Slightly in denial and watching the lights of the jeep leave her driveway Joohyun was still stuck to the ground. It wasn’t until 20 minutes later did Yerim come out and couldn’t even look at her sister.

“You really did this one up unnie” Yerim wrapped a blanket around the other and told her to come inside when she was ready.

Will I ever be ready? Joohyun couldn’t even fathom how much of a hypocrite she had just been, she was no better than her mother and Seungwan, her sweet caring loving Seungwan didn’t deserve any of that. Maybe it’s for the best we didn’t carry on, she definitely doesn’t deserve to be loved by me.

Feeling completely numb as if the whole of the evening was an outer body experience Joohyun retreated back to her room with lifeless steps. She wondered why she wasn’t crying at this point, she wanted to but was so dazed by all the events that happened she couldn’t even put two and two together. She couldn’t even solely blame her mother, not when she was the one who verbally gaslighted Seungwan into thinking she was the one to blame. She chuckled dryly on how things come around to bite you in the . She regretted everything and if it wasn’t for her stupid pride maybe she would be in her lover’s arms once again but instead she is wallowing in her own distain and she thought it was rightly so after how she treated Seungwan.

Joohyun recognized the knocks on her door but paid them no mind, she was cradled into her father’s arms like she did when she was a youngin who just had a nightmare. It was then that she realised she was finally crying no, sobbing practically screaming the house down in one person’s name. Crying even harder thinking how the girl would never want to see her again, sobbing until she passed out with the thought that she’ll never be able to redeem her actions with the one she hurt.

Seungwan

Seungwan

Seungwan

Her father petted her hair and reassured her it will all be fine, she wanted to push him away and tell him she didn’t deserve his love, she didn’t deserve anyone’s love because she’s reckless, heartless and just a downright awful human being.

Meanwhile one lone figure was sitting in her dark apartment looking over the city with beer bottles scattered around the floor. It took every fiber in her being to not think about raven hair, soft lips and beautiful deep brown eyes but she couldn’t help it every thought was polluted with her one and only Joohyun, her Irene, her goddess of peace.

She was angry at Joohyun, she really was but Seungwan was naturally the type to easily forgive. She tried her best to remember Seulgi’s words from when she called her on her drive amidst her many tears.

“Son Seungwan I swear to ing god if you don’t realize your worth and go back to her without an apology I will personally rip your guts out. I don’t care if she’s become my best friend through the past few months, I will stop at nobody hurting you because you are undeserving of this earth Wan and I wish you would realize that too.”

She knew she didn’t deserve half of Joohyun’s barrage of words but she also knew it was purely deflective, she was smart enough to realize that Joohyun along with the other Bae members were being manipulated by mother Bae. The girl who was spewing all those insults her way was not the Joohyun she fell in love with, it was as if she was Mrs Bae’s puppet. Seungwan had no doubt that Joohyun was harboring a lot of childhood trauma with that woman and it made her heart hurt at the thought of her loved dazed Joohyun being her mother’s emotional punching bag. Not that it was an excuse for Joohyun’s actions definitely not, but she could see the fear in her lov-past lover’s eyes whenever Mrs. Bae was in the room or how she stiffened at her overbearing presence. The only thing Seungwan blamed herself for was that she swore to protect Joohyun with her whole being but failed to protect her when she was forced into those circumstances with Bogum.

No, that doesn’t mean I’m giving her a pass for kissing him; most certainly not but it was safe to say that Seungwan had made her mind up.

Seungwan being the angel that she was saw the best in everyone even in their not so very refined moments. And so, she decided that she was going to forgive Joohyun…eventually. She was going to use this time to reflect and see if the other could put her pride away and beg for her forgiveness…it’s the least she deserved; she didn’t doubt Joohyun’s love for her, but she needed to her it all from the other girl. For now she knew that she had to avoid Joohyun at all costs to push her to a point of confrontation and maybe Seungwan would be extra cheeky and add in her impeccable acting skills – a little bit of shameless flirting with another cadet here and some angry death glares there and she’ll have her girlfriend begging for her on her knees in no time. All she needed to do for now was to submerge herself into her work, focus and do what she does best.

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As she promised herself and Seulgi, Seungwan was back to work in no time; new and improved as she liked to say. You could tell the old Seungwan was back because the new sergeants were back to running too many laps to the point where they would projectile vomit their guts up or pass out from pure exhaustion. Seulgi enjoyed seeing her partner in crime go back to her usual cold self who would torture the newbies but deep down she could see the sparkle missing in the other’s eyes which hurt. Seulgi would be lying by saying Seungwan was the same ever since she came back, she was quieter, her expressions were little to none and in all honesty, she was lucky to get two or three words out from the girl. But as they say, everything is a process and Seulgi was proud her best friend was able to avoid ‘she-who-must-not-be-named’ at all costs until she was emotionally ready to face her. Overall, Seulgi was happy to see Seungwan emotionally mature.

On the flip side Seulgi wasn’t happy when Joohyun came back to the camps from her holidays. She tried to be equally as mature as her bestie but couldn’t help glare at the girl when they passed by each other, angy bear style or act a little standoff-ish if she was in her presence when visiting Sooyoung.

That was the other thing, the divide between the couple had slightly put a wedge between Seulgi and her girlfriend. Lunch times that used to be spent together were now apart and the couple had less time being together purely because of awkwardness. Seungwan had apologized to Seulgi for making things awkward with Sooyoung but the her best friend brushed it off saying the typical ‘what are friends for’ or the odd ‘You can’t help the fact that everyone is so scared of you hence why I’m your only friend’.

Now onto Sooyoung, at first she didn’t understand her Joohyun unnie’s action. She had heard Seungwan’s side of the story and was horrified at her best friend but was equally confused because that did not sound like the Joohyun who she knows to be head over heels for a certain hamster, or not anymore apparently. It was evident Joohyun was hurting so Sooyoung snuck them to an empty training room late in the night with soju bottles in hand. It was then that Joohyun finally broke down her walls, after weeks of coming back to the camps and seeming lifeless she finally showed emotion, and this was a whole suitcase of sadness. She sobbed in Sooyoung’s arms and repeated over and over again how much she regretted it; Sooyoung had never seen her unnie like this before, this level of vulnerability was concerning. After calming down, Joohyun had delved into her mother’s overbearing manipulative behavior and how everyone in the family was forced to heed to her rules. Joohyun also painfully spoke of how she left her house the next day standing up to her mother for the first time in her 27 years of existence and how she screamed at the woman for manufacturing her into a defensive robot who and Sooyoung quotes ‘ed up the chances of ever being happy with the love of her life’. Joohyun left her house the next morning with some slap marks on her face but her father and Yerim’s full support. She mentioned how she stayed in the city for 3 extra days to reflect and ‘mentally heal’ from the distressing events. When Sooyoung queried why Joohyun had not approached Seungwan yet, the older girl explained she was taking her time not only to let herself heal but also to let Seungwan recover. Joohyun had adopted the mindset of ‘I can’t be blame for my trauma, but healing is my responsibility’. She explained amidst her new round of tears how she wanted to really deep down improve her mindset and break away from the mold her mother laid upon her, she stated with a fire in her eyes that she was waiting until she was ready to present a proper apology with sufficient reasoning because at the end of the day that is what Seungwan deserved.

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Currently in their third week since the whole commotion happened Seungwan was overseeing a new batch of enlisters who came in this morning and when she saw the one and only Park Bogum in the batch she knew she was going to have some fun. She welcomed the troops introducing herself and saw Bogum’s eyes widened…he obviously didn’t realize the lieutenant he talked about a few weeks ago would be the devil incarnate and she had made it her personal goal to make herself Bogum’s bane of existance. First stating she wanted to see a fitness ability test she sent them all on a run in full kit which included weaponry. After the first 10 laps she sent half of the batch away then made the remaining ones do another 10 laps. Then she told everyone to go back to their dorms until requesting Bogum to do another 5 more laps. He tried to argue but when Seungwan added more weights to his backpack and kept increasing his laps he replied with a meek ‘yes lieutenant Son’. Seungwan was a sadist enjoying the man in pain, that’ll teach you to defy me next time gummy boy.

Enjoying her first-class seat in the showing of “Park Bogum suffering” Seungwan was disrupted by one of her subordinates calling to her stating she was being called to the Sergeant General’s office. She left Bogum’s activities to another cadet and requested that sergeant Park continue until he passed out.

Making her way through the corridors with a proud smile on her face which slightly dropped when passing a familiar storage closet that held many memories. Bilking the memories away she put on her cold front and carried on her way to