slow step to the overpass, the overcrowded stream of people hustling at the pedestrian precinct makes him move very hard. Putting his hand on the banisters, Jiwon walks more few steps then stops right at the middle of the bridge, looks up at the night sky only having a lonely star now which is like him – a fish out of water, but there are so many couples who are arm-in-arm happily around him. Sunghoon, how’s he going on these days? Can he take care of himself? Does his study have something not good? Jiwon has always wondered himself like this then bursted out laughing with bitterness. Jaejin is there, anyway Sunghoon will be alright. Why are Jiwon always concerned about a person who said that he no longer liked Jiwon and then fleed without even leaving a sound? Everyday two people stay in the same place but the fate between them maybe has stopped since the day Jiwon said the words from his heart, it turned to be at the right moment. Jiwon rubs his hands, blows into the slit a breath then continues to rub them against each other. The weather is colder than his expectation and that’s so different compared with few years ago. Or is it because Jiwon is too lonely, he cannot know what the warmth is? Thinking that, Jiwon bursts out laughing again like a crazy man. Suddenly there is someone’s arms tightening his waist that makes him starles because of feeling unexpected.
– Jiwon… Eun Jiwon…
– Is that you, Soyeon?
Two people decided to forget their love matter which had become old quickly and continue to be good friends, so it’s of course that this action of Soyeon made Jiwon very unexpected. Hearing the way Soyeon call his name, Jiwon also feels something unusual.
– Breaking up…
– …
– He and I…
Now Jiwon may understand. Soyeon broke up with that boy, the boy whom Jiwon used to aspire to stand at his place only one time. Soyeon must have made too many sacrifices to get affection from that guy, why did everything finally become bad like this?
– I’m really hurt, Jiwon.
– Soyeon…
All of a sudden, Jiwon is puzzled. He tries to remove Soyeon’s arms from his body but he cannot, she even clings to his coat then leans her head on his back.
– You…
Jiwon is as clumsy as a bear.
–  Can you let me hug you a bit?
– … You cannot do it in this place. Let me go.
– I don’t want.
.
.

The firework is about to be shoot. The moment of counting down is always important with many wishes and expectations. Sunghoon brings with him a small bag which the papers inside, a moment later, he will come to the bridge pier right near the river bank to fold lanterns and drift them. In the suburb where Sunghoon lived, when the New year comes, there are also people who drift lanterns and light up candles, but the atmosphere is not too crowded like that in here. Right at the first time when he came to the main road, Sunghoon was completely dazzled.
Jaejin walking by Sunghoon’s side is also very happy. Looking at Sunghoon being excited and can’t stop himself from observing around then taking out his phone to take photos, Jaejin smiles and keeps watch on Sunghoon closer. He is as fast as a light to coll Sunghoon and draw Sunghoon towards him when he sees a big crowd pass across. Jaejin rubs Sunghoon’s head then asks the child not to be apart from him and walk around like that.
– Does Jaejin hyung want to wish something?
– Seeing firework is enough.
Sunghoon may feel surprised.
– The New year’s coming. You should have a target.
“Target? Sunghoon… being with you is enough.”

Jaejin is abruptly and slightly silent in front of a brief thought. He has been shy and scared of confessing his love to Sunghoon or essentially he has tried to do something but it was not enough for Sunghoon to realize? Does really he only want to be by Sunghoon’s side until the end? Is he going to tie Sunghoon’s steps much like that? Jaejin shakes his head and says no with himself then quickly thinks about another target.
– Do you want to hear?
Jaejin seeks information carefully.
– Of course.
– … Confess to the person I love.
Sunghoon’s eyes suddenly shine like stars. He smiles naughtily and looks at Jaejin, titters to tease Jaejin then asks:
– Does Jaejin hyung like someone? Do you need my help?
It turned out that Sunghoon didn’t really realize his love, Jaejin hides his dissappointment which is slowly appearing uncontrollably in his face then replies:
– I can manage by myself.
– This person must be very beautiful, right? Sweet and wise, too.
– Nope. Very childish and silly.
Be walking, Sunghoon all of a sudden stops as if he saw something unexpected that makes Jaejin nearly leave him tens of steps. Jaejin hurriedly turns around and walks towards Sunghoon then he can see a situation which is not very good at his sight. It’s absolutely what Sumghoon is seeing.
“Eun Jiwon, you’re really a Jekyll and Hyde.”
Whole his body trembles with anger, Jaejin rolls two palms tightly that makes the veins emerge into thick lines.
– Stop looking.
Jaejin knits his brows, holds Sunghoon’s shoulders and turns Sunghoon’s body towards his side.
– Apart from me and the view around, don’t notice of anything now.
– … But I saw it, didn’t I?
.

Suddenly seeing Jaejin between the crowded stream of people, Jiwon opens his eyes widely to see carefully again then he can know that he was not wrong, Sunghoon is also right there. Sunghoon says something with Jaejin then ignores the entreating face of the opposite person to turn around and look at Jiwon. Those eyes make Jiwon startled. Jiwon removes Soyeon’s arms strongly, his lips move that want to call Sunghoon’s name but in an instant his strength is gone making him become a ruthless and indifferent guy. Taking a small step and witnessing Sunghoon quickly step back, Jiwon feels his heart a stinging pain like being stabbed straight and slit a torn line. He one more time removes Soyeon’s hand holding his arm to ask him to leave, his legs can also not move to go further even a small distance.
.
Sunghoon turns his back and backs to the previous area under the bridge pier. The more he stands there the more Jiwon hyung and that unnie will be embarrassed. Maybe two persons have been come to each other in time and they are also happy very much, so why Eun Jiwon had to perform a short play in front of Sunghoon as if he was a victim? A victim who was induced to a tight wrist embrace from the girl he loved? Sunghoon half-smiles, his heart immediately aches. He doesn’t know if he should hate Eun Jiwon or himself.
“Ten”
“Nine”
“Eight”
The count-down moment to welcome New Year has come, Sunghoon vaguely mumbles it but a tear has shed to his corner of eye. When he left the attic, when he refused Jiwon’s confession, when he was alone in the new room without Jiwon who sometimes reminded him few words, he even didn’t cry although he was very sad, but tonight… Keeping Jaejin’s shoulder towards him so that he can see it as a hold, Sunghoon keeps crewing up his eyes and lets that tear fall down in silence then it will absorb in the ground. The noise of people saying and laughing around is like slowly overwhelming all disordering thoughts in Sunghoon’s mind when the explosion resounds with the blazing red light rays appear. He looks at the firework which are blooming in the sky attentively. It’s like reminding Sunghoon that now is the time to make a new start.
– Do you want to go home?
From that time, Jaejin was always the person who was best worried. Keeping going after Sunghoon but he wasn’t brave enough to say something when he witnessed that excited and happy face quickly being replaced by a spreading sadness. Jaejin was afraid that as long as he said something related to Jiwon, he could also make Sunghoon cry. But he even couldn’t say a word to console Sunghoon. Why does he become fooslish like this? Jaejin didn’t expect to see Jiwon and Soyeon here, this person embraced that one in the crowded street right before the New Year’s Eve moment come. It’s like a joke of the fate.
– We haven’t yet drifted the lanterns.
Sunghoon smiles happily. He opens his small bag to take out papers and two pens.
– You just write your targets here and folds it. You and I’ll drift these things together.
– I… could I know your target?
Sunghoon keeps silent few seconds, looks up at the middle of the bridge then smiles and says:
– Everyday will be happier a bit.
.
.
.

– Jiwon, was seeing firework fun?
Receiving the inquiry from dad, Jiwon pretends to smile happily then nods head to make his dad feel secure. Since the day the company faced difficulties, dad had been much hard to built the property again. Jiwon knows his dad always wants to help him settle down because of the disadvantages he got during that hard time, so Jiwon isn’t angry with dad, he is even grateful to.
– Happy new year, dad.
– Happy new year, son.
Coming back to room, Jiwon takes off his friendly fresh appearance in the dark. His eyes carroty with a stagnant tear look straight at the wall opposite, Sunghoon’s image of that time appears in his mind. Those eyes were look alike the eyes when Sunghoon looked at Jiwon so long on the stair then turned away and said nothing that day – the day Jiwon led a strange girl to home and served an informal cocktail party. It really haunted Jiwon and tormented his heart. Why did Jiwon see Sunghoon when Soyeon was still embracing him tightly that she didn’t want to let her arms off? Jiwon runs towards the window and cries aloud into the atmosphere. He can’t shed tears but he has slowly revealed his weak nature. He wants to be talked to Sunghoon clearly even one time.

Turning on the phone and finding the inbox of him and Sunghoon, Jiwon hesitates to press the calling key and then stops at one point. Sunghoon will not pick up the phone and he will even hang up on. However, if Sunghoon lifts the receiver, what will Jiwon have to say? Ask a chance to explain? ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’, Sunghoon will never trust Jiwon again.
“Eun Jiwon, you’re so funny”
Throwing the phone into the drawer then taking the blanket to cover whole his body very tight, Jiwon has no mood to think more.

-3-
“Hey, say a new year greeting to me.”
– Now is only the early morning. I’m still sleeping.
Last night he stayed up late, so this morning is the time for Jaejin to make up for lost time, but he was quickly spoiled the fun by Jiwon. Looking at the watch then seeing that it is just over 6 a.m a bit, is it possible for Jaejin to scold Jiwon because that guy gave annoyance? But it’s so unexpected that today Jiwon has proactively gotton in touch. Jaejin sits up, crawls towards the bedhead then leans on there, his dim eyes look at the sky. The sun has rised for a high distance but the cold air keeps pouring in and lets every breath of air naughtily thread its way through the chink to come here. Jaejin smacks his lips because of tiredness then controls his mind to focus on the phone call again.
– Wanna go out a bit later?
Jiwon resumes.
– Why suddenly ask me to go out?
– Because my parents went out for affair.
Jaejin doesn’t know if he is too sceptical but he thinks that is not the only reason of Jiwon. Anyway…
– How about 8 o’clock? I lost sleep because of you.
Jiwon bursts out laughing with excitement.
– Why do you laugh?
– I’ll wait for you at the gate.
Backing to the sleep but of course that he can’t sleep anymore, Jaejin quickly prepares for the new day. He forgot to ask Jiwon that two people would eat breakfast outside or go somewhere, so now he doesn’t know whether he should cook a small meal to fill the stomach. Thinking for a long moment, Jaejin decides to serve Jiwon the breakfast right here, so it’ll not cost anyone.
.
.

The clock is exactly 8 o’clock and the phone also rings, Jaejin briefly startles because everything much coincides then hurriedly takes off his apron.
– Come in and eat with me.
Just seeing the gate open, Jiwon was dragged inside by Jaejin. Jiwon rounds his eyes and looks attentively ahead then he can only follow Jaejin unconditionally.
– You make me puzzled.
Finally Jiwon can take his soul back. He slaps his cheeks, bursts out laughing and looks at the kitchen which are still piling up the instrument of cooking and oil is scattered in all directions.
– Was it too untidy?
Jaejin scratches his head when feeling embarrassed.
– You didn’t change at all.
Jiwon sits down on the chair right at the dinner table and waits for Jaejin to finish his work like a close guest, his mind suddenly appears the memories when two people played together in their childhood that are vague and indescribable. In the past, the fact that two people met each other was a destiny when their parents met every week because parents had been close friends since their high school. Jiwon of that days was much active than at present while Jaejin was calmer. However, the hot-tempered nature of Jiwon and the straight character of Jaejin have never changed. They sometimes argue to even little things when each person tries to protect their opinion but they have never fighted. Jiwon hides his sigh, rolls his hand into a fist then brings it to in front of his sight and revolves it. Over one week ago? Jiwon even can’t remember the time, he only remembers that he hit Jaejin very strongly.
– I’ve done.
Jaejin happily serves dishes on the table, they’re simple but attractive that quickly makes Jiwon hungry. Having observed Jiwon’s face meditative, Jaejin also wanted to know what Jiwon thought of but then he removed that thought. If Jiwon was thinking about his affair with Sunghoon, the atmosphere around maybe suddenly stuffy and sensitive. A new day has just started, Jaejin doesn’t want to overcome that annoyed feeling, and he will also not think about the affair last night anymore. Jiwon has more kept to himself since he entered high school. Because of a certain reason, Jaejin can’t also meet Jiwon many times although two people are at the same school and grade, so they have been far apart that they didn’t know.
– Thanks. I’ll eat them with gusto.
– Help yourself. Don’t be formal.
.
.

Tidying up his dish, Jiwon briskly helps Jaejin cleaning but he is always pushed out, so he resigns to walking towards the corner of bed and sit still there. Looking back, Jiwon wonders that if Jaejin is too kind. Being shouted at, threatened to beat up, and even punched by Jiwon, not including what happened at New Year’s Eve recently that may make Jaejin uncomfortable, but Jaejin didn’t blame Jiwon. Jaejin could hit Jiwon to obtain justice… Honestly, Jiwon is oweing Jaejin a proper apology.
– What’s up?
– Hmm… I wanna say a thing.
The sudden seriousness from Jiwon makes Jaejin stop.
– I’m sorry. That day I hit you.
Jaejin can’t hide his surprising then smiles and says:
– No problem. I don’t hold it against you.
– Really?
– Yep. Last week I called you several times. You didn’t pick up the phone.
Jiwon suddenly ‘wakes up’ then mumbles because he has no answer.  In a night of last week, what did he do?
– I did…
Jiwon immediately stops, all the statements that he plans to say out loud creep back into his mouth. Jiwon drank alcohol… The second time in this school year he got himself drunk, and the reason was always related to that boy. It’s that child… The day Sunghoon left from the morning until the evening, Jiwon felt himself very bad like what Sunghoon said straight with him that he didn’t respect Sunghoon’s love. Jiwon realized he was wrong, he was lonely without Sunghoon, and he drank alcohol to forget that loneliness. After that, the night when the concert was hold at the city’s conference room, Jiwon got drunk again because he couldn’t control his love which was bigger and bigger in his heart, he even didn’t have way to stop Sunghoon’s eyes in that morning from appearing obsessively in his mind. He was lost, he was really lost.

Jaejin waits for the answer patiently but maybe he understands in time that Jiwon doesn’t want to say. Coming and sitting down next to his friend, Jaejin keeps silent few seconds then raises his voice softly:
– There are some corners that you need to keep for yourself.
– Yep. Thank you.
Slightly turning his head, Jiwon unintentionally absorbs Sunghoon’s photo right at the bedhead into his sight that makes his lips quiver lightly.
– Since when did you like that child?
Jaejin watches out when hearing Jiwon talk about Sunghoon.
– I’m just curious.
– From the day I saw him stand and keep a close watch on you when you found me at my classroom on the first Friday of the school year.
Jiwon doesn’t remember clearly.
- I know he has been attracted by you since the first days, not after he moved to the attic. Everything seemed to be arranged unexpectedly.
– Why?
– You mean is?
– Why do you like that child?
– Is there a reason for loving someone?
Jiwon mumbles then shakes his head. That’s right. There’s no reason when loving someone, it’s like Jiwon now who is exploding in his ties of affection, he tries to escape but he sinks more deeply that he feels hard to breathe. Sunghoon isn’t like Soyeon or other girls around Jiwon when Sunghoon is different right from the , but why can he step into Jiwon’s heart naturally like this? He even torments it more formidably. Jiwon takes a last breath unintelligibly then stands up and replies in brief:
– Maybe that. Now I’ve to go.
– Is that all?
– I come here to mainly say apologize.
Giving Jaejin a hug to say goodbye, Jiwon leaves with his heavy heart. In an instant, his mind becomes tired. He only wants to use all his power inside to say all out loud but that person is still dodging and trying to escape him. What can Jiwon do?
Waving hand to Jiwon, Jaejin looks at that figure until it’s hidden from view then he realizes something flickering behind a very big tree-trunk. Jaejin bursts out laughing and shakes head. Seeing the familiar toe-cap, he knows who that is at once.
– Sunghoon, you don’t need to do that.