-1-
Sitting with the bent legs in the room, it feels like there will be no one can understand deeply and share with the sadness now, Sunghoon buries himself into the passing moment.
" - What do you say?
- I say that…
- Stop kidding. I’m also not free. Back to your class.”
Was it an indirect existence for refusing? Did Jiwon also think about the other girls who confessed with him that they played a joke on him, too? Or because Sunghoon is a boy, so Sunghoon unintentionally made a very big difference? Sunghoon doesn’t move, just keeps sitting there and puts his chin on knees, then draws his last breath sorrowfully. He was refused by an answer that didn’t need to too clear but had a great antipersonnel power. Sunghoon really likes Jiwon, but... Jiwon doesn’t want to know. It also maybe because he has had another person. This life is so whimsical when having just collected enough braveness to confess with him and then hearing an unbelievable news like that – comes from his friend.
Dropping the body on bed strongly and ignoring the world, Sunghoon holds the long pillow, buries his face very deeply into the slit then asks himself to try to sleep so that he can forget everything, but if he cannot, his heart can also feel less ashamed. He is really ashamed, maybe he doesn’t have face to meet Jiwon anymore.
- Sunghoon, the dinner’s come.
- I… I don’t wanna eat.
Holding the hungry stomach just sounded timely, Sunghoon is weary with leaving the bed and still hesitates to go down. He has no mood to eat or drink something now and it will absolutely more terrible if Jiwon also be there.
- Hey, go down for dinner!
Hearing Jiwon’s voice echoing, Sunghoon’s face is like elastic then immediately turns into hardening as if it was freezed. He pulls the blanket under his foot and rolls it tightly in the palm shaking, then slightly turns the head to look outside but Jiwon is not there, maybe Jiwon’s stood at the floor below and called after. Stepping every slow step self-consciously, Sunghoon quickly embraces his left chest with the heart is beating strongly and continuously and slowly goes down. He hurriedly chooses a seat which is far away from the daily one and suddenly wants to eat at once to run away in time, but it’s impossible because Jiwon’s mom hasn’t sat yet. Unexpectedly, Sunghoon sees Jiwon sitting by his side.

- Your seat…
- It’s my right to sit somewhere.

Only knowing to keep silence, Sunghoon tries to hide his frowning face when he’s still shy of what happened this afternoon. He also wants to say wildly something but the sound from his throat has been turned off.

The meal finally begins.

Having just eaten then seeing a piece of meat very delicious, Sunghoon is dumbfounded few seconds and glances at Jiwon. He hesitates a bit when realizing Jiwon is eating rice with only kimchi, but if letting Jiwon eat like this, Sunghoon will not satisfied, he stealthily picks up the meat to Jiwon’s bowl and waits for the result. If Jiwon accepts to eat it, it means Jiwon doesn’t hate Sunghoon, but if Jiwon not, maybe from now on Sunghoon should dominate himself.

- I don’t like.
Obviously, Jiwon refuses and pays the meat back into Sunghoon’s bowl. His mom doesn’t understand at all, only witnesses her son pick food for another person so smiles merrily, then says:
- Taking care of each other is good.

However, it’s not the truth. Two people sitting next to each other suddenly feel their soul freeze.

.

.

Remembering that he leaving out a stuff in Sunghoon’s room, actually Sunghoon couldn’t find it when clearing up the room and putting stuffs into the cask, Jiwon pretends to be calm and goes up the attic. Seeing Sunghoon sitting on the windowsill and does an inclination of body to look at beyond the boulevard, Jiwon stops walking unconsciously. Those eyes are so sad like piling up hundreds of confidence that he can’t express clearly. That makes Jiwon must unexpectedly wonder what way will be the best one for him to treat with Sunghoon now, but he doesn’t know. Honestly, Jiwon has liked another girl for a long time, he has liked her silently for two recent years but all secrets have been immediately revealed by someone that he cannot clear. If it has been like that, Jiwon all the more doesn’t want to give Sunghoon hope although he understands somewhat how difficult Sunghoon has felt.

Standing there quite long, Jiwon decides to knock the door but Sunghoon seems not to hear.
- Hey...
- You’re just coming.
It turned out that the boy couldn’t answer, or he didn’t want to do it, Jiwon suddenly hesitates strangely. Anyway, this room ia not a place that Jiwon can come in and out freely anymore, especially when there is a problem between its new master and him. At first sight, that problem is normal, but it’s full of torment inside.
Jiwon stands right at the door silently, two hands quickly knit each other and he keeps swallowing slaver but he cannot say something reasonably. Having a second thought, the fact that he is indifferent to Sunghoon is right or wrong? Jiwon clearly has his own sorrow that a child be like Sunghoon will never understand.

- Can I ask you a thing?
Sunghoon slowly raises his voice, it seems that he really wants to ask but it doesn’t either. Sunghoon doesn’t look at Jiwon but only at the blazing red sky with the sunray about to fade at the end of day. Day turns into night too fast.
- Yes. Just asking.
- The person you like, is she very beautiful?
Jiwon briefly startles and he cannot reply. Seeing that, Sunghoon slightly smiles, a smile hiding little of sorrow then he continues:
- I believe in your choice, because anyhow... the person you like still should be a girl.

After that, Sunghoon carefully turns his body, puts his foot on the floor and leaves the windowsill. Right after Jiwon had appeared, Sunghoon’s mind became vague at once so that whether the landscape of this moment was beautiful or not and how it was beautiful, it wasn’t also so much meaningful. Jiwon, for Sunghoon, has been very special from the first day and possessed Sunghoon’s mind and heart only by that coldness making him heart-broken. Sunghoon doesn’t understand why he chooses Jiwon that isn’t another one, but if it existed any choice in love, it wasn’t sincere anymore.
Keep silent to wait for Jiwon say something, and if he doesn’t, he should also let Sunghoon know why he goes up here, Sunghoon sits down on bed, turns his back towards Jiwon then says himself that he’s just curious about the reason, because now both of them don’t have anything difficult anymore.
- I wanna take a stuff left out.
- So you just take it. When I put your stuff into the cask, may there was mistake.
- ... Never mind.
So fidgety, the heart of two persons now...
Jiwon quickly finds out the stuff and leaves in silent.

-2-

A new day still begins...
Having just come out the house’s door, Sunghoon realizes Jiwon’s bike is no longer at the park. Honestly, right at the yesterday afternoon, two persons didn’t go together anymore. Last night Sunghoon asked Jiwon’s mom about his phone number and it was fortunate that he found out Jiwon’s account on SNS, then just left a “good night” message but he didn’t see Jiwon reply. However, it should be like that because no one is too free like Sunghoon to stay up late until the next day and do this action, it seems like making the attention. But Sunghoon thinks that he likes to do it whether Jiwon cares or not. Washing hands quickly to get rid of the confusing thoughts, Sunghoon slightly rises his shoulders up and deletes everything unhappy yesterday but then only knows standing with arms akimbo and sighs. No matter what happens, he still must go to school, and seeing Jiwon there or not depends on their fate.

.

.

Just entering school for few minutes that he sees something unusual that is very crowded at his studying floor, Sunghoon is immediately surprise. Suddenly a group of female students about five or six people runs towards the stair leading to top floor in crowds. Unconsciously looking at them until they’re hidden from view, Sunghoon can’t stand feeling curious. He decides to run after but reaching the half of road, he stops. He becomes woozy few seconds then throws in his head and blames himself why suddenly cares about what is not related to him. To be honest, will doing something that goes over the limitation all leave unexpected consequences? But... the feeling in Sunghoon’s heart right now is very strange.
Suddenly hearing the sound of someone’s footstep very near his spot now, Sunghoon has just hold his head up then seeing Jiwon. As fast as lightning, he nestles closer then can sigh with relief when believing that Jiwon hasn’t seen him. Where does Jiwon goes alone? He goes down from the top floor. This figure has something lonely that forces Sunghoon only want to protect Jiwon. Five fingers hang on to the wall’s corner, then a bigger noise echoes right at Sunghoon’s ear like the sound of high-heeled shoes making him continue to focus. It turned out that was those girls. They quickly went down, finally what was happen?
- Eun Jiwon was refused.
- That’s the beauty queen of our school. She’s so beautiful.
- It’s unbelievable. Eun Jiwon was refused.
Dozens of discussing statements like knocking against each other making Sunghoon’s mind once troublous. He’s also like them that he doesn’t want to believe. The girl that Jiwon hyung likes… She was… No way. Did Sunghoon hear wrong?

Dazedly backing to the class when there are still a lot of questions in mind, Sunghoon indeliberately sees Jiwon again. He is standing at the corridor of row of classes, right in front of Sunghoon’s sight but it seems so far. That sad face has expressed everything and this afternoon Sunghoon will not have to ask Jiwon anything to confirm. Stepping forwards a step then stepping back a bigger step because feeling scared, Sunghoon slightly shakes his head with the thoughts are running in his mind. Asking Jiwon? This period is not for Sunghoon to ask Jiwon, it’s just for him to listen and console Jiwon’s mood by any cost. Thinking so, Sunghoon turns around and goes straight ahead to class. He says himself that everything will have the solutions.

.

.

This afternoon...
Sunghoon quickly to be with Jiwon leave school but doesn’t dare to come near Jiwon and get into conversation with him. Jiwon doesn’t ride bike that he takes it by his side as if he wanted to slowly release all confusion in his soul. Seeing that, Sunghoon also climbs down the bike and continues to go after Jiwon slowly as a shadow.
Five minutes...
Ten minutes have passed...
After a while pondering, Sunghoon decides to raise his voice.
- Jiwon hyung...
Jiwon doesn’t answer. Looking at him move every heavy step on the familiar road, Sunghoon’s heart is hurt like being cut off by the knife. If Sunghoon only replaced Jiwon to suffer from this sorrow, that’s so good, but… he doesn’t know what to do more. Sunghoon purses lips tightly and thinks, then calls Jiwon again under his breath:
- Jiwon hyung...
Jiwon suddenly stops but doesn’t turn around.
- I know you’re not happy, but... it’ll be better if you say out loud.
- ...
- We’re friends, aren’t we?
Seeing Jiwon’s shoulders slightly raise then lower, maybe he’s just taken a deep breath because of annoying, Sunghoon feels worried more. He slowly comes near Jiwon, inclines his head and tries to observe Jiwon’s face but he cannot.
- You really... don’t consider me as your friend?
Jiwon frowns and grinds his teeth then turns to another direction. His mood now is very complicated, it’s obvious that this boy doesn’t understand. Failing in saying confession and having to listen to incessant comments from everywhere, he is both ashamed and hurt. However, for Jiwon, it’s not everyone can give him enough belief to share his thoughts, let alone Sunghoon is just an innocent first-year boy but always acts as if he was worldly-wise. Sunghoon’s so childish when liking someone too fast and confessing after only a week, has he really understood his heart? Jiwon smacks lips, looks at the infinite space then mumbles:
- This affection will be quickly faded that he doesn’t need to notice of the way I express, but I still try to show my indifference to make him stop hoping. Bring coal to Newcastle.

Turning around, Jiwon startles when realizing that Sunghoon’s disappeared. Sure that he hasn’t seen Sunghoon appear in front of his sight to up now, Jiwon who is surprise immediately turns into feeling puzzled. Where did Sunghoon go?
- Not understandable.

.

.

Stopping along the wasteland leading to a long river, standing under the row of shady trees which conceal a part of sunset that he always like to enjoying, Sunghoon sits silently on the saddle and he cannot arrange his confusing inner feelings. Angry with Eun Jiwon so that Sunghoon’s about to be crazy, that’s the truth. Seeing Sunghoon’s concern, Jiwon chooses ignorance and doesn’t talk or look at Sunghoon even once. At least Jiwon should say that he needs a calm space or something like that, it will also make Sunghoon feel less ashamed. What is Jiwon’s soul made from? Why does he never think of others’ feelings and affections?
Sunghoon goes down and within his reach that taking a stone and throwing away.
- Eun Jiwon! I’ll never be involved in you. Satisfied?!
Sunghoon quickly wipes a tear at the eye’s corner. It’s just because he’s too rouse, now it seems to be better when he can live for himself, right? Sunghoon nods repeatedly and temporarily leaves everything aside. He smiles and goes forwards, then stops right at the river bank, finds in his bag a small camera that his mom gave him to record the magical moment in front of his eyesight – a fading afternoon with colorful cluster of clouds is drifting fast. Being born to be a child who likes discovering, Sunghoon always see this city very interesting and crowded, but it turned out that after the pleasure was a tiredness that a child coming from countryside like him cannot overcome easily. No matter how that just keep going, someday he will can come back to hometown again because time actually passes very fast, but... at first, he must study well. Standing for sightseeing more few seconds, Sunghoon decides to climb up the bike but he doesn’t know where to go next. He still doesn’t want to meet that person now.
- What cha’ doing here?
Turning head and realizing Jiwon, Sunghoon’s quite astonished but he doesn’t care. Show the sad and fretty face then not want to look at Jiwon more, Sunghoon’s ready to put his foot on the pedal to run away. Seeing that, Jiwon knits his brows and holds the bike’s latter making Sunghoon stop at once.
- What’s happen?
- It’s not your business.
- You’ve never suddenly left like this.
Jiwon holds Sunghoon’s chin and turns Sunghoon’s face towards him with his hand still presses rather tight on two cheeks of the boy standing opposite, then asks seriously:
- Climb down your bike.
- For what? I won’t!
- Hurry up.
Witnessing Jiwon’s scary face, Sunghoon must yields little by little. He’s like a little rabbit both scarily follows Jiwon’s eyes which don’t flutter and trembles uncontrollably climbing down the bike.
Jiwon quickly turns Sunghoon’s bike to the opposite direction then continues to say:
- Go home.
- I told you this was not your business.
- Why not? This place isn’t familiar, a blind roadway like you, wandering for a while then not knowing the way going home, where I will have to find you.
Jiwon clenches his teeth tightly, pulls Sunghoon coming closer the bike and slaps plopping on the saddle. His voice is deep but full of ordering:
- You’re still not hurry up?

.

.

On the way home, Jiwon’s still always right by Sunghoon’s side but both of them don’t say anything with each other. Jiwon also doesn’t want to ask, because he has initiatively raised his voice but Sunghoon didn’t answer correctly.

Four wheels after nearly half hour rolling that stop in front of a familiar house. Still not understand what happens, Jiwon think that he can’t ignore this problem anymore. He smacks his lips and he’s fidget, his mind also can’t control the fact that he’s very uncomfortable. Jiwon immediately asks again:
- What did happen that you didn’t want to say?
- I said that…
- Said to your monkey. Will you say nothing’s related to me? It’s clear that you were going with me then you turned to another direction.
- Yes.
- You... What you mean when saying “yes”?
Sunghoon quickly takes his bike to the park at the small corridor inside house then hides from Jiwon’s view behind the opening door.

-3-

"Hey"
"What’s the matter? I’ve never seen you angry like this"
"You’re letting the computer down or deliberately not seeing my messages? You’ll not polite if you do that"
"KANG SUNGHOON"
Jiwon beats strongly both two his palms down the keyboard and so angry that he cannot say anything. For a while that he’s like a crazy guy sitting amazedly in front of the screen and incessantly sending messages into the inbox of Sunghoon and him on SNS. This morning after getting up, Jiwon was surprise when seeing a “good night” message from Sunghoon, he couldn’t expect that from now on two people would have a private space for chatting. However, the issue now is not the message that hasn’t been replied by Jiwon, it’s the answer from Sunghoon. He’s angry with Jiwon after many times he’s suffered... Suffer?
Continuing to think so long, Jiwon’s mind is like understanding something that he doesn’t expect. Mumbling and looking at the messages of his own few more seconds, he immediately sits up then runs like flying out of the room.
- Mom, do you see Sunghoon come down here?
- No. What’s up darling?
- Nothing mom.
Jiwon goes up the attic very slowly as if he was a guy who wanted to do something bad.
- Hey Sunghoon, open the door.
- ...
- Hey Kang Sunghoon.
Sunghoon looks outside by his dim eyes. Right after hearing Jiwon’s voice sonorous on the lower floor that he couldn’t have an unbroken sleep on the bed anymore.
- What’s the matter with you? Go for dinner quickly.
- I don’t wanna eat.
Jiwon’s eyes can’t stop running, his hand trembles touching fast on Sunghoon’s forehead then he startles and utters:
- Are you sick?
- Just not too good.
- Wait a minute. I’ll help you.
Sunghoon persistently shakes his head, both makes the gesture “no” and weakly says:
- I don’t wanna bother anyone.
- So go inside and sleep. Don’t block the door.
Having just ended the statement, Jiwon runs down the lower floor, sneaks in the kitchen then takes an aluminum wash-tub and a clean handkerchief. Is hot water still odd? He goes along the kitchen and finds something necessary but suddenly his mind becomes empty. If that boy becomes more fever, Jiwon’s mom will know what happens and very worried, so this time he will act ahead.

Slowly backing to the room then applying hot compresses on Sunghoon’s forehead carefully, Jiwon decides to sit down right there. Maybe Sunghoon’s is in a dream so he doesn’t react, there’s only his eyes slightly squint because of the sudden hot temperature, or maybe he’s too tired to react. Jiwon replaces water from this time to other times, patiently waits for Sunghoon to sweat and the fever will ease off. Jiwon understands the feeling when living far from home. In the past, he used to study abroad and had to worry about himself in every aspect, even if when he sick, he must encourage himself to go to the drugstore and buy a lot of brands for storing. Thinking to here, Jiwon looks at Sunghoon thoughtfully and feels pity for him.

.

Seeing Sunghoon’s better, Jiwon puts the tub aside then sits still in a little while that he also doesn’t know the reason.
- You’re staying in a boarding house but still be taken care of by the owner’s son. You’ve been too lucky.
Sunghoon moves eyelids, puts his hand on the forehead to know the situation. He sighs with relief then turns towards Jiwon and grabs slightly at Jiwon’s finger making Jiwon puzzled and step back.
- Thank you. I always think that I’ll be always consider as a guy annoying you when just knowing go after you every day.
- I know you like me.
- I’ve told you that.
- Sincerely?
Sunghoon tries not to sigh and lies supine on bed to feel more comfortable. Having a second thought, he sees the fact that he’s angry with Jiwon is superabundant. Instead of blaming Jiwon for that indifference, Sunghoon should be grateful to Jiwon. Jiwon knows the affection that he gives to Jiwon, but Jiwon still accepts him to be a tail always by his side, Jiwon doesn’t completely avoid him and reprimand him either, there’s only today different because he’s stupid so that he annoyed Jiwon when Jiwon’s unhappy.
- That matter … I’m sorry.
Sunghoon open eyes widely and looks at Jiwon. These eyes are like wanting to ask what Jiwon’s done wrong and why Jiwon has to say sorry. Jiwon is dumfounded quite long then continues:
- Did you angry with me because I didn’t response you?
- How is that girl to you?
- Important... - Jiwon stop few seconds – But if she didn’t accept me, I can’t give prominence to her in my life anymore.
- She looks suit you.

Sunghoon may look sad, but has a sick person ever been happy? Although Jiwon knows that, he still feels his mood suddenly heavy.
- That moment, I was really angry with you, but I couldn’t think that you would find me…
Sunghoon reaches the blanket curled up at the corner, Jiwon quickly helps him.
- So I kept expressing my angry face.
- I tell you know that I’ve never comforted anyone. Those who makes me worried, I only want to hit.
"Worried…"
Sunghoon smiles slightly.
- As long as you understand my affection, after that, it’s up to fate.
Jiwon nods the head and says yes. He understands it. The way Sunghoon shows that he likes Jiwon is when he’s determined to be with Jiwon go to school every morning and with Jiwon back home every afternoon, when he stealthily picks food for Jiwon when Jiwon’s mom doesn’t realize every meal. Sunghoon shows his love by actions, it still looks childish, but a child will never tell lie, right?... So strange that Jiwon’s thoughts about Sunghoon today change continuously.
Leaving to let Sunghoon focus on taking rest, Jiwon slightly closes the door, his mood is strange as if he would have to concern about something more.