-1-

Last night suddenly Jiwon couldn’t sleep that makes his head now hurt like being hit by a hammer, even if he’s dizzy and his body is both hot and cold so that he doesn’t know what way to solve. Trying to sit up, Jiwon realizes the house has been lighted up. His mom backed to hometown yesterday, maybe she will stay there half month to pick up Jiwon’s dad who will return after doing business abroad. Now Jiwon is alone here, nope, actually he’s with a boy. The main door’s lock opened inside, perhaps Sunghoon has gotten up and gone out.

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Taking the bag on shoulders means having a new day that Jiwon must stabilize his spirit to go to class and study well, Jiwon breathes heavily, rises the shoulders up to get more energy then goes outside. It looks as if the sky hadn’t been light yet. There are some sunrays at the corner of sky over there that is very far from Jiwon’s reach now bringing with them the cool air every morning, fortunately, Jiwon has had for himself a coat which is thick enough. Turning body and looking aside, Jiwon finds out Sunghoon is sitting with bent legs by the road, one cheek puts temporarily on knees. His hands knit ten fingers with others tightly, keep in front of his legs and sometimes he breathes slightly that makes he look so poor. He can climb up the bike right at his side and run immediately so that he can go to classroom and sleep more comfortably, but why does he must do that when he can have one more nap on bed? Jiwon shakes head for not understanding. Few days ago, Sunghoon was fever and lied still on bed, but today he goes outside and stay out in the dew. That boy is too silly to cure.

Standing and looking at Sunghoon for a while makes many thoughts in Jiwon’s mind are more and more complicated and confusing. He doesn’t understand. Why does Sunghoon like a person like him? Is Sunghoon too silly so he doesn’t know that Jiwon is doubting everything in this life? If it has been like this, the fact that Sunghoon follows Jiwon will just make Sunghoon hurt himself. Kang Sunghoon, that boy really makes Jiwon confused.

Trying not to sigh, Jiwon slowly takes few steps towards Sunghoon and squats in his presence. Putting his hand to fix Sunghoon’s bangs slightly then touching his forehead to see if he’s been better, Jiwon nods head repeatedly with the belief that Sunghoon’s been much better and he’ll continue to be playful soon. By the way, by which way Jiwon can solve the current situation when Sunghoon has been here to wait for him but he doesn’t have the heart to wake Sunghoon up. After a while for thinking, Jiwon sits up, puts his fingers and touches the dewdrop lying on Sunghoon’s strand of hair and smiles happily. That’s alright. Just let the boy sleep deeply a bit later, it’ll be okay. Looking up at the sun higher, Jiwon turns his back and walks out.

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Sunghoon hurriedly runs to Jiwon’s class with a steaming hot lunchbox on his hand. Jiwon’s mom is absent, before going, she put close to Sunghoon’s ear and made careful recommendation to Sunghoon that he had to watch and remind Jiwon to eat and drink in moderation, so in this early morning, Sunghoon went to the kitchen and cooked rice with vegetables for Jiwon. Sunghoon used to cook. Honestly his ability is not bad, so he’s only worried that the differences about taste among areas will make Jiwon feel it’s not delicious.

Having just arrived, Sunghoon sees Jiwon leaning against the corridor’s railing, his hands is taking a thick book which maybe heavy about few kilograms. Looking Jiwon’s hands quiver when trying to keep each sentences and words standing still right at his sight, Sunghoon steps forwards and helps Jiwon lift a side of the book that makes Jiwon startles. Glancing at Sunghoon by the sharp eyes, Jiwon conceals his surprisingness then not say anything, but of course, those expressions aren’t enough to make the child – is Sunghoon – become scared. Maybe Sunghoon has understood more bit about Jiwon, he didn’t simply look at Jiwon’s appearance then hurriedly assess Jiwon’s mood like the first days. Sunghoon’s hands lift then hold the whole book, along with his head slowly raises and he looks straight into Jiwon’s face, Jiwon realizes four remaining fingers of Sunghoon are trying to keep tightly a plastic box which is moving from side to side and its lid is about to bursting open. Seeing that, Jiwon gets back the book at once and holds it.

- No need.

Sunghoon runs his eyes like watching carefully the commotion around then suddenly slides the lunchbox into Jiwon’s palm. Sunghoon lets his body forwards and whispers:

- I make it for you.

- I’ll look in the canteen.

Jiwon immediately gives back.

- But...

- If you’ve made your effort to make it, just enjoy the result on your own.

Sunghoon knits his brows, snatches the book and holds it at his chest, then curl his lips and replies:

- If you don’t eat it, I’ll not give this book back to you.

Thinking that he himself could yield Jiwon, Sunghoon’s surprised when Jiwon just turns the body, puts the lunchbox on the last table right at the class’s door and says in coldness:

- It’s my friend’s book. If you like it, read it.

So displeased that he can’t say anything, Sunghoon strikes strongly the book on the table in front of dozens of eyes witnessing in amazement, then also turns back and leaves. Eun Jiwon is absolutely unbearable, Sunghoon will not get up early and cook any dish for him again.

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-2-

That afternoon...

It still be that familiar figure appearing at Jiwon eyesight every time he leaves school. This morning having made Sunghoon unhappy, although Jiwon really feels him be rather at fault, he doesn’t want to mention, he doesn’t know why. Jiwon stands still few more seconds and looks at that back - wide and solid but behind it, there is a child who is much smaller and sillier when living in this society. Can Sunghoon do everything well afterwards? Stop thinking, Jiwon breathes a long breath and takes the bike forwards.

- Let’s go.

Hearing Jiwon’s voice, Sunghoon laughs boisterously in soul but his face still expresses the coldness. He climbs up bike, gives priority to Jiwon for going first then he can quickly run after. Every morning, every afternoon, and everything has started from the first day, maybe now Jiwon has felt so familiar that he doesn’t want to wonder anymore. Sunghoon bares his teeth in a grin and feels satisfied. As long as Jiwon knows Sunghoon is still at the old spot to wait for him, Sunghoon’s soul is also happy enough during that night.

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On the way home, Jiwon absolutely keeps silent. The eyes look straight and the legs still put on pedals making the bike moving but his soul is full of disturbing thoughts. A moment ago Jiwon saw that girl, the girl he likes and also the girl whom he used all his braveness to declare his love to, going with another boy. They talked in joy and looked at each other by the blissful eyes of a new love couple. Honestly, Jiwon wasn’t surprised, because he understood her, that was the guy whom she had pursued in silence for a long time. She and Jiwon were two people with the same background and the same choice to show their love, but the result was significantly different. The day Jiwon admitted that he liked her just like yesterday, so until today, he still can’t stop himself from selfish thoughts, and he can’t also deny the fact that his heart is broken because of her again. Finally, Eun Jiwon’s still lonely like this.

- Jiwon hyung.

Sunghoon may not know anything, Jiwon holds his tongue and turns head, tries to conceal his difficult mood hidden deeply in his eyes.

- What’s matter making you’re sad?

Jiwon doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t mean Sunghoon can’t know. Actually, Sunghoon only tries to guess, it’ll may right or wrong, but being by Jiwon rather long, how can Sunghoon be wrong when he knows Jiwon is confused? Slapping slightly on Jiwon's back of hand then inclining his head to look at Jiwon, Sunghoon no longer feels sad if Jiwon doesn’t look at him, he only has little pity when he hasn’t successfully built a certain existence in Jiwon’s heart yet. Looking at the opposite side, Sunghoon realizes that finally they arrive home. Jiwon rides bike to the park then walks straight into house at a stretch. He leaves Sunghoon alone and lets the boy amazed under the glowing sunset that is turning into yellow little by little.

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Lying about the room, Jiwon suddenly hears someone knock door. There’s nothing to be surprised because the person behind that door is definitely Sunghoon.

- I cooked rice. What dish do you want to eat?

The image of Sunghoon wearing apron and his disheveled hair appears in Jiwon’s eyes. Having heard the clop-clop sound in kitchen, Jiwon thought that it was the cats from neighbor’s house creeping through the window and harassing. It turned out that it was this boy.

- You just eat it. I don’t.

Jiwon has no good mood to eat anything now. A love-sick boy who always proudly asks himself that if he can love, he can also let it go, at this moment can’t believe that his statements don’t fit his true thoughts. Running eyes and looking at Sunghoon who is patiently waiting for the answer for his question although Jiwon said that he didn’t want to eat, Jiwon’s mind abruptly wonders if he’s being punished because he’s treated indifferently to this child. Thinking that, Jiwon fleers to himself. Consequence will come, but he can’t expect it to come too soon.

- I said I wouldn’t eat.

Sunghoon’s eyes are rounded as if he didn’t understand, but when Jiwon tends to repeat his statement, Sunghoon tightens his lips and nods the head then leaves. It’s not because Sunghoon didn’t hear, it’s just because in Sunghoon’s mind that time suddenly formed a question that which part in Jiwon’s body wasn’t good so that it was the first time he hadn’t wanted to eat dinner. Sunghoon opens the fridge, pulls all ingredients out and puts them on the table, then observes around to see what dish he should cook for the best nutrition. Sunghoon pours the remaining part of steaming hot rice into a very big bowl and cooks another portion of gruel for Jiwon.

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Foraging the drawer and finding out some photos that at the first period of high school, that girl’s best friend gave to Jiwon as gifts although he didn’t ask, Jiwon sees his heart painful. The moment of this afternoon always now appears, now disappears in his mind and the more he tries to delete it, the more it’s useless. They make a nice couple, don’t they? Jiwon makes a half-smile painfully when he himself admits that thought. After a while hesitating, he decides to tear all photos in half, in three parts, then into smaller pieces and throws them in the dustbin. He considers as he has just reduced the burden in his soul. Actually Eun Jiwon only makes an effort to start getting rid of that love from the smallest thing, although he knows the truth that nothing is easy… and he believes that he’s just felt very regret. However, he may do a good affair for her, for that guy, and for himself at the same time.

Keeping sitting beside the bed like a guy lost his soul and looking at the last sunray of day which has faded for a while, Jiwon smiles slightly and lets alone his inner world that has become silent after disordering. When the night comes with hundreds of the street outside are lighted up colorfully, everything will bury Jiwon into the heaped up loneliness all the more.

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Half-opening the door of Jiwon’s room and looking inside, the light on TV screen glimmers like ghosts playing that makes Sunghoon tremble with fear. Worming and coming in that doesn’t make noise, Sunghoon’s hand holds a small bowl of vegetable gruel he cooked himself, he feels down when realizing that Jiwon has covered him in the blanket and slept.

Putting the bowl on the table, Sunghoon carefully looks around then goes to the window to observe again to make sure that Jiwon locked it. Sunghoon doesn’t know why this time Jiwon didn’t lock the bedroom’s main door when he slept, but maybe because he overslept, so there’s nothing serious.

Squatting in the bedhead right at Jiwon’s side, Sunghoon keeps his eyes wide to contemplate Jiwon so long, so long but he doesn’t feel bored. Seeing Jiwon’s finger slightly move, Sunghoon doesn’t know if Jiwon is dreaming of something, it is good or bad and if Jiwon needs Sunghoon to protect him although everything in his mind now is magical. Rising hand forwards to touch Jiwon’s cheek but like being invaded by an invisible worry, Sunghoon falls in dullness. He’s never been brave enough to touch Jiwon of these moments. He’s afraid that his pesky actions will ruin Jiwon’s sleep. Revolving the round ring holding the whole little finger, Sunghoon is bewildered and wonders when Jiwon can help him to change the ring’s position, if he can’t, Kang Sunghoon will continue to be single.

- Jiwon hyung, we’ve been under the same roof for a long time. I remember the first day I met you, that coldness made me worried. Although now you still keep silent and don’t talk much to me, I wasn’t worried anymore. Jiwon hyung’s very good and very kind with people around, that also makes me happy.

The feeling is like Sunghoon is talking to himself, but isn’t this period for him to bare everything from his heart? Sunghoon sits on the floor then continues:

- Maybe you always see me as a child who follows you every day and be overenthusiastic like this, and someday this affection will fade. But you don’t know that before moving here, I used to see you at school. At that time, I didn’t know what my feeling was for you but my impression about you was very deep. Someday you’ll understand.

After few seconds being deep in thought, Sunghoon sighs with relief. Today he’ll only say with Jiwon like this. It’ll have more times for him to express to Jiwon what he needs to express, and now he must withdraw quickly to let Jiwon sleep well. Sunghoon lets his body forwards, timidly and slightly kisses on Jiwon’s forehead then leaves. Suddenly the image of fragmented pieces of paper lying in dustbin at the corner of room attracts Sunghoon’s attention and he must stop to see. Anyway there’s nothing to do now, Sunghoon pours all the pieces down the floor, turns on the flashlight from his phone then carefully grafts all details to make the photo become intact again, actually it’s not only a photo but he’s really curious that his innards are about to moving.

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Half of hour has passed...

The eyes dim between the atmosphere full of boredom when being alone, Sunghoon smiles and looks at the upper part of the first photo has been completed. It turned out that it was her, a very beautiful girl who refused Jiwon’s affection and was by side of another person. Sunghoon thinks Jiwon has known clearly about that matter. Honestly, in love, no one is at fault, maybe because they’ve lived with their true heart, but making someone hurt sometimes is unavoidable. Trying to find more pieces to complete the whole photo but he may too tired, Sunghoon leans his head on Jiwon’s desk and then falls asleep.

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-3-

Jumping and waking up, it’s has been a new day, Sunghoon rises his shoulders and sits up, then abruptly realizes the remaining part of the photo has been completed.

- Jiwon hyung...

Sitting at the dining-table, Jiwon sees Sunghoon step out if he doesn’t say that Sunghoon rushes out rather hurriedly. Seeing Jiwon, Sunghoon’s worrying face immediately turns into light. He briskly runs to Jiwon and sits down opposite.

- Jiwon hyung.

- ... What?

Sunghoon smiles happily like sunshine in the early morning and replies:

- You ate the gruel I cooked.

- It’s reputedly your effort wasn’t wasted.

Sunghoon naturally always happy and pure like this, but this time, Jiwon feels like the sun outside also cannot measure itself against Sunghoon’s smile. What makes him satisfied so much? Jiwon slurps the last spoon dry and puts everything down on the table. Remembering last night, he stares at Sunghoon, knits his eyebrows then folds arms seriously that make Sunghoon confused and keep silent.

- Who did allow you to come in my room and forage in utter disorder?

- I...

Sunghoon trembles that his body wants to flood in sweat.

- I just bring gruel for you.

- If you bring something afterwards, just quickly go out.

Softly saying that he understands, Sunghoon feels his heart immediately fall down to the abyss without bottom. Last night he really violated the private space of Jiwon, foraged the stuff Jiwon had thrown but not giving it back and even sleeping right there, why does Jiwon not annoyed? Slowly looking up and tending to say sorry, Sunghoon sees Jiwon disappeared, so hurriedly hangs his head and runs on the attic. He must prepare everything quickly to wait for Jiwon to go to school in front of the gate.

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Sitting in front of the photo completed by Sunghoon’s hands, and his hands too, Jiwon bursts out laughing with himself. Why did he so free to join in a childish action of that child? When he ought to have torn everything, he shouldn’t show the regret about it. Suddenly the heart is unexpectedly uncomfortable, Jiwon waves hand strongly that makes pieces of paper mix with others again disorderly. He bites his lips and tries not to let the feelings stream out that will force him to suffer from painful state one more time. What happened during the passing period is too enough for him.

Absorbing all what lies on the floor then pouring it down the dustbin outside the small house, Jiwon’s mind is light somehow. He quickly changes his clothes into uniform, combs the black hair glossy and goes to the park. Sunghoon is always there to wait. He doesn’t need to know if Jiwon feels annoyed, he just does it like a way to express that he likes Jiwon. Such a silly boy! However, actually… Jiwon has been accustomed. If one day Sunghoon doesn’t stand there with that bike, will Jiwon feel empty?

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Sunghoon puts hand to hide a part of eyesight and welcomes the sunshine of new day which is warming the atmosphere here, then talks to himself that he and Jiwon have never together welcomed a true sunrise or sunset. Essentially Jiwon doesn’t like it. Jiwon and Sunghoon has a lot of things different, but Sunghoon is still attracted so much.

- Let’s go.

Jiwon’s familiar voice pulls Sunghoon back to the present. He shyly turns toward Jiwon, rises his shoulders up slightly then says:

- I’m sorry for the affair last night.

- I don’t mind.

- Really? So Jiwon hyung... you... want to see the sunset this afternoon?

Looking at Jiwon’s stiff face, Sunghoon closes his eyes tightly and turns to another way because feeling ashamed. He clenches his teeth and whispers by himself:

- What have I just said?

- ... Ok.

- What…?

Jiwon doesn’t repeat the answer and leaves first. Sunghoon jumps high for joy then quickly runs after.

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-4-

- Here’s your drink.
Sunghoon has just run to the main street, looked in the vending machine and bought two cans of coke. From the day he moved here for studying, he’s never been excited like this, a moment ago he nearly tripped over the barricade on sidewalk and fell and rolled forward. Why can’t he be excited when today Jiwon agrees to go and see sunset with him?
- You drink it. I just sit here.
- But I bought for both.
Sunghoon slides the can into Jiwon’s hand although Jiwon keeps leaning on the bench and sitting still as a statue. The sun is red like a resplendent ball of fire little by little hides behind the long range of mountains behind the skyline, it seems to be able to plunge all tiredness and busy state of a person. Sunghoon opens his can then also helps Jiwon and drinks up Jiwon’s can himself. He gulps down almost the whole can to and suddenly be of sound mind.
Jiwon hasn’t said anything for a while. Seeing Sunghoon drink water, automatically he also drinks a little then blowing up his mouth to breathe out comfortably. How long hasn’t Jiwon gone out to take the air? Jiwon at this moment is like a child who is thirsting for running toward the wave over there and rising arms to welcome the wind beat against him, even if he falls ill, he will also feel happy. Until when did he leave out his youth...?
- You wanna go there with me?
Having not answered yet, Jiwon was pushed to the river bank by Sunghoon. At the nearer spot, he can hear more the sound of wind whistling, waves crashing and see clearer the range of mountains going up and down from far, his soul is like being washed all sadness that becoming at ease strangely. He hears Sunghoon’s fugitive laughter in ears then also unconsciously bursts out laughing. Today how he should be grateful to this boy?
- What’s your feeling now? Is it better?
- Do you know what I’m thinking?
- Hmm... just a bit.
A sudden head rubbing from Jiwon makes Sunghoon stand rooted to the spot, his eyes wink inattentively.
- Thank you.
- Why... why...
- Why what? I don’t think you know relieving people’s mind.
Hearing Jiwon’s compliment, Sunghoon is puzzled and scratches his head. But the most important thing that Sunghoon wants is letting Jiwon set his mind at rest to express his inner feelings, the rest of affairs around him just let Sunghoon tackle.
- Have you ever given up liking me?
Jiwon glances at Sunghoon and realizes he is standing in silence, very long. Was this a very difficult question?
- Now, I don’t.
- ...
- Making a person’s heart moved, sometimes easy but sometimes very hard. For my loving matter, maybe God only wants to test me.
Sunghoon looks up to drink the last coke, then puts the can into the side panel and continues:
- But until the finale, when I get old but I still can’t make Jiwon hyung moved, I should leave.
- Getting old?
Jiwon bursts out laughing then immediately adjusts himself into seriousness. Sunghoon is right, it’s just because the way he says is bit silly, so is there anything humorous to laugh? It’s more and more difficult for Jiwon to face Sunghoon and Sunghoon’s heart. During the passing time, although Jiwon tried to make the distance from Sunghoon, he seemed to rather rely on Sunghoon from a certain period. So, if someday Sunghoon doesn’t have affection to Jiwon anymore, Jiwon will know taking care of himself more?
- Does Jiwon hyung think that someday I will complete the thing I hope?
- …
- Making you moved.
Jiwon is rather surprised but he still replies in time:
- Yes. Now go home.